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Snarky Brides

Please stop telling me what will or won't look "right"

edited May 2014 in Snarky Brides
Sooooo FI have decided that we want our wedding to be as laid back as possible. I told my BMs to wear whatever they wanted to wear for the wedding. Together we picked out 4 or five colors and I said they could pick out any dress style they wanted. They could choose sun dresses or, if they wanted, a long dress. Whatever made them feel comfortable, they could wear. (They've both chosen a type of yellow and one will be in a semi-formal cocktail dress and the other in a very casual sundress. Totally cool with it, so what if they don't match? FI's groomsmen did the same thing, one is wearing a blue suit, and one is wearing a black suit. FI is wearing a charcoal suit with a vest. (They won't be wearing jackets and will just up roll the sleeves.) I have been told by so many people that this just won't look "right" With the girls' dresses being different styles and shades of yellow, and the guys all wearing different colors, and the mix of formal and informal, it will look like a hodgepodge mess. My thoughts....So What?  Is everyone happy with what they are wearing? Are they comfortable? Are they happy they get to wear something more than once? (BM dresses rarely get worn again and the guys always complain they never get a chance to wear their suits) Do they feel great in it? Then why the freak does it matter? We're happy, they're happy so who cares if we look like a hodgepodge? I just hate all the unsolicited advice about how "terrible" this will look. Poo on you! I guess we shall all look "terrible" together! 
Little rant over...Thanks for reading 
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NYCMercedesclimbingwifemelbenso[Deleted User]grumbledore

Re: Please stop telling me what will or won't look "right"

  • I have the same philosophy.  Be comfortable, be happy, and have fun!  My 3 bridesmaids are all in different dresses.  They are all red but the styles are different to compliment their individual style and what they are comfortable in.  I find everyone who has no stake in what's going down have so much criticism to offer.  I'm actually immune to it now.
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  • @goldchocobo - I'm working on letting the little comments slide. It's still a little hurtful. But, you're right, the people who really have no stake in it have been the harshest. It may not be what you would have done but FI don't really care about what everyone is wearing. Our concerns are: Were our VIP's able to attend? Was the food good? Did everyone have fun? If so, then the day was a success. And, that's all that matters. 

    I love that you are doing that too! What looks good on one person, does not necessarily look good on another. I think letting the BM's pick their own dress in a color is a great compromise.  
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  • @HisGirlFriday13 - I wish I had that response! You're always so good with the comebacks! I just kind stutter my response while seriously cursing them in my head.  
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  • @HisGirlFriday13 - I wish I had that response! You're always so good with the comebacks! I just kind stutter my response while seriously cursing them in my head.  

    My problem is that I don't always engage my brain-to-mouth filter before retorting. So I say things like the above and then people are surprised. And then I feel like I should feel guilty, but I dont.

    Sorry not sorry.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826sweetwisconsinPennyBlossom2311grumbledore
  • http://youtu.be/bmAC5nN8Eds

    Just play this.  You'll feel better :)
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    beetheryPennyBlossom2311
  • You sound like an awesome bride! Like @Hisgirlfriday13 mentioned I would attempt to bean dip them in the future. What is with people giving advice about a wedding that isn't theirs? So annoying. I rank that right up there with people telling others how they should raise children that aren't theirs.
    PennyBlossom2311
  • Go for it, Pennyblossom! Those are your friends, and how they feel is maybe about 1000 times more important than if they match in a picture. People can get really weird when you do anything that's contradictory to what they "know" is correct.

     Just get a good, standard response that you feel comfortable with- mine is "Thank you! It's always interesting to hear other people's ideas," and then bean dip time. 
    If you're shy or uncomfortable standing your ground, find a phrase and repeat it until it comes easily. "Thanks, I appreciate the input, but this is what we've decided to do," is great. And get one ready for people who ask if they're invited when they're not. This one caught me off guard. I stammered a little, because totally not expecting that. Ouch. Uncomfortable.

    (In my house, "I appreciate the input" means "screw you.") 
    PennyBlossom2311beethery
  • I'm giving my girls freedom with their dresses, and I've also got some people thinking it won't look good. To me though, that's like saying you don't look good taking pictures with friends anytime unless you're all in matching uniforms. Makes no sense.
    PennyBlossom2311FiancB[Deleted User]
  • We get it for having one attendant each.

    I really need more bean dip recipes. My evil snark flavored bean dip is getting stale.
  • I might have gone "blah blah blah, he loves to pick my dressy clothes" to someone. Ok, that was because DF has seen me in my dress and don't I know that's wrong. Then, how dare he force me to dress to his standard. Guess what - he loves me no matter what I wear. I've been pounced in ratty, ugly jeans. But when I can get all pretty and girly, I bought the clothes, I love them. It just makes DF happy to see me in a skirt he picked. Same way I pick his suit some days. He's extra handsome in suits and I'm happy. It's so trivial and minor. I see nothing wrong with spoiling your partner a bit. Plus, guaranteed extra adult snuggles then.

    Did "So, how did training go?", "Need more training?", "Ok, here are the hints on that." when bugged about not including my self induced BSC sister in the wedding party. Plus, the only requirements for attendant, she'd flunk all. Would show up an hour late, be hungover or still drunk, and would wear nothing close to my minimal request of black (now charcoal because MOH found her perfect dress in that) and between knee and tea length.

    Or my other answer "Nope" to every rude question.
  • I have our BM's and GM's all wearing different dresses with some sort of favorite blue that they love. Only request was no weird prints, polka dots or stripes, but otherwise all styles and colors of blue are fine. And only the request for blue because our best friend died this year and his name was Jay, for blue jay and he was supposed to walk me down the aisle. This is in honor of him. But it's a beach wedding and I want everyone comfy cozy
    PennyBlossom2311
  • @cncanderson2014 - That is a beautiful idea and a very sweet way to remember your friend. I think the different shades of blue will be beautiful at the beach. 

    @ohannabelle - We are having a really small wedding and it has been awkward when people ask about getting an invitation and when they can expect it. But, it has gotten pretty easy to handle. The go to is "We are actually only having immediate family attend" Not entirely true...We each have two friends (in the wedding party) and their significant others. I think asking for an invitation is so rude. I've found that most people who ask are people I'm not close with and haven't talked to in months and get the idea they just want to go to a party out of town. Like " I haven't seen you in 3 years and you didn't even know I was engaged." Nope

    @Molly&;Domenic - I have gotten "the pictures will look horrible with everyone wearing something different!" Sooooo since we don't match we will suddenly all grow humpbacks and we will look like monsters in our pictures? If we matched, that would hide our ugliness?  What are you trying to say here? Lol 

    @PrincessOfHavoc - I need some new bean dip ideas too! Like you, everyone has had some of my bean dip and running out of ways to dodge comments and questions.  I always love @HisGirlFriday13 comebacks though! She has some good ones. I may have to steal some of her totally off the subject ideas. Time to read up on some chemistry.  

      
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    MollyandD
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @cncanderson2014 - That is a beautiful idea and a very sweet way to remember your friend. I think the different shades of blue will be beautiful at the beach. 

    @ohannabelle - We are having a really small wedding and it has been awkward when people ask about getting an invitation and when they can expect it. But, it has gotten pretty easy to handle. The go to is "We are actually only having immediate family attend" Not entirely true...We each have two friends (in the wedding party) and their significant others. I think asking for an invitation is so rude. I've found that most people who ask are people I'm not close with and haven't talked to in months and get the idea they just want to go to a party out of town. Like " I haven't seen you in 3 years and you didn't even know I was engaged." Nope

    @Molly&;Domenic - I have gotten "the pictures will look horrible with everyone wearing something different!" Sooooo since we don't match we will suddenly all grow humpbacks and we will look like monsters in our pictures? If we matched, that would hide our ugliness?  What are you trying to say here? Lol 

    @PrincessOfHavoc - I need some new bean dip ideas too! Like you, everyone has had some of my bean dip and running out of ways to dodge comments and questions.  I always love @HisGirlFriday13 comebacks though! She has some good ones. I may have to steal some of her totally off the subject ideas. Time to read up on some chemistry.  

      
    It is such a funny thing, isn't it?  In pictures from any other event or time, people usually don't dress the same and yet, there are some awesome pictures out there.
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    PennyBlossom2311
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    People are, unfortunately, still accustomed to that robo-maid look from the '80s, when all of the BMs had the exact same hairpiece, jewelry, shoes, and dress:

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    grumbledorePennyBlossom2311
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Robo-maids! I love it. 

    I'm getting this too. Ideally I would've liked to have everybody in the same color, different dresses. But I have a BM that is hard on money for whom even DB is too much (ok DB is seriously overpriced, but everyone else is even worse) so she was looking at ebay and couldn't find the right dress. Then freaking DB told my sister that dresses would take 12 weeks to come in so she got a different shade that was close. Whatever.

    Then we just have not had the time or energy to figure out what the guys are going to wear. I think we'll request gray suits and a certain shirt and call it a freaking day. One less thing to worry about.

    I really don't think it will look bad. Matchy-matchy is weird and creepy. If it does actually look that bad, well that's what the color picker tool in photoshop is for. 
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    PennyBlossom2311
  • http://allrecipes.com/recipes/appetizers-and-snacks/dips-and-spreads/bean-dips/  Looked up Bean Dip Recipes and realized that hummus is considered a bean dip!  I'm good for a while now.
    PennyBlossom2311Marzipan13Inkdancer
  • Am I the only one who thinks matching bridesmaid dresses look weird and creepy and not pretty at all?  I think it's beyond bizarre to dress a bunch of women in the same uniform for a social occasion.

    My BMs are all wearing black dresses of their choosing from wherever they want.  They've seen my dress, so if they want to match formality, they can.  If they don't, I don't care, because I don't have to wear it.

    The GMs are all wearing grey suits bc FI picked a grey suit.  Whatever shade.  Don't care.

    I did have a moment the other day when I saw a pic on FB of one of his GMs wearing his grey suit with a black shirt for a wedding - I didn't like how it looked and I said, "Hey, FI, can you tell GM to wear a white shirt with that suit?  I really hate the way the black one looks."

    You know what he said?  (And rightly so.)  "No."

    I got over it.  : )

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    VulgarGirlPennyBlossom2311
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My BM's dresses match by accident. I saw a cute dress online and picked it up in each of my BMs sizes so they could try it on and figure out if either wanted to wear it (they wanted to wear the same color but had trouble finding stuff since one doesn't drive and the other is busy in school so I did a lot of the picking up of dresses they found). Turns out, they both liked the dress enough to want to wear it. I would have totally been okay if they wanted to wear different dresses. In fact, that's what I wanted to begin with!
    ~*~*~*~*~

    PennyBlossom2311
  • To be honest, I don't think my mother in law knows the dresses don't match either.  I remember telling my mother and she thought that was great, but I don't know (or really care) what my MIL thinks.  I hope it bugs her just a little ;)
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    HisGirlFriday13
  • It's funny, but the people directly involved with the wedding i.e the wedding party and parents seem to be good for the most part. It seems to be grandparents or someone attending that seems to have the biggest issue. I love that the matchy matchy stuff isn't a big thing. From some the unsolicited advice, I was thinking I was the odd one not doing this. btw, I was ina wedding two years ago with a shiny green fabric and we all had the exact same dress....it was straight out of the Wedding Singer and I destroyed every picture that documented me being there....lol it was awful. All the BM's just kind of whimpered when we saw what the bride had picked out. At that moment, I swore I would never do that. We looked mint gum wrappers.
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