Why get married anyway?

luckya23

My BFF was just telling me that it's all about attention whoring and it's no different than being committed to each other after all.

Just curious what you all would have said to this???

bethsmiles

Well there are legal benefits and religious reasons.

Also I like to party!

loves2shop4shoes

Well, when you rent, you're committed.  You're in a contract, right?  But wouldn't you agree that owning is more commitment than renting?

Sort of a similar concept.  Marriage is a more concrete, lifelong commitment.  What, exactly, is AWish about committing the rest of your life to someone?

bethsmiles

@loves2shop4shoes - I'm glad you could give a serious answer because I do not have the mental capacity today!

luckya23

I guess it's the party that's the AW-ing part to her...

I don't know if I really want the party though!

At least, I know I don't want to pay for it ;-)

[Deleted User]

Basically what Beth said 

And then I would say so I could kiss my husband anytime I want DUH!!!

And then I would do this because I'm married and I'm an attention whore:

loves2shop4shoes

What would she prefer?  "Oh hey everyone, drive/fly for hours, spend money on a spiffy outfit, and come watch me exchange marriage vows with the love of my life.  But I won't be feeding you afterwards, despite the expense you've incurred to get there, because I don't want to seem AWish?"

That makes precisely zero sense.

luckya23

loves2shop4shoes said:

What would she prefer?  "Oh hey everyone, drive/fly for hours, spend money on a spiffy outfit, and come watch me exchange marriage vows with the love of my life.  But I won't be feeding you afterwards, despite the expense you've incurred to get there, because I don't want to seem AWish?"

That makes precisely zero sense.

 

 

LOL, supposedly, IF SHE WOULD BOTHER getting married, it would be "in the islands" with a big party back home afterwards.

 

Ummmmmm.............

 

 

Blue & White

Getting married isn't the AW part.  In theory, the wedding part could be AW-y if you do it distastefully.  I'm sorry she thinks her wedding is going to be AW-y, but mine was a celebration with my family and friends.  It was basically a big family reunion that we dressed up at where my husband and I happened to say our vows and commit our lives to one another.

bethsmiles

Kelani23 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

What would she prefer?  "Oh hey everyone, drive/fly for hours, spend money on a spiffy outfit, and come watch me exchange marriage vows with the love of my life.  But I won't be feeding you afterwards, despite the expense you've incurred to get there, because I don't want to seem AWish?"

That makes precisely zero sense.

 

 

LOL, supposedly, IF SHE WOULD BOTHER getting married, it would be "in the islands" with a big party back home afterwards.

 

Ummmmmm.............

 

 

That seems very AWish to me, more so than just having a traditional wedding.

If she doesn't want to be an AW she could JOP it or elope to an island. But having a big party back home afterwards is SUPER AWish

[Deleted User]

@Blue- I like your response. Our wedding was similar in that it was a huge family and old family friends reunion. Basically a huge party where there was dancing, eating, and drinking while they experienced 30 minutes of watching my husband and I exchange vows. I guess I don't see how that could be AWish unless she didn't let her guests enjoy themselves? That would be strange.

bethsmiles

Kelani23 said:

I guess it's the party that's the AW-ing part to her...

I don't know if I really want the party though!

At least, I know I don't want to pay for it ;-)

Then don't invite any guests.

buddysmom80

OP, your BFF sounds like a snotty bitch. That's my .02 today.

luckya23

buddysmom80 said:

OP, your BFF sounds like a snotty bitch. That's my .02 today.

 

AMEN!!!!

loves2shop4shoes

@buddysmom80 read my mind.

buddysmom80

Kelani23 said:

buddysmom80 said:

OP, your BFF sounds like a snotty bitch. That's my .02 today.

 

AMEN!!!!

Then why are you friends with her? Leopard won't change it's spots. Trust me, I had some snotty ass friends that I dropped like a bad habit last year.

bethsmiles

buddysmom80 said:

OP, your BFF sounds like a snotty bitch. That's my .02 today.

My thoughts exactly!

luckya23

You all have no idea...

Yesterday it was all about how I'm pushing too much to get married... Why is it so hard to believe that it's what HE wants??

Ring shopping was not at all my idea, but when the opportunity presented itself, hell yes I'm going to take it! 

He can't believe I didn't know either that he wanted to, but it really was a surprise...

Oh well... just need to hang out here more rather than try to explain anything to her, I guess!

I know it will mean a lot to me to get married (not have a wedding, necessarily), but I can't really explain how it would be different than just living together.... Except that I have done that before and did not get married - and I do not live with my SO now, and it's important to him to at least be engaged before we do.

bethsmiles

Kelani23 said:

You all have no idea...

Yesterday it was all about how I'm pushing too much to get married... Why is it so hard to believe that it's what HE wants??

Ring shopping was not at all my idea, but when the opportunity presented itself, hell yes I'm going to take it! 

He can't believe I didn't know either that he wanted to, but it really was a surprise...

Oh well... just need to hang out here more rather than try to explain anything to her, I guess!

I know it will mean a lot to me to get married (not have a wedding, necessarily), but I can't really explain how it would be different than just living together.... Except that I have done that before and did not get married - and I do not live with my SO now, and it's important to him to at least be engaged before we do.

No matter how you choose to get married - a big blow-out, elope, small intimate ceremony, the courthouse, whatever - IT WILL BE YOUR WEDDING!

ETA: WHY is she your BFF? You don't seem too fond of her. I suggest getting a new BFF who you actually like.

loves2shop4shoes

She sounds like a bitch.  And she sounds jealous.  Let me guess, she's either single or in an unhappy, dead end relationship?

eilis1228

She may also be projecting her own insecurities onto you. Maybe she's dying to get married, but things aren't progressing quickly enough for her in her relationship, and now she sees you getting what she wants... so instead of being happy for you and handling the situation like a proper friend, she's trying to ruin the experience for you. 

Regardless of her reasons, I'd definitely keep her at arm's length. Sorry she's being such a pain. :-\

luckya23

buddysmom80 said:

Kelani23 said:

buddysmom80 said:

OP, your BFF sounds like a snotty bitch. That's my .02 today.

 

AMEN!!!!

Then why are you friends with her? Leopard won't change it's spots. Trust me, I had some snotty ass friends that I dropped like a bad habit last year.

I've been friends with her so long that she's more like a cousin... We'll see how it plays out I guess.  I haven't seen her since Xmas, but we do talk very regularly.

She seems to be getting more bitter as we get older, I guess :-P

As I explained in another thread, I suspect she is frustrated with her relationship bc her roomie just moved out and her BF who she has been together with longer than I have with SO still won't move in, so she has to find a new roomie and sign them to a year lease.  I don't remember such adamant hatred of marriage before either from her, so I suspect her BF has said "no way".... 

In fact I was engaged before, in 2007, and she wasn't as against it, and has been in several other friends' weddings....

Maybe she just doesn't want to be a bridesmaid again!!! hahahaha

beanbot2002

In response to your bratty ass BFF...all I can say is...

luckya23

bethsmiles said:

Kelani23 said:

You all have no idea...

Yesterday it was all about how I'm pushing too much to get married... Why is it so hard to believe that it's what HE wants??

Ring shopping was not at all my idea, but when the opportunity presented itself, hell yes I'm going to take it! 

He can't believe I didn't know either that he wanted to, but it really was a surprise...

Oh well... just need to hang out here more rather than try to explain anything to her, I guess!

I know it will mean a lot to me to get married (not have a wedding, necessarily), but I can't really explain how it would be different than just living together.... Except that I have done that before and did not get married - and I do not live with my SO now, and it's important to him to at least be engaged before we do.

No matter how you choose to get married - a big blow-out, elope, small intimate ceremony, the courthouse, whatever - IT WILL BE YOUR WEDDING!

ETA: WHY is she your BFF? You don't seem too fond of her. I suggest getting a new BFF who you actually like.

I guess I figure things might settle down eventually, we'll see!  This is why I wanted to start getting her used to the idea before I was "officially" engaged.

And yes you are right, it will be my wedding regardless :-)  Just the whole idea of planning a party and making decisions stresses me out big time!!!

Dignity100

Basically everything I would say has already been said. 

To some:  Marriage is a contractual agreement that you will be there for each other through thick and thin; living together is just kind of a roomie situation where either party can move out whenever.  To many marriage is a lot more, it is about expressing your love to each other spiritually - it's a deeper commitment to each other.  Myself, having my lobster isn't enough; I want to be married to him because the deeper commitment <<Friends reference, see below>>

There is no NEED to have a party.  My FI and I are running away with Family only.  No party when we get home (if we can help it, so far so good).

phira

Getting married is a rite of passage. It's not different, to me, than celebrating b'nai mitzvah.

beanbot2002

Kelani23 said:

bethsmiles said:

Kelani23 said:

You all have no idea...

Yesterday it was all about how I'm pushing too much to get married... Why is it so hard to believe that it's what HE wants??

Ring shopping was not at all my idea, but when the opportunity presented itself, hell yes I'm going to take it! 

He can't believe I didn't know either that he wanted to, but it really was a surprise...

Oh well... just need to hang out here more rather than try to explain anything to her, I guess!

I know it will mean a lot to me to get married (not have a wedding, necessarily), but I can't really explain how it would be different than just living together.... Except that I have done that before and did not get married - and I do not live with my SO now, and it's important to him to at least be engaged before we do.

No matter how you choose to get married - a big blow-out, elope, small intimate ceremony, the courthouse, whatever - IT WILL BE YOUR WEDDING!

ETA: WHY is she your BFF? You don't seem too fond of her. I suggest getting a new BFF who you actually like.

I guess I figure things might settle down eventually, we'll see!  This is why I wanted to start getting her used to the idea before I was "officially" engaged.

And yes you are right, it will be my wedding regardless :-)  Just the whole idea of planning a party and making decisions stresses me out big time!!!

This annoys me. You're either engaged or you aren't. Please people. Stop using the "officially" engaged line. If you're engaged and just waiting on the ring, well guess what...you're OFFICIALLY engaged, with or without the ring. 

luckya23

I don't think you are until you tell people.  Everyone can have their own terms for things!

Or we're talking about becoming engaged.  Whatever.  Call it what you want.

beanbot2002

Kelani23 said:

I don't think you are until you tell people.  Everyone can have their own terms for things!

Or we're talking about becoming engaged.  Whatever.  Call it what you want.

Yet, you're already planning a wedding? Selecting dates? FFS...wait till the man asks you THEN plan.

luckya23

I don't really expect that he will "ask" me - we just discuss things.  I think the fact that he went ring shopping was surprising enough for me!

He wants to have the conversation with my dad, I guess, because "That's how you do things," although I don't think my dad will be too into it either.  I don't know about that part.

I guess I will only consider it official once I get my ring.... not just the rock part that is teasing me sitting here on my desk!

When I was engaged before, it was without a ring at first and it felt so weird - and once you tell people the "planning" part explodes quickly, in my experience. 

I've just looked at different dates based on how they work with my lucky number, 23, that's all.  It doesn't often fall on a weekend, ya know!

 

Just curious, do you all want the new people to leave?

 

lilacck28

beanbot2002 said:

Kelani23 said:

I don't think you are until you tell people.  Everyone can have their own terms for things!

Or we're talking about becoming engaged.  Whatever.  Call it what you want.

Yet, you're already planning a wedding? Selecting dates? FFS...wait till the man asks you THEN plan.

Huh? I feel like I've missed something. Where did OP mention planning a wedding or picking dates? All I remember reading about was how OP talked about marriage with her friend, some hypotheticals about possible parties/ receptions, and going ring shopping. 

EDIT: I posted at the same time as OP above, and didn't see it until now. So now this comment is moot.