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Could anything else have gone wrong??

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Re: Could anything else have gone wrong??

  • Our friend who officiated made an error on the marriage certificate and crossed it out.  So then we had it sent back to us saying it wasn't valid with the cross-out.  My officiant had to sign an affidavit and wait to get another copy of the certificate to sign and send back.  Only now the new copy of the certificate has been lost in the mail and we're waiting on ANOTHER copy so that can finally be signed and filed.

    So I definitely feel you on the stress of not knowing if you're really, legally married.  At this point our worst case scenario is going to the courthouse and paying to be married by a JOP- like a reverse PPD.

    On the plus side your photos are beautiful and you look so happy :)  Just focus on that and address the MOH terror child later.
    image
  • pinkcow13 said:
    You looked amazing!

    I'm sorry to hear all the crap you had to go through. I would take all that wedding day bad luck as a sign that you will have a very long and happy marriage!
    I hope you're right! Just adding to the trials and tribulations we have to overcome together, right?
  • My H just had to get a pic with his beloved motorcycle!
    First let me say congratulations!  You looked fantastic and I'm glad to read that everything else worked out well.  I don't know what state you are in but I'm a notary and our state does allow for the notarization of marriage licenses for immediate family members (but that is it).  Hopefully, your state has a similar exemption for weddings.  I'm sorry for the drama that your MIL, SIL, and MOH's daughter caused. 

    My FI and I have been trying to figure out a way to incorporate his motorcycle as our getaway vehicle - our restaurant is only 3 miles from the ceremony site and it is a very informal wedding.  But no one else in the party has their motorcycle endorsement so no one else can ride the bike to the ceremony site.  Not to mention that I'd have to practice riding "side saddle" since trying to get on the bike in my full length gown would be more of a show than anyone would want to see... 
    I was too afraid to even try to get on it!
  • Your pictures are gorgeous! When you get stressed about the "status", just look at the pictures. Look at how HAPPY you look. You are definitely married; you just need to figure out the license.

    My friends forgot to bring theirs to their wedding (oops), so they weren't legal until the following Tuesday.

    I love those beachy colors.

    Thank you for trying to help me gain some perspective. I do love my husband. I'm just feeling a lot of disappointment.
  • So, here's what I found out today;
    Apparently, immediate family can notarize a marriage license in our state. This is the one exception to the rule. The only issue would be if someone chose to report it to the county that although she certified it, she did not officiate. I highly doubt anyone would, but my H's step father is an attorney and a stickler for following the letter of the law. I know SIL already told him about this and he was pretty upset. I think he knows it would be extremely hurtful to us if he reported it to the county. But otherwise, this should go undetected.

    It seems that we are legally married. I just hate that my marriage is founded in a lie.

    I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my MOH about her daughter's actions. I really don't want to hurt her, but you all are right, she does need to know. Any suggestions on bringing this up?
  • "Hey MOH, I hate to have to do this, but I just got a call from (wedding venue) and was told that your daughter was caught (doing inappropriate thing) and it caused damage to the venue and some cars that they are now billing me $250 for."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    wrigleyvillechibiyuiluckysnorkel
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So, here's what I found out today;
    Apparently, immediate family can notarize a marriage license in our state. This is the one exception to the rule. The only issue would be if someone chose to report it to the county that although she certified it, she did not officiate. I highly doubt anyone would, but my H's step father is an attorney and a stickler for following the letter of the law. I know SIL already told him about this and he was pretty upset. I think he knows it would be extremely hurtful to us if he reported it to the county. But otherwise, this should go undetected.

    It seems that we are legally married. I just hate that my marriage is founded in a lie.

    I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my MOH about her daughter's actions. I really don't want to hurt her, but you all are right, she does need to know. Any suggestions on bringing this up?
    I totally understand this, and it would leave me feeling a bit sick too.

    Could you go to the courthouse and have the JOP officiate, like adverb1129 did? Then it would be solidly legal and you'd feel much better. This obviously doesn't have to change your anniversary or anything. It just changes the filing date for your marriage license.

    adverb1129
  • I don't know that I want to make the conversation with my MOH about the money. That's not so important to me. I just want her to know what happened. It would seem to me behavior like this may be an indication of a bigger problem. Addition to the issue; earlier in the day when we were all in my room getting ready, another bridesmaid had gone to the grocery store and bought food for all of us, including fruit and veggie platters. This little girl had been throwing tomatoes off the balcony then too. Nearly everyone in the room, myself included, yelled at her several times to stop. Only her mother never did, and we all got attitude from her that we're "not her mom and can't tell her what to do". I asked her then how would she feel if someone was throwing tomatoes at her. Obviously, this had no effect on her as she continued to do it, even in the presence of her mother. Finally, another bridesmaid locked the balcony door and moved a couch in front of it, blocking the balcony door. I'm really not worried about the money. But, I am worried about my friend if she can't get control of this behavior from her child.
  • Where'd my paragraphs go?? Sorry everyone...
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow. If my child did that, they would get the sternest of talking-tos and would then be made to apologize to everyone they threw tomatoes at.

    If it continued later, there would be a serious threat of punishment once we got home (best to let them stew and worry) with follow-through once we got home. I would also make her write a letter of apology to the bride and groom.

    What a brat.

  • She's definitely a brat. My other bridesmaid said to me, when mother and child were out of the room, if that were my kid, I'd have spanked the snot out of her after the first tomato!

    Can't say I disagree...
    themuffinman16
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Tell me more about how preserving the bouquet works? What do they do, where do you get it done, and how much is is if you don't mind me asking?

    You looked freakin wonderful!! Sorry about the little girl being a brat!! At all upcoming holiday parties I would refer to it as "the great chocolate fiasco of 2014"

                                                                     

    image

    themuffinman16
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    You're not crazy.  Some big problems there, like the notary and the MOH's daughter throwing the chocolates.  If she gets defensive on you and refuses to pay despite witnesses, having to suck up that cost would piss me off too (in fact I'd already be pissed about even being contacted because someone's child behaved badly).  And yeah, your MIL behaved like a jerk for not getting the razor back to you on time because she got all distracted.

    As for the notary, yeah, your husband's insisting on using someone as an officiant who isn't legally authorized is a screwup, big time.  That would really piss me off too, especially if it turned out the ceremony we worked so hard and paid so much to plan isn't legally binding.

    But assuming it was, then at the end of the day you married your beloved FI and that's what counts.
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I don't know that I want to make the conversation with my MOH about the money. That's not so important to me. I just want her to know what happened. It would seem to me behavior like this may be an indication of a bigger problem. Addition to the issue; earlier in the day when we were all in my room getting ready, another bridesmaid had gone to the grocery store and bought food for all of us, including fruit and veggie platters. This little girl had been throwing tomatoes off the balcony then too. Nearly everyone in the room, myself included, yelled at her several times to stop. Only her mother never did, and we all got attitude from her that we're "not her mom and can't tell her what to do". I asked her then how would she feel if someone was throwing tomatoes at her. Obviously, this had no effect on her as she continued to do it, even in the presence of her mother. Finally, another bridesmaid locked the balcony door and moved a couch in front of it, blocking the balcony door. I'm really not worried about the money. But, I am worried about my friend if she can't get control of this behavior from her child.
    Wow what a nightmare. FI's little brother/nephew (long story, promise it's not incest related) has some definite behavioral issues... but I can't even see him chucking produce at unassuming strangers. You need to tell her. It's GOING to be an uncomfortable situation, and she's probably going to get defensive and pissed, especially if she didn't properly discipline her child when she had the chance to stop it. But it needs to be said, or it's going to fester forever. Maybe along the lines of a warning that she may not want to take little sweetie to a wedding again until she can behave herself, because another bride (or the chocolate victims) may not be quite so forgiving in the future. She could have caused serious damage.

    image
    image
    huskypuppy14luckysnorkel


  • So, here's what I found out today;
    Apparently, immediate family can notarize a marriage license in our state. This is the one exception to the rule. The only issue would be if someone chose to report it to the county that although she certified it, she did not officiate. I highly doubt anyone would, but my H's step father is an attorney and a stickler for following the letter of the law. I know SIL already told him about this and he was pretty upset. I think he knows it would be extremely hurtful to us if he reported it to the county. But otherwise, this should go undetected.

    It seems that we are legally married. I just hate that my marriage is founded in a lie.

    I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my MOH about her daughter's actions. I really don't want to hurt her, but you all are right, she does need to know. Any suggestions on bringing this up?

    I totally understand this, and it would leave me feeling a bit sick too.

    Could you go to the courthouse and have the JOP officiate, like adverb1129 did? Then it would be solidly legal and you'd feel much better. This obviously doesn't have to change your anniversary or anything. It just changes the filing date for your marriage license.


    This is a good idea. My only concern with you having a JOP marriage is that it might have repercussions for your SIL.

    At least in PA, you can't get another marriage licence without supplying divorce papers.

    So if you try to get another marriage licence, the clerk is going to ask why, since you're already married. And if you say it's because your worried about the legality of your marriage because your SIL notarised it without ACTUALLY officiating, that will come back on her for falsifying a document. And that would be bad for her.

    I'm not saying that, if you're worried about it, you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying there might be consequences for your SIL if you do.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • My nephew has actual ADHD and ASD (autism spectrum - barely there, high functioning Aspie). He can be an absolute handful and holy terror - which is improving as he's getting a bit older (5, so full day school). Yet even he knows that if he's told to stop doing something, he's to stop. Granted - yes, a tomato would have been tossed. And possibly a dipped item, though the chocolate might have stopped that. Long enough gap with a new rule, he spaces out the rule.

    So, I'm for being blunt now. Several people told the darling monster to stop and she opted not to, and Mom didn't care. I'm really nasty but I'd demand MOH pay up and go to small claims court if not paid. Might be effective to convince her that rude, inappropriate behavior from her precious offspring is not acceptable and needs to be curbed, unless she wants to be paying for what is destroyed next.
    ladyamanuethuskypuppy14luckysnorkel
  • So, here's what I found out today;
    Apparently, immediate family can notarize a marriage license in our state. This is the one exception to the rule. The only issue would be if someone chose to report it to the county that although she certified it, she did not officiate. I highly doubt anyone would, but my H's step father is an attorney and a stickler for following the letter of the law. I know SIL already told him about this and he was pretty upset. I think he knows it would be extremely hurtful to us if he reported it to the county. But otherwise, this should go undetected.

    It seems that we are legally married. I just hate that my marriage is founded in a lie.

    I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my MOH about her daughter's actions. I really don't want to hurt her, but you all are right, she does need to know. Any suggestions on bringing this up?
    I totally understand this, and it would leave me feeling a bit sick too.

    Could you go to the courthouse and have the JOP officiate, like adverb1129 did? Then it would be solidly legal and you'd feel much better. This obviously doesn't have to change your anniversary or anything. It just changes the filing date for your marriage license.
    This is a good idea. My only concern with you having a JOP marriage is that it might have repercussions for your SIL. At least in PA, you can't get another marriage licence without supplying divorce papers. So if you try to get another marriage licence, the clerk is going to ask why, since you're already married. And if you say it's because your worried about the legality of your marriage because your SIL notarised it without ACTUALLY officiating, that will come back on her for falsifying a document. And that would be bad for her. I'm not saying that, if you're worried about it, you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying there might be consequences for your SIL if you do.

    I've had the very same thought. And, you're right, we can not obtain a second marriage license unless we are divorced. I feel like I'm stuck in marriage purgatory!
    Obviously, I don't want legal trouble for my SIL, but I also want to be legally married to my husband.
  • My nephew has actual ADHD and ASD (autism spectrum - barely there, high functioning Aspie). He can be an absolute handful and holy terror - which is improving as he's getting a bit older (5, so full day school). Yet even he knows that if he's told to stop doing something, he's to stop. Granted - yes, a tomato would have been tossed. And possibly a dipped item, though the chocolate might have stopped that. Long enough gap with a new rule, he spaces out the rule. So, I'm for being blunt now. Several people told the darling monster to stop and she opted not to, and Mom didn't care. I'm really nasty but I'd demand MOH pay up and go to small claims court if not paid. Might be effective to convince her that rude, inappropriate behavior from her precious offspring is not acceptable and needs to be curbed, unless she wants to be paying for what is destroyed next.
    I get what you're saying, and don't necessarily disagree. I do think, however, that small claims court over $250 may be a little harsh. My MOH has been my best friend for 19 years. Surely her friendship is worth more than $250.
    Honestly, the money isn't my concern, I'm not going broke over $250. I think my H has a very valid concern that as her behavior escalates, it could lead to legal troubles. I'm concerned that because her mother was the only one that didn't try to stop the behavior, she may not see just how out of control this is getting. Or, perhaps, it's already so out of control she doesn't know how to reign it back in. I want my friend to know I love and support her, but I am very concerned about her daughter's behavior.
  • jenna8984 said:

    Tell me more about how preserving the bouquet works? What do they do, where do you get it done, and how much is is if you don't mind me asking?

    You looked freakin wonderful!! Sorry about the little girl being a brat!! At all upcoming holiday parties I would refer to it as "the great chocolate fiasco of 2014"

    I am using a company called Keepsake Floral. I know they service nationwide, but I happen to be in Orlando where they are as well, so I just dropped them off myself rather than ship them.
    I paid a deposit of $225, the deposit is applied to the final cost. The final total will depend on what type of design. They have a lot of options from small to large, so pricing varies. I think I'm going to try to keep my bouquet as in tact as possible.
    As far as the process, they take pictures of the bouquet from every angle. Then, they take it apart to preserve each stem individually. If it is necessary, they will lightly airbrush the stems to get the original color back. After that is when we meet with the "design consultant" to talk about designs. Like I said, I already plan on keeping it as in tact as possible. Because my bouquet was fairly large it could end up costing me ~$500, including the deposit.




  • So, here's what I found out today;
    Apparently, immediate family can notarize a marriage license in our state. This is the one exception to the rule. The only issue would be if someone chose to report it to the county that although she certified it, she did not officiate. I highly doubt anyone would, but my H's step father is an attorney and a stickler for following the letter of the law. I know SIL already told him about this and he was pretty upset. I think he knows it would be extremely hurtful to us if he reported it to the county. But otherwise, this should go undetected.

    It seems that we are legally married. I just hate that my marriage is founded in a lie.

    I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my MOH about her daughter's actions. I really don't want to hurt her, but you all are right, she does need to know. Any suggestions on bringing this up?

    I totally understand this, and it would leave me feeling a bit sick too.

    Could you go to the courthouse and have the JOP officiate, like adverb1129 did? Then it would be solidly legal and you'd feel much better. This obviously doesn't have to change your anniversary or anything. It just changes the filing date for your marriage license.
    This is a good idea. My only concern with you having a JOP marriage is that it might have repercussions for your SIL.

    At least in PA, you can't get another marriage licence without supplying divorce papers.

    So if you try to get another marriage licence, the clerk is going to ask why, since you're already married. And if you say it's because your worried about the legality of your marriage because your SIL notarised it without ACTUALLY officiating, that will come back on her for falsifying a document. And that would be bad for her.

    I'm not saying that, if you're worried about it, you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying there might be consequences for your SIL if you do.


    I've had the very same thought. And, you're right, we can not obtain a second marriage license unless we are divorced. I feel like I'm stuck in marriage purgatory!
    Obviously, I don't want legal trouble for my SIL, but I also want to be legally married to my husband.


    Call me a bitch, but your desire to be LEGALLY MARRIED to your husband trumps your SIL's need to stay out of legal trouble.

    I'd ask your legal researcher friend, or your SFIL, what can be done to rectify this legal limbo.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • So, here's what I found out today;
    Apparently, immediate family can notarize a marriage license in our state. This is the one exception to the rule. The only issue would be if someone chose to report it to the county that although she certified it, she did not officiate. I highly doubt anyone would, but my H's step father is an attorney and a stickler for following the letter of the law. I know SIL already told him about this and he was pretty upset. I think he knows it would be extremely hurtful to us if he reported it to the county. But otherwise, this should go undetected.

    It seems that we are legally married. I just hate that my marriage is founded in a lie.

    I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my MOH about her daughter's actions. I really don't want to hurt her, but you all are right, she does need to know. Any suggestions on bringing this up?
    I totally understand this, and it would leave me feeling a bit sick too.

    Could you go to the courthouse and have the JOP officiate, like adverb1129 did? Then it would be solidly legal and you'd feel much better. This obviously doesn't have to change your anniversary or anything. It just changes the filing date for your marriage license.
    This is a good idea. My only concern with you having a JOP marriage is that it might have repercussions for your SIL. At least in PA, you can't get another marriage licence without supplying divorce papers. So if you try to get another marriage licence, the clerk is going to ask why, since you're already married. And if you say it's because your worried about the legality of your marriage because your SIL notarised it without ACTUALLY officiating, that will come back on her for falsifying a document. And that would be bad for her. I'm not saying that, if you're worried about it, you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying there might be consequences for your SIL if you do.

    I've had the very same thought. And, you're right, we can not obtain a second marriage license unless we are divorced. I feel like I'm stuck in marriage purgatory!
    Obviously, I don't want legal trouble for my SIL, but I also want to be legally married to my husband.
    That's on her. I used to be a Notary. They give you a copy of the rules. She made a choice to illegally notarize something. More than once I had to tell people I wasn't willing to commit a crime because they could't be bothered to wait to sign a form until they were standing in front of me or brought me a form signed by someone else who couldn't make it.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    crys-crys
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why didn't she just officiate to begin with. She was obviously there, and it seems your husband and you found this out before the ceremony. Sorry, but your husband is the problem, why did he insist on an officiant that wasn't even legal in your state?
    image
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  • I'll ditto that you need to look into the legality of your marriage to make sure that it IS valid.

    And you do need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your MOH.   Too many parents don't want to discipline their children because it makes them the "bad guy" but that's just too bad.    The consequence of having a child is that you need to be that child's PARENT and not her friend.    It's not always fun to have to pull my child out of church or put her in timeout but she is very much aware of what is and isn't OK. 

    That child is going to grow up to be one of our special snowflakes here on TK if no one ever makes her aware that her poop actually stinks. 
    huskypuppy14ladyamanuetHisGirlFriday13
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