Seating arrangements: is my dad right?

[Deleted User]

I'll mingle with who I want thanks.  Please set me with people I know.  Doesn't have to be besties, just that I know them.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

Ven&Radio said:

I prefer to sit with people I know. I'm extremely awkward with people I don't know. I had one guest include a note with their RSVP asking to be seated with people they didn't know. They felt like they see the family regularly and wanted the opportunity to meet new people. It was easy enough to accommodate their request.

Very interesting!! How did that end up working out?

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

Thanks everyone! My mom agreed with me anyway and basically said my dad wouldn't even notice once the wedding rolls around so we planned on doing that, but I always like to get other people's opinions. 

Jen4948

Yeah, I wouldn't do forced mingling because that just makes for a very strained atmosphere where people who don't know each other and/or have nothing in common are forced to make awkward conversation assuming they talk to each other at all.  Putting people together with people they already know helps them to lighten up and enjoy themselves.

vt&dt

We did the best we could to seat people with others that they knew - sometimes it was tough (we have a couple of family friends from a long time ago that don't know anyone but our parents, and the parents' tables were already full).  When we couldn't seat people with others that they knew, we were sure to group people by common interest/similar age/that we could see getting along.  

People were only at their tables for dinner, really - probably an hour and a half.  Then about half the crowd was dancing and the other half was walking around (to the bar!) and sat at different tables mingling with different groups of people.

PrettyGirlLost

courtneyhindo said:

I was discussing seating arrangements with my dad and mentioned that I planned to sit family together, groups of friends who know each other together, etc. He said he always thought it was good to sprinkle people around and to have tables where you know a few people, but not everyone; that way people can get to know each other, etc. I thought it was better to put people with others they know so that no one is uncomfortable or feels awkward. 

What do you prefer?
What did you do/do you plan to do?

I know there's no "RIGHT" way, but I'm curious.

Ugh, please don't do this.

I don't understand why ppl think that their wedding guests need to get to know each other. . . many likely will never see each other ever again.  If they want to socialize with strangers, they will.

This theory of forced mingling only works if you have enough extroverts at each table, and even then, speaking as an extrovert, I find it really tiring to try and keep conversation going with ppl I don't know for the most part.  All that happens in these situations, from my experience, is that the ppl that know each other at each table talk exclusivley with each other.

d2va

My FIs nephew put us at a table that FI only knew like 2 people and the rest of the people we didnt know. 

It was super awkward. Im not there to make friends, Im there to celebrate your marriage so why didnt you seat us with FSILS????

Whatever, that wedding was an etiquette disaster. 

huskypuppy14

d2va said:

My FIs nephew put us at a table that FI only knew like 2 people and the rest of the people we didnt know. 

It was super awkward. Im not there to make friends, Im there to celebrate your marriage so why didnt you seat us with FSILS????

Whatever, that wedding was an etiquette disaster. 

Did you know anyone else at the wedding? Sometimes you can't fit everyone that knows each other at the same table.  I have a group of 13 people that know each other attending my wedding. Only 12 fit at a table. I wasn't going to put one person by themselves, so I put 3 people at one table with other people, and the other 10 are at their own table.

 I think if there is at least one or 2 people that know each other at a table, it's fine.

stepslh

I think the reason you and your dad disagree is because older generations are more social than we are today. Older generations like to meet new people, whereas we feel more comfortable with people we know(If we don't know people, we look at our smartphones.lol). I went to an amazing wedding once where I was seated with people my same age and we had so much fun and things in common. I would do a mix of some familiar, some new people!

Blergbot

I was just at a wedding where we got seated with people we didn't know. The couple across from us were ok and even kind of interesting, but I still would have preferred to sit with people we knew. The even worse part was that we attended the wedding from out of town and would have loved to sit with family who we don't get to see so often.

The only time you want to "sprinkle" is with people who don't know ANYONE. Then it makes sense to try and put them with other people they might find interesting.

lc07

Blergbot said:

I was just at a wedding where we got seated with people we didn't know. The couple across from us were ok and even kind of interesting, but I still would have preferred to sit with people we knew. The even worse part was that we attended the wedding from out of town and would have loved to sit with family who we don't get to see so often.

The only time you want to "sprinkle" is with people who don't know ANYONE. Then it makes sense to try and put them with other people they might find interesting.

That is so annoying! When we do dinner parties with local friends, where some of the people I see every week and some of the people I've never met before, it's fun to sit with new people. And I know I will see my friends another time really soon. But at weddings when so many people who are family and friends live so far away from each other, you bet I want to spend every minute I can with the people I love and hardly ever get to see.

Maggie0829

stepslh said:

I think the reason you and your dad disagree is because older generations are more social than we are today. Older generations like to meet new people, whereas we feel more comfortable with people we know(If we don't know people, we look at our smartphones.lol). I went to an amazing wedding once where I was seated with people my same age and we had so much fun and things in common. I would do a mix of some familiar, some new people!

I think this is a huge assumption.  It does not matter which generation you come from it is your social and comfort level that matters.  Even those that come from an older generation may not enjoy being forced to mingle, while those from a younger generation may love it.  But generally, everyone likes to be around people that they know and like and aren't quite as happy to be seated among strangers and then are forced to make small talk.

If you are a person who likes to meet new people then you are free to walk around after dinner and meet anyone that you want, but the majority of the guests shouldn't be put into an uncomfortable position just because a handful of guests like to mingle with strangers.

[Deleted User]

Another vote for prefer to sit with others that I know when possible

hellosweetie1015

Generally, the "sit me with people I know" is a good idea - except.

The only wedding I have been to as an adult, I knew about four people aside from the B&G + one of the GM. 

Of those people:

- S, who was MY ex (with whom I was NOT on speaking terms at the time).

- C, who was a "friend" (knew him, liked him well enough but generally thought he was a d-bag).

- M, who was C's most recent ex and S's current GF.

- A, who was another ex of C's and who I did not know at all.

We were ALL at the same table, and there was no one else at the table, and it was so awkward and uncomfortable that I was miserable and physically unable to eat. The B&G were well aware of the ... interesting ... nature of the relationship history between the group, as the groom went to high school with myself and S, and had been friends with S and C all through college.

The MOB eventually came and subtly asked if I wanted to move (which was very thoughtful but after two hours it really would have made matters worse, not better).

So - yeah. Sit people who know each other together, but be VERY mindful of how that group's interactions might be - and especially reconsider if there's a relationship in the history. A wedding is far from the best time to be reminded of that.

lizandmark2014

1. Seat me with a few people I know.
2. Be mindful of how we interact.
3. If #1 is not possible (ex: I only know the b&g) seat me with friendly people I might have something in common with.

Amonite

Your dad is right, unless *everyone* at the wedding knows other people and you can easily sit them in clusters where they all know eachother, or the wedding is so small it doesn't matter.

The most comfortable way for the majority of people is to group them with some people they know, and some they do not.

For example, imagine you have tables that seat eight.  You have 9 friends that know each other from the same group.  So, you might do something like seat 5 at one table along with a few distant relatives that know each other, and the other 4 at another table along with two couples that don't know anyone but the bride/groom.

While it may be tempting to make sure everyone at a table knows each other, its a near impossible ideal and you will start having to put a lot of strangers.  It's not worth making a good portion of your guests uncomfortable just so a giant group of friends can sit together.  Whereas, most people are fine if they know 1 or more other people at the table.