This is It

doeydo

Do you ever sit back and just think "This is my life"?  Or just feel kind of depressed about it all?

I have anxiety and am going to a therapist partly for that and for some other issues of mine.  I am also on a normal dose of venlafaxine for the anxiety but it is supposed to work for depression as well.  I guess I am just wondering if I am alone in thinking like this/if something is still unbalanced chemically in my brain or something.  Or if it has to actually do with me being "unhappy" with things in my life.

NYCMercedes

Omg! You are my clone. Keep working at it. There are some tried and true short term remedies you can ask your therapist about. One or two actions may work for you to help alleviate the ruminations. There will be peaks and valleys as that is part of life's journey. Having kids helped me as they keep me looking to the future. Following my faith helps. Medication helps. Changing therapists (and medications) every few years helps as you then get a new point of view on dealing with your medical condition. You are not alone.

BlackLace2015

There is a difference between "depression" and "situational depression". Your therapist should be able to help you figure out the difference. Good luck! xo

phira

I have that sometimes because of grad school. Starting therapy next month. It's definitely not abnormal, but it's not a fun way to live.

HisGirlFriday13

I wouldn't say it's normal, but I wouldn't say it's abnormal. I would, however, say that it's indicative of something being wrong. I think you should talk to your therapist about it.

Blergbot

I've been on venlafaxine for about 15 years. Recently we added abilify and it changed my world. Suddenly colors were brighter, I was able to be happy for months at a time, I had more energy. But there are side effects. It can raise your blood sugar and cause significant weight gain. I gained 30 pounds and have to take meds to regulate my blood sugar levels. Also, like venlafaxine, there are withdrawl symptoms if you forget to take it. It's also crazy expensive. FI was concerned about the side effects, so I eased myself off of it. It took me a week to realize I needed to be back on it, pronto. This is my life. I've had depression with anxiety since before I can remember. It's a real medical problem that, for me, is never just going to go away. And, honestly, it took getting my depression under control to finally find happiness with another person. So what I'm saying is, you may need to really deal with your clinical depression in order to find out if you are happy in your life. Once I knew I could be happy I made changes in my life to make me really happy. May or may not be the case for you, but it may be worth seriously exploring with your doctor.

singinchick13

@doeydo I can get this feeling sometimes if I feel that I have nothing to look forward to. Planning and scheduling, and looking ahead usually gets me out of it and gives me more of a purpose. I love being organized so writing down things like goals, appointments and upcoming events on a calendar or in a planner helps me a lot, and sometimes I will even write down things I would like to do so that there is more incentive to commit to them. I know this doesn't directly impact the issue at hand, but setting new personal goals for yourself and working toward them can be very engergizing and satisfying.

mellowmarshmallow

I have social anxiety and have been on meds for about 5 years, but have not taken venlafaxine. I have had the same feeling you are talking about before I went on the meds, so I know how it sucks. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time.

My best advice is that it could be your brain chemicals, but it could also be that there is something missing/wrong/unhappy in your life. Those are not mutually exclusive, although it is tempting to look for the simple medication solution. Don't jump to the conclusion that it's one or the other, life situations or brain chemistry, when it could be both. Your therapist should be able to help you untangle that.

CMGragain

I always knew there was something wrong with my brain.  I have inherited the major depression that runs in my father's family.  Until the invention of Prozac, there was nothing that could be done except for electro-shock therapy, which I refused.  Without medication, my brain does not have the seratonin it needs to function normally.
Depression is a physical problem, not a psychological problem.  It is a medical condition that must be treated with medication.  Are you seeing a psychiatrist?  If not, perhaps your therapist can recommend one to give you a medical evaluation.
Considering what you are dealing with in your life right now, it wouldn't be surprising if you needed some medical help. Good luck.  I hope you feel better soon.

Inkdancer

You never have to accept unhappiness. I hope you find something that helps. In the mean time, <<<hugs>>>

AzAnnie

I think we all feel like this from time to time. It is normal. Sometimes when people ask me how I am doing I say "I am living the dream...I am sometimes not sure who's dream it is, but it am living it!!!"

CMGragain

Let me tell you what major long-term depression without medication was like for me.

I could be driving my car down the street and suddenly have the urge to drive into a telephone poll. 
I could cry for absolutely no reason, and have no explanation.
I could shake uncontrollably and have rapid heartbeat under stressful situations.
Sometimes I avoided my kitchen because I had fantasies about cutting myself with knives for no reason.  (I never did.)
Some days I could barely have the energy to get out of bed.
There is a little tape recorder inside my head that screams "You are worthless.  You are a failure.  No one will ever love you."  It also plays Rachmaninoff.

Does this sound familiar, or does it sound over the top?  If it is all too familiar, go to a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, who can get you medical help.  All the prayer, meditation techniques, exercise, theray in the world won't help a physical problem like this.
Thank God for modern medicine.  I like living a normal life.

Blergbot

For me it was as if I lived under a fog my whole life and everything had a slight grey tinge to it, but I had no idea, because it was all I knew. Once I got on the right meds that fog lifted and everything came into sharper focus. I still feel completely like myself, but the positives started outweighing the negatives, you know? I'm not saying meds are the answer for everyone, but man, they are a lifeline for me.

CMGragain

I'll never forget the day my first effective medication kicked in.  I was driving down the street, and suddenly it was like a curtain was raised.  Colors for the first time in my life  I was 38.  It was a shock.  Only people who have experienced this can understand.  Thank you for posting, @Blergbot.

Blergbot

Tears in my eyes (the good kind). Thank you, @CMGragain‌

SBmini

I've been there. I know what you are going through right now and your biggest enemy in life is yourself. I'm fortunate enough that I've learned how to manage my anxiety and depression without medication- but I know not everyone is that lucky. I also acknowledge that this may not always work for me. 

When I focused on those dark feelings, it took me deeper into the darkness. So instead, I more or less trained myself to shift focus on positive things, remind myself that I did have control over who I was and my own happiness- and make that happiness for myself. It isn't foolproof, but I strongly believe that the brain is the most powerful medication there is. You just have to learn how to make it work for you.

Stay strong and hold on- life is an amazing thing if you allow yourself to enjoy it.

Lizzieyounce

CMGragain said:

Let me tell you what major long-term depression without medication was like for me.

I could be driving my car down the street and suddenly have the urge to drive into a telephone poll. 
I could cry for absolutely no reason, and have no explanation.
I could shake uncontrollably and have rapid heartbeat under stressful situations.
Sometimes I avoided my kitchen because I had fantasies about cutting myself with knives for no reason.  (I never did.)
Some days I could barely have the energy to get out of bed.
There is a little tape recorder inside my head that screams "You are worthless.  You are a failure.  No one will ever love you."  It also plays Rachmaninoff.

Does this sound familiar, or does it sound over the top?  If it is all too familiar, go to a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, who can get you medical help.  All the prayer, meditation techniques, exercise, theray in the world won't help a physical problem like this.
Thank God for modern medicine.  I like living a normal life.

This was me pre-Prozac.  My youngest also has shown signs of MDD and she's 14.  I've got her in therapy and the doctor pout her on a mild antidepressant that has worked for her (thank God without the nasty side effects).

After years of intense therapy I am now on a therapeutic dose of Prozac and see my counselor when I need to.  Today I am happier than I've been ever, and in a way my breakdown in 03 changed my life for the better, but the journey through the dark times was so hard!

Doey, go see your doctor and find out whether why you're experiencing is situational depression or a disorder.  Neither are bad or anything to be ashamed of…you are not alone, even though it may feel like it sometimes.  

doeydo

CMGragain said:

Let me tell you what major long-term depression without medication was like for me.

I could be driving my car down the street and suddenly have the urge to drive into a telephone poll.   I don't drive, but I work outside and when big trucks go by sometimes I think that if I just dove at the right time, the big wheels would run over my head.
I could cry for absolutely no reason, and have no explanation.  This doesn't describe me right now, but I do feel sad or like I want to cry a lot of the time.
I could shake uncontrollably and have rapid heartbeat under stressful situations.  I fidget and my leg(s) bounce and shake a lot.  Most of the time I don't notice that I am doing it and it sometimes bothers other people (ie. I am vibrating the table everyone is sitting at).  Another thing that happens when I am stressed out is that I try to speak and I get messed up on my words (maybe it's because I used to have a stutter) and I don't really make sense to other people.  I also have a hard time maintaining eye contact when I am the one speaking. 

Sometimes I avoided my kitchen because I had fantasies about cutting myself with knives for no reason.  (I never did.)  I actually tried this twice, it wasn't for me though.
Some days I could barely have the energy to get out of bed.  I don't think that describes me.  I get up everyday, I go to work on weekdays, but some days I don't get any work around the house done and just veg on the computer.  I don't know if that is just laziness or not, though.
There is a little tape recorder inside my head that screams "You are worthless.  You are a failure.  No one will ever love you."  It also plays Rachmaninoff.  Yup, I have a little voice in my head like that too, sometimes.  "You stupid fuck.  You're fat.  You're hideous.  No one will ever want you or love you" sort of thing.

Does this sound familiar, or does it sound over the top?  If it is all too familiar, go to a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, who can get you medical help.  All the prayer, meditation techniques, exercise, theray in the world won't help a physical problem like this.
Thank God for modern medicine.  I like living a normal life.  Thanks, I'll tell my therapist next time I see her and maybe I can switch medicines or get a referall or something.

SapphireCounselor

doeydo said:

Do you ever sit back and just think "This is my life"?  Or just feel kind of depressed about it all?

I have anxiety and am going to a therapist partly for that and for some other issues of mine.  I am also on a normal dose of venlafaxine for the anxiety but it is supposed to work for depression as well.  I guess I am just wondering if I am alone in thinking like this/if something is still unbalanced chemically in my brain or something.  Or if it has to actually do with me being "unhappy" with things in my life.

My advice as an intern therapist would be to absolutely see a psychiatrist. You can't work through any issues until you are back on a level playing field chemically. Depression at that level isn't something you can work for, no matter how tough you are or how great the therapist is. It is a little like trying to cure a physical disease with therapy. It just won't work.

ETA: The great news is that there so many amazing medications out there now specifically for depression that the results are amazing.

lc07

I am internet hugging you. You are not alone. And I know that there are lots of us who care about you. I have battled depression and anxiety for about 20 years. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm always just a PM away if you want details or need to confide in someone who cares about you.