Feelings Hurt over the Weekend

tabathafaye

This past weekend was my FBIL's wedding.  His bride wouldn't let me in the family photos because my FI and I are not technically married yet. It hurt my feelings.

It has felt like every since they got enaged (a few months after my FI and I were engaged) there's been this tension between us. Almost like a competition. I am not sure if she is jealous of my relationship with the FPIL or what.

When it is our turn in 4 months, I will not exclude her from my photos out of spite, although it does feel good thinking about that. 

larrygaga

You are a better person than I, because I would probably exclude her from my photos.

Sorry

Good lesson to lurkers not to judge other people's relationships

MNNEBride

Sorry.

I could see not including you in family pictures if you were a random plus 1, but you are engaged.  

Not cool.

loveislouder

I'm sorry she did that to you. Totally not cool.

mrsconn23

Ugh.  That's awful.  Your FSIL sounds like a piece of work.  It's such a load of BS. 

My sister's BFF had this happen to her.  They had been together/engaged longer, but she still wasn't 'family' according to the bride.  

At least you know early what you're dealing with and can respond/steel yourself appropriately?

 

HisGirlFriday13

I'm so sorry. That's such a shitty thing to do. And it's only going to come back and bite her in the ass.

Believe me, everyone noticed her pettiness, including your shared in-laws (or FILs), and she was judged. Hard.

Heffalump

I totally don't get this.  We had photos of everyone, including random +1's (including one who wasn't even invited, but whatever).  And DH and I joke about our wedding "curse," because every single one of our siblings who brought a date or spouse to our wedding was single within months.  And you know what?  Our marriage is still okay, even though we have random people we'll never see again in some of our photos.  Your FSIL is crazy, or something.

tabathafaye

You guys are making me feel so much better. I thought I was being too sensitive. 

She is a bit younger than I am, so maybe it is just immaturity.

She has done a few things in the past along these lines, so it isn't much of a surprise. And it was noticed by most of the groom's family. FMIL and FFIL couldn't say anything to her because they have to stay neutral, but they both told me they felt that was wrong. I honestly think I am the favorite. LOL

I heard a great quote last night "Sometimes the best way to fight back is to rise above."

PS They didn't do any wedding party gifts. I mean they spent $3000+ on a videographer, $800 on a photo booth, they could have at least given the wedding party thank you cards! (My fiance was best man, now I am just being bitter.. LOL)

pinkcow13

That's really shitty of her. I'm sorry. She sounds like a real winner.

tabathafaye

I was so upset I almost cried. You know, "Weddings make me emotional."

But my future father in law told me I will always be his favorite daughter in law. So she can suck it. LOL

*Barbie*

I think you're being overly sensitive, but apparently it's just me. 

My H and I were seriously dating when oSIL got married - I have several pictures of the two of us from her wedding, but I wasn't in the family pictures, and didn't really expect to be. oSIL's husband's brother was engaged, and his FI was not included in the family pictures, either. I don't recall anybody being upset about this. 

your participation in the pictures does not lessen your relationship with your FI or your fMIL/fFIL in any way, so it just doesn't strike me as a big deal. 

NavyBlue143

I'll never forget the look on my cousin's fiancee's face when we were doing a picture with my mom's side of the family, and she hung back looking unsure if she should join or not. I said "get in here, you're family!" She looked so happy. First time I had ever met her. Cousin was also glad. Their wedding was a little while after ours. I don't get excluding people. Sure they might break up, but even if they get married, they could still divorce. Hardly going to ruin a picture or memories of a wedding.

sarawifenow

Green sounds like an awful color on this bride! I'm sorry that she did that and my feelings would have been really hurt, too!

PMeg819

If it makes you feel any better, I was only in one picture of my SIL's wedding. DH and I had been married for like 4 years at this point, I was pregnant with our child but still not good enough to be in pictures. It was laughable.

LakeR2014

@*Barbie* The difference between your example and the OPs is that you were dating whereas the OP is engaged and getting married in 4 months.

OP you are definitely right to be feel slighted, the bride was rude.   You're already part of the family if only by association now, but by paper in a few short months.  I'm sorry this happened to you.

On an aside note...at my cousin's wedding this almost happened to the FI of the grooms sister.   They were doing a family photo of the grooms side and the FI didn't know what to do (they were getting married 3 months later).  I walked up to my cousin in the middle of the photo and looked like I had to fix her necklace and pointed out the fact the FI wasn't present thinking she hadn't noticed (I have no idea if she did or not) she immediately called him over.   At that point everyone else just thought it was an initial overview but it had originally only came to my attention because I heard a group behind me talking about 'how rude it was to exclude the FI when their wedding was in a couple of months.'

*Barbie*

@LakeR2014 - I had 2 examples in my story, although I was thinking more about this last night:

Bride (my husband's oldest sister): Bro G (single), Sister A (married), Bro K (my current husband, seriously dating at the time)

Groom: Sister W (married), Brother B (engaged)

Most of the family shots were only oSIL, her H, their parents, and siblings. Thinking back, they didn't include the spouses in any family shots because I was hanging out with SIL A's husband inside the venue for all of the (outdoor) family pictures or any time that the wedding party (which included my H) had something to do. 

so the 2 spouses and the FI of the groom's brother were not included in the "family" pics. (Like I said, I was not expecting to be asked, and frankly would have found it weird to be asked - but the FI and the spouses were also not included in family shots.)

ReturnOfKuus

There is a fuckface in Mr. Kuus's family who still, after 15 years together and 5 years married, excludes me from any family photos he takes.

tabathafaye

ReturnOfKuus said:

There is a fuckface in Mr. Kuus's family who still, after 15 years together and 5 years married, excludes me from any family photos he takes.

OMG I would have to say something if this continued for 15 years. 

pompeymagnus

I'm so sorry she treated you like that, that's not nice! This also could be my story, except my FBIL's wedding is in two weeks.. I feel like there is some kind of weird competition going on, and I feel like I am being deliberately excluded, even though FI and I have been together over five years... She hasn't said anything in particular, but I have this feeling that I won't be allowed in the photos, and since FI and his whole family is in the wedding party, I am afraid that I will be forced to sit by myself and everything. I know it seems a little petty, but I am so worried I feel like I am going to have a panic attack just thinking about it!! If you have any advice about it, let me know. My wedding isn't until May next year, so I will have time to calm down if things do end up being uncomfortable, but I am still worried about what FBIL's fiancée will do or say to prove that I am not "really" a family member...