Gluten free - an annoying guest rant

melbenso

Can I just say, I really hate this gluten free food obsession that people have now.  I get food allergies.  Really, I do.  I'm allergic to shellfish.  If I eat anything with the tiniest bit of shellfish in it, hospital for me.  And I recognize that there are some people who are legitimately allergic to gluten.  However, FI's aunt is not one of them. 

She did not send her RSVP, but emailed us to tell us that she and her son were coming but they are gluten free.  Great!  FI hasn't seen his cousin in years because he lives on the other side of the country.  But no plated meal selection.  Instead, questions: Is either meal gluten free? (checking with caterer) If not, can we get a gluten free meal? (No, you are not allergic.  I watched you eat a bunch of bread the last time I saw you.  You have just hopped on the latest diet craze.  It would cost us an additional $1 per entree served to add another choice just for you. You can pick the breading off the chicken if it bothers you that much.) 

Also, your son is 19-years-old.  He doesn't even live with you.  He can pick his own damn meal and eat gluten if he wants to.  (He's not allergic either.)

Fortunately, FI agrees with me.  His response: "My give-a-shit on this is minimal.  I'm more concerned about the lighting. Tell the chef to give her a plate of twigs and leaves."

She even whined that the cake will not be gluten free (although she "graciously" told me not to worry about it.)  Funny thing about this is, we will also have a gluten free dessert.  Our venue includes a dessert as a part of our meal package, so we chose to have gelato - because who doesn't like cake and ice cream.  I didn't mention to her that this would be an option.

Edited - typo in original title

ohannabelle

Agreed. Legitimate allergies are one thing, fad diets are another, and you shouldn't expect your hosts to indulge you. Catering doesn't mean catering to every whim.

erollis

I agree. Do not accommodate them because that's just silly.

Also a good Gelato is not Ice cream. Ice cream makes me physically ill if I eat it. A properly made gelato won't. They are made two different ways. I also love that your caterer is serving gelato. Gelato is so much better anyways.

My dietary needs are so complicated that there are only a couple of ingredients I always ask about when going out/ friends and family don't use when cooking. I manage just fine picking things off/ out of my food if needed.

OnceUponAVine

Hahaha oh thank you for this post. I am SOOO OVER everyone who suddenly has a "gluten intolerance". My dad & 2 siblings have severe food allergies (like, a laundry list of them) so I'm all about accommodating for allergies; but, I now have friends who suddenly are "gluten intolerant". I'm usually pretty blunt (re: kinda rude) and tell them to knock the shit off and get off the fad train - they've managed to eat bread, pasta, and a million other things with gluten for the past 25+ years with no adverse effects so no, they are not gluten intolerant.

VulgarGirl

Anyone who goes gluten free to loose weight, is an idoit. Most gluten free foods are actually higher calories then regular food, because people who have to be gluten free are often missing out on some nutrients. If not higher, it is usually equal to regular food.

Now I will say my good friend just went gluten free because she found out she has a thyroid issue and her doctor wants her to try gluten free to control her thyroid issues before they put her on any kind of medication. She's been on it about 6 months now and hasn't lost a single pound, but feels a ton better. In fact she went off one of her other meds. So yay for her! But if she eats gluten, she won't go to the hospital because she doesn't actually have an allergy. It's better for her (and her body) if she avoid gluten. Of course she also doesn't make a big deal out of it and is pretty good at figuring out what she can and cannot eat. So there is a chance that while FI's aunt and cousin have eaten gluten before, they might have had new health diagnosis that mean they need to be gluten free now. 

I am still against anyone who makes a big deal out of their various food issues. You're a grown up, figure out what you can and can't have. Questions are fine. Insisting others police the food for you is not. 

cupcait927

FI has a legitimate food allergy (corn) and even he doesn't make that big a deal about it. He'll make a note of what's being served and just decide what he doesn't want to/cannot eat. He'd never make demands like that when someone is gracious enough to host us. Granted, he wouldn't need to be hospitalized for his allergy but still, he needs to avoid it. This whole GF thing just to be trendy is obnoxious. FI and his dad are doing this Whole30 thing and I'm getting so sick of hearing FFIL talk about it and how it's SO much better for you to not eat gluten. If you have a legitimate reason for not eating it, that's fine but don't make a huge deal about it if you just don't want to eat it.

KeptInStitches

I have a bleu cheese allergy (I know, I know, but my numb lips agree with me), and even I don't make that big a deal out of it. Except when I'm ordering wings because no, bleu cheese and ranch are not equivalent and you need to be careful. Avoiding food of any kind to be trendy is obnoxious, and making a huge deal out of it is even more obnoxious.

falsara

Ugh, I totally don't agree with these stupid fad diets.

 I understand health issues and not being able to eat certain things. FI is lactose intolerant and my Mom has Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes.  I'm also allergic to mushrooms, they give me migraines, so I understand legitimate food issues and allergies and overall difficulties.

At the same time I do not feel the need to legitimize every single health craze that comes out, you want to eat organic - fine but don't expect me to foot the bill at my wedding for all organic food. You want to go gluten free - also fine, bring your own then if your going to bitch about me serving perfectly ok food. 

 If my FI, me and my mother, who have legitimate food issues, don't bitch about somebody putting milk, mushrooms or sugar in the meal that someone is hosting for us then people who are just doing it because it became popular don't have a right to bitch at me about accomadating them at MY Wedding.

AzAnnie

I own a restaurant and you would not believe how many people tell me they are allergic to things when they are not, they just don't like the item! This gluten free thing is driving me crazy. I have a gluten friendly menu because I cannot guarantee cross contamination, but for some people this is just not good enough! They demand gluten free bread, pancakes, etc. When they ask why I don't have these items, I have to explain that they are expensive and have a short shelf life, therefore they are not a cost effective option. Valid allergy concerns are taken very seriously. Fi is highly allergic to nuts (like respiratory distress after 5 minutes of ingestion). So I understand the fears, but a lot do this is just a fad!

tammym1001

While I agree the gluten free trend is annoying,is it possible that she was asking so that she would know which meal to choose? If you didn't have descriptions then I don't see the harm in clarifying what you were serving if she avoids certain foods. I had a guest that doesn't eat gluten, but she also doesn't eat red meat or sea food so I made sure the chicken dish we served was gluten free so that she would have something to eat. Yes she has a lot of dietary restrictions (none of which are actually medically necessary), but I didn't see the harm in making sure she had something to eat at my wedding.

melbenso

MagicInk said:

So there is a chance that while FI's aunt and cousin have eaten gluten before, they might have had new health diagnosis that mean they need to be gluten free now. 

 

They don't.  I double checked with FMIL.  I would have been a lot more sympathetic if they were. 

melbenso

@tammym1001 - That's why I'm checking with the caterer to see if any of our meal choices are gluten free.  That seems like a perfectly reasonable request.  But the follow up of asking for a completely different meal if they are not, drove me more than a little bit crazy.

Honestly, if I were at a wedding and all they served was shellfish (not a very likely scenario, but still), I would ask the server to give me the sides only on a separate plate and fill up on appetizers.  I'd be sure to eat a big meal before I got there and I'd probably stick a few snacks in my purse, just in case.

chibiyui

One of H's more.....eccentric aunts wrote back on her RSVP multiple food "issues" stuff like "coffee gives me headaches"

Good thing we're not forcing you to drink coffee then.

twitterbird

I have a really good friend who decided last year that she couldn't have gluten. She even got a medic alert bracelet to say that she was gluten intolerant. She has always been a total bandwagoner though. I think she may have gone to paleo now in fact. She was not diagnosed with anything and has been known to say that a little bit is ok though. I also have 2 cousins and a coworker who have been diagnosed as having Celiac disease and they are completely gluten free. Its the only treatment. My friend makes a bigger deal of it then they do.

climbingsingle

I have a legitimate wheat allergy. I found out 14 years ago, obviously before this whole craze. I have never in my life contacted a couple getting married to inform them of my allergy. I know what I can eat and what I can't and I make choices based on that. 

thisismynickname2

I just think that if you have food preferences or allergies, it's on YOU to go out of your way to secure your own meal- not on your hosts or the establishments you visit. 

In some places that's easier than others, but I happen to be in a large city where I can easily find gluten free-friendly places.  That's on me, not on a chef at some place I happen to go. And you know what- if I join a big group of friends for dinner at a place that's not gluten friendly, then guess what- side dishes of veggies for me. Woo. 

Weddings? Pack snacks in your purse and deal. 

erollis

thisismynickname said:

I just think that if you have food preferences or allergies, it's on YOU to go out of your way to secure your own meal- not on your hosts or the establishments you visit. 

In some places that's easier than others, but I happen to be in a large city where I can easily find gluten free-friendly places.  That's on me, not on a chef at some place I happen to go. And you know what- if I join a big group of friends for dinner at a place that's not gluten friendly, then guess what- side dishes of veggies for me. Woo. 

Weddings? Pack snacks in your purse and deal. 

It's true that the person with the allergy or intolerance should be proactive and find places they can eat at or adjust accordingly. I agree completely with this.

Although if a guest had a legitimate question about ingredients because of an allergy I would find out for them. Most Soy Sauce has glutten in it. Most Worcestershire Sauce has High Fructose Corn Syrup or Corn Syrup in it. Ketchup is usually made with corn syrup. I stay clear of anything that may be made or made with certain ingredients. But I had no idea if something would make me sick unless I read labels or asked questions. I felt bad everytime I had to ask but it helped me in the long run.

kat1114

I have to disagree about some of the sentiments about going gluten free. I try to eat Paleo most of the time (although it usually ends up being about 60-70% of the time), and I truly do feel better when I stick to it. I also try not to shove it other people's faces, because everyone should eat what makes them feel good/healthy.

That being said, I would never ask anyone else to make accommodations for my choices, especially since I don't have an actual allergy. Also, I feel like part of the fun in weddings is indulging. Why would you not want to eat delicious wedding cake when there is no actual medical issue stopping you?!

melbenso

The other thing that bugs me: we sent out our invites in late March (because of a snafu with the hotel block, we decided to send them early to make sure guests had enough opportunity to reserve a room). She has had the invite with food choices for two months now, but didn't bother to ask if there was a gluten free option until I contacted her to confirm whether she was coming to the wedding. It would have been a lot easier to get information on the gluten content of the food if you had asked me about it more than a week before the final numbers are due to our caterer. Grrrrr....

ashley8918

I guess i'm in the minority here, but I don't think she is being totally ridiculous. It doesn't sound like was she was DEMANDING that you provide a GF option. She probably just wants to know whether or not she should figure out alternative food for herself and her son.

To be clear, I think the GF fad diet is stupid; however, how do you judge what food restrictions are legitimate? For example,  I am a vegitarian and I expect that anyone who cares about properly hosting guests would provide me with a suitable meal. I have no allergy. I have no religious justification. I don't even have a moral issue. Does that make this not a "legitimate" food restriction?

ETA - I simply don't like meat and will not eat it. Do i really need a "legitimate" justification?

tammym1001

ashley8918 said:

I guess i'm in the minority here, but I don't think she is being totally ridiculous. It doesn't sound like was she was DEMANDING that you provide a GF option. She probably just wants to know whether or not she should figure out alternative food for herself and her son.

To be clear, I think the GF fad diet is stupid; however, how do you judge what food restrictions are legitimate? For example,  I am a vegitarian and I expect that anyone who cares about properly hosting guests would provide me with a suitable meal. I have no allergy. I have no religious justification. I don't even have a moral issue. Does that make this not a "legitimate" food restriction?

ETA - I simply don't like meat and will not eat it. Do i really need a "legitimate" justification?

This is kind of what I've been thinking the entire time I was reading this thread. People on here would flip their shit if someone said a guest was vegetarian and wanted to know if any of their dishes were vegetarian and everyone on here told them the vegetarian should bring snacks with them or eat side dishes. LOL

melbenso

I get your point. To me, a food restriction is "legitimate" for the purposes of expecting others to accommodate it at a large, catered gathering when it causes actual medical distress (not necessarily hospitalization, etc.) if you consume that food.  If the only dinner option for me is shellfish, I won't be able to eat without getting seriously ill.  I don't care for pork.  Never have.  I don't eat it.  But if it were the only dinner option somewhere, I could eat it and wouldn't expect anyone to make any sort of accommodation.

FI has been a vegetarian for more than half his life.  Eating meat actually does make him physically ill at this point, because his body can no longer process it.  We had an incident with unexpected pork in a tofu dish from a Chinese restaurant once.  It wasn't pretty.  Poor guy was throwing up for days.

I am doing my best to host my guests properly and happy to accommodate any food restrictions I reasonably can.  One of my bridesmaids has crohn's disease.  There are a lot of things that she can't eat (like most vegetables) because they quickly make her horribly ill.  I consulted with her before setting up my menu.  Her response: oh, I just won't eat the veggies.  The chicken and potatoes will be plenty for me. But when a food restriction is a preference or a diet, rather than a "legitimate" allergy, feel free to inquire about ingredients, but don't expect me to change them just for you.

loveislouder

I have no opinion on the whole indulging the Aunt thing. But this picture pretty much sums up how I feel about fad diets.

doeydo

I am Celiac, so it kind of bugs me that everyone is hopping on this as a diet fad.  I have been eating GF since I was about 1 1/2 years old and I am not thin.  But, I do like how there are a bunch more options out there now than there used to be.  

mysticl

I recently read an article about a new research study.  This study shows that gluten sensitivity may not be real.  It may be psychological or the digestive distress is caused by other food items.  They are still doing research to prove/disprove the theory.  Mind you this only applies to the sensitivity not an actual allergy/Celiac disease.  

http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2014/05/gluten_sensitivity_may_not_exist.html

The article has some links to more Scientific sources.  

CMGragain

My sister also has celiac's, and she wasn't diagnosed until five years ago.  She is 60.  All her life she could eat anything - ice cream, potato chips, and stayed incredibly thin.  I gained weight as I aged.  Mom used to torment me with how thin my sister was, and how I had gained weight.  Now I discover my sister was thin because she has a disease! 
At daughter's wedding she happily ate fresh fruit and glazed salmon.  It was not a big deal having food for her, as I had to plan for vegans, too.  She ate the butter cream icing off the wedding cake.

thisismynickname2

Vegetarian or simply not eating meat is different, to me, than other fad diets. There are tons of meals that are normally meat free. It's not uncommon at all. Something like gluten, well, that's an element of a food. Most people have no idea what comprises the ingredients in a meal. Its just tedious.

CMGragain

PS.  Now that my sister is eating gluten free, she has gained about 20 lbs, and is looking healthy.  Gluten free does not make you lose weight.

huskypuppy14

I asked people to list dietary restrictions on the RSVP, and I got very few. One person wanted a vegan meal, and a couple people listed some allergies. All of these can be accommodated, as we have multiple options on our stations, so the only thing that needs to be specially made is the vegan meal.

I want my guests to be happy, and not hungry. 

ETA: However, I am not going to change my cake. If you can't eat the cake because of an allergy, I'm sorry, but I can't please everyone. The people I did accommodate were my FFIL and my mother who each have an allergy to a certain nut or a certain fruit that is common in cakes. We just picked a flavor that neither was allergic to.

mysticl

huskypuppy14 said:

I asked people to list dietary restrictions on the RSVP, and I got very few. One person wanted a vegan meal, and a couple people listed some allergies. All of these can be accommodated, as we have multiple options on our stations, so the only thing that needs to be specially made is the vegan meal.

I want my guests to be happy, and not hungry. 

ETA: However, I am not going to change my cake. If you can't eat the cake because of an allergy, I'm sorry, but I can't please everyone. The people I did accommodate were my FFIL and my mother who each have an allergy to a certain nut or a certain fruit that is common in cakes. We just picked a flavor that neither was allergic to.

I have a relative who is allergic to eggs and by allergic I mean he breaks out in hives if someone who has touched something containing eggs touches him.  We just always make sure there is an alternate dessert for him. 

Cookie Pusher

I have a coworker with a dairy allergy. Our cake comes as part of our catering package and I asked about having something dairy-free made (as a courtesy). The price we'd have to pay (as the caterer only covers the basic package) was astronomical. Then we asked about having a dairy-free cupcake or something for my coworker and were told the smallest item they could make for us was a 7" cake... and it would cost us far too much to justify for only one person. Sorry, dude, but you've lived without eating cake this long so you can go without at my wedding. I already made sure the buffet was 75% dairy-free for you.