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Child-free by Choicers

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Re: Child-free by Choicers

  • I have a friend who is childfree by choice, and while I respect her views, I am, quite frankly, really over her sanctimonious attitude that 'the only reason people have children is to fulfill a societal expectation. No one could possibly genuinely want children.'

    Just because YOU don't doesn't mean the rest of us don't.

    I have a friend like this. She's actually assumed that I don't want any more children and has taken it upon herself numerous times to commend me for it. I am a private person, which she knows, and therefore I have not brought up having children with FI BECAUSE IT'S NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS.

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  • I have a friend who is childfree by choice, and while I respect her views, I am, quite frankly, really over her sanctimonious attitude that 'the only reason people have children is to fulfill a societal expectation. No one could possibly genuinely want children.'

    Just because YOU don't doesn't mean the rest of us don't.

    I have a friend like this. She's actually assumed that I don't want any more children and has taken it upon herself numerous times to commend me for it. I am a private person, which she knows, and therefore I have not brought up having children with FI BECAUSE IT'S NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS.
    My friend assumes DH and I haven't gotten pg yet because we don't want kids.

    Or because we've only been married for, you know, seven months and we're enjoying this time together.

    She also wonders why her married-with-babies friends don't invite her to hang out anymore.

    WELL GEE, LET ME THINK!
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.
    Inkdancer
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I have a friend who is childfree by choice, and while I respect her views, I am, quite frankly, really over her sanctimonious attitude that 'the only reason people have children is to fulfill a societal expectation. No one could possibly genuinely want children.' Just because YOU don't doesn't mean the rest of us don't.
    I have a friend like this. She's actually assumed that I don't want any more children and has taken it upon herself numerous times to commend me for it. I am a private person, which she knows, and therefore I have not brought up having children with FI BECAUSE IT'S NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS.
    My friend assumes DH and I haven't gotten pg yet because we don't want kids. Or because we've only been married for, you know, seven months and we're enjoying this time together. She also wonders why her married-with-babies friends don't invite her to hang out anymore. WELL GEE, LET ME THINK!
    My parents were engaged in Oct and married in Dec. People assumed she was pregnant and made all sorts of comments (she wasn't). Then about 7 years later they still didn't have kids and people were asking them why. Well they got married young and were enjoying time together! Jeeze. (Clearly they eventually had me and my brother, both births almost killed her but that is a different story).

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.

    We're the opposite- DH has two kids from previous marriage; I have none. We get a lot of "when will you be having your own kids?" I find this comment to be asinine for us because DH's kids are adults and he will be 52 next month. I realize some men are okay with "starting over" later in life, but anyone who knows us, knows that I constantly talk about him retiring in 5 years. Last time I checked, most people want to spend retirement traveling or enjoying hobbies, not raising a child. To me, that just seems like common sense, but I guess having kids much later in life is a new norm.

     







  • edited May 2014
    I don't want kids but my husband does. Right now neither of us are ready, I do not know what will happen down the road. When we got engaged I was unsure if I wanted them or not, so he married me I guess thinking I'd change my mind. I don't know if I will now. I like kids in small doses and one at a time. I have no interest in pushing a baby out of my lady parts or getting surgery while I am awake and feeling everything. I have no interest in having a tiny human suck on nipple and I have no interest in getting up early & changing poop filled nasty disgusting diapers. To boot, we barely have enough money and I have no interest in being a SAHM and we need the income I make @ work. My husband doesn't make enough $$ to support us. Neither of our families know I don't want kids. I think it is just assumed that we will. Regardless, no you are not selfish if you don't want kids. I am so tired of hearing that. My friends who have kids, to me personally, their lives just seem unappealing.
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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.
    Oh good lord. "Giving [man] children" needs to end forever.
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    beetheryashley8918RebeccaB88
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    phira said:
    I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.
    Oh good lord. "Giving [man] children" needs to end forever.
    YES. It's incredibly inappropriate. I have even strated getting it from coworkers. REALLY?
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited May 2014
    lyndausvi said:
    We do not have children.   Our situation is a little different.  We have never prevented children, yet at the same time we never tried to have children either. Meaning we do not do any forms of BC, but have never been tested, charted, or gone to doctors and such in order to see why we haven't conceived .      We figured if it happened great, if not no big deal.  It hasn't happened and I'm old enough I'm not sure I even want it to happen at this point.  We are both good with that choice.

    I'm perfectly happy in my life and do not think I'm missing anything.
    @lyndausvi - I feel like I wrote this post!  I'm glad to find i'm not alone!
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Years ago, I was substitute teaching in my kids' high school.  A student asked me, "Ms. Doe, when did you get married?"
    "Twenty-three years ago"
    He looked confused.  "..but, Jane is only 17!"
    "Yes."
    "You mean," he gasped,"you got married, and you weren't even pregnant?  How come?"
    "Well, Brian, not everybody gets married just because they are pregnant."
    "Well, they do in my neighborhood!" said the astonished boy.  Most of the other students nodded in agreement.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I've had quite a few of those statements said to me.  Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with.  She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case.  Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them.  I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me. 

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    kerbohl said:
    I've had quite a few of those statements said to me.  Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with.  She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case.  Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them.  I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me. 
    OMG my coworker said this to me! Another coworker's daughter unexpectedly gave birth (full term) at age 41, not even knowing she was pregnant. This girl I work with said she hopes that happens to me. 

    Not only is that a horrible thing to say to a person (even one who wants kids!?), but I drink a pretty good amount and that would be terrifying. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    FI and I are child-free by choice. Had we gotten engaged earlier, there was an ever so tiny chance that we may have entertained the thought of having children, but it's completely off the table now. The reasons why are no one's business but our own. It really chaps my ass when people say disparaging things about someone's personal choice about having or not having children. I've heard every one of the comments on the Bingo card, and even after so many years of hearing them, they don't bother me any less than the first time I heard them. We LOVE our friends' children. Absolutely adore them and are always pleased to spend time with them. However, we also love that we can return them to their parents and go back to our quietly chaotic lifestyle.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    climbingwife
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kerbohl said:
    I've had quite a few of those statements said to me.  Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with.  She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case.  Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them.  I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me. 
    OMG my coworker said this to me! Another coworker's daughter unexpectedly gave birth (full term) at age 41, not even knowing she was pregnant. This girl I work with said she hopes that happens to me. 

    Not only is that a horrible thing to say to a person (even one who wants kids!?), but I drink a pretty good amount and that would be terrifying. 


    Box Issues

    This absolutely terrifies me, along with that "I didn't know I was preggo" show on TLC

  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    kerbohl said:
    I've had quite a few of those statements said to me.  Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with.  She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case.  Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them.  I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me. 
    That person needs to get some more friends who plan to have children, because if they is that desperate for their kids to have extra friends, WISHING AN ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY ON SOMEONE ELSE IS NOT THE WAY TO GO.

    Either that or they ought to have another kid for their own self. Good LORD.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    We are also child-free mostly by choice.  We and a lot of our friends got married in our late 30s and many of them are working on families.  We are more than happy to be "aunt & uncle" to our friends children.  We have also started developing relationships with other child free by choicers.

    Luckily we never got a lot of grief from our families or close friends about not having kids.  Most of mine has come from co-workers or strangers.  I find it incredibly rude for any one outside of the couple to be butting their noses into reproductive matters.

    And the "mostly" part comes because it used to be just a choice.  I recently had a procedure done that would make getting pregnant a life threatening condition for me.  So it's not all choice anymore.

     

  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    It's one thing when people we know are douchey about us not having kids, but I get really salty when strangers are the same way.

    A few months ago I had an IUD installed. When the nurse brought me into the room, she very nicely asked me, "So are you done having kids for a while or are you doing this so you don't have a period?" so I told her that I don't think I ever want kids. She goes, "Oh. Uhhh..." and leaves. Then when she came back in with the doctor, she talked about how wonderful her kids were and gifts from god and blah blah blah. Bitch, STFU.
    This is when I would have been a huge dick & said "Yea, I don't believe in god." 



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  • natswildnatswild The F-f-f-rozen N-n-north (Northern Alberta) member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    last year my cousin went to the hospital because she had such bad cramps, and went home with a baby. she had no idea she'd been pregnant-no weight gain, monthly periods, etc., and they'd been trying for years to get pregnant.

    My personal experience with a few people is "how dare you not want kids?!?"  It's not your business, bud!

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