Wedding Etiquette Forum

Signed up for Facebook again, found a PPD....

Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
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I got off Fbook for over a year...rejoined due to a few friends being absolutely horrible about responding to phone calls/emails/texts, yet they live and die by facebook (I don't get it either).

Anyways, reconnected with a girl I've known since middle school. While in law school (she was a year behind me at the school I went to), she met a guy. Shortly before I got off Fbook (around summer 2012), she married him. Post was that they'd eloped, but would have a party later (ie, after she graduated and took the bar) to celebrate with everyone. Fine, that's allowed.

Until I found her today. Imagine my shock at seeing her picture in a wedding dress! Looked over the photos- yep, last October she had a full on wedding ceremony, complete with unity candle (I wonder how her family handled that, considering she's Jewish and I understand that's traditionally a Catholic thing? Or do Jewish/interfaith ceremonies allow the unity candle? FTR- there was no chuppah, no indication the officiant was a rabbi, nothing. Her grandma was probably flipping out, if my memory of that woman serves correctly), a bridal party, pre ceremony 'hidden from view" photos, and a full reception with cake cutting. The photos around the venue matched with professional "engagement" photos that appear elsewhere on her profile (in the album "engagement shoot" which are dated in spring 2013).

I have no idea if any of her family was aware of her previously getting married or what, but I know she was married at least 16 months before her "wedding." I'm not gonna say anything to her (just reconnected) but privately I'm side eyeing the shit out of this.

Re: Signed up for Facebook again, found a PPD....

  • Maybe I'm missing something, but did she invite you to something?  It doesn't seem like she did, so you only know what you know via Facebook.  You sound very judge-y around something where you don't have many facts.  

    I'm sorry that the day you legally married (which millions across the world still cannot) wasn't enough for you, and isn't your "real" wedding.  It literally makes me sad for women like you who don't consider what many have been fighting for for decades as a "real" wedding (how is a straight wedding more real than anyone else's?  Really, tell me, I don't understand).


    luvbirds3
     said:
    we never had a real wedding, it was just saying our vows in front of justice of piece. 

    No real wedding eh? sounds like you're married though right?  To me, when you get married is a wedding.  When FI and I get married (at the courthouse) will be when we are married.  It's sad to me (and hurtful) when people like you who got married at the courthouse say "I've never had a real wedding."  (Well sorry to people like you that I will never actually get married bc all we'll ever do is JOP).

    I hope you have a wonderful wedding. And that you don't judge people like me who only do courthouse weddings as "not having a real wedding" as you've implied.  I'm sure your renewal will be beautiful-the women on here have great ideas, and frankly it sounds like you have a meaningful reason for a vow renewal (minus the "courthouse wedding isn't real" deal).
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Maybe I'm missing something, but did she invite you to something?  It doesn't seem like she did, so you only know what you know via Facebook.  You sound very judge-y around something where you don't have many facts.  

    I'm sorry that the day you legally married (which millions across the world still cannot) wasn't enough for you, and isn't your "real" wedding.  It literally makes me sad for women like you who don't consider what many have been fighting for for decades as a "real" wedding (how is a straight wedding more real than anyone else's?  Really, tell me, I don't understand).


    luvbirds3
     said:
    we never had a real wedding, it was just saying our vows in front of justice of piece. 

    No real wedding eh? sounds like you're married though right?  To me, when you get married is a wedding.  When FI and I get married (at the courthouse) will be when we are married.  It's sad to me (and hurtful) when people like you who got married at the courthouse say "I've never had a real wedding."  (Well sorry to people like you that I will never actually get married bc all we'll ever do is JOP).

    I hope you have a wonderful wedding. And that you don't judge people like me who only do courthouse weddings as "not having a real wedding" as you've implied.  I'm sure your renewal will be beautiful-the women on here have great ideas, and frankly it sounds like you have a meaningful reason for a vow renewal (minus the "courthouse wedding isn't real" deal).
    Huh?????

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

    SuperSweet2014
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    AlexisA01 said:

    Huh?????
    OK you beat me to it! Free bread did you copy/paste from the wrong post??

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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
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    Glad I wasn't the only one completely confused.
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
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    I really thought I was missing something. I was like where did all that come from and who is luvbirds.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
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    Freebread, it appears you are confusing my post with that of anothers. 

    I have no idea where that attack on whether I had a courthouse wedding or another style came from. My PARENTS were married by a clerk notary at the courthouse the day they went to get the license, as it was convenient and cheaper that way. I believe their marriage is just as valid as the ones my siblings and I had. 

    I NEVER said a courthouse wedding was bad- but having the courthouse wedding and then essentially what is a "do over" complete with attendants, froufy dress, etc, is inappropriate. Please re-read my post and then review what you wrote. Most of what consists of your response is completely outside the scope of anything I stated, and unrelated to my post.

    To show the facts (and make it clear to you that I do have them, and know what I'm talking about): 

    When she married this guy in 2012 her facebook post was (essentially) "We eloped! We're happy, but we're planning a party to celebrate when things aren't crazy/we have the money to do it!" Photo of them after elopement outside courthouse was posted, FB relationship status changed.

    I congratulated her at that time on her marriage, wishing them all the best. 

    Fell out of contact for almost 2 years due to both of us being busy (law school for her, work for me, bar exam for both, later work for both) and me being off facebook.

    Come back on fbook, find her, find pictures of her participating in a wedding ceremony, as the bride, with gown, attendants, whole shebang. They did have a full do over wedding, and photo album is called "We're married! Month-Day-2013!" Comments by others and photographer are what a beautiful bride she is as of that day, completely ignoring the fact that she had been married for over a year at that point.

    I was not invited to this redo. I don't really care/I'm not bitter about not being on the guest list, but I'm surprised she went for a redo- after being married a year and saying they were going to throw a party later on, a redo =/= party.
    pinkshorts27
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    The "hidden from view" pictures are the weirdest part of the whole thing. I mean... cat's out of the bag, folks.

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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    GROSS.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    A friend of mine married a Jewish man and his mother did initially question the unity candle until it was explained to her that it had no religious significance.  They had a non-denominational wedding ceremony.  
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  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 

    And proof that no matter how common they get, people will still think they're rude.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    And proof that no matter how common they get, people will still think they're rude.
    The world is going to hell in a hand basket, this is hardly a top-ten concern. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    And proof that no matter how common they get, people will still think they're rude.
    The world is going to hell in a hand basket, this is hardly a top-ten concern. 
    If "these styles of weddings" are becoming more and more "popular", then what it means is that moral decline is on the rise.  An absolute disregard for truth, morality, and common decency is certainly THE # 1 reason the world is indeed going to hell in a hand basket.  Anytime anyone celebrates lying, it makes me sick to my stomach.  It comes as NO surprise to me that you would embrace such a world.
    HisGirlFriday13AuroraRose41
  • MobKaz said:
    I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    And proof that no matter how common they get, people will still think they're rude.
    The world is going to hell in a hand basket, this is hardly a top-ten concern. 
    If "these styles of weddings" are becoming more and more "popular", then what it means is that moral decline is on the rise.  An absolute disregard for truth, morality, and common decency is certainly THE # 1 reason the world is indeed going to hell in a hand basket.  Anytime anyone celebrates lying, it makes me sick to my stomach.  It comes as NO surprise to me that you would embrace such a world.
    That's kind of what I meant by the world going to hell in a hand basket. But some of us just look at life like throwing a hurricane party: you can't stop the impending wreckage, roll with it and have a good time! This might be slight tongue-in-cheek but the Hindus have been awaiting the Kali Yuga for thousands of years, nothing I can do to stop it. And sure I'll embrace it, it's a whole lot easier than living with my knickers in a twist over things that don't matter (ya know, like how other people get married). 
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I just found one the other day too! A girl I did equestrian team with in college was recently engaged. This is exciting. Then on facebook it pops up with "married to (H's name)" and surprised comments ensued. Looks like she deleted the post, but it went something like:

    "Yes, we got married in a park, we're really glad we got married now instead of later". Which I thought, great, I almost commented congrats and I am kind of wishing we did the same. But then she followed with:

    "We wanted to get married now. We'll do a real ceremony etc later". Someone else commented "so it was a fake wedding? LOL". 

    "No, it was real". And now it's gone. I'm guessing that comment is the reason why. Oh well, at least she's being honest about it. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and nix the re-do ceremony part. Her husband appears to be military so I'm guessing that has something to do with it. 

    And I actually don't think the world is going to hell in a handbasket. It's actually improving in a lot of ways. But saying it is is a great way to get attention and ratings. 
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    JennyColada
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    And proof that no matter how common they get, people will still think they're rude.
    The world is going to hell in a hand basket, this is hardly a top-ten concern. 
    If "these styles of weddings" are becoming more and more "popular", then what it means is that moral decline is on the rise.  An absolute disregard for truth, morality, and common decency is certainly THE # 1 reason the world is indeed going to hell in a hand basket.  Anytime anyone celebrates lying, it makes me sick to my stomach.  It comes as NO surprise to me that you would embrace such a world.
    That's kind of what I meant by the world going to hell in a hand basket. But some of us just look at life like throwing a hurricane party: you can't stop the impending wreckage, roll with it and have a good time! This might be slight tongue-in-cheek but the Hindus have been awaiting the Kali Yuga for thousands of years, nothing I can do to stop it. And sure I'll embrace it, it's a whole lot easier than living with my knickers in a twist over things that don't matter (ya know, like how other people get married). 
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  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 

    And proof that no matter how common they get, people will still think they're rude.

    The world is going to hell in a hand basket, this is hardly a top-ten concern. 

    #FirstWorldProblems
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  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    Are they actually becoming more common or are we just more aware of them due to social media?  

    I'm almost 40 and I only know 3 people IRL that have done a PPD and they were spread out over a 23 year time span.  The rest I have heard about are from these boards.  So if it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't know about them at all and for all I know posters are making some of them up just for the "fun" of watching people freak out on the boards.  
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  • a13049a13049 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Meh she had a ppd. It sounds like she was honest I what she was doing. And didn't lie to her guests. I feel like if you don't like ppd don't attend (assuming you aren't lied to ,of course). No harm no foul then. Cash bars, dollar dances things like that are not of an issue because they negatively affect your guests experience
    Clark2k15
  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 

    What style would that be, fake weddings?
  • Meth use is becoming more common too. That must make it acceptable.
    theartistformerlyknownaspinkshorts27HisGirlFriday13
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    banana468 said:

    Meth use is becoming more common too. That must make it acceptable.

    Don't hate on my Breaking Bad themed PPD!

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    pinkshorts27ladyamanuetFiancB
  • beethery said:
    I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    image
    You are already married, Mrs. Everhart (no need for the soon to be, because you already are), and having a PPD, we all know you are big on PPDs.

    WE GET IT.
    I won't be changing my name until after our wedding. But thanks, I do realize it sounds awesome. 
  • I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    What style would that be, fake weddings?
    I don't find separating the legal and the ceremonial to be fake. If you, don't do it that way!
  • mysticl said:
    I love reading these types of posts. Proof these styles of weddings are becoming more and more common. 
    Are they actually becoming more common or are we just more aware of them due to social media?  

    I'm almost 40 and I only know 3 people IRL that have done a PPD and they were spread out over a 23 year time span.  The rest I have heard about are from these boards.  So if it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't know about them at all and for all I know posters are making some of them up just for the "fun" of watching people freak out on the boards.  
    I think both. We've personally known at least three at quick count, and probably were unaware of more than that. Certainly the popularity of sites like this one broadcast the subject, although yea, I think some of these "examples" are MUD. 
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