Please stop telling me what will or won't look "right"

Re: Please stop telling me what will or won't look "right"

• goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member

  

  May 2014

  I have the same philosophy.  Be comfortable, be happy, and have fun!  My 3 bridesmaids are all in different dresses.  They are all red but the styles are different to compliment their individual style and what they are comfortable in.  I find everyone who has no stake in what's going down have so much criticism to offer.  I'm actually immune to it now.

  

  
  

  
  

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• PennyBlossom2311 member

  

  May 2014

  @goldchocobo - I'm working on letting the little comments slide. It's still a little hurtful. But, you're right, the people who really have no stake in it have been the harshest. It may not be what you would have done but FI don't really care about what everyone is wearing. Our concerns are: Were our VIP's able to attend? Was the food good? Did everyone have fun? If so, then the day was a success. And, that's all that matters. 

  
  

  I love that you are doing that too! What looks good on one person, does not necessarily look good on another. I think letting the BM's pick their own dress in a color is a great compromise.  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  We got a lot of not-so-nice comments about our wedding during the planning, mostly from his grandmother, mostly about it being Catholic.
  
  I got really good at saying, 'Thank you for your unsolicited opinion. If I decide to second-guess myself, I'll be sure and let you know. However, we're very happy with our decision. Have you tried the bean dip?'

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• PennyBlossom2311 member

  

  May 2014

  @HisGirlFriday13 - I wish I had that response! You're always so good with the comebacks! I just kind stutter my response while seriously cursing them in my head.  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  PennyBlossom2311 said:

  @HisGirlFriday13 - I wish I had that response! You're always so good with the comebacks! I just kind stutter my response while seriously cursing them in my head.  

  My problem is that I don't always engage my brain-to-mouth filter before retorting. So I say things like the above and then people are surprised. And then I feel like I should feel guilty, but I dont.
  
  Sorry not sorry.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member

  

  May 2014

  http://youtu.be/bmAC5nN8Eds

  
  

  Just play this.  You'll feel better

  

  
  

  
  

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• sweetwisconsin member

  

  May 2014

  You sound like an awesome bride! Like @Hisgirlfriday13 mentioned I would attempt to bean dip them in the future. What is with people giving advice about a wedding that isn't theirs? So annoying. I rank that right up there with people telling others how they should raise children that aren't theirs.

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• ohannabelle member

  

  May 2014

  Go for it, Pennyblossom! Those are your friends, and how they feel is maybe about 1000 times more important than if they match in a picture. People can get really weird when you do anything that's contradictory to what they "know" is correct.

  
  

   Just get a good, standard response that you feel comfortable with- mine is "Thank you! It's always interesting to hear other people's ideas," and then bean dip time. 

  If you're shy or uncomfortable standing your ground, find a phrase and repeat it until it comes easily. "Thanks, I appreciate the input, but this is what we've decided to do," is great. And get one ready for people who ask if they're invited when they're not. This one caught me off guard. I stammered a little, because totally not expecting that. Ouch. Uncomfortable.

  
  

  (In my house, "I appreciate the input" means "screw you.") 

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• MollyandD member

  

  May 2014

  I'm giving my girls freedom with their dresses, and I've also got some people thinking it won't look good. To me though, that's like saying you don't look good taking pictures with friends anytime unless you're all in matching uniforms. Makes no sense.

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• PrincessOfHavoc member

  

  May 2014

  We get it for having one attendant each.
  
  I really need more bean dip recipes. My evil snark flavored bean dip is getting stale.

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  PrincessOfHavoc said:

  We get it for having one attendant each.
  
  I really need more bean dip recipes. My evil snark flavored bean dip is getting stale.

  I honest-to-God got to this point with DH's grandmother:
  Her: I don't like daisies
  Me: I just read a really interesting book about chemistry.
  Her: I don't want daisies.
  Me: Did you know gallium has a melting point of 84 degrees F?
  Her: You have to give me flowers other than daisies!! I want roses!!
  Me: Chemists make spoons out of gallium as a practical joke for their new lab-mates, because the spoon melts in the tea.
  
  Just talk past the naysayers.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• PrincessOfHavoc member

  

  May 2014

  I might have gone "blah blah blah, he loves to pick my dressy clothes" to someone. Ok, that was because DF has seen me in my dress and don't I know that's wrong. Then, how dare he force me to dress to his standard. Guess what - he loves me no matter what I wear. I've been pounced in ratty, ugly jeans. But when I can get all pretty and girly, I bought the clothes, I love them. It just makes DF happy to see me in a skirt he picked. Same way I pick his suit some days. He's extra handsome in suits and I'm happy. It's so trivial and minor. I see nothing wrong with spoiling your partner a bit. Plus, guaranteed extra adult snuggles then.
  
  Did "So, how did training go?", "Need more training?", "Ok, here are the hints on that." when bugged about not including my self induced BSC sister in the wedding party. Plus, the only requirements for attendant, she'd flunk all. Would show up an hour late, be hungover or still drunk, and would wear nothing close to my minimal request of black (now charcoal because MOH found her perfect dress in that) and between knee and tea length.
  
  Or my other answer "Nope" to every rude question.

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• cncanderson2014 member

  

  May 2014

  I have our BM's and GM's all wearing different dresses with some sort of favorite blue that they love. Only request was no weird prints, polka dots or stripes, but otherwise all styles and colors of blue are fine. And only the request for blue because our best friend died this year and his name was Jay, for blue jay and he was supposed to walk me down the aisle. This is in honor of him. But it's a beach wedding and I want everyone comfy cozy

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• PennyBlossom2311 member

  

  May 2014

  @cncanderson2014 - That is a beautiful idea and a very sweet way to remember your friend. I think the different shades of blue will be beautiful at the beach. 

  
  

  @ohannabelle - We are having a really small wedding and it has been awkward when people ask about getting an invitation and when they can expect it. But, it has gotten pretty easy to handle. The go to is "We are actually only having immediate family attend" Not entirely true...We each have two friends (in the wedding party) and their significant others. I think asking for an invitation is so rude. I've found that most people who ask are people I'm not close with and haven't talked to in months and get the idea they just want to go to a party out of town. Like " I haven't seen you in 3 years and you didn't even know I was engaged." Nope

  
  

  @Molly&Domenic - I have gotten "the pictures will look horrible with everyone wearing something different!" Sooooo since we don't match we will suddenly all grow humpbacks and we will look like monsters in our pictures? If we matched, that would hide our ugliness?  What are you trying to say here? Lol 

  
  

  @PrincessOfHavoc - I need some new bean dip ideas too! Like you, everyone has had some of my bean dip and running out of ways to dodge comments and questions.  I always love @HisGirlFriday13 comebacks though! She has some good ones. I may have to steal some of her totally off the subject ideas. Time to read up on some chemistry.  

  
  

    

  

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• doeydo member

  

  May 2014

  PennyBlossom2311 said:

  @cncanderson2014 - That is a beautiful idea and a very sweet way to remember your friend. I think the different shades of blue will be beautiful at the beach. 

  
  

  @ohannabelle - We are having a really small wedding and it has been awkward when people ask about getting an invitation and when they can expect it. But, it has gotten pretty easy to handle. The go to is "We are actually only having immediate family attend" Not entirely true...We each have two friends (in the wedding party) and their significant others. I think asking for an invitation is so rude. I've found that most people who ask are people I'm not close with and haven't talked to in months and get the idea they just want to go to a party out of town. Like " I haven't seen you in 3 years and you didn't even know I was engaged." Nope

  
  

  @Molly&Domenic - I have gotten "the pictures will look horrible with everyone wearing something different!" Sooooo since we don't match we will suddenly all grow humpbacks and we will look like monsters in our pictures? If we matched, that would hide our ugliness?  What are you trying to say here? Lol 

  
  

  @PrincessOfHavoc - I need some new bean dip ideas too! Like you, everyone has had some of my bean dip and running out of ways to dodge comments and questions.  I always love @HisGirlFriday13 comebacks though! She has some good ones. I may have to steal some of her totally off the subject ideas. Time to read up on some chemistry.  

  
  

    

  It is such a funny thing, isn't it?  In pictures from any other event or time, people usually don't dress the same and yet, there are some awesome pictures out there.

  
  

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• wrigleyville member

  

  May 2014

  People are, unfortunately, still accustomed to that robo-maid look from the '80s, when all of the BMs had the exact same hairpiece, jewelry, shoes, and dress:

  
  

  
  

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• FiancB member

  

  May 2014

  Robo-maids! I love it. 

  
  

  I'm getting this too. Ideally I would've liked to have everybody in the same color, different dresses. But I have a BM that is hard on money for whom even DB is too much (ok DB is seriously overpriced, but everyone else is even worse) so she was looking at ebay and couldn't find the right dress. Then freaking DB told my sister that dresses would take 12 weeks to come in so she got a different shade that was close. Whatever.

  
  

  Then we just have not had the time or energy to figure out what the guys are going to wear. I think we'll request gray suits and a certain shirt and call it a freaking day. One less thing to worry about.

  
  

  I really don't think it will look bad. Matchy-matchy is weird and creepy. If it does actually look that bad, well that's what the color picker tool in photoshop is for. 

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2014

  http://allrecipes.com/recipes/appetizers-and-snacks/dips-and-spreads/bean-dips/  Looked up Bean Dip Recipes and realized that hummus is considered a bean dip!  I'm good for a while now.

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• grumbledore member

  

  May 2014

  Am I the only one who thinks matching bridesmaid dresses look weird and creepy and not pretty at all?  I think it's beyond bizarre to dress a bunch of women in the same uniform for a social occasion.

  
  

  My BMs are all wearing black dresses of their choosing from wherever they want.  They've seen my dress, so if they want to match formality, they can.  If they don't, I don't care, because I don't have to wear it.

  
  

  The GMs are all wearing grey suits bc FI picked a grey suit.  Whatever shade.  Don't care.

  
  

  I did have a moment the other day when I saw a pic on FB of one of his GMs wearing his grey suit with a black shirt for a wedding - I didn't like how it looked and I said, "Hey, FI, can you tell GM to wear a white shirt with that suit?  I really hate the way the black one looks."

  
  

  You know what he said?  (And rightly so.)  "No."

  
  

  I got over it.  : )

  
  

  

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• Cookie Pusher member

  

  May 2014

  My BM's dresses match by accident. I saw a cute dress online and picked it up in each of my BMs sizes so they could try it on and figure out if either wanted to wear it (they wanted to wear the same color but had trouble finding stuff since one doesn't drive and the other is busy in school so I did a lot of the picking up of dresses they found). Turns out, they both liked the dress enough to want to wear it. I would have totally been okay if they wanted to wear different dresses. In fact, that's what I wanted to begin with!

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• goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member

  

  May 2014

  To be honest, I don't think my mother in law knows the dresses don't match either.  I remember telling my mother and she thought that was great, but I don't know (or really care) what my MIL thinks.  I hope it bugs her just a little

  

  
  

  
  

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• PennyBlossom2311 member

  

  May 2014

  It's funny, but the people directly involved with the wedding i.e the wedding party and parents seem to be good for the most part. It seems to be grandparents or someone attending that seems to have the biggest issue. I love that the matchy matchy stuff isn't a big thing. From some the unsolicited advice, I was thinking I was the odd one not doing this. btw, I was ina wedding two years ago with a shiny green fabric and we all had the exact same dress....it was straight out of the Wedding Singer and I destroyed every picture that documented me being there....lol it was awful. All the BM's just kind of whimpered when we saw what the bride had picked out. At that moment, I swore I would never do that. We looked mint gum wrappers.

  

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