Bride Being Rude? Bridesmaids Look Expectations

photokitty

I had a smiler dress situation, dress was 4 sizes to big and fell off. I MADE them alter it for free cb they measured me and I ordered the size the tell told to buy. I went back in and made them remeasure to prove my size had not changed and they had the car that I had signed off on the size that they had selected with my measurements and employee who took them. They argued but eventually gave in and altered it for free. 

I would make them alter it, but that's just me. If the breast size required a larger size than everything else than and it only needs alter a little then that sucks and sounds like a crappy designer. Sorry you have to deal with all this!

grumbledore

Why why why why why why why why why do bride's do this to their friends and family??????????????? WHY????????? OP, you are not wrong. She's crazy and the other BMs are crazy. Just decline to get your hair done, do your own makeup, and wear whatever shoes you want, and if she throws a hissy fit, that's 100% on her.

iloveotters2014

phira said:

NYCMercedes said:

@iloveotters2014‌ Pin removal fee? Seriously?

Yeah, that's ridiculous. Not that I don't believe it's true--I've been pretty floored by the things brides and grooms get charged for.

ETA And bridesmaids, of course.

@phira and @NYCMercedes

yeah it was crazy. They said that another seamstress shouldn't be allowed to use their work....It's pins come on....so they wanted a 25 dollar pin removal fee for us not using them. The bride (love her) said she would remove the damn pins herself and started pulling them out of the dress and we took it and left hahaha.

happywiggle

grumbledore said:

Why why why why why why why why why do bride's do this to their friends and family??????????????? WHY????????? OP, you are not wrong. She's crazy and the other BMs are crazy. Just decline to get your hair done, do your own makeup, and wear whatever shoes you want, and if she throws a hissy fit, that's 100% on her.

I am wondering the same thing.

phira

@iloveotters2014 Definitely gotta love the bride.

Wedding planning is really stressful, and it can really mess with rational, normal, level-headed people. I've started getting upset and offended by some really benign stuff, as has my partner. So I'm really impressed that the bride managed to remain her badass self in the face of such vendor stupidity.

iloveotters2014

phira said:

@iloveotters2014 Definitely gotta love the bride.

Wedding planning is really stressful, and it can really mess with rational, normal, level-headed people. I've started getting upset and offended by some really benign stuff, as has my partner. So I'm really impressed that the bride managed to remain her badass self in the face of such vendor stupidity.

She was a fantastic bride to be a bridesmaid for. She was also recently my MOH for my wedding. which made my life SO MUCH BETTER. I feel really sorry for bridesmaids that have to deal with nut job brides.

This is another reason I dont understand why the bride in this situation isnt helping sort our the salon dress mix up. She should want to help her bridesmaids in this situation. Usually vendors listen if the bride puts her foot down.

chloelady

iloveotters2014 said:

phira said:

@iloveotters2014 Definitely gotta love the bride.

Wedding planning is really stressful, and it can really mess with rational, normal, level-headed people. I've started getting upset and offended by some really benign stuff, as has my partner. So I'm really impressed that the bride managed to remain her badass self in the face of such vendor stupidity.

She was a fantastic bride to be a bridesmaid for. She was also recently my MOH for my wedding. which made my life SO MUCH BETTER. I feel really sorry for bridesmaids that have to deal with nut job brides.

This is another reason I dont understand why the bride in this situation isnt helping sort our the salon dress mix up. She should want to help her bridesmaids in this situation. Usually vendors listen if the bride puts her foot down.

I think only because the bridal shop gave her such a steep discount on her designer gown is why she didn't stand up for me when I told her about the dress size issue.  I think at one time she mentioned they were doing alternations for her gown only for free because she was spreading the word about how great her bridal appointment went.

I'm telling everyone I knew that while the bride may be happy, this bridesmaid with the four sizes too big dress certainly isn't.

MrsMack10612

I had sort of the opposite problem with my MOH. 

I asked my girls to get a dress in the same color/fabric with different style options and black shoes.  Hair, makeup jewelry, mani/pedi?  Whatever.  I did make appts for all and we did it all together and I did pay for manis for anyone who wanted one (not their gift).

My MOH kept asking me what about shoes - long as they're black, don't care.  What about jewelry - whatever you want, don't care.  What about nail/toe polish color - whatever you want, don't care. 

She was infinitely confused that I wasn't dictating everything.  Now, some of that is her personality and all things have to coordinate, but she just couldn't understand the "don't care" attitude.

 

 

iloveotters2014

chloelady said:

iloveotters2014 said:

phira said:

@iloveotters2014 Definitely gotta love the bride.

Wedding planning is really stressful, and it can really mess with rational, normal, level-headed people. I've started getting upset and offended by some really benign stuff, as has my partner. So I'm really impressed that the bride managed to remain her badass self in the face of such vendor stupidity.

She was a fantastic bride to be a bridesmaid for. She was also recently my MOH for my wedding. which made my life SO MUCH BETTER. I feel really sorry for bridesmaids that have to deal with nut job brides.

This is another reason I dont understand why the bride in this situation isnt helping sort our the salon dress mix up. She should want to help her bridesmaids in this situation. Usually vendors listen if the bride puts her foot down.

I think only because the bridal shop gave her such a steep discount on her designer gown is why she didn't stand up for me when I told her about the dress size issue.  I think at one time she mentioned they were doing alternations for her gown only for free because she was spreading the word about how great her bridal appointment went.

I'm telling everyone I knew that while the bride may be happy, this bridesmaid with the four sizes too big dress certainly isn't.

That's still crap! Cool they are doing her alterations for free.....so she has to let you get screwed over in the process? You wouldn't be purchasing an expensive dress and altering it if it wasnt for her....soooo I'm thinking she should discuss this with them.

I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with this situation. If I was the bride I would go to them and be like "Hey, so thanks again for doing my alterations for free. However, you completely screwed over my bridesmaid to get extra alterations money. How can I possibly tell other brides about your fantastic services when you would do something like this to one of my closest friends." - That's how you stand up for your bridesmaids.

krcb

I'm still reading this thread and am not quite done, but I had a similar situation with my BM dress. They took my measurements, ordered a dress, and it came in HUGE. The sample I tried on in store was a size 10, and it was at least 4 sizes smaller up top than the 8 I supposedly got. 

I was FURIOUS. Bride picked up my dress, so I didn't get to try it on in store (didn't see it being such a big problem)...and the store basically said "you agreed to it, we are not at fault." How can you take measurements and be so off? The dress was hanging off of me to the point where you could see my entire bra! I talked to the bride about it too, and when the store called her, she said she was "satisfied!" 

EVEN THOUGH THEY MESSED UP EVERY BM DRESS AND EVEN HER GOWN! She sunk us all just so she could get the "perfect" veil. It was horrible. I'm still ticked. Luckily, alterations weren't too bad, but the fact that the store screwed us all over and she was "satisfied"...my blood boils.

My BM dress is hideous now with all of the material that had to be taken away. It wasn't my favorite to begin with, but now it just looks bad.

VulgarGirl

I have a crazy bridal shop story to share.

When I was in my friends wedding we all went dress shopping together and our "bridal consultant" was taking our sizes. She tells us to go up one or two sizes from what we usually wear. Well I'm usually a 0 or 2 (2 most often), so I say a 4. The dress we pick I try on in a 4 and it's huge on me. I knew it was going to have to be taken up because it was floor lenghth but this would've had to be taken in a ton. So I ask for a 2 when we go up to order and the "bridal consultant" says "You tried on a 4" I say yes but it was too big and I usually wear a 0 or 2. She says "I think you should stick with a 4, they usually come in 2 sizes small" and MOB thinks I need to listen to her and get a 4. Again...the 4 was huge on me. I ask if I can try on a 2 and am told they don't care anything that small because most women aren't that small (seriously? I don't hate on people of any size, why am I getting hated on?). Finally I relent out of hunger and order the damn 4. 

So when it comes in, it's a 6. I'm not even sure what happened. I went in there and got a new bridal consultant who pulled a 2 off the rack and said "Try this" and it fit pretty damn well. Needed to be taken in a little but otherwise perfect. I told her everything that happened and she goes "Well that's bullshit, excuse my language, if a 4 was big in store it'd be big when you ordered it and I don't know why she screwed up and gave you a 6" she talked with the manager who apologized and comped the hemming for my dress.

I hate when people won't believe your the size you say you are. I'm sorry I'm small. I eat lots, I'm just small. I was born this way. 

huskypuppy14

Yeah this happens all the time. The bridal salons must be in cahoots with each other. 

But guess what, none of my bridesmaids need to get their dresses altered! They all ordered their dresses independent of each other. I said get a black chiffon dress by this designer. Here are some places that carry them. 

My sister got her dress where I got my gown. So she received a discount. Now, my wedding dress was ordered the size that fit my measurements, but the bridal consultant (who I loved) recommended maybe going up a size (my boobs are bigger than everything else). Probably because it's easier to take in than take out. I said no, I'm buying this size that fits my proportions.

Guess what, it still needed to be taken in a little at the bust.  But it was close, so good thing I didn't order the bigger size.

My mother and sister have had similar dress issues that you have @chloelady , where the dress is 4 times bigger than it should be based on their measurements.  My sister tried to order the smaller size, and the bridal salon actually said, no we don't do it that way. Excuse me! I hopes she complains big time.  She is out of state, so she had her measurements done and her friend (bride) picked it up when it came in, and when she tried it on, it fell right off.  She has a great taylor, that will fix it up, but it's going to be so expensive.

My mother had a dress (for my other sister's wedding) that the salon recommended she order in a bigger size, and then of course it was too big, even after she had it altered twice. It was still so big, that my sister had to pin it so it wouldn't fall off at the wedding.

JCbride2015

You guys are making me terrified now about my dress size/ alterations!!!  The sample mostly fit beautifully but was a little tight in the boobage/ back fat area (but it's a corset back so the lacing has some give to it, too).  They measured me and almost ordered two sizes up from the sample!  Then they reconsidered and decided to just order one size up from the sample.  Ideally this means they have enough extra fabric to work with to take in the waist, but leave the bust one size up.  Hopefully this will work.

Alterations at Kleinfeld are a flat fee anyway, so I don't think they are trying to upsell me.  Crossed fingers.

lilacck28

MrsMack10612 said:

I had sort of the opposite problem with my MOH. 

I asked my girls to get a dress in the same color/fabric with different style options and black shoes.  Hair, makeup jewelry, mani/pedi?  Whatever.  I did make appts for all and we did it all together and I did pay for manis for anyone who wanted one (not their gift).

My MOH kept asking me what about shoes - long as they're black, don't care.  What about jewelry - whatever you want, don't care.  What about nail/toe polish color - whatever you want, don't care. 

She was infinitely confused that I wasn't dictating everything.  Now, some of that is her personality and all things have to coordinate, but she just couldn't understand the "don't care" attitude.

 

 

I'm having this issue right now. I've been bouncing ideas around with one usually very logical bridesmaid. I have three bridesmaids. First, I said pick any dress you find that is  "mint, or peach, or light blue, or light pink,basically, a light color, and short", but that stressed her out. Too many options. So then I agreed that I would pick a few particular dresses out. One of my bridesmaid's (Fiance's sister) has a navy dress that I think is cute. I don't want to make FMIL buy an expensive dress (or really any dress in particular). I can tell she does not want to. I pointed out a david's bridal dress I liked that was lower in budget, and she said "that's so typical though." So, she likes unusual dresses and I don't want to annoy her. Also, my other two bridesmaids have more money, and prefer brand names. So I said to bridesmaid #1, well, FSIL has a cute navy dress, and I know you have a navy dress from a previous wedding, maybe I'll just ask you all to wear navy and short. And she said "but the navy colors won't match!! I don't want to look like the odd person out!" Can't win. Going to stop talking about it with her, and just think about what I want to do, and only bring it up again in December when I actually need to tell them what to do. 

CheleLyn

I guess this bride would be hella pissed if one of her bridesmaids broke her back 2 months before the wedding (as one of mine did). I mean hell, it's good she's alive and will still be able to participate, but dammit, she MIGHT have to wear her brace, she can NOT wear heeled shoes anymore (let alone the 5 inch heels she planning to wear) which means she'll be wearing flats with her fancy LBD, she's been out of work for months so that means her own budget is super limited...HOW DARE SHE break her back and potentially ruin my wedding! 

vt&dt

OP, I'm so sorry that your friend is treating you like that.  

I'd suggest trying to talk through it with her (can you get together with just the two of you?) and try to explain this calmly... hopefully she would see your side and realize that she's going WAY overboard.

I hope you've realized from PPs that what she's asking is not normal:  I asked my BMs to pick a long chiffon dress in a certain designer/color (prices ranged from $150-250, at least an option in every budget that they told me) and wear black shoes.  If they wanted to get their hair and/or makeup done at the salon when I did, I offered to set up their appointments but didn't require it at all, and told them to wear whatever jewelry they wanted to.  

This girl is nuts.  She can dictate a dress (in each BM's budget) and a color of shoe without paying for those things.  Anything else she requires is not OK - unless she foots the bill.

ashleyep

lilacck28 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

I had sort of the opposite problem with my MOH. 

I asked my girls to get a dress in the same color/fabric with different style options and black shoes.  Hair, makeup jewelry, mani/pedi?  Whatever.  I did make appts for all and we did it all together and I did pay for manis for anyone who wanted one (not their gift).

My MOH kept asking me what about shoes - long as they're black, don't care.  What about jewelry - whatever you want, don't care.  What about nail/toe polish color - whatever you want, don't care. 

She was infinitely confused that I wasn't dictating everything.  Now, some of that is her personality and all things have to coordinate, but she just couldn't understand the "don't care" attitude.

 

 

I'm having this issue right now. I've been bouncing ideas around with one usually very logical bridesmaid. I have three bridesmaids. First, I said pick any dress you find that is  "mint, or peach, or light blue, or light pink,basically, a light color, and short", but that stressed her out. Too many options. So then I agreed that I would pick a few particular dresses out. One of my bridesmaid's (Fiance's sister) has a navy dress that I think is cute. I don't want to make FMIL buy an expensive dress (or really any dress in particular). I can tell she does not want to. I pointed out a david's bridal dress I liked that was lower in budget, and she said "that's so typical though." So, she likes unusual dresses and I don't want to annoy her. Also, my other two bridesmaids have more money, and prefer brand names. So I said to bridesmaid #1, well, FSIL has a cute navy dress, and I know you have a navy dress from a previous wedding, maybe I'll just ask you all to wear navy and short. And she said "but the navy colors won't match!! I don't want to look like the odd person out!" Can't win. Going to stop talking about it with her, and just think about what I want to do, and only bring it up again in December when I actually need to tell them what to do. 

I was kind of that bridesmaid. I was expecting to be told what dress to wear and didn't know what to do when she said to buy whatever dress in this specific shade of green (sort of a light sage-y color). I'm tiny, I have a hard time buying stuff off the rack except at a few specific stores so I had no idea how I was going to find something like that. Finally she switched to "Ok, get this color/fabric from David's Bridal." I was fine with that - except that DB doesn't carry size 0, so I had to pay $100 in alterations. But at least I had some direction.

adverb1129

OP, you are way too kind to put up with this nonsense.  If I were you, I would drop out of the proceedings.

My bridesmaids picked their own dresses, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, etc. and I surprised them by treating them to mani/pedis- and no, I didn't choose the nail polish :P

If a friend is treating you like this, it isn't worth it.

SammiNJonni

I would drop out of the wedding and sell the dress if you have not already had it altered.