I need advice

curtb127 · June 2014

Hi ladies!

So I'm set to get married May of 2015. One of my bridesmaids called me today and told me that she is pregnant, and is due end of January/beginning of February. She then asked/told me that she needs to have the baby with her the day of the wedding because she is planning on breastfeeding and..as she puts it..."he/she will still be tiny".

My wedding is on a Friday, so that means all day she will have her husband/new baby following us wherever we go for hair/makeup/pictures/what have you, which will make the flow of things even more difficult that day. My question is, how do I tell her that it's NOT a good idea without sounding like a total bitch? I understand that the baby will have needs, but I also want to have fun with my bridesmaids, and I feel having an infant around all day will get really stressful really fast.

Any sort of advice/thoughts/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

sarahonlife · June 2014

How do you tell her she's not allowed to feed her baby on your wedding day because you want to have fun and babies are total buzzkills? There's not really a good way to do that.

curtb127 · June 2014

I never really thought to call a baby a buzzkill. The thing that I'm having a slight issue with is having her husband follow us and then having to stop everything on a tight schedule/potentially make the rest of the wedding party feel uncomfortable. And you're right, there is no "good" way to do it, either way, someone's feelings are going to get hurt

JCbride2015 · June 2014

curtb127 said:

Hi ladies!

So I'm set to get married May of 2015. One of my bridesmaids called me today and told me that she is pregnant, and is due end of January/beginning of February. She then asked/told me that she needs to have the baby with her the day of the wedding because she is planning on breastfeeding and..as she puts it..."he/she will still be tiny".

My wedding is on a Friday, so that means all day she will have her husband/new baby following us wherever we go for hair/makeup/pictures/what have you, which will make the flow of things even more difficult that day. My question is, how do I tell her that it's NOT a good idea without sounding like a total bitch? I understand that the baby will have needs, but I also want to have fun with my bridesmaids, and I feel having an infant around all day will get really stressful really fast.

Any sort of advice/thoughts/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

I think you have to suck this one up. There is no way to do this without hurt feelings. Telling her not to bring her baby will risk your friendship, and it sounds like you want to stay friends.

Also, this is so far in the future. So many things could change! Maybe she won't be able to breast feed, or maybe the baby will be sick and need more care (God forbid). She might decide she doesn't want the baby out of the house for so long. Just leave it alone for now and cross that bridge when you come to it.

ohannabelle · June 2014

Someone holding a baby in the same room as the bridal party?!!!!

Your day will be ruined.

What kind of God would allow this?

(This is a non issue.)

6fsn · June 2014

May is a looooong time from now. She's probably swimming in thoughts and emotions. For now be HAPPY for her. In April evaluate the situation. She may not be able to bf. She may want the day away by then. She may opt out of some of the pre-wedding pretty day stuff. She'll probably have a bit more of a schedule when baby is 3 months old so her baby and husband won't just be sitting around waiting for her boobs all day.

Again be HAPPY for her.

mrsconn23 · June 2014

Just roll with whatever she says and you'll figure it out when it's closer. Just be happy for her.

Don't worry about your wedding and for the love, don't bring it up to her. It's so far off and there are so many factors that could change between now and then. There's a lot of things I thought I would do before I got pregnant, during my pregnancy, and as a new mother that didn't come to pass.

Plus, having a baby around on your wedding day is really, truly not a big deal.

ETA: Infants are NBD. At the age her baby will be, he/she will probably sleep, eat, give out a few smiles and coos and that's it. The baby will hopefully be content in its carrier while y'all bustle around getting ready.

AddieCake · June 2014

I truly can't believe you're fretting about this nearly a year in advance. If you're this keyed up over this kind of thing now, it is going to be a very long and stressful year for you.

debbeau · June 2014

I was a BM in a wedding where the MOH had a 3 week old she was breast feeding. Her husband did not hang around with us. He texted if the baby was getting fussy/hungry and the mom left to discreetly feed the baby when necessary. It was not an issue.

pinkcow13 · June 2014

This sounds eerily like my situation. My wedding is also May, 2015 and my pregnant BM is also due Jan/Feb of next year. You know what? I'm not even thinking about it. I congratulated her, and as long as she is happy, I am happy for her (I posted about this on chit chat, in case that last statement sounded weird).

This is a non issue. As others said, anything can happen, the baby may not need breast feeding, maybe the husband won't follow you around and will stay with the baby - I think breastfeeding moms can pump into a bottle to give to the baby. Or maybe he will only come by when the baby needs feeding. The point is, it is not a big deal. Don't bring this up to her, she will handle the situation as she best sees fit, and I promise, your day will not be ruined because of a newborn.

*Barbie* · June 2014

translation of OP:

I am getting married next May, and one of my BM is pg, due in Jan/Feb. I am worried that her 3mo baby will completely thunderjack my wedding day, and be a total buzzkill.

Also, I think breastfeeding is gross, and I don't want to chance seeing my friend feed her baby.

Please tell me how to keep my other BM in a bubble so no more of them get KU and potentially thunderjack my PPD.

I also want you all to validate my feelings that this BM is an evil bitch for procreating before my PPD, and that I am completely justified in firing her from the bridal party.

GBCK · June 2014

I will say, her putting her DH on deck to do childcare and *just* needing to be avail for boobs? that's actually already a huge concession/plan she's made to try to make things easier. Take that one w/ gratitude and move on.

Heffalump · June 2014

Agree with all the PP, and in addition, even assuming the H and the baby are present, how does that make "the flow of things even more difficult that day?" Also, you say having an infant around will make everything really stressful, and I don't understand that, either. Have you spent time around babies? A toddler could potentially make things stressful--they can be loud and mobile and haven't learned many social skills yet. But a 3-4 mo. old? It's not like the kid is going to be whining for a juice box and running around pantsless.

There is no good way to tell your supposed friend that she can't feed her kid. Even if that's not what she ends up doing, telling her that now will make you sound like a bitch (and not undeservedly so). I'd put it aside for now, knowing that this is far in the future; when the time comes, roll with it.

mrsconn23 · June 2014

curtb127 said:

Hi ladies!

So I'm set to get married May of 2015. One of my bridesmaids called me today and told me that she is pregnant, and is due end of January/beginning of February. She then asked/told me that she needs to have the baby with her the day of the wedding because she is planning on breastfeeding and..as she puts it..."he/she will still be tiny".

My wedding is on a Friday, so that means all day she will have her husband/new baby following us wherever we go for hair/makeup/pictures/what have you, which will make the flow of things even more difficult that day. My question is, how do I tell her that it's NOT a good idea without sounding like a total bitch? I understand that the baby will have needs, but I also want to have fun with my bridesmaids, and I feel having an infant around all day will get really stressful really fast.

Any sort of advice/thoughts/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

JIC

tawillers · June 2014

All this talk of breastfeeding has made me nostalgic for the days I used to whip my boobs out and squirt milk on anyone near me, super soaker style. Oh wait, that's not what breastfeeders do?

GBCK · June 2014

There are SO many days when I wish that getting the child calm and quiet were as easy as taking off my shirt--those days were SO much easier.
Now I have to actually DO STUFF. And, you know, parent. Then I could just be a pacifier that leaked milk.

larrygaga · June 2014

I'm not sure how her baby will interrupt your flow? It'll interrupt her flow, for sure. Not yours. Not the other wedding party members. Drive separatly and be happy for her.

jojobrn · June 2014

Seriously Gbck, I find myself longing for days gone by where the Moby and my boob could calm the cranky pants. Rough week round these parts.

Heffalump · June 2014

jojobrn said:

Seriously Gbck, I find myself longing for days gone by where the Moby and my boob could calm the cranky pants. Rough week round these parts.

stuck in the box, but I was just missing the Moby, too. I loved it, and now this gigantic kid of mine is not well-suited to it anymore. I used to pop him in that and he'd be asleep in 90 seconds flat. Now he's figured out that we continue to exist even when he's supposed to be going to bed, and he is piiiiiiiiiissed.

GBCK · June 2014

At least the rocking chair in her room is still mostly magic around these parts.

I mean, I have to be SITTING in it w/ her for it to be magic, but, it's pretty magic.

jojobrn · June 2014

@Heffalump we switched over to a kinderpack: http://www.kindercarry.bigcartel.com/

And I took a gift card and bought a woven wrap, so higher weight limit then Moby. But wrapping her now requires different carries, so my friend and I are going to get together and figure out how to wrap carry our gigantic kids. But the Kinderpack is amazing, I can breastfeed her in it and she will sleep in it, also does back carries really well and far comfier for me than an Ergo.

mrsmorales2be · June 2014

Meh, seems like a total non-issue to me. Just roll with things. It's not like the whole wedding party is going to be catering to the baby, who's going to spend most of the time sleeping anyway.

Also, the baby will be so little - I'd definitely be keeping baby with me if I were your BM, especially since she's nursing. Saying anything about it will absolutely cause problems.

kerbohl · June 2014

I know of people who kicked the groom's sister out of the wedding reception for needing to bring her baby to breastfeed. If you have an issue, you have two options. If a mother is breastfeeding (and can't pump, because not everyone can successfully do so), she will need to have her child relatively close by, and if the child is somewhere else, she will have to be going back and forth. That is more of a headache, especially for the mother. If you force her to not have the child around, she might not be able to come at all. You have to ask if that is something you are willing to risk. Word of advice - don't make a mother chose between you and her child.

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