Wedding Woes

I need advice

Hi ladies!

So I'm set to get married May of 2015. One of my bridesmaids called me today and told me that she is pregnant, and is due end of January/beginning of February. She then asked/told me that she needs to have the baby with her the day of the wedding because she is planning on breastfeeding and..as she puts it..."he/she will still be tiny". 

My wedding is on a Friday, so that means all day she will have her husband/new baby following us wherever we go for hair/makeup/pictures/what have you, which will make the flow of things even more difficult that day. My question is, how do I tell her that it's NOT a good idea without sounding like a total bitch? I understand that the baby will have needs, but I also want to have fun with my bridesmaids, and I feel having an infant around all day will get really stressful really fast. 

Any sort of advice/thoughts/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated! <3

Re: I need advice

  •  
     I never really thought to call a baby a buzzkill. The thing that I'm having a slight issue with is having her husband follow us and then having to stop everything on a tight schedule/potentially make the rest of the wedding party feel uncomfortable. And you're right, there is no "good" way to do it, either way, someone's feelings are going to get hurt :/
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    curtb127 said:
    Hi ladies!

    So I'm set to get married May of 2015. One of my bridesmaids called me today and told me that she is pregnant, and is due end of January/beginning of February. She then asked/told me that she needs to have the baby with her the day of the wedding because she is planning on breastfeeding and..as she puts it..."he/she will still be tiny". 

    My wedding is on a Friday, so that means all day she will have her husband/new baby following us wherever we go for hair/makeup/pictures/what have you, which will make the flow of things even more difficult that day. My question is, how do I tell her that it's NOT a good idea without sounding like a total bitch? I understand that the baby will have needs, but I also want to have fun with my bridesmaids, and I feel having an infant around all day will get really stressful really fast. 

    Any sort of advice/thoughts/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated! <3
    I think you have to suck this one up. There is no way to do this without hurt feelings. Telling her not to bring her baby will risk your friendship, and it sounds like you want to stay friends. 

    Also, this is so far in the future. So many things could change! Maybe she won't be able to breast feed, or maybe the baby will be sick and need more care (God forbid).  She might decide she doesn't want the baby out of the house for so long. Just leave it alone for now and cross that bridge when you come to it. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    curtb127
  • Someone holding a baby in the same room as the bridal party?!!!!
    Your day will be ruined. 
    What kind of God would allow this?



    (This is a non issue.)
    VarunaTTVivandiere8penguin44
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2014
    Just roll with whatever she says and you'll figure it out when it's closer.  Just be happy for her.

    Don't worry about your wedding and for the love, don't bring it up to her.  It's so far off and there are so many factors that could change between now and then.   There's a lot of things I thought I would do before I got pregnant, during my pregnancy, and as a new mother that didn't come to pass.   

    Plus, having a baby around on your wedding day is really, truly not a big deal.  

    ETA: Infants are NBD.  At the age her baby will be, he/she will probably sleep, eat, give out a few smiles and coos and that's it.  The baby will hopefully be content in its carrier while y'all bustle around getting ready. 
    VarunaTTMNNEBrideVivandiere8
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I truly can't believe you're fretting about this nearly a year in advance. If you're this keyed up over this kind of thing now, it is going to be a very long and stressful year for you. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    mrsconn23MNNEBrideRebl90
  • I was a BM in a wedding where the MOH had a 3 week old she was breast feeding. Her husband did not hang around with us. He texted if the baby was getting fussy/hungry and the mom left to discreetly feed the baby when necessary. It was not an issue.
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    This sounds eerily like my situation. My wedding is also May, 2015 and my pregnant BM is also due Jan/Feb of next year. You know what? I'm not even thinking about it. I congratulated her, and as long as she is happy, I am happy for her (I posted about this on chit chat, in case that last statement sounded weird). 

    This is a non issue. As others said, anything can happen, the baby may not need breast feeding, maybe the husband won't follow you around and will stay with the baby - I think breastfeeding moms can pump into a bottle to give to the baby. Or maybe he will only come by when the baby needs feeding. The point is, it is not a big deal. Don't bring this up to her, she will handle the situation as she best sees fit, and I promise, your day will not be ruined because of a newborn.
                                 Anniversary
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  • Agree with all the PP, and in addition, even assuming the H and the baby are present, how does that make "the flow of things even more difficult that day?"  Also, you say having an infant around will make everything really stressful, and I don't understand that, either.  Have you spent time around babies?  A toddler could potentially make things stressful--they can be loud and mobile and haven't learned many social skills yet.  But a 3-4 mo. old?  It's not like the kid is going to be whining for a juice box and running around pantsless.

    There is no good way to tell your supposed friend that she can't feed her kid.  Even if that's not what she ends up doing, telling her that now will make you sound like a bitch (and not undeservedly so).  I'd put it aside for now, knowing that this is far in the future; when the time comes, roll with it.   
    mrsconn23
  • curtb127 said:
    Hi ladies!

    So I'm set to get married May of 2015. One of my bridesmaids called me today and told me that she is pregnant, and is due end of January/beginning of February. She then asked/told me that she needs to have the baby with her the day of the wedding because she is planning on breastfeeding and..as she puts it..."he/she will still be tiny". 

    My wedding is on a Friday, so that means all day she will have her husband/new baby following us wherever we go for hair/makeup/pictures/what have you, which will make the flow of things even more difficult that day. My question is, how do I tell her that it's NOT a good idea without sounding like a total bitch? I understand that the baby will have needs, but I also want to have fun with my bridesmaids, and I feel having an infant around all day will get really stressful really fast. 

    Any sort of advice/thoughts/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated! <3
    JIC
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    There are SO many days when I wish that getting the child calm and quiet were as easy as taking off my shirt--those days were SO much easier.
    Now I have to actually DO STUFF. And, you know, parent.  Then I could just be a pacifier that leaked milk.

    mrsconn23
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm not sure how her baby will interrupt your flow? It'll interrupt her flow, for sure. Not yours. Not the other wedding party members. Drive separatly and be happy for her.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • Seriously Gbck, I find myself longing for days gone by where the Moby and my boob could calm the cranky pants. Rough week round these parts.

  • jojobrn said:
    Seriously Gbck, I find myself longing for days gone by where the Moby and my boob could calm the cranky pants. Rough week round these parts.

    stuck in the box, but I was just missing the Moby, too.  I loved it, and now this gigantic kid of mine is not well-suited to it anymore.  I used to pop him in that and he'd be asleep in 90 seconds flat.  Now he's figured out that we continue to exist even when he's supposed to be going to bed, and he is piiiiiiiiiissed.
    GBCKmrsconn23
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    At least the rocking chair in her room is still mostly magic around these parts.
    I mean, I have to be SITTING in it w/ her for it to be magic, but, it's pretty magic.
    mrsconn23
  • @Heffalump we switched over to a kinderpack: http://www.kindercarry.bigcartel.com/

    And I took a gift card and bought a woven wrap, so higher weight limit then Moby. But wrapping her now requires different carries, so my friend and I are going to get together and figure out how to wrap carry our gigantic kids. But the Kinderpack is amazing, I can breastfeed her in it and she will sleep in it, also does back carries really well and far comfier for me than an Ergo.

  • Meh, seems like a total non-issue to me.  Just roll with things.  It's not like the whole wedding party is going to be catering to the baby, who's going to spend most of the time sleeping anyway. 

    Also, the baby will be so little - I'd definitely be keeping baby with me if I were your BM, especially since she's nursing.  Saying anything about it will absolutely cause problems.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker




  • I know of people who kicked the groom's sister out of the wedding reception for needing to bring her baby to breastfeed.  If you have an issue, you have two options.  If a mother is breastfeeding (and can't pump, because not everyone can successfully do so), she will need to have her child relatively close by, and if the child is somewhere else, she will have to be going back and forth.  That is more of a headache, especially for the mother.  If you force her to not have the child around, she might not be able to come at all.  You have to ask if that is something you are willing to risk.  Word of advice - don't make a mother chose between you and her child.   

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