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Etiquette

(rant) friend snarking on my ring(s)

2

Re: (rant) friend snarking on my ring(s)

  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    phira said:
    I wish I had a pearl ring so I could be a huge asshat to other people.
    If you are a reg on TK you don't need a pearl ring to be an asshat to ppl :-P

    I kid, I kid!

    My SIL has a pearl E-ring that she never wears, save special occasions, because they are so delicate and fragile.  It's beautiful!

    But I love all the shinies!  I have never seen so many gorgeous and cool rings before as I have on these boards when you ladies share your rings and wedding bands.

    I respect people who are politically/morally opposed to diamonds, but if anyone dares start trying to give me an unsolicited and self-aggrandizing geo-political lecture, I will happily back hand them with my ring hand.
    This^^^

    I love sparkly shit so much. I don't really care what it is! I love other people's rings! It's like I get to see where they were in their life when they got engaged and what kind of person they are. Rings are so varied and personal! My BFF's mom is a very accomplished portrait painter and makes heaps of money. She still wears her original E-ring with little tiny diamond chips in it because they were hella poor when they first got together. She's always taking it to the jeweler to replace the chips because they fall out LOL
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    PrettyGirlLostCamiSeleneBelle52011
  • Definitely cross her off your guest list for the wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    PrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16
  • CMGragain said:
    Definitely cross her off your guest list for the wedding.
    Oh we are all already married. No danger of her crashing unless she has a time machine.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    PrettyGirlLostHisGirlFriday13grumbledorethemuffinman16
  • vmj23vmj23 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its 5 Answers
    vanityink said:
    jenni1221 said:
    People who feel the need to gratuitously snark on diamonds are generally insecure about their non-diamond rings.  There's nothing wrong with wanting something other than a diamond, but if you were really happy/secure about it, you wouldn't feel the need to put down people who do have a diamond.  It's one thing if someone is rude to you about not having a diamond and you explain why you don't have one, but otherwise, STFU.

    exactly what i was thinking.   sounds like she is just trying convince herself that her pearl is better than a diamond.  

     

    and i always wear pearl earrings in the shower...i had no clue they where that delicate..should i not?!

    Pearls are very delicate and porous. Plain water isn't the worst thing for them, but yes, the minerals in hard water can be bad for them (let alone chlorinated water). You are supposed to put on pearls after you have done your makeup and hair, even, since those can damage them. And wipe them down if you have sweated a lot that day. They are very, very easily damaged. 

    thanks, good to know!  My finance got them for my for my birthday this year, and i often just wear them days in a row without taking them out.  I guess i need to start being more careful!
    kitsunegari89
  • People who feel the need to gratuitously snark on diamonds are generally insecure about their non-diamond rings.  There's nothing wrong with wanting something other than a diamond, but if you were really happy/secure about it, you wouldn't feel the need to put down people who do have a diamond.  It's one thing if someone is rude to you about not having a diamond and you explain why you don't have one, but otherwise, STFU.
    This. One of my GF's and BM's was engaged and constantly went on about how her sapphire ring was better than my diamond. Even though she picked it out, it was obvious that she was extremely insecure about her relationship and how vulnerable it was while they were engaged and she had to make herself feel better in some way. I didn't let it bother me at all though because I knew how she was and what she was going through. Plus, I absolutely love my ring! It was a complete surprise when FI proposed and he picked it out all on his own, just for me. Sadly, my friend's engagement broke off. He took the ring back and is selling it online. All that matters is that you love your ring. Size, stone, etc. doesn't matter as much as the person that gave it to you out of the sheer love in their heart.

    Anniversary

    BabyFruit Ticker

    image

     


    PrettyGirlLost
  • geology major here! pearls are made of aragonite which is a different version on calcite. Calcite is a 3 on the MOHs hardness scale, while diamond is a 10. This is due to the different temperatures, pressures, ect that they form in. So you could drop that knowledge on her!

    Thanks for this!! I have pearl earrings DH gave me on our wedding day that I wear almost daily, but I take them out at night and put them in after I do hair and make-up every day. He always asks why and now I can tell him this!
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    kitsunegari89anjuli116
  • First of all, I can't believe how much I just learned about pearls...that is awesome. :)  Second, the first thing I thought of when I read this post was "she is so not happy with her pearl ring, and wishes she had a diamond."  Because if she was that concerned about children in Africa before she received her ring, should would have known there are lab created diamonds out there...like my e-ring.  I actually wanted my e-ring to come from this company because I love their ring settings.  I felt like all the other stores were generic, and not really "me."  They are pretty, just not for me personally.  And if I wanted something a bit more unusual FI would have had to pay a whole lot more, which neither one of us were comfortable with.  I love my ring, and I get so many compliments on it.  I also love to look at other peoples ring, and I generally think that their rings match their personality in most cases.  Like everyone else out there, it isn't about the ring itself, but the promise and intentions behind it. :)
    Anniversary
    kitsunegari89PrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16
  • debbeaudebbeau member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    You do not have to justify why you have a diamond to this jackass. I am sure it is beautiful and given to you with a lot of love. I still smile when I look at my left hand and remember how excited my H was to give mine to me. It always amazes me how people try to make others miserable as a way to make themselves feel better. Wear it proudly!
    kitsunegari89PrettyGirlLost
  • Do people not think when they talk? I would have told her to take a hike...a long one off a cliff. My ring is my grandmother's. When I told one person, their response was "wow he (FI) got off easy not having to buy you a real ring." Ugh. Some people.

    Someone said something similar to me when I mentioned it was his great grandmother's ring his family brought over before the rest of his extended family went through the Holocaust.... I believe it was "Well, he can certainly afford a nicer setting since the diamond is what really costs the money..." ... so tempted to back hand slap that friend... smdh
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    image
    kitsunegari89Belle52011PrettyGirlLostlarrygaga
  • This thread started as a rant and then became a very educational discussion about different gemstones. I <3 you guys.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    wrigleyvilleBelle52011HisGirlFriday13
  • buttercup1958buttercup1958 Blue Smokey Mountains
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 no problem! i'm completely clueless when it comes to cut, clarity, ect. But if you need any info about the hardness of minerals i'm your girl! It makes me feel slightly better with learning phase diagrams.
    image
    kitsunegari89[Deleted User]Belle52011HisGirlFriday13
  • MagicInk said:
    Everyone knows the official car of lesbians is a Jeep. And anything hybrid.
    Damnit...I just bought a Prius a month ago.
    kitsunegari89
  • I have a half carat black diamond solitaire that J bought from Overstock *gasp...cheap ass!* hahahaha This exact ring was like three times more expensive in an actual jewelry store, I'm all for the savings! 

    I have had people remark about the color and the fact that it is "only" half carat, but also that because I only wear a size 4.5 J has gotten off easy because anything bigger than half carat is really just too much for my hand. I always comment back with the fact that because I wear smaller stones, they can be higher quality :)


    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


    Belle52011insertusernameherelarrygaga
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell your friend that your continuing friendship depends on her not insulting you or yours-and that includes your possessions, which include your ring.

    If she can't say anything nice, she needs to keep her damn mouth shut.  Raining on your parade has to stop.
    kitsunegari89
  • My ring is yellow sapphire, and I love it. When I was announcing my engagement and people asked to see my ring I got so many blank looks and "... Where's the diamond?" remarks. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Like, hey, I'm engaged to the love of my life and I'm stupidly happy about it, and all you care about is how my ring doesn't suit your expectations?

    Ugh. People.
    kitsunegari89[Deleted User]CamiSelenelarrygaga
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Pearls are made from the secretions of a living animal - an oyster or clam.  They are an organic material, not a mineral.  Most pearls available in jewelry stores are cultured pearls.  They are made when a shell bead is inserted into an oyster.  The oyster is "irritated" and secretes nacre onto the bead, eventually covering it with the pearly layers of nacre. When the pearls are harvested, the oyster is killed with steam so that the shell will open to reveal the pearl. Cheaper pearls have a very thin layer covering the bead.  More expensive ones take years longer to develop, and are very difficult to tell from a natural pearl without an X-ray machine.
    Any pearl deteriorates over time.  Most good ones will last your lifetime, but not your granddaughter's lifetime.  You can see examples of dead pearls in museums with older jewelry on display, like the Smithsonian.
    Wearing pearls next to your skin helps prolong their beauty.  Perfumes (which contain alcohol) can hurt them.  Chlorine, alcohol, cleaning chemicals should all be avoided.
    My own pearls need to be restrung, but the last estimate was $120 to restring them on silk thread.  I'm holding off.  I do have a large gold ring with a pearl set in it, but the pearl is almost dead, and I should have it replaced.  Most people don't notice the condition (or they are too polite to say anything) and I seldom wear it.  I inherited some huge pearl and gold clip earrings from my late MIL, and I don't use hairspray.  I was all decked out at daughter's wedding.
    Most modern pearl rings hold the pearl by drilling a hole into it, and gluing the pearl onto a mounting post.  It is as secure as the glue that holds it on.  I have some brooches that I regularly check for loose pearls, and DH has re-glued them a few times.
    Good budget choices for e-rings are sapphires, amethyst, smoky topaz (quartz).  Fragile stones are emeralds, aquamarine, opal, turquoise, and of course, pearls.
    Yes, I used to work for a large jewelry corporation many years ago.
    When I was younger, I wanted a ruby engagement ring from the man I thought I wanted to marry.  I never thought I would be in a position to have the jewelry collection I now own, but life brings unexpected changes.  My original e-ring was a 3/4 carat solitaire, but DH gave me a wrap ring for our 25th anniversary.  I still have my original plain gold wedding ring.  I think we paid $16 for it.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    kitsunegari89PrettyGirlLost
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Does she know that the pearl industry can be exploitative as well? A lot of pearl harvesting can be incredibly environmentally damaging and uses child/ exploitative labour in some countries.

    It is all about knowing where your jewellery comes from. If something is very inexpensive for the market, they are cutting corners somewhere and that usually comes from sourcing by unethical means.

    This woman is a uninformed jerk! Sorry that happened and good for you buying certified conflict-free gems!

    edited- typo

    PrettyGirlLostKaurisCamiSelene
  • Does she know that the pearl industry can be exploitative as well? A lot of pearl harvesting can be incredibly environmentally damaging and uses child/ exploitative labour in some countries? 

    It is all about knowing where your jewellery comes from. If something is very inexpensive for the market, they are cutting corners somewhere and that usually comes from sourcing by unethical means.

    This woman is a uninformed jerk! Sorry that happened and good for you buying certified conflict free gems!
    And, moreover, thanks to the Kimberley Process it is unlikely to the point of being nigh impossible that any conflict diamonds are even being sold anywhere in the U.S. or any other country participating.

    Now, I do have my own rant about the concept of the diamond e-ring (since it was essentially invented as an ad campaign for De Beers to sell what were once not terribly expensive stones) but working at a jewelers I have learned quite a few facts that force me to admit diamonds are in fact a good choice for something one is going to wear every day, forever. They're hard, they're heat-resistant, they don't have to be removed from their setting even if one is soldering right next to them. And they do have better sparkle than pretty much anything else.

    I have a sapphire personally, and it is in fact a lab-created one, so it was inexpensive. But almost as durable as diamond, so I'm happy with it. I'd probably go for a blue diamond if I had to pick a diamond now, just because it's my favorite color and I like having something different than what everyone else has.

    And as for pearls, I thought everyone knew they were supposed to be the last thing you put on and the first thing taken off when you get home? Learn how to care for your fine jewelry or it won't be fine very long.

    Another PSA on that note: Keep your gold out of chlorine, whether it's bleach or a swimming pool or hot tub. It makes the metal brittle and then you get prongs shearing off and shanks cracking and it's just not pleasant. I have to tell someone this at least once a week because they've come in with a damaged ring.
    image
    PrettyGirlLosthellohkb
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    CheleLyn said:

    I have a half carat black diamond solitaire that J bought from Overstock *gasp...cheap ass!* hahahaha This exact ring was like three times more expensive in an actual jewelry store, I'm all for the savings! 


    I have had people remark about the color and the fact that it is "only" half carat, but also that because I only wear a size 4.5 J has gotten off easy because anything bigger than half carat is really just too much for my hand. I always comment back with the fact that because I wear smaller stones, they can be higher quality :)



    My ring size is 4.5, too!!! My diamond is 3/4 carat and really, that is the max size I could get away with. He surprised me with the proposal, so I had no input whatsoever, but my ring is an absolutely beautiful solitaire. It catches the light perfectly and has a lot of fire. I wouldn't want any other ring! My band is tiny - a narrow row of baguette diamonds - to account for the larger solitaire on my itty bitty finger.

    OP, clearly she is insecure and regrets that she doesn't have a diamond. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a horrible person.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
  • CMGragain said:
    Pearls are made from the secretions of a living animal - an oyster or clam.  They are an organic material, not a mineral.  Most pearls available in jewelry stores are cultured pearls.  They are made when a shell bead is inserted into an oyster.  The oyster is "irritated" and secretes nacre onto the bead, eventually covering it with the pearly layers of nacre. When the pearls are harvested, the oyster is killed with steam so that the shell will open to reveal the pearl. Cheaper pearls have a very thin layer covering the bead.  More expensive ones take years longer to develop, and are very difficult to tell from a natural pearl without an X-ray machine.
    Any pearl deteriorates over time.  Most good ones will last your lifetime, but not your granddaughter's lifetime.  You can see examples of dead pearls in museums with older jewelry on display, like the Smithsonian.
    Wearing pearls next to your skin helps prolong their beauty.  Perfumes (which contain alcohol) can hurt them.  Chlorine, alcohol, cleaning chemicals should all be avoided.
    My own pearls need to be restrung, but the last estimate was $120 to restring them on silk thread.  I'm holding off.  I do have a large gold ring with a pearl set in it, but the pearl is almost dead, and I should have it replaced.  Most people don't notice the condition (or they are too polite to say anything) and I seldom wear it.  I inherited some huge pearl and gold clip earrings from my late MIL, and I don't use hairspray.  I was all decked out at daughter's wedding.
    Most modern pearl rings hold the pearl by drilling a hole into it, and gluing the pearl onto a mounting post.  It is as secure as the glue that holds it on.  I have some brooches that I regularly check for loose pearls, and DH has re-glued them a few times.
    Good budget choices for e-rings are sapphires, amethyst, smoky topaz (quartz).  Fragile stones are emeralds, aquamarine, opal, turquoise, and of course, pearls.
    Yes, I used to work for a large jewelry corporation many years ago.
    When I was younger, I wanted a ruby engagement ring from the man I thought I wanted to marry.  I never thought I would be in a position to have the jewelry collection I now own, but life brings unexpected changes.  My original e-ring was a 3/4 carat solitaire, but DH gave me a wrap ring for our 25th anniversary.  I still have my original plain gold wedding ring.  I think we paid $16 for it.
    I have a pair of pearl earrings made from Japanese pearls that my grandfather was given by the actual Mr Mikimoto during the occupation. He liked my grandpa and gave him a bunch of pearls and said they were for his wife and daughters. They remained un-set and in a sock (lol) for decades. My mom got a hold of them fairly recently and had them drop-set in earrings for her and her sisters and their mother. And also a pair for me! There is one pearl left, and my mom plans to have it made in a ring. These pearls are fairly large.  I guess 1/2 inch? Mine are slightly mismatched. One is a hair bigger than the other and one is pale pink while the other is blue/grey. I hope they last a very long time. I don't know if they are cultured or not.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    PrettyGirlLost
  • CMGragain said:
    Best snarky ring story:  My cousin became engaged, and her FI gave her a very modest diamond solitaire engagement ring.  Her mother (one of my crazy family members) pooh-poohed the ring, saying that it was a tiny little thing.  My wonderful grandmother (family matriarch) glared at her and asked, "Where's YOUR engagement ring?"  My aunt married young and never had one!  Talk about bitchy!
    GO GRANDMA! My grandma is a really mean lady. She'd never stick up for me like that. Mostly she just says I don't wear enough makeup and that I need to lose weight.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    PrettyGirlLost
  • A fellow Subaru driver! I've gotten the same comment about mine, and yeah, when I'm cruising through the snow with my AWD, I really couldn't care less what people choose to infer about me from my vehicle.

    It sounds like we have similar ring sets too.  I'm rough on things, so I got the tiny diamonds in the wedding band too, because I figured I'd find some way to scratch up a plain band. I think if it were me I would've responded with "Thankfully, mine is conflict free. I'm such a klutz, I'd have that beautiful pearl scratched to shreds in no time. You're probably much more graceful, so the durability issue shouldn't be a problem."

    kitsunegari89
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    anjuli116 said:

    A fellow Subaru driver! I've gotten the same comment about mine, and yeah, when I'm cruising through the snow with my AWD, I really couldn't care less what people choose to infer about me from my vehicle.

    It sounds like we have similar ring sets too.  I'm rough on things, so I got the tiny diamonds in the wedding band too, because I figured I'd find some way to scratch up a plain band. I think if it were me I would've responded with "Thankfully, mine is conflict free. I'm such a klutz, I'd have that beautiful pearl scratched to shreds in no time. You're probably much more graceful, so the durability issue shouldn't be a problem."

    I'm bad at responding to people when they're being awful. Mostly I just sputter or stand there stupidly. Hilariously enough, though, I was quick to rise to the defense of my car. Nobody insults Hilda.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    Acire888anjuli116hellohkb

  • CMGragain said:

    Best snarky ring story:  My cousin became engaged, and her FI gave her a very modest diamond solitaire engagement ring.  Her mother (one of my crazy family members) pooh-poohed the ring, saying that it was a tiny little thing.  My wonderful grandmother (family matriarch) glared at her and asked, "Where's YOUR engagement ring?"  My aunt married young and never had one!  Talk about bitchy!

    GO GRANDMA! My grandma is a really mean lady. She'd never stick up for me like that. Mostly she just says I don't wear enough makeup and that I need to lose weight.


    Your grandmother and DH's grandmother would get along well.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    kitsunegari89
  • anjuli116 said:

    A fellow Subaru driver! I've gotten the same comment about mine, and yeah, when I'm cruising through the snow with my AWD, I really couldn't care less what people choose to infer about me from my vehicle.

    It sounds like we have similar ring sets too.  I'm rough on things, so I got the tiny diamonds in the wedding band too, because I figured I'd find some way to scratch up a plain band. I think if it were me I would've responded with "Thankfully, mine is conflict free. I'm such a klutz, I'd have that beautiful pearl scratched to shreds in no time. You're probably much more graceful, so the durability issue shouldn't be a problem."

    I'm bad at responding to people when they're being awful. Mostly I just sputter or stand there stupidly. Hilariously enough, though, I was quick to rise to the defense of my car. Nobody insults Hilda
    Hilda! I love it! I like to optimistically refer to mine as the Batmobile because it's black and it has more gadgets than any other car I've owned (i.e. a sunroof and an ipod jack). Plus, it's fun to exclaim "To the Batmobile!" when I'm ready to go somewhere.
    kitsunegari89
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited May 2014
    Does she know that the pearl industry can be exploitative as well? A lot of pearl harvesting can be incredibly environmentally damaging and uses child/ exploitative labour in some countries? 

    It is all about knowing where your jewellery comes from. If something is very inexpensive for the market, they are cutting corners somewhere and that usually comes from sourcing by unethical means.

    This woman is a uninformed jerk! Sorry that happened and good for you buying certified conflict free gems!
    And, moreover, thanks to the Kimberley Process it is unlikely to the point of being nigh impossible that any conflict diamonds are even being sold anywhere in the U.S. or any other country participating.

    Now, I do have my own rant about the concept of the diamond e-ring (since it was essentially invented as an ad campaign for De Beers to sell what were once not terribly expensive stones) but working at a jewelers I have learned quite a few facts that force me to admit diamonds are in fact a good choice for something one is going to wear every day, forever. They're hard, they're heat-resistant, they don't have to be removed from their setting even if one is soldering right next to them. And they do have better sparkle than pretty much anything else.

    That's actually not true. There are a lot of faults with the Kimberley process and so really there's no guarantee that your conflict free diamond is actually conflict free. There are ways to get conflict stones in the mix.


    And I say that as someone with a diamond ring myself, so I'm not saying it to hate on them.
    Anniversary
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