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NWR: Not sure how I feel

VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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Ok, this is mostly long and rambly and about my feelings. So y'all can skip it or not skip it or whatever. 

So FI and I have been together almost 10 years (in July), we've talked about kids. A lot. I want a kid or two. For sure. I like kids. Hell I like kids more then grow-ups most days. But pregnancy never appealed much to me. Tiny human living inside me is freaky. FI feels differently. She would like to experience a tiny human living inside of her. Cool beans. Nice part about lesbianism, we get to pick who does the carrying of the baby bit.

So 10 years, that's been a lot of time to discuss logistics of knocking her up. We thought about IVF for a long time until we found out what it would cost, and how much work it really is. The idea was my eggs, her uterus, donor sperm. So then we figured the old fashioned plan, a sperm bank and a doctor's office. But then, I really wanted our potential offspring to know their bio-dad. At least be able to answer questions when they were older. I grew up with an odd ball family. So I'm all about more then 2 parents and non-traditional parenting. Which is how we came up with our eventual plan, a known donor and a syringe at home. Maybe a doctor's office if we needed it. 

We've gone as far as to narrow down our donor, my best friend since childhood. He's totally willing to be a "part-time dad" as he calls it and thinks we'll be great moms. And yeah, it'll be weird family we'll have but who cares? We'll love the kidlet. That's what matters. But we were waiting until, I dunno until we finally got married I guess. So I've known that sometime after the wedding we'll officially start TTCing.

Today FI and I are texting and we get on the topic of babies and ovulation or something and she tells me she's downloaded an app to keep track of her cycles so she'll know when she's ovulating post-wedding and we can start TTCing right away. Like she wants to start as soon she ovulates after the wedding.

So, my brain knew this information. But didn't really process it you know. Because now that she's keeping track it feels all official and that it could happen really soon. And I'm kind of freaking a little. Yes, I want this. I want a child. But, wow, it feels so...fixed now? Or like it's for sure going to happen. It's not this distance of course some day thing anymore. There's a plan. And I don't know how I feel about this.

I'm not upset really. Or panicking. But I'm not exactly excited about it either. I'm just...I dunno what I am. And it feels so weird. Even the fact that we're planning. My parents didn't plan having kids. My god I'm the result of too much tequila and crappy health services condoms. We're planning to bring this tiny person into the world. It's exciting I think. But weird. That's just how I'm feeling I guess. Weird. 

Like I said, long and rambley. But I'm home alone and need to talk to someone but don't want to pull people who know us IRL into this. So I'm making a long post you all may or may not read just to get out my feelings on my weird feeling...

Re: NWR: Not sure how I feel

  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
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    I don't have kids (nowhere near there!), but I think the way you're feeling is totally understandable and normal. Having a kid is a BIG deal! And now that you are taking the actual steps, and not just talking about it makes it REAL. Like, wow, this is happening.

    Some people plan having kids to the tiniest detail, while for others it's a surprise. I think whether it is planned or not, there is a broad range of reactions anyone can have, from panic, depression, happiness, weirdness, etc. 

    I'm sure you just need time to fully process everything so that you go back to the more normal feelings. 

    This is exciting, though!!! A bouncing little kidlett :)
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
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    Yep, all your feelings totally make sense.  That's a big decision.  I think nobody ever feels ready to be a parent, you know?

    Fi wants to start TTC immediately after the wedding, too.  I just keep saying, "We can do it when we're ready!" with no actual idea of when that will be.  Also it's really weird to me now when I went to get my BC prescription, the doctor asked whether a pregnancy is planned anytime soon.  And I was like, "Well... actually.... next year or two?"  It was super weird to have any other answer to that than, "No way!"

    I also wasn't planned.  I was a broken condom baby (thanks for the image, Mom).  Solidarity!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    Thanks ladies, I'm glad my I feel weird feelings are normal. 

    @pinkcow13, it it pretty exciting. I mean the thought of a little tiny baby that's all ours. It's pretty cool. Plus I can't wait to see FI pregnant. I think she's going to be gorgeous pregnant.

    @JCbride2015, I always get to have the "No I'm sure I'm not pregnant and do not need birth control" conversation. I hate when I have to deal with a new doctor. Can someone just write lesbian down in my chart so we can stop this conversation from happening?
  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit Mile High City member
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    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    Niccirf said:
    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)

    *Boxed In*

    Hey...I get to keep pouring cocktails regardless!!! For me. She's gonna get mad...and then remember I'm a fun drunk!
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Niccirf said:
    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)
    See, I think this is how I envision us "TTC" at least at first.  Just see what happens.  

    But biologically MagicInk and her Fi can't just sort of let things slide like we heteros can.  It's got to be a pretty jarring mental leap from "Yeah, I think I might be ready to have a baby" to "Let's get the syringe!"  There's no middle stage.
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    Niccirf said:
    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)
    See, I think this is how I envision us "TTC" at least at first.  Just see what happens.  

    But biologically MagicInk and her Fi can't just sort of let things slide like we heteros can.  It's got to be a pretty jarring mental leap from "Yeah, I think I might be ready to have a baby" to "Let's get the syringe!"  There's no middle stage.
    That's it exactly! I'm totally a lets let it happen naturally kind of girl. Lets just not use protection and keep having the sexy times and see what happens.

    That plan however does not jive with not wanting to have sex with dudes. Damn it.
    SmileDamnit
  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit Mile High City member
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    Niccirf said:
    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)
    See, I think this is how I envision us "TTC" at least at first.  Just see what happens.  

    But biologically MagicInk and her Fi can't just sort of let things slide like we heteros can.  It's got to be a pretty jarring mental leap from "Yeah, I think I might be ready to have a baby" to "Let's get the syringe!"  There's no middle stage.
    Very good point JC! From 0 to 60, where as we can cruise at 40 for a bit. But I am jealous that you get to stay the fun drunk through it all, Magic!
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
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    MagicInk said:
    Niccirf said:
    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)
    See, I think this is how I envision us "TTC" at least at first.  Just see what happens.  

    But biologically MagicInk and her Fi can't just sort of let things slide like we heteros can.  It's got to be a pretty jarring mental leap from "Yeah, I think I might be ready to have a baby" to "Let's get the syringe!"  There's no middle stage.
    That's it exactly! I'm totally a lets let it happen naturally kind of girl. Lets just not use protection and keep having the sexy times and see what happens.

    That plan however does not jive with not wanting to have sex with dudes. Damn it.
    Haha I LOLed at that one.  Your Fi might have some questions for you if it just "happened naturally."
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    MagicInk said:
    Niccirf said:
    I so completely understand where you're coming from and think everything you are feeling is normal. It's that weird stage where "The Plan" gets put into motion...and it's scary/exciting/numbing/surreal all at once. We're not actively TTC...but we're not NOT, either. Every month I get this combo of feeling extremely relived & disappointed at the same time when I start my period. And then I pour a cocktail ;)
    See, I think this is how I envision us "TTC" at least at first.  Just see what happens.  

    But biologically MagicInk and her Fi can't just sort of let things slide like we heteros can.  It's got to be a pretty jarring mental leap from "Yeah, I think I might be ready to have a baby" to "Let's get the syringe!"  There's no middle stage.
    That's it exactly! I'm totally a lets let it happen naturally kind of girl. Lets just not use protection and keep having the sexy times and see what happens.

    That plan however does not jive with not wanting to have sex with dudes. Damn it.
    Haha I LOLed at that one.  Your Fi might have some questions for you if it just "happened naturally."
    Soo many questions. Though it'd probably start with "What were you drinking?" and then never being allowed to drink that again.
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
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    I'm dreading the whole 9 month pregnancy thing. 9 months without my margaritas? Torture!

    Plus I'm pretty sure I'm going to blow up like a balloon.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
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    We both wanted kids, we agreed on when to start TTC, we were actively trying to have a baby, DH still got a little weirded out when those 2 pink lines showed up.  Actually, he did't believe it and googled the test results.  

    It's a huge, life changing event. Once she conceives your life will never ever be the same.  It's totally normal to have mixed feelings about it all.




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  • ei34ei34 member
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    Best of luck to you and your FI when you do start trying!  Some of the best people I know have two moms :)
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    pinkcow13 said:
    I'm dreading the whole 9 month pregnancy thing. 9 months without my margaritas? Torture! Plus I'm pretty sure I'm going to blow up like a balloon.
    FI has told me I have to find decent virgin version of drinks. And she'll just pretend there is alcohol in them.

    I always think pregnant women look gorgeous cause it's pretty cool that you're growing a whole new human being. And also freaky that a tiny person is living inside of you.
  • afox007afox007 member
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    It is wierd when you decide. For FI and I it is two years away we want to get married next year and have a full year of just us (even though it will never be just is since we have FSS). I just made an appointment to switch out my IUD and the nurse scheduling asked if I plan to get pregnant anytime soon and giving an answer versus saying "are you insane?!" was a really odd feeling.

    Then I had to fight like hell that yes I want an IUD that will be taken out early vs BC pills w cause that route equals me pregnant in a month since I'm bad at meds.
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
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    I guess I can do that. Virgin drinks. Oy.

    Yea growing a human inside me... Freaky!
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  • Not weird at all. It's a huge huge step for anyone. Hell, the first time (a trillion years ago) the doctor put the stethoscope against my belly and I heard that rabbit-quick heartbeat inside me, I fell apart. Sobbed like a crazy woman. Because the reality was overwhelming. 
    If you didn't feel some kind of hesitation, some kind of fear, I would doubt your sanity. Because your life will change, and there's no going back.
    It is so worth it. Except for the feeling of pushing a ten pound ham out of one's vagina. But as soon as that's over, worth it. You will never love anyone, ever, as much as you love your children. It's truly amazing. 
    KGold80
  • DH and I have always planned on kids. Always planned on it after the wedding. We said, 'A year, year and a half, we'll start trying. Maybe January 2015.'

    That is not far away. I have started to do prep work -- re-upping my vaccines, eating better, etc. -- and that's starting to freak me the hell out.

    I'm like, 'This is real and scary and coming up fast.'

    So, normal or not, I'm In your same boat.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • KGold80KGold80 member
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    Your feelings are totally normal. Having a baby is a big deal and making the decision shouldn't be taken lightly. I would question your readiness to have children if you weren't at least a little bit apprehensive.

    Shit...my son is now 7 years old and I STILL look at him sometimes and think "whoa!"
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  • KGold80KGold80 member
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    Oh, and aside from the whole "I think my baby will be an octopus because there is no way that much punching and kicking can come from a human being unless this little guy is Bruce Lee" thing, pregnancy was friggin awesome! I loved it. It kind of makes me sad sometimes that I won't experience it again...and then the feeling quickly fades when I remember that I have 3 children now and one of them starts high school next year. :)
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
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    Anytime you are actually planning big changes in your life, it is easy to feel that way. About 10 years ago, I moved 2,000 miles away from everyone and everything I had ever known.  At first I was super excited about the idea. But, as hard plans got made shortly before moving, it started to get scary.  I was still excited, but there were so many other emotions involved (even some unexpected ones that popped up and really surprised me) once it started to feel real and plans were actually put in place. I think it really all just stems from fear of the unknown or what could happen. Once plans start getting made, it all becomes real, along with all those fears of what could go wrong or even just not really knowing what will happen. During the initial planning phases, you don't really concentrate on that part. And even with the best plans, things often don't go exactly as expected, so there is always an unknown element.  Often a lot of that is happening subconsciously and you don't really realize it. And having a kid is a big responsibility and a lifelong commitment.  There are so many things that can go wrong or right. There are a billion unknowns, even with the best planning. And it will definitely change everything in your life, hopefully for the best. So, it's understandable to have all sorts of confused emotions.  I think it's completely normal to feel that way. It's a big step in your life.

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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
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    That is a pretty nice option to have. FI wants a baby that's "ours" but I'm FUCKING TERRIFIED of pregnancy and birth...I wish I could tell him to carry it.

    Really though, I imagine that's the way all parents feel when they first start TTC (or find out that they're unexpectedly expecting) and it's totally normal for any major life change.

    Anyway, hit us up when the time comes, we'll be happy to find you some good virgin drink recipes!
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    SmileDamnit
  • Haha, I thought FI was a fun drunk....not when I was 6 months pregnant and sober! I told him I was prepared to take care of one child, not two :P

    But seriously, it is a big change and big responsibility. It's normal to be scared/excited/not sure and weird all at the same time. You will never love anything more in your life, though.
  • It might not be a bad idea to check with a lawyer about the paternity issue. Depending on your state & local laws you might have to adopt the kid in order for it to be legally YOUR child as opposed to your sperm donor's, and I've no idea what could happen with the birth certificate.* You know better than I do the importance of being able to legally act as "family" to a loved one, and this is a situation that can get very complicated. (I'm totally not a lawyer though so grain of salt etc.)

    * Right now a friend of my mom's is pregnant and it turns out if they want the father to be on the birth certificate they have to be married. Get with the times, state government!
    This is me reading threads on TK
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