Child-free by Choicers

grumbledore · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:
I have a friend who is childfree by choice, and while I respect her views, I am, quite frankly, really over her sanctimonious attitude that 'the only reason people have children is to fulfill a societal expectation. No one could possibly genuinely want children.'

Just because YOU don't doesn't mean the rest of us don't.

I have a friend like this. She's actually assumed that I don't want any more children and has taken it upon herself numerous times to commend me for it. I am a private person, which she knows, and therefore I have not brought up having children with FI BECAUSE IT'S NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS.

Kristen625 · May 2014

Its times like these that I'm actually really happy I have a congenital heart defect. FI and I talked to the cardiologist about the kid thing, just to get an idea or picture of what we would have to go through, even though we are REALLY on the fence about kids. My doctor didn't say it, but his tone and facial expression said it really isn't in my best interest to do it. Which is fine by me really. So now I just tell people "well due to my heart condition it would be really irresponsible for me to have them with such a high risk to me or the baby." That tends to shut them up. And thankfully neither one of our families are bugging us for kids. And if we don't have kids, FI family line will die out.

Also, side note...after today he won't be my FI, but my Husband!!!!

I'm knotting before I have to wake my bff up.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

grumbledore said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:
I have a friend who is childfree by choice, and while I respect her views, I am, quite frankly, really over her sanctimonious attitude that 'the only reason people have children is to fulfill a societal expectation. No one could possibly genuinely want children.'

Just because YOU don't doesn't mean the rest of us don't.
I have a friend like this. She's actually assumed that I don't want any more children and has taken it upon herself numerous times to commend me for it. I am a private person, which she knows, and therefore I have not brought up having children with FI BECAUSE IT'S NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS.

My friend assumes DH and I haven't gotten pg yet because we don't want kids.

Or because we've only been married for, you know, seven months and we're enjoying this time together.

She also wonders why her married-with-babies friends don't invite her to hang out anymore.

WELL GEE, LET ME THINK!

ashley8918 · May 2014

I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.

pinkshorts27 · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I have a friend who is childfree by choice, and while I respect her views, I am, quite frankly, really over her sanctimonious attitude that 'the only reason people have children is to fulfill a societal expectation. No one could possibly genuinely want children.' Just because YOU don't doesn't mean the rest of us don't.
I have a friend like this. She's actually assumed that I don't want any more children and has taken it upon herself numerous times to commend me for it. I am a private person, which she knows, and therefore I have not brought up having children with FI BECAUSE IT'S NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS.
My friend assumes DH and I haven't gotten pg yet because we don't want kids. Or because we've only been married for, you know, seven months and we're enjoying this time together. She also wonders why her married-with-babies friends don't invite her to hang out anymore. WELL GEE, LET ME THINK!

My parents were engaged in Oct and married in Dec. People assumed she was pregnant and made all sorts of comments (she wasn't). Then about 7 years later they still didn't have kids and people were asking them why. Well they got married young and were enjoying time together! Jeeze. (Clearly they eventually had me and my brother, both births almost killed her but that is a different story).

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

ashley8918 said:
I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.

We're the opposite- DH has two kids from previous marriage; I have none. We get a lot of "when will you be having your own kids?" I find this comment to be asinine for us because DH's kids are adults and he will be 52 next month. I realize some men are okay with "starting over" later in life, but anyone who knows us, knows that I constantly talk about him retiring in 5 years. Last time I checked, most people want to spend retirement traveling or enjoying hobbies, not raising a child. To me, that just seems like common sense, but I guess having kids much later in life is a new norm.

OwningAHome1981 · May 2014

I don't want kids but my husband does. Right now neither of us are ready, I do not know what will happen down the road. When we got engaged I was unsure if I wanted them or not, so he married me I guess thinking I'd change my mind. I don't know if I will now. I like kids in small doses and one at a time. I have no interest in pushing a baby out of my lady parts or getting surgery while I am awake and feeling everything. I have no interest in having a tiny human suck on nipple and I have no interest in getting up early & changing poop filled nasty disgusting diapers. To boot, we barely have enough money and I have no interest in being a SAHM and we need the income I make @ work. My husband doesn't make enough $$ to support us. Neither of our families know I don't want kids. I think it is just assumed that we will. Regardless, no you are not selfish if you don't want kids. I am so tired of hearing that. My friends who have kids, to me personally, their lives just seem unappealing.

phira · May 2014

ashley8918 said:

I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.

Oh good lord. "Giving [man] children" needs to end forever.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

phira said:

ashley8918 said:

I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.

Oh good lord. "Giving [man] children" needs to end forever.

I have a friend whose husband is functionally infertile. They tried for years to get pg, couldn't, got tested, found out it was him.

Her VERY over-bearing MIL brought it up at Thanksgiving one year about, 'giving my son children to carry on the family name.'

My friend, who had asked her H for AGES to get his mother to cool it and he hadn't, looked her MIL square in the eye and said, 'I'll give your son children as soon as he manages to get me pregnant. It's not for lack of trying, however.'

Her MIL shut up and her husband about died in embarassment.

ashley8918 · May 2014

phira said:

ashley8918 said:

I have 2 kids with my first husband, but I still constantly get asked if i'm going to "give FI one/some of his own". RUDE. None of your fucking business, and as a matter of fact, he thinks of my kids as "his own" abd he is adopting them.

Oh good lord. "Giving [man] children" needs to end forever.

YES. It's incredibly inappropriate. I have even strated getting it from coworkers. REALLY?

JoanE2012 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

We do not have children. Our situation is a little different. We have never prevented children, yet at the same time we never tried to have children either. Meaning we do not do any forms of BC, but have never been tested, charted, or gone to doctors and such in order to see why we haven't conceived . We figured if it happened great, if not no big deal. It hasn't happened and I'm old enough I'm not sure I even want it to happen at this point. We are both good with that choice.

I'm perfectly happy in my life and do not think I'm missing anything.

@lyndausvi - I feel like I wrote this post! I'm glad to find i'm not alone!

CMGragain · May 2014

Years ago, I was substitute teaching in my kids' high school. A student asked me, "Ms. Doe, when did you get married?"
"Twenty-three years ago"
He looked confused. "..but, Jane is only 17!"
"Yes."
"You mean," he gasped,"you got married, and you weren't even pregnant? How come?"
"Well, Brian, not everybody gets married just because they are pregnant."
"Well, they do in my neighborhood!" said the astonished boy. Most of the other students nodded in agreement.

grumbledore · May 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:
I don't want kids but my husband does. Right now neither of us are ready, I do not know what will happen down the road. When we got engaged I was unsure if I wanted them or not, so he married me I guess thinking I'd change my mind. I don't know if I will now.

I like kids in small doses and one at a time. I have no interest in pushing a baby out of my lady parts or getting surgery while I am awake and feeling everything. I have no interest in having a tiny human suck on nipple and I have no interest in getting up early & changing poop filled nasty disgusting diapers.

To boot, we barely have enough money and I have no interest in being a SAHM and we need the income I make @ work. My husband doesn't make enough $$ to support us.

Neither of our families know I don't want kids. I think it is just assumed that we will. Regardless, no you are not selfish if you don't want kids. I am so tired of hearing that. My friends who have kids, to me personally, their lives just seem unappealing.

That must be hard. This is really something a couple should be on the same page about before getting married...

kerbohl · May 2014

I've had quite a few of those statements said to me. Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with. She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case. Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them. I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me.

ShesSoCold · May 2014

kerbohl said:

I've had quite a few of those statements said to me. Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with. She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case. Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them. I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me.

OMG my coworker said this to me! Another coworker's daughter unexpectedly gave birth (full term) at age 41, not even knowing she was pregnant. This girl I work with said she hopes that happens to me.

Not only is that a horrible thing to say to a person (even one who wants kids!?), but I drink a pretty good amount and that would be terrifying.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

FI and I are child-free by choice. Had we gotten engaged earlier, there was an ever so tiny chance that we may have entertained the thought of having children, but it's completely off the table now. The reasons why are no one's business but our own. It really chaps my ass when people say disparaging things about someone's personal choice about having or not having children. I've heard every one of the comments on the Bingo card, and even after so many years of hearing them, they don't bother me any less than the first time I heard them. We LOVE our friends' children. Absolutely adore them and are always pleased to spend time with them. However, we also love that we can return them to their parents and go back to our quietly chaotic lifestyle.

WinstonsGirl · May 2014

ShesSoCold said:

kerbohl said:

I've had quite a few of those statements said to me. Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with. She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case. Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them. I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me.

OMG my coworker said this to me! Another coworker's daughter unexpectedly gave birth (full term) at age 41, not even knowing she was pregnant. This girl I work with said she hopes that happens to me.

Not only is that a horrible thing to say to a person (even one who wants kids!?), but I drink a pretty good amount and that would be terrifying.

Box Issues

This absolutely terrifies me, along with that "I didn't know I was preggo" show on TLC

beethery · May 2014

kerbohl said:

I've had quite a few of those statements said to me. Someone even said they were hoping that I would get pregnant by accident, because they want their child to have someone to play with. She didn't mean to be so rude, but wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone that has made it very clear that she does not want children . . . I'll hide my birth control when she comes to visit, just in case. Some women are just not meant to be mothers, and I firmly believe that I am one of them. I can't stand infants - give me a 3+ child and I'm gold, but the infant stage would kill me.

That person needs to get some more friends who plan to have children, because if they is that desperate for their kids to have extra friends, WISHING AN ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY ON SOMEONE ELSE IS NOT THE WAY TO GO.

Either that or they ought to have another kid for their own self. Good LORD.

MrsMack10612 · May 2014

We are also child-free mostly by choice. We and a lot of our friends got married in our late 30s and many of them are working on families. We are more than happy to be "aunt & uncle" to our friends children. We have also started developing relationships with other child free by choicers.

Luckily we never got a lot of grief from our families or close friends about not having kids. Most of mine has come from co-workers or strangers. I find it incredibly rude for any one outside of the couple to be butting their noses into reproductive matters.

And the "mostly" part comes because it used to be just a choice. I recently had a procedure done that would make getting pregnant a life threatening condition for me. So it's not all choice anymore.

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

ShesSoCold said:

It's one thing when people we know are douchey about us not having kids, but I get really salty when strangers are the same way.

A few months ago I had an IUD installed. When the nurse brought me into the room, she very nicely asked me, "So are you done having kids for a while or are you doing this so you don't have a period?" so I told her that I don't think I ever want kids. She goes, "Oh. Uhhh..." and leaves. Then when she came back in with the doctor, she talked about how wonderful her kids were and gifts from god and blah blah blah. Bitch, STFU.

This is when I would have been a huge dick & said "Yea, I don't believe in god."

natswild · May 2014

last year my cousin went to the hospital because she had such bad cramps, and went home with a baby. she had no idea she'd been pregnant-no weight gain, monthly periods, etc., and they'd been trying for years to get pregnant.

My personal experience with a few people is "how dare you not want kids?!?" It's not your business, bud!

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