My sister isn't coming-venting

a13049

So I just found out, my lil sis isn't coming anymore.  She got drunk on her birthday and punched a girl and the girl is pressing charges.  She didn't tell me, she told my mom, who just called because they are booking rooms for a handful of guests.   I'm really annoyed because my sister then texts me and says, sorry I can't come I have these lawyer fees now, its not my fault. Ummmm yeah, it is.  Grown ups don't go around punching people.  Its just another issue for her, she makes way more than me, she lived in our parents basement and gets an ass-load of child support because her baby daddy only sees his kid a few times a year and makes 6 figures.  She has a friends wedding the first week of July and she is suprised at the prices are so high (duh, its a holiday weekend)  so she can't afford to do both.  I'm kinda hurt.  I can understand money troubles, but this is just another example of her being immature and wasting her money on parties, and designer freakin everything.  My mom wants to offer to pay for her, and I said no.  She needs to grow up and she is going to miss this event and she is going to be sad when everyone else is blasting facebook with awesome good time and she has to stay home. 

Wow... I am crabby today.  Sorry

Valeriecruz82

I understand your upset. And it's true everything you said about the situation being irresponsible. But wouldn't it bother you not to have her there? It would really suck If you made the decision of not having her there, in a moment where you are upset. I know if I had decided on not having my sister there I would of ended up regretting it later on. Hopefully this helps her realize some things and helps her make better choices in the future.

a13049

I am hurt/angry.  She is choosing to go to her friends wedding over mine.  I think she is counting on someone, paying for her/bailing her out of this situation.  I will be sad she isn't there but I don't think I will regret not having her there.  I think my family enables her poor choices.  We had originally planned an elopement and then people want to come, it got bigger and bigger, so if I would be okay eloping I think I will be okay with her not attending now.  Its this stupid cycle, I thought this time, she may have gotten her stuff together and this life event would be different.   She has held a job for a decent amount of time, she hasn't been going out quite as much and finally started saving for her own place.  Now she has blown it.  And continues to go out and party, "because its summer break."  Umm, you dropped out of college and have a real job now, you don't get a summer break.  

tcnoble

I see Valerie's point about being upset and deciding not to have her there.... BUT I also 110% agree that she should have to own her actions and the consequences that follow. She isn't a child - presumably she is over 18? So she should have to deal with it. It's really nice of your mom to offer, and maybe once you cool down you might decide you'd like to accept that offer, but I know if my 19 year old sister did the same thing I would be like yeah well sucks to suck, bail yourself out of this one.

*HUG*

a13049

tcnoble said:

I see Valerie's point about being upset and deciding not to have her there.... BUT I also 110% agree that she should have to own her actions and the consequences that follow. She isn't a child - presumably she is over 18? So she should have to deal with it. It's really nice of your mom to offer, and maybe once you cool down you might decide you'd like to accept that offer, but I know if my 19 year old sister did the same thing I would be like yeah well sucks to suck, bail yourself out of this one.

*HUG*

Yep, over 18...shes 25!  She has a 6 year old.  She will not grow up, if everyone bails her out.  She isn't bad, like a complete criminal.  But she drinks and parties alot, my parents are raising her child while she sleeps in the basement all day long, shehas multiple drinking and driving issues.  I lost a close friend to drunk driving and another is in a wheelchair.  When she gets in trouble she flownders until my parents bail her out.  

ssteele04

holy crap! first off i am so sorry you are going thru this! I agree with you 1100000%!! I'm sorry but she is old enough to now accept responsibility, especially when you have a child. Of course it would suck but for me I wouldn't regret it, my niece is like this and it bugs the crap out of me, I have a lot of issues with people who expect others to bail them out all the time when they aren't responsible for their own actions. I'm sorry:(

myriah505

I don't know why you would want someone with a drinking problem at your Vegas wedding anyway. Sister or not. It sounds like she would just ruin your wedding anyway. You should be RELIEVED she's not coming. 

cirena166

<hugs> This sucks. It sucks all around. But good for you for standing up for what you think is right. It's terrifying that she has multiple DUI issues. And since Vegas is a town that encourages drinking, especially in women (happy hour!), it is probably better that she not attend.

Knottie1450123632

im sorry you are having to deal with this.  Your family bailing her out I totally agree is enabling her, she made the choice she pays the consequence.  Hugs we are all here to listen to the good bad and ugly

a13049

Thanks, I am generally the more level headed, analytical thinker in our family.  Which is probably why I excelled in math and science and not writing.  I think she would be fine in vegas drinking, she does drink way to frequently in my opionion but usually not piss ass drunk like she did for her birthday.  Its the immature "college" party mentality that she just seems to not grow out of.  The situation she got herself into at the bar, I would think to myself man i want to punch that bitch.  The difference is I wouldn't act on it and I usually don't find myself in those situation because I don't put my myself in them.  She is always the victim, things always happen to her.  She doesn't connect that things don't happen to you if you don't put yourself into them.  She always calls me the golden/favorite child because I have "everything".  She doesn't connect that I didnt get these things, I earned them.  I earned my scholarship to college, I still worked two jobs.  I worked two jobs while completing my masters and my Ed. S.  I paid and continue to pay for my Ph.D program.  These things didn't happen to me, I worked my ass off for them.  I don't find myself with looser dead beat boyfriends, because I don't date looser deadbeats in the first place.  I sure hope she grows up soon, not for my sake but for the sake of her child.  I am dissappointed in her choices but I won't let it ruin my wedding.  

Knottie1450123632

some people take longer to realize stuff.  Some people are new souls which from my understanding means they keep doing things over and over again instead of learning first time. Some are old souls which means they get it on first try and don't have to do things over and over.

vegasgroom

Sorry you're going through this; I've got a couple family members who sound quite similar.  On the plus side, now she can't punch anyone in the face at your wedding reception. :-)

Jixxt

sorry your going through this.. but at least we're going through it together Your sister should really think about the consequences of punching people!! It's not like that stuff just goes away. Here in Australia, there is a huge new law in place re: one punch (there has been alot of kids punching kids and accidently killing them) so there is a new law that if it happens,... it's 25yrs to life in jail!! I know that is an extreme situation... but seriously... she's 25yrs old, has a baby and is still acting that way? It's probably better she's not going to be at your wedding!! My story is that my sister is just a big cow, and isn't coming. I don't get along with her, and never have really - she is isolated from my family... but she is my only sibling, and it does suck that she won't be there, but WE will suck it up and have an awesome time... WON'T WE!???

wrigleyville

Aww, this sucks. In a way, it's good that she's learning that actions have consequences, but I'm sorry that it comes at the expense of missing your wedding. I agree that I wouldn't have a relative "rescue" her and let her get away with this (because that defeats the "consequences" portion of the lesson), but it still hurts that it affects you in the process. I get that, and I'm sorry.

Knottie1450123632

just been thinking bout how your sister isn't coming due to her actions. Is there any update

a13049

Well I have only spoken to her once this week. I went to my parents house to pick up my youngest sister (21 still in college but back for summer break). So she could go with me to my dress fitting. My sister feels the need to tell me how selfish I am for planning a destination wedding and how everyone thinks I am selfish for planning it. I pretty much ignored her. I understand she is lashing out because she is upset and she is missing out, not going to take the bait. I just told her I'm sorry you feel that way and me and my youngest sister left. I know for a fact most of my family is happy about our destination plans. My mom was the one who told us 3 years ago how she loved the idea when if sis got married in vegas, my youngest sister is super excited because she just turned 21 and of course wants to go. My middle sister and I are the closest and I talked to her about it because she is the only one who would have any reason to have money ideas and she said it wasn't a problem and we offered to pay for her expenses if she needed it. She hasn't taken us up on the offer yet but she works two jobs takes care of her son and just finished school. Lives on her own and is mature beyond her age. I guess every family has "the one". My family is no different

Knottie1450123632

im glad its not putting a damper on things.  Im glad others are all excited