Yeah, I lost my damn mind Saturday morning. Not proud at all, but hitting my "engagement fever" low point helped level me out in the long run. I seriously lost my damn mind though. It was about as crazy and ridiculous as you can get.
Obligatory back story: BF and I have discussed marriage for a long time. He's VERY fiscally responsible, so his goal has been to completely pay off his debt prior to our engagement so that we can focus on my student loan debt after marriage. Additionally, we realized a few years ago that due to our parents' financial situations, we'd be paying for the wedding ourselves. BF wants to do everything out of pocket, no credit, which meant we needed to figure out a savings plan and a general wedding date (October 2015). He told me for a long time that he expected to have his debt completely paid off in June of this year, and then he would need a month to save for the ring. For a couple of years now I've basically been anticipating Summer 2014 as the engagement. I've been looking forward to it for a long time and had an inkling that he would time it around my birthday (end of this month) or the 4th of July.
Well, as I'm sure all of you know, life happens. Debt payments get pushed back due to various events popping up, and it dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that his debt would not be paid off in June. He then confirmed it last week when he made his final payment on his student loans but said he still had 3 months left on his car (PS how awesome is it that he paid off his student loans at age 25?! He's pretty baller). I did the math and realized my engagement would probably occur in the fall, not the summer. I guess this really hit me hard because I'd been getting a little bit sadder every day for the past week or so. I kept having to remind myself that we would spend more time married than not married in the long-run, absolutely nothing will change when we do get married except for my last name and a tax break, and our life together will not start when we're married--it started when we began dating 3 years ago. I knew I was being silly and was fixating on the wrong thing. The ring is just a formality, just a silly token. But whatever, I wanted it and couldn't shake the obsession.
Friday night BF brings up the timeline again, and he mentions that one of the delays was partially due to our upcoming trip to Cancun this August. Now, when we booked that trip, he insisted he pay for me almost entirely. I honestly thought I would pay him back for my portion, but he later insisted I only reimburse him $300. It felt like a slap in the face when he insinuated that the trip was partially responsible for the delay of the proposal because I would have paid him back entirely for my portion if I'd realized it would delay the engagement. I woke up Saturday morning really upset about this, and when I brought it up to BF, I actually started crying. I CRIED ABOUT IT! Seriously?! I had an out-of-body moment and was like, "WTF, get it together, Liz!" I mean, I cried because the man I love who has already told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me decided to push back the engagement by maybe 2 months so that we can be in a more sound financial situation when we get married. Um, yeah, I suck. Talk about a giant brat. It was such a low point.
He handled it really well, and I could tell he felt really guilty, which in turn made me feel guilty, so I cried a little more because I was being so ridiculous. He kept saying, 'You make it so hard to surprise you! Just let it happen! I've got it all planned! Stop being a goober!" I calmed down after a few minutes and started to laugh at myself. But it doesn't end there... after I stopped crying and was laughing at myself, my nose started bleeding.
Yes, that's right. I not only cried like a brat about my engagement getting delayed for legitimate reasons, I ended up giving myself a nose bleed. BF was like, "Well, this is GREAT material for my vows."
Ladies, please tell me I'm not the only one who had a completely absurd BSC breakdown. Share your stories! lol
Also, sorry for the novel!