The dreaded "gap"

PrettyGirlLost

Some food for thought

sophhabobopha

NO GAPS.

JESUS.

WHY.

PrincessOfHavoc

I'm in the Midwest region more/less. Gaps outside fast drive times are considered rude in all the circles I know.

A 20 minute break to drive from church to reception - ok.

A 3 hour unhosted break because it's my day and I want to - no.

1 - It's not just your day. If it's only you, ok. But it's a groom, families and friends day also.

2 - It's not required. Get married at 1:30, have a cake, punch and appetizer reception from 3 - 5. Done. Which was the basic plan for what happened at the 6 Catholic weddings I've attended.

3 - Unhosted anything is rude. These are your guests, you host them. The friend who got stuck with a 3 hour gap when the reception location screwed up not only spoke to every guest about the gap, then had several hosted fun things to do and we all changed to t-shirts and jeans. Best freaking reception ever, everyone was comfortable so everyone danced away on happy feet in sneakers. Best picture from the reception is the FG who refused to change her dress and was wearing her light up sneakers with her dress on the dance floor with her grandpa.

But, I am a rude bitch. The unannounced 4 hour gap in tiny town with NOTHING going on? Yeah, we drove home and didn't do the reception because why bother.

Maggie0829

JSDlove2014 said:

Wow, i had no idea that so many people thought having a gap between the ceremony and the wedding was selfish on the part of the bride and groom!  I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't some sort of time gap.  My fiance and I have decided that we do not want to see each other before the wedding, therefore will be doing our "together" pictures after the ceremony.  I have said from the very beginning that I do not want my guests waiting a long time for us, but all of my friends and family said that I shouldn't worry about it.  If everything goes on time, we will only have a 45 minute gap between the ceremony and cocktail hour.  If anyone does photos after the ceremony their guests will be waiting for some amount of time.  Our photographer even suggested that we have a some type of gap between the ceremony and reception, not only for pictures but so that the couple can have a moment together after the ceremony to take it all in.  While my guests are very important to me, this is my wedding and I don't think that I should have to change when I want to see my groom just because of my guests.  I think too many people are losing sight of what a wedding is about...it is about the two people who are pledging to love each other for the rest of their lives.  Don't get me wrong, I love to party just as much as the next person, but the ceremony is more important than the reception.    

@JSDlove2014 - when H and I got married we didn't see each other before the ceremony either.  All pictures, except for the handful taken with just my immediate family prior to the ceremony, were taken after the ceremony, during cocktail hour.  We were gone approximately 45-50 minutes taking pictures while our guests enjoyed cocktails and appetizers.  There is zero reason to have your guests wait with nothing to do while you take pictures.  A good, professional photographer can get all of your pictures done within an hour and honestly if your photographer suggested the gap then that person is not a good photographer.  Also, H and I were able to take in everything that happened on our wedding day through the course of the night and also for many many days afterwards.

As for the last bolded items.  The ceremony is about two people pledging their lives together, not the reception.  Both the ceremony and reception make up a wedding so no, we aren't losing site as to what is and is not important.  The ceremony is important, of course, but so is the reception because that is where you thank your guests for taking time out of their busy lives to attend your ceremony.  Both are equally important.

Look I get that couples want amazing pictures and have a vision of what they want, but there comes a time where people need to be adults (and this is not directed at you JSDlove, but just the general population) and realize that their "vision" needs to change and that when you involve others in your special day that you can no longer do whatever it is that you want.  You need to take into account your guests and their comfort and respect their time.  Having them wait around for any length of time, whether that be 15 minutes or 3+ hours without being hosted is rude.  I understand that many people grow up with a "gap is super okay" mentality but wouldn't it be nice to be the one host that doesn't make your guests wait?  I mean, you and everyone around you may be fine with gaps but they will also probably be pleasantly surprised when they find that they don't have to find something do with themselves during a gap because you have eliminated that.

DaisyMaeMommy

JSDlove2014 said:

Wow, i had no idea that so many people thought having a gap between the ceremony and the wedding was selfish on the part of the bride and groom!  I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't some sort of time gap.  My fiance and I have decided that we do not want to see each other before the wedding, therefore will be doing our "together" pictures after the ceremony.  I have said from the very beginning that I do not want my guests waiting a long time for us, but all of my friends and family said that I shouldn't worry about it.  If everything goes on time, we will only have a 45 minute gap between the ceremony and cocktail hour.  If anyone does photos after the ceremony their guests will be waiting for some amount of time.  Our photographer even suggested that we have a some type of gap between the ceremony and reception, not only for pictures but so that the couple can have a moment together after the ceremony to take it all in.  While my guests are very important to me, this is my wedding and I don't think that I should have to change when I want to see my groom just because of my guests.  I think too many people are losing sight of what a wedding is about...it is about the two people who are pledging to love each other for the rest of their lives.  Don't get me wrong, I love to party just as much as the next person, but the ceremony is more important than the reception.    

The cocktail hour is supposed to fill in that "gap" for you to take pictures.

A gap between the ceremony and cocktail hour? Rude.

emmaaa

I'm only on page 6 and this is ridiculous.

1. Gaps are rude

2. It is no longer "your" day when you invite guests

3. Dry weddings can still be fun

4. People who plan for 5 hour gaps are rude

5. People who plan for 2 hours gaps are still rude

6. People telling you it is rude to have a gap are not rude

7. Gaps are rude

DaisyMaeMommy

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/gap-bashing/e7dce70f09e1e2e8.html

THIS.

Lizzieyounce

Not to beat a dead horse, but we had a Catholic wedding mass at 3:00pm, cocktail hour started as soon as the first guest stepped through the door of our reception venue (1/2 hour drive away from the church).

The reception started at 4:30 with cocktail hour and ended at 9:30, so we still got our night time reception.

We didn't do a first look.  The photog took pics of me and the maids at our house, then drove to the church to get the grooms and his groomsmen, guests, etc.  

After the mass we had 1/2 hour for those pics…the photographer did bridal party shots first so they could leave for the reception, then parents and us so parents could head to the reception then he took our couples pics…all in 1/2 hour.

As to missing the apps you're paying for during the cocktail hour, all you need to do is request that your caterer prepare a tray of them and set it aside for you to enjoy once you get to the reception.  Our caterer was happy to accommodate that request, so win-win.

As to alone time to take it all in, well you'll have your first opportunity for that in the car on the way to the reception.  DH and I sat in the back seat of the town car he hired, we sipped some wine that I packed and nibbled on some of the apps from the rehearsal dinner that my MIL heated up and packed in a small, disposable thermal bag.  It was a nice gesture because she knew we'd be hungry, even though we'd eaten a nice lunch while getting ready, (and we were hungry, lol).  

So no…gaps are totally avoidable.  Totally.  

marladanny37

Our wedding ceremony is scheduled for 3pm, expected to end at 4pm, and the cocktail hour is scheduled for 5pm. The distance between the church and the reception is about 20-30 minutes so we figure this gives our guests enough time to stay after the mass for pictures and drive to the hotel for the reception without having to rush or be worried about missing any of the fun things we have planned for the cocktail hour. This is how we've seen it done at past weddings we've attended and people don't seem upset by it. Because it's at a hotel, it gives people time to park or valet, walk around the pool area, check out the hotel, etc before joining the cocktail hour. I think it all depends on you and how you think your guests will handle having a gap between the two. At the end of the day, you do want to make your guests happy, but it is YOUR wedding day. Talk to your bridal party and see what they think

sophhabobopha

This thread is making me

banana468

marladanny37 said:

Our wedding ceremony is scheduled for 3pm, expected to end at 4pm, and the cocktail hour is scheduled for 5pm. The distance between the church and the reception is about 20-30 minutes so we figure this gives our guests enough time to stay after the mass for pictures and drive to the hotel for the reception without having to rush or be worried about missing any of the fun things we have planned for the cocktail hour. This is how we've seen it done at past weddings we've attended and people don't seem upset by it. Because it's at a hotel, it gives people time to park or valet, walk around the pool area, check out the hotel, etc before joining the cocktail hour. I think it all depends on you and how you think your guests will handle having a gap between the two. At the end of the day, you do want to make your guests happy, but it is YOUR wedding day. Talk to your bridal party and see what they think

FWIW, this timeline doesn't bother me. We're talking under a half hour and that assumes no receiving line or mingling. I don't agree with the rest of the post but the timeline I'd let slide.

NYCMercedes

This quotation is from that WW thread and it blows my mind!!! "We're doing a very large gap (mainly because the reception is about 40 minutes away from the ceremony) Also, we're doing it at a beautiful hall at a campground and we wanted to give people plenty of time to pack and set up their campsite if they wanted. We have a lot of campers in our family. The ceremony is going to end at about 1:45, and the reception starts at 6. We also wanted time for pictures and I'm also visiting my dad's gravesite which is about 30 minutes away so I wanted time for that. I don't think there's anything wrong with a gap. It lets people go out for lunch, and do whatever else they need/want to." I just can't get over...it lets people go for lunch!

sophhabobopha

NYCMercedes said:

This quotation is from that WW thread and it blows my mind!!! "We're doing a very large gap (mainly because the reception is about 40 minutes away from the ceremony) Also, we're doing it at a beautiful hall at a campground and we wanted to give people plenty of time to pack and set up their campsite if they wanted. We have a lot of campers in our family. The ceremony is going to end at about 1:45, and the reception starts at 6. We also wanted time for pictures and I'm also visiting my dad's gravesite which is about 30 minutes away so I wanted time for that. I don't think there's anything wrong with a gap. It lets people go out for lunch, and do whatever else they need/want to." I just can't get over...it lets people go for lunch!

kellieas

This thread is unbelievable! It's not necessary to call someone "selfish", "rude" and "ridiculous" in order to communicate your experience or opinion.
With that said. It's seems pretty apparent that there is no way you will please everyone. No matter what you decide someone will be unhappy for one reason or another. I think all you can do is manage the options you have to the best of your ability. I've been to weddings with gaps, weddings with long cocktail hours, late dinners and early dinners. All have their pros and cons but all of them were equally enjoyable. As long as you are thoughtful in how you present and manage the gap I think your guests will be fine. You should be considerate of your guests you are hosting them and should make every effort to make them comfortable. They should also remember they are there to support you and your groom on your wedding day and should go with the flow.

Do you have a day of coordinator/planner? If you don't I would consider it. They are worth their weight in gold! A good planner should be able to help you navigate this problem and come up with the best solution for you and your guests.

Good luck!

Maggie0829

You know as a guest of over 20 weddings I have never once felt rushed to get to the cocktail hour/reception after the ceremony.  All of these posters saying "we don't want our guests to feel rushed to get to the receptions venue."  Well guess what?  Your guests won't feel rushed.  What they will feel is irritated if when they do get to the reception site that they have to stand around and wait for cocktail hour to begin.  They will be irritated if they have to kill 2 hours.  But trust me they will not feel rushed if you start the party festivities once the ceremony ends.

JandSK

The only way a gap could possibly be "helpful" to your guests is if they forgot a present and need to run to the store really fast. 
I personally hate going to a wedding and then being expected to wait around for 3 hours for the reception.  It isn't enough time to really do anything but wait around and it's useless to grab food if you're just going to be fed at the reception.  Yes, it is more convenient for the bride and groom to have time to take pictures and everything, but I'm so bored as a guest sitting outside a reception hall waiting to go in (especially when I've come from out of town and have NO WHERE else to go).

sophhabobopha

shrekspeare said:

kellieas said:

This thread is unbelievable! It's not necessary to call someone "selfish", "rude" and "ridiculous" in order to communicate your experience or opinion. With that said. It's seems pretty apparent that there is no way you will please everyone. No matter what you decide someone will be unhappy for one reason or another. I think all you can do is manage the options you have to the best of your ability. I've been to weddings with gaps, weddings with long cocktail hours, late dinners and early dinners. All have their pros and cons but all of them were equally enjoyable. As long as you are thoughtful in how you present and manage the gap I think your guests will be fine. You should be considerate of your guests you are hosting them and should make every effort to make them comfortable. They should also remember they are there to support you and your groom on your wedding day and should go with the flow. Do you have a day of coordinator/planner? If you don't I would consider it. They are worth their weight in gold! A good planner should be able to help you navigate this problem and come up with the best solution for you and your guests. Good luck!

How do I stop laughing at this gif.

crunchymamaof2

I heard someone say this on here once and it totally applies: everyone who says that if their guests think he gap is rude then they don't have to attend and they don't need those type of people in your life. Well, what if that person was your mother? Your 90 year old grandpa? Your best friend of 22 years? Your sister with 3 kids and 2 jobs? You fiance's dear cousin? Are you fully ready to say buh-bye to those people? If a close family member of friend sees how excited you are about something, especially your wedding, and it's not murder or law breaking, it's highly unlikely they'll tell you how they really feel. Those who would are probably etiquette sticklers (which would be awesome) and would have raised you to know better. So yeah, your family and friends are just being nice. They're also unlikely to bitch to others close to you but you better believe their feelings will be hurt, they'll be very inconvenienced, and/or they probably won't enjoy your wedding as much as they could have.

Unlisted gaps are completely avoidable. No one here is knocking brides who have an hour between their ceremony and reception so the couple can take pictures. Just provide your guests with something. It doesn't have to be alcohol. It doesn't have to be fancy. Some soft drinks and a cheese spread is just fine. Maybe $100? Substitute a couple flowers, scale back the bar, choose cheaper shoes. And it can even be held at someone's home if you can't afford the venue. But almost every venue I looked at included a cocktail hour in their reception package so I don't quite understand the "were too broke to host" mentality.

You are more than entitled to have the wedding you envision. But a wedding vision means what type of flowers, the decor, the time of year, your dress, your hair, your vows, what kind of food to serve, whether or not you want to host alcohol. A vision does NOT include 3+ hours in between events so you can make googly eyes at eachother and have an insanely long photoshoot in multiple locations. If you can't get all the pictures you want in an hour or less than you need to take some prior to the ceremony, which CAN be done without seeing the groom.

We had a Sunday afternoon wedding in October. Ceremony started at 1:30, and we each took our bridal party pictures prior to that. Never saw my husband (Then FInof course). Ceremony lasted about 10 minutes and everyone then casually made their way to the cocktail hour while we finished our pictures. Since we took a bunch beforehand we were able to spend about 20-30 minutes alone together (or we could have went to the cocktail hour). Dinner was served around 4:30 and the last of us left around 7:30ish. Our reception looked no different than a typical nighttime reception- people drank, people danced, people had an awesome time. With no up hosted gap.

Now, I'm sure no pro-gap brides will read or care about any of this but I have one final thought. You've all said you expect your guests to plan accordingly and are capable of entertaining themselves for a few hours. If that's true than why wouldn't they be capable of adjusting their meal times for one day? If you don't want your guests to have to stop the party early in the night hen just let everyone know you'll be heading to a local bar after the reception ends. Then those who wish to can join, AND it won't cost you anything besides your drinks. Why is that option so terrible? Can someone explain with something other than "it's my day so it's how I want it!"?

aquila129

I'm kind of shocked by the opposition to any sort of gap. For one, it's your day, you live with the memories you make that day and if your guests are truly THAT offended by the gap between reception and ceremony, then they won't come. Simple as that, and if they can't respect that it is your day (and your fiance's of course) then that speaks volumes about them. Our wedding also has to be early but our ceremony location (a winery) has tastings and tours that guests can do afterwards. There is also a forty minute drive to the reception location (a hotel). Bottom line is there is a significant gap between the start of cocktail hour and the end of the ceremony. I have yet to hear a single complaint about it. Especially with the out of state guests, which account for almost half our guest list. They want to check in and get settled first.

APDSS22

aquila129 said:

I'm kind of shocked by the opposition to any sort of gap. For one, it's your day, you live with the memories you make that day and if your guests are truly THAT offended by the gap between reception and ceremony, then they won't come. Simple as that, and if they can't respect that it is your day (and your fiance's of course) then that speaks volumes about them. Our wedding also has to be early but our ceremony location (a winery) has tastings and tours that guests can do afterwards. There is also a forty minute drive to the reception location (a hotel). Bottom line is there is a significant gap between the start of cocktail hour and the end of the ceremony. I have yet to hear a single complaint about it. Especially with the out of state guests, which account for almost half our guest list. They want to check in and get settled first.

I think it speaks volumes about you that you don't care about your guests being hosted properly and comfortably but instead planned your day to suit your vision, rather than think about their needs as your guests.  Are you truly saying if your parents, your FI's parents, your best friend and his brother all are inconvenienced by a gap you created that they shouldn't attend your wedding?  Because it's not always the random second cousins or friends from college you're no longer really friends with but felt you "had" to invite that find gaps rude.

Of course they aren't saying anything to your face.  They're all bewilderingly looking at each other and asking themselves why you would do that to them, especially when they're coming from OOT and probably spending a lot of time and money to attend your beautiful life moment. 

Go check out the Worst Weddings thread.  Most guests that are deeply offended by something never say anything to the wedding couple.  Some stay friends despite the poor treatment and others just gradually drift away from the wedded couple because they realized they were putting more into the relationship than was reciprocated.  Some are family members and just endure despite everything because they still love the newly-wedded couple even if they didn't host them well.

A gap isn't the worst thing in the world to do to your guests.  You're not stabbing them in the eye as they walk into the reception or making your 90 year old granny stand because your vision didn't include chairs.  However, polite hosts and hostesses would never have a gap.  I find it shocking that so many posters are willing to be rude to people they presumably care about.  And all because they care more about what everything looks like on a single day.

Viczaesar

kellieas said:

This thread is unbelievable! It's not necessary to call someone "selfish", "rude" and "ridiculous" in order to communicate your experience or opinion. With that said. It's seems pretty apparent that there is no way you will please everyone. No matter what you decide someone will be unhappy for one reason or another. I think all you can do is manage the options you have to the best of your ability. I've been to weddings with gaps, weddings with long cocktail hours, late dinners and early dinners. All have their pros and cons but all of them were equally enjoyable. As long as you are thoughtful in how you present and manage the gap I think your guests will be fine. You should be considerate of your guests you are hosting them and should make every effort to make them comfortable. They should also remember they are there to support you and your groom on your wedding day and should go with the flow. Do you have a day of coordinator/planner? If you don't I would consider it. They are worth their weight in gold! A good planner should be able to help you navigate this problem and come up with the best solution for you and your guests. Good luck!

Unless they're being selfish, rude, or ridiculous.

LiznRio

I work at the front desk for a well known hotel brand. Let me start by saying we get those guest that try to check in at noon because they have a wedding to attend at 3pm. Check out is at 11am, housekeepers do a hard job getting those rooms cleaned as soon as they can. However, guarantee time to check in isn't until after 4pm. That's when we can guarantee that every room is up to par with hotel's logo standards. One is more than welcome to freshen up in the lobby bathroom if needed and leave their luggage in our office while they leave and come back at their leisure. The only way to have a room guaranteed early is to come to the city, where the wedding will take place, the day before. Its really frustrating to the hard working employees, and the guests, especially if there was a full house the night before (meaning no clean rooms). My point is please don't come to the front desk demanding an early arrival... Thank you

Pizza321

Hello! I can't really believe all these responses. I feel like they all can't be from people who have planned their own weddings! Sometimes you don't have any control about when things can be scheduled like you said. For example, my wedding is on a Friday at 12:30pm (church ceremony) with a 4:30pm cocktail hour and then reception from 5:30-9:30pm at a reception hall venue that's a half hour from the church. 4:30pm was our ONLY start time option since there is another wedding there that night in the other room that starts at 6:30pm. They stagger the starting times so all the guests aren't coming in all at once (smart I think). At first I felt a little bad that there would be some time in between for guests, but then I realized that I was doing everything the most efficient way that I could. Our ceremony will go until 1:30pm, and by the time we're done greeting the guests and everything, it will be about 2:15pm or later. From there, guests will have time to go check in at their hotels and relax, get coffee, etc. We are providing shuttles from the hotels to the reception. There will only really be an hour of "free time" for them. I have been to over 10 weddings and was never "annoyed" at the in between time - it always seemed to fly by! I enjoy having time to freshen up, get a drink and not feel rushed to be at cocktail hour before all the hors d'ouevres are gone. The times and info will be in your invitation, so if guests don't like it, they can simply choose not to come. My mother-in-law kind of hinted that she thought it was too long in between, but she lives locally and they aren't helping pay for anything, so they don't really have a say in the schedule of how we're choosing to do things. Most churches, reception halls and other venues aren't always flexible about the times, they only have certain slots available, so it's almost inevitable, in my opinion, to have some time in between. All the guests will appreciate that you and your wedding party are there for cocktail hour enjoying it with them, not taking pictures somewhere nowhere to be found. A break in between is fine and everyone will survive. If they make comments, brush them off and say you did what you thought was best. 

LDay2014

Pizza321 said:

Hello! I can't really believe all these responses. I feel like they all can't be from people who have planned their own weddings! Sometimes you don't have any control about when things can be scheduled like you said. For example, my wedding is on a Friday at 12:30pm (church ceremony) with a 4:30pm cocktail hour and then reception from 5:30-9:30pm at a reception hall venue that's a half hour from the church. 4:30pm was our ONLY start time option since there is another wedding there that night in the other room that starts at 6:30pm. They stagger the starting times so all the guests aren't coming in all at once (smart I think). At first I felt a little bad that there would be some time in between for guests, but then I realized that I was doing everything the most efficient way that I could. Our ceremony will go until 1:30pm, and by the time we're done greeting the guests and everything, it will be about 2:15pm or later. From there, guests will have time to go check in at their hotels and relax, get coffee, etc. We are providing shuttles from the hotels to the reception. There will only really be an hour of "free time" for them. I have been to over 10 weddings and was never "annoyed" at the in between time - it always seemed to fly by! I enjoy having time to freshen up, get a drink and not feel rushed to be at cocktail hour before all the hors d'ouevres are gone. The times and info will be in your invitation, so if guests don't like it, they can simply choose not to come. My mother-in-law kind of hinted that she thought it was too long in between, but she lives locally and they aren't helping pay for anything, so they don't really have a say in the schedule of how we're choosing to do things. Most churches, reception halls and other venues aren't always flexible about the times, they only have certain slots available, so it's almost inevitable, in my opinion, to have some time in between. All the guests will appreciate that you and your wedding party are there for cocktail hour enjoying it with them, not taking pictures somewhere nowhere to be found. A break in between is fine and everyone will survive. If they make comments, brush them off and say you did what you thought was best. 

1) You chose your venues.  Therefore you CHOSE a gap.  And of course you felt bad, you know what you're doing is rude.

2) Your right, she doesn't get a say over things that cost money but her evident concern over the fact you are being rude should have sent up a red flag for you.  Gaps don't cost money, they're etiquette...and trust me, everyone WILL have an opinion about it but they won't tell you, they'll just talk about it amongst eachother.

3) It's only 'inevitable' when your priority is on having a dinner reception, when an afternoon one would be plenty lovely.  You have CHOSEN the inevitability' because you don't care about your guests and properly hosting them.

CourtneyK926

Our church and reception are about 45 minutes apart without any traffic. We're getting married the Friday of Labor Day weekend and left a gap with enough time to compensate summer traffic.

Our ceremony is at 3pm and reception is starting at 6pm, figuring an hour for travel and extra time for checking in to rooms.

To compensate for the extra gap, we are going to have lemonade and cookies available right after the ceremony. It's somewhat of a throwback to when my parents got married (they also did lemonade and cookies on the church lawn) and also so guests have a bite to eat as well as don't feel like they're being rushed out of church and into holiday traffic.

To me, the ceremony is the most important part - you're getting married and that's a huge deal! The reception is a celebratory perk and while I'll appreciate people being excited to celebrate with us on this momentous occasion, having a gap and the length of the gap shouldn't be cause for major anxiety or overwhelming concern.

Maggie0829

CourtneyK926 said:

Our church and reception are about 45 minutes apart without any traffic. We're getting married the Friday of Labor Day weekend and left a gap with enough time to compensate summer traffic.

Our ceremony is at 3pm and reception is starting at 6pm, figuring an hour for travel and extra time for checking in to rooms.

To compensate for the extra gap, we are going to have lemonade and cookies available right after the ceremony. It's somewhat of a throwback to when my parents got married (they also did lemonade and cookies on the church lawn) and also so guests have a bite to eat as well as don't feel like they're being rushed out of church and into holiday traffic.

To me, the ceremony is the most important part - you're getting married and that's a huge deal! The reception is a celebratory perk and while I'll appreciate people being excited to celebrate with us on this momentous occasion, having a gap and the length of the gap shouldn't be cause for major anxiety or overwhelming concern.

Actually the reception is a thank you for your guests, not a celebration party for you and your SO.

luckymrssandage

This discussion has been fascinating to read.  I have not booked my reception site yet because I am still on the fence about having a gap.  Our ceremony site which is intensely personal and important to us is already booked for a noon ceremony on Michigan Avenue just off the riverfront in Chicago. The front runner for a reception site is a 45 minute drive.  I have talked to the vast majority of my family and friends and asked them to weigh in before I book this site, would you rather take the shuttle bus to the reception hall for a cocktail hour (or two... I have an exceptionally large family so photographs are going to be a production even with the most efficient photographers) ahead of us or would you rather have a break between the reception (gap) for down time, enjoying the fun of downtown Chicago in the summer, etc.  Overwhelmingly they chose the gap.  We also discussed having one hour gap versus a few hours and again to my shock, they told me they would rather have a few hours so they could actually "do" something as opposed to just trying to kill an hour.  So with the opinions of my guests in mind, I am planning a 3 hour gap but arranging a 90 minute relaxing river boat tour, concert in the park and for those who do not wish to take part in those activities, some other suggestions for things to do at varying levels of activity within 5 minutes of our ceremony site.  It's actually been fun being able to plan these activities for my guests.  As a Chicago concierge, I can show them the city that my fiance and I fell in love with and in before we treat them to a fantastic dinner and dance the rest of the night away.  Everyone was very excited about the idea and having fun coming up with things to do in the "gap" so I was pretty happy with the plan.  And then I read this conversation.  Now I'm having second thoughts.  I think in the end what I'm coming up with is know your guests.  And then plan accordingly.

JoanE2012

tanialeelynn said:

This discussion has been fascinating to read.  I have not booked my reception site yet because I am still on the fence about having a gap.  Our ceremony site which is intensely personal and important to us is already booked for a noon ceremony on Michigan Avenue just off the riverfront in Chicago. The front runner for a reception site is a 45 minute drive.  I have talked to the vast majority of my family and friends and asked them to weigh in before I book this site, would you rather take the shuttle bus to the reception hall for a cocktail hour (or two... I have an exceptionally large family so photographs are going to be a production even with the most efficient photographers) ahead of us or would you rather have a break between the reception (gap) for down time, enjoying the fun of downtown Chicago in the summer, etc.  Overwhelmingly they chose the gap.  We also discussed having one hour gap versus a few hours and again to my shock, they told me they would rather have a few hours so they could actually "do" something as opposed to just trying to kill an hour.  So with the opinions of my guests in mind, I am planning a 3 hour gap but arranging a 90 minute relaxing river boat tour, concert in the park and for those who do not wish to take part in those activities, some other suggestions for things to do at varying levels of activity within 5 minutes of our ceremony site.  It's actually been fun being able to plan these activities for my guests.  As a Chicago concierge, I can show them the city that my fiance and I fell in love with and in before we treat them to a fantastic dinner and dance the rest of the night away.  Everyone was very excited about the idea and having fun coming up with things to do in the "gap" so I was pretty happy with the plan.  And then I read this conversation.  Now I'm having second thoughts.  I think in the end what I'm coming up with is know your guests.  And then plan accordingly.

The last thing I want to do at a wedding is kill time between the ceremony and reception.  I don't want to do activities.  If I do, trust me, I'll do it on my own time, not while I'm dressed to the nines.  Please reconsider your gap.

And cocktail hours should be 1 hour.  Your photographer should be well versed in weddings and be able to do everything within that hour.  If you are overly concerned, consider taking photos before the ceremony.  Even if you don't see your groom, you can still get bridal party photos and many family photos done early.  We chose this option (I took photos with my now husband before the ceremony) and we were able to enjoy the cocktail hour too!

luckymrssandage

Thank you for your response. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to look at a few more receptions sites and see if there isn't some timeline options.  Although I honestly don't see much of a difference in being at a reception listening to music and enjoying cocktails that I have arranged for them or relaxing on a ship down a river listening to music and enjoying cocktails that I have arranged for them.  

He's going to have to be an amazing photographer to pull that off.  I have over 80 members of my close family (not including great aunts, uncles, second cousins and the like.. Had to cut the list somewhere.) not including friends or anyone on my Fiance's side.  The pictures for my brothers wedding took around 1.5 hours and he had a much smaller wedding than we are planning.

stinaann

Sure you're a host, but you're also a bride. As others have said, I personally ENJOY spending a full day celebrating a wedding and am absolutely doing so for mine (ceremony at 1 and cocktail hour at 5). Why spend all that time and money and then cram it into as few hours as possible? Where I'm from its fairly common for the wedding party tip go take pictures and even be shuttled around for a couple cocktails in between, while guests check in and have a drink in a smaller group with people they haven't seen in a while.