Separate or Joint?

flyingfoxes

Bank accounts...what works best for you and your partner?  I'm on the fence - been on my own since I was 19 (now 37), and never had to share.  I've heard both ways on bank accounts, that separate keeps people sane, but then there are those who say that's not trusting.  I think we will share accounts after we get married, but I don't know for sure yet. 

afox007

Due to stupid money decisions I made when I was younger I actually don't have a bank account; however, FI and I have essentially had a joint account ever since we moved in together. He requested duplicate debit cards on his account and made me an authorized user. 

He has two account one that we both deposit money into for bills, rent, and groceries and the other is just spending money. Only he deposits into the spending money account, but if I need to use it he is fine with it as long as it isn't something totally ridiculous ie: getting my nails done and having lunch with a friend is totally ok, buying $300 in shoes not gonna work unless I talk to him first. 

larrygaga

We have separate checking and savings, and a joined savings. We also know the online passwords/pin to each others accounts, not to check up on each other but if we need to move money around. We absolutely trust each other with money, but it's nice to have separate accounts. Personally, it helps with my self esteem. He makes so much more money than I do, and I like to be able to pay for things myself and buy him dinner with my own money. That's just me and my brain, though.

thetimewillcome

You could do a combo of both. For example, have a joint account that all the house bills (which may include things like mortgage, electric, savings for joint vacations, etc.) come out of and then separate accounts for your personal money. 

I have friends who have joint accounts, but then sometimes feel guilty or resentful if that joint money is going towards one person or the other. 

emmaaa

FI and  I have a joint checking account and each have our own savings accounts. We have found this works best because we consider the money we each make as "our" money. We use this to help each other budget better. It works for us in paying our bills and knowing what we can and cannot spend. It holds us accountable for our purchases.

If you do joint, it is important to set limits. Like, I can buy things I want and need up to a point, but if either of us need to make a purchase that is over$100 (other than bills or groceries) we let the other person know. This is essential because we need to budget very consciously and know where our money goes.

Like I said, it works for us. It eliminates the "my money" or "your money" debate. We truly consider ourselves partners and this includes our finances and what is mine is ours and what is his is ours. It is important that you both feel comfortable with sharing an account but be prepared to balance your check book (debits) more closely.

Dignity100

We're planning on doing a combo - joint checking, joint savings & personal checking (for our 'fun money' or allowance or whatever you want to call it).  The only reason we haven't opened them up yet is the wedding is 4 months away and we don't want to order checks twice or get names changed on the account or anything (just being lazy about it).

daria24

We have both-we have a joint checking, savings (and brokerage) accounts, as well as a joint credit card.

We also each have separate checking, savings, and credit cards. 50% of each of our paychecks are deposited into our joint account. If we ever need more money for something, we will add additional money from our separate accounts.

I 100% trust my husband, our views on how money should be spent/saved are identical. But it's just nice knowing that if I want to buy that purse or shoes it's my choice. And the same with him and whatever he spends his money on. It also comes from a family legend where my great-grandfather squandered all of the money for the family, but thankfully my great-grandmother had secretly been stashing every penny she could find in the event things went south. So a backup never hurt. 

Now I recognize that one of the reasons it works is that we are very financially secure. We don't need every penny for every paychecks to cover our expenses. And we don't (and will not) have children. So I understand that it might not work for everyone's situation. 

ashley8918

We will have a joint account but also keep our separate accounts. The joint account will be for bill paying. They are all at the same bank, making moving money around super easy.

aspoonfulofsugar

We have separate right now, but set up a joint account for the wedding which we'll then move everything into.  Nothing is secret between us and we share money/banking info anyhow.  

I guess it depends on how you feel as a couple, and what works best for you.

Jells2dot0

Obviously a very personal thing, but we have everything separate, minus our homes. We also have a prenup and postnup which states our intentions to keep everything separate. For us, it works, but we also work for the same company, have similar salaries, similar savings/spending habits, and are not having children.

VulgarGirl

We do both. We each have our own checking/savings accounts for our own stuff, and then we have a joint checking/savings to pay shared bills, buy groceries, and cover any other shared expenses. It works pretty well for us, so long as there is money in the shared account and the bills are paid, neither of us pay attention to what the other is doing with her own account. Helps when I want to buy a pair of $150 shoes and she wants to get regular blow outs done. 

buddysmom80

We have a his, hers and ours checking account system. We talked to his bank and the guy said this was the best option and so far, it's been great. Right now, the "ours" account is for wedding money so any extra  money we dump in there. I don't know what we'll use it for after the wedding, I guess a slush fund type of thing since we both put a majority of our money after bills into savings accounts at credit unions so we do have seperate and joint. But it's not like "MY money and HIS money" it's a very fluid system and it works out well.

jdluvr06

We have separate accounts and as of now plan to keep it that way. ETA: we have a reason for keeping things separate. FI lived with a girl before we met and they were pretty serious, so they combined their finances and when they broke up she cleared the accounts. So, even though he knows I would never do that, he is still a bit paranoid about it.

emmyg65

We combined all finances, both assets and debt (checking and savings account, credit card debt, my student loans). It's just a lot easier for us, and we believe in joint property so it's not an issue. We do each get an "allowance" each month that we keep in our own accounts to spend as we wish, and we each have an individual credit card. But everything else is joint and we pay all expenses together. We shifted to this model a few months before we got married.

Sugargirl1019

I think you need to have one bank account for both paychecks, and then you can transfer money out to your personal fun account. ThIs way, the budget is clear, and you can properly disperse money into your own personal accounts for groceries, gas, movies, shopping.

@emmyg65‌ I love your plan. Good job!

jenna8984

Our system works as it is now so we probably will not change it once we get married. I am the financial guru and he is not as good with money. So we have our own accounts. He gives me "rent" which is 50% of our monthly bills and then I pay all those bills. So the amount he gives me is for everything we share- mortgage, cable, electric, trash, groceries (rounded to a set amount).

We are each responsbile to pay our bills that are not joint (car, insurance, gas, cell) and we can do what we wish with the remainder in our accounts. As long as the bills are paid, the rest is our own but we mostly try to save and consult each other on any purchase over $100.

When we book a vacation or something, I book it and he pays me 50%. Neither of us make enough to be the sugar daddy and pay 100% and even if one of us did we like feeling like an equal team.

pinkshorts27

We will have joint and we will each stay within a budget each month. 

JCbride2015

We have separate and joint accounts.  Honestly our system is not that great right now, because I live off a lump from my student loans or savings, so there's not really any kind of monthly deposit happening.  Fi has some of his paycheck deposited into the joint: for rent, bills, groceries, etc.  Then I transfer that money into my personal account, from which I pay the bills and go grocery shopping.  So my personal account is sort of where things get commingled; his personal account is for his personal bills; and the joint account is mostly for transferring.  Once I start getting a paycheck instead of living off savings, we'll need to come up with a better system.

We both trust each other implicitly with money.  We both have an impulsive streak but we tend to consult each other about purchases anyway, whatever account it's coming out of.

littlemushroom

We got a joint checking account pretty soon after we moved in together.  We each put in the same amount of money at the same time whenever the balance gets low.  The joint account was for groceries only at first, then we started doing anything we did together out of it.

We recently figured out a monthly budget that includes rent, groceries and entertainment, and after we are married we will each put in a specific amount and then everything gets paid out of the joint account. He makes more than me, we figured out the percentage, and that is the difference between what he will put in and what I will put in.  Anything left over at the end of the month will go into a joint savings account that we will set up after we are married, and that will be used for any major purchases or vacations in the future.

Then we each have our own checking and savings accounts that we can use to buy gifts for each other, or anything we want just for us.  That way we don't have to check with each other before buying things we want.

pinkcow13

We have everything separately. That's mostly because we moved in less than a year ago, and became engaged shortly after. We just never got around to opening a joint account. It works fine though, as we split everything, and personally I would prefer to keep it separate for now as I would like to pay off some credit card debt I have on my own.

ladyamanuet

I have a personal checking and savings, and we have a joint account (his only account).  We think of all the money as ours though.  There's never "oh are you going to get this one hon?" or "Hey I'll pay for this one since you paid for last one" - as far as we're concerned, it's all our money.  But no one else I know in serious relationships has this attitude - everyone else I know is separate.  Which I find odd, but that's just because of how FH and I roll, and not that I think it's wrong or anything.

Now that he has a new job, we are shortly going to add an account for him, so we will have personal checking for him, joint checking account, personal checking for me, and then turn my savings into joint savings.  I asked him why he wanted that and he said so he can buy me things without me seeing the charge on the bank statement.  I told him that while that was a very sweet answer, I knew it was really so I wouldn't see how much he spends at the comic book store

mellowmarshmallow

There is a large discrepancy in our incomes (as in DH makes 2-3x more than I do), so we have a common account. That way we have equal buying power and thus equal say in major purchases. We consult each other on any purchase over a couple hundred dollars. (We are both ridiculously frugal apart from my splurging on tuition.) Neither one of us has ever stopped the other one from making a purchase, but we still check in. Mostly, it's about timing so he doesn't pay all of our bills one day and I buy something the next day and then we're close to overdrawn.

We buy gifts for each other on our personal credit cards then pay off the balance from the joint account. For example, if I pay $800 on my cc this month, he doesn't know exactly how much of that was for a gift for him versus gas, food, etc. Honestly, though, I usually buy from his amazon wishlist, so he knows how much everything costs anyway!

Bubblegum5586

We each have a savings and a checking and a joint savings and checking. All 6 accounts are through the same bank so we can easily transfer money online.

I have always made more money the H (up to twice as much at times) so He woudl pay a set amount towards joint bills (about 1/3 so it was proportionate to our incomes) and I would cover the rest. We would both transfer in the predetermined amount into the joint accounts so we know those bills are always covered then whatever is left in our personal accounts are for our personal bills and fun.

Now H got a new job, and is doing incredibly well (very generous commission structure) so he may make more then more at this rate. He's only been there 3 months and we are the midst of buying a house and had to save as much money as fast as we can for the down payment (planned on 3% but need 5%). So once the dust settles we need to figure out a new structure. But overall I want to combine our fiances more so once we have kids it will make it easier.

ShallowSeas

FI and I just opened a joint checking out this month. We have lived together for over a year and it was a PITA trying to pay bills (we split things 50/50) so it made sense to get a joint checking account. I still have my original checking account open but theres only like $10 in it. I will probably close it. We had a joint savings account once we were engaged because thats where we put our wedding money at. Having a joint checking account has been a lot easier for us lately. I don't have to worry about getting FI my half of the bills, its just already in the account and he can pay things.

Emmy1493

afox007 said:

Due to stupid money decisions I made when I was younger I actually don't have a bank account; however, FI and I have essentially had a joint account ever since we moved in together. He requested duplicate debit cards on his account and made me an authorized user. 

He has two account one that we both deposit money into for bills, rent, and groceries and the other is just spending money. Only he deposits into the spending money account, but if I need to use it he is fine with it as long as it isn't something totally ridiculous ie: getting my nails done and having lunch with a friend is totally ok, buying $300 in shoes not gonna work unless I talk to him first. 

I agree! This is something were going to get together. I just have to have my name legally changed first in order to be added to his account under married name. So we haven't really done much with that ATM. But were all for joint accounts!

wandajune6

We do both. I earn more money than FI but have many more expenses. He's very hands-on with finances because he's spent most of his life living paycheck-to-paycheck. I'm nowhere near as skilled but have usually been lucky enough to have enough money for it not to be a problem. For now, we keep things separate because it's easier. This helps with his financial aid as he goes back to school and he's convinced that it will somehow help as his lawyers go after his ex-wife for child support.

We opened a joint account with the sole intention of using it for wedding savings/spending. So far, we're really just using it for savings and joint expenses.

We both suspect that we'll change the balance of money between accounts over time but it works well for now.

SapphireCounselor

thetimewillcome said:

You could do a combo of both. For example, have a joint account that all the house bills (which may include things like mortgage, electric, savings for joint vacations, etc.) come out of and then separate accounts for your personal money. 

I have friends who have joint accounts, but then sometimes feel guilty or resentful if that joint money is going towards one person or the other. 

This is what we do. We have our own accounts from before we got married, as well as a joint checking/savings. The only reason we even bother with separate accounts is because it just makes it easier to keep everything balanced when we make purchases throughout the month.

audubonbride2013

We have everything joint - checking, savings, and credit cards. I do most of the budgeting and monitoring, because I enjoy it. It works really well for us, but we are both responsible with money.

AzAnnie

We have separate checking and savings and a joint checking for our household expenses.

MyNameIsNot

You have to do whatever works for you.  If you've been living together for a while and your system works, there's no reason to change it up just because you get married.  To hell with anyone who says you aren't committed if you don't join or that you aren't independent if you do combine.  They don't pay your bills.

FWIW, we have a joint checking for bills and household expenses and have our own accounts for personal and daily purchases.  Sharing an account with debit cards just wouldn't work for us, but splitting up bills or having to pay each other is too much of a PITA.

doeydo

We have a joint 'two to sign' account and I also have my own bank account and credit card.