How much do you gift?

chibiyui

@ktjanesmom‌
Don't feel bad. When I attended weddings solo, I gave between 30 and 50 because that's what I could afford. If I was still flying solo, I'd still be giving 30-50 because that's all I can afford with my job. The only reason I can give more now is H makes significantly more than I do, so we give what we can afford.

ElcaB

I usually prefer something from the registry myself, but my two close friends who are getting married did not register. 

She didn't have a bridal shower (per her request), but I did participate in the OOT bachelorette party as well as chip in to cover her cost, which was pretty reasonable. I am a BM in her wedding & have purchased the dress and two pairs of shoes she wanted me to. 

I'm thinking $100-$150 will make me feel comfortable, but it's so hard to decide on a number when they are such close friends of mine. 

ElcaB

KPBM89 said:

Before we moved, FI and I would give around $150.  Now that we have to travel 24+ hours to go to weddings, we typically give $50-100, more if they're family.  It costs us a lot of money to do all the travel, plus whatever we paid for the gifts we had sent for showers.

I'd love to know if any of the couples ever appreciated their money and gifts though.  We have never received a thank you card for anything we've given at a wedding or shower.  Not a single one.  And I've been to a fuckton of weddings.

Are you kidding me? This makes me stabby. 

KPBM89

ElcaB said:

KPBM89 said:

Before we moved, FI and I would give around $150.  Now that we have to travel 24+ hours to go to weddings, we typically give $50-100, more if they're family.  It costs us a lot of money to do all the travel, plus whatever we paid for the gifts we had sent for showers.

I'd love to know if any of the couples ever appreciated their money and gifts though.  We have never received a thank you card for anything we've given at a wedding or shower.  Not a single one.  And I've been to a fuckton of weddings.

Are you kidding me? This makes me stabby. 

I wish I were kidding.  Sadly, this includes my brother's wedding (and his wife's shower beforehand), my cousin's wedding, the weddings of several close friends, my cousin's baby shower, and my brother's baby shower.  

There is only one exception now that I think about it.  It was a surprise baby shower that I hosted for a dear friend/ coworker a couple years ago.  She gave me the most heartfelt card ever.  I cried when I read it and it still hangs on my wall.

jenna8984

ElcaB said:

I usually prefer something from the registry myself, but my two close friends who are getting married did not register. 

She didn't have a bridal shower (per her request), but I did participate in the OOT bachelorette party as well as chip in to cover her cost, which was pretty reasonable. I am a BM in her wedding & have purchased the dress and two pairs of shoes she wanted me to. 

I'm thinking $100-$150 will make me feel comfortable, but it's so hard to decide on a number when they are such close friends of mine. 

@elcab She made you get 2 pairs of shoes? I'm not having a shower and I picked $50 dresses and that's that. I'm like not like "yay people usually spend 200 so now I can make them get shoes and a super great bach party!" lol

theartistformerlyknownas

Usually about $50-75 for a shower gift, $75-100 for the wedding. It was $75 gift/$100 gift card for the destination wedding I was a bridesmaid in on Sunday and I really wished I could have given more, but between travel expenses and my own wedding coming up, I just couldn't swing it. Aaaaand the fact that we had to pay for our own dinner at the shower on Friday, although IDK if the bride knew about that. I certainly didn't until the MOH emphatically nodded "yes" at the "separate checks?" question from the waitress. Thankfully the wine I wanted was hosted at the partial cash bar at the wedding.

ElcaB

jenna8984 said:

ElcaB said:

I usually prefer something from the registry myself, but my two close friends who are getting married did not register. 

She didn't have a bridal shower (per her request), but I did participate in the OOT bachelorette party as well as chip in to cover her cost, which was pretty reasonable. I am a BM in her wedding & have purchased the dress and two pairs of shoes she wanted me to. 

I'm thinking $100-$150 will make me feel comfortable, but it's so hard to decide on a number when they are such close friends of mine. 

@elcab She made you get 2 pairs of shoes? I'm not having a shower and I picked $50 dresses and that's that. I'm like not like "yay people usually spend 200 so now I can make them get shoes and a super great bach party!" lol

Yes, two pairs: one pair of heels for the ceremony and flip-flops for the reception. 

It's not right, but she's a very close friend. My biggest beef is that I hate the flip-flops --- they're super "floppy" and don't stay on my feet very well. 

Blergbot

Before FI I gave $50-$75 (usually a combination of a handmade gift, a registry item and money). I am a grad student, and that, plus bachelorette party, was actually quite a bit of money for me. We gave FSIL a $150 mirror off their registry, but we also traveled, so that added to our cost. Still waiting on a TY for that one...

wandajune6

@Elcab 2 pairs of shoes? WTF?

Oops. Responded before refreshing!

tigersgirlgv

chibiyui said:

@ktjanesmom‌ Don't feel bad. When I attended weddings solo, I gave between 30 and 50 because that's what I could afford. If I was still flying solo, I'd still be giving 30-50 because that's all I can afford with my job. The only reason I can give more now is H makes significantly more than I do, so we give what we can afford.

Don't feel badly! I usually try to do a gift off the registry, but I shoot for $25-30 for the shower and around $50 for the wedding. I'm usually attending alone and the only one contributing for the gift and it's what I can afford. 

I did do a gift card for a friend's wedding recently, because everything left on their registry was super pricey and I would have felt lame showing up with one of the things that were left under my budget (they didn't feel like a very good present, even though they cost quite a bit).

clarke10

If it's someone I'm not close with (courtesy invite), I'll give $50-$75, depending on how far I'm traveling. 

For family and good friends I give about $100 and $50 for the shower gift. 

For best friends and siblings it's about $200. 

thisismynickname2

I've given more as I've gotten older, but still, after all factors are included, I don't think I've gifted more than $100. When I was right out of college I'd buy something inexpensive off the registry and call it a day.

It's kind of weird, now that I think about it. Younger couples are often those more in need of gifts to start their lives together.  Now, we can afford to give more money to people who don't really need it and vice versa. Just... odd. 

[Deleted User]

beethery said:

Weddings for friends, we give $150 each.

When my cousin got married, we gave them a card and I painted them a picture. Didn't help that their venue ran out of food, and that I later found out it was a PPD. They also were going to be living in two separate countries for over a year and I found out my parents gave them a pretty huge check. Didn't feel really bad about not handing off some cash.

FBIL's wedding last year, we gave nothing. FI had to buy a whole new suit (when he already had a black one that looked EXACTLY THE SAME as the one he was nagged/guilted/bitched at into buying), AND he ended up paying for FOB/BOBs golf outing costs for the bachelor party, because they didn't fucking show up on time. Plus I think he got them some plants and other yardwork shit that they asked for for the 'surprise' bridal shower that FSIL wanted superextrabad and her shitty sister wouldn't host for her, so my FMIL set it up.

Dick behavior gets no gift.

It's been a year (as of yesterday), and I am still feeling WAVES of relief from that whole debacle being DONE.

Gifts should not have strings

beethery

IamTheMommaOfTheBride said:

beethery said:

Weddings for friends, we give $150 each.

When my cousin got married, we gave them a card and I painted them a picture. Didn't help that their venue ran out of food, and that I later found out it was a PPD. They also were going to be living in two separate countries for over a year and I found out my parents gave them a pretty huge check. Didn't feel really bad about not handing off some cash.

FBIL's wedding last year, we gave nothing. FI had to buy a whole new suit (when he already had a black one that looked EXACTLY THE SAME as the one he was nagged/guilted/bitched at into buying), AND he ended up paying for FOB/BOBs golf outing costs for the bachelor party, because they didn't fucking show up on time. Plus I think he got them some plants and other yardwork shit that they asked for for the 'surprise' bridal shower that FSIL wanted superextrabad and her shitty sister wouldn't host for her, so my FMIL set it up.

Dick behavior gets no gift.

It's been a year (as of yesterday), and I am still feeling WAVES of relief from that whole debacle being DONE.

Gifts should not have strings

Fine. My gift was the bridal shower invitations. Done deal.

NYCBruin

IamTheMommaOfTheBride said:

beethery said:

Weddings for friends, we give $150 each.

When my cousin got married, we gave them a card and I painted them a picture. Didn't help that their venue ran out of food, and that I later found out it was a PPD. They also were going to be living in two separate countries for over a year and I found out my parents gave them a pretty huge check. Didn't feel really bad about not handing off some cash.

FBIL's wedding last year, we gave nothing. FI had to buy a whole new suit (when he already had a black one that looked EXACTLY THE SAME as the one he was nagged/guilted/bitched at into buying), AND he ended up paying for FOB/BOBs golf outing costs for the bachelor party, because they didn't fucking show up on time. Plus I think he got them some plants and other yardwork shit that they asked for for the 'surprise' bridal shower that FSIL wanted superextrabad and her shitty sister wouldn't host for her, so my FMIL set it up.

Dick behavior gets no gift.

It's been a year (as of yesterday), and I am still feeling WAVES of relief from that whole debacle being DONE.

Gifts should not have strings

Gifts are also not required.  If you don't want to give a gift for any reason (including that someone is being a dick), you don't have to.

MairePoppy

My husband and I almost always give a cash gift for weddings - average $200. 

If I'm invited to the shower, I buy something off the registry for $50- $150, depending on how close we are to the couple.

@KPBM89 - I decline invitations and don't send gifts to people who don't bother to thank us for the wedding gifts we have given. 

@CookiePusher - Your payment scale reminds me: My father's cousin  would size up the meal, bar, hospitality and entertainment and then write up her check in the lady's room. She deducted money from my wedding gift because I didn't invite her two adult daughters and SIL. She explained her reasoning to one of my bms to make sure I understood why I was being penalized. At my shower, she gave me an ugly hand made ceramic candy dish and took home a weeks worth of left over food from the buffet. 

SmileDamnit

My gifting amount is based on financial climate at the time of gifting & relationship to the couple. That said, cash gifts average between $100 - $300.

LadyMillil

I usually try to find a registry item on sale for the gift. If there's nothing on the registry I want to give, or if it's all luxury items (cheapest registry item was $500 for my cousin's wedding) I give $50-$100 depending on several factors. If there was a stag and doe AND cash bar I give $50 regardless because that pisses me off. Immediate family gets a nice shower gift ($75 registry item) and $300. 

MuppetOverlord

Depends on my relationship with the person and how much I'm otherwise spending on their wedding. I normally spend around $100 on a shower gift and $100 as a wedding gift I guess.

If it's a very close person to me, maybe add another $150 to that.

Sometimes I give a lot of time. I've made 150 Mario themed cupcake toppers out of gumpaste as a gift one year, it took me about 30 hours and $50 to make them all and that was their gift.

Most of the gifts at my wedding were around $100, many were at the $50 range and some I felt were very generous at the $150, $250 and $500 range. I also got some non-monetary gifts that are amongst my favorites

hikebikebemerry

I base it on my relationship and financial situation.

The first wedding I was in, I was single, money was tight, and I had to fly- so her gift totaled about $40

More recently, one of my BFFs got married and for both of us we gave about $300 between wedding and shower gifts.  (This doesn't add in what I spent on her bach party and doing makeup for the bride and most of the BP.)

FI's cousin is getting married this month, and we have spent about $100 on gifts ($50 for shower, and $50 spent on part of the wedding gift that we sent early on) We will probably give another $25-$50; we also aren't that close to them (I have never met them).

Cookie Pusher

MairePoppy said:

@CookiePusher - Your payment scale reminds me: My father's cousin  would size up the meal, bar, hospitality and entertainment and then write up her check in the lady's room. She deducted money from my wedding gift because I didn't invite her two adult daughters and SIL. She explained her reasoning to one of my bms to make sure I understood why I was being penalized. At my shower, she gave me an ugly hand made ceramic candy dish and took home a weeks worth of left over food from the buffet. 

Yikes, I would never use that as a reason to give less of a gift! My scale is based on how crappy you treat me. I usually decline invitations from people I truly dislike, but sometimes you have to go out of obligation, which means they're likely to get a nice but off-registry gift of my choosing and a pretty card. Once you start going into Etiquette No-No Land, then it's a matter of how little regard you've shown your guests. If I have to go out and buy myself dinner during your 5 hour gap because you're only serving finger-foods at your evening reception, it has to come out of what I budgeted to spend on your wedding. Sorrynotsorry.

WinstonsGirl

I hate giving cash.  Gifts were always boxed in my mind.  I'm heading to a wedding in a few weeks that had a HM poem asking for cash.  I have no idea what to give them other than a metal rooster.  Any suggestions??  If they're registered anywhere other than Honeyfund, I can't find them

csuave

All the weddings I go to are for friends and cousins.  No super close relatives.

I gave $50 as a single and so did DH.  We decided to give $100 as our standard as a couple.  Everyone gets the same except super close friends that I have been BM for; they got $100-$150 from me as a single.

We got mostly cash gifts at our wedding and in quite a range.  $50 per single/$100 per couple was the most popular amount so that seems to be pretty standard for our peer group.

MairePoppy

@Cookie Pusher -  There's nothing wrong with respecting your budget. If you have to pay for your own dinner, drinks or find entertainment, well, that money has to come from somewhere. 

I didn't mean to imply that you were like my miserable 2nd cousin, once removed or whatever she is. I actually didn't want her invited to the wedding, but my parents were the hosts and made up the guest list. She got invited to everything back then, mostly for the entertainment value, like a sideshow. I'm a former MOB, whose wedding was in the late 70s. You just brought back a funny memory. Thanks. 

ElcaB

MuppetOverlord said:

Depends on my relationship with the person and how much I'm otherwise spending on their wedding. I normally spend around $100 on a shower gift and $100 as a wedding gift I guess.

If it's a very close person to me, maybe add another $150 to that.

Sometimes I give a lot of time. I've made 150 Mario themed cupcake toppers out of gumpaste as a gift one year, it took me about 30 hours and $50 to make them all and that was their gift.

Most of the gifts at my wedding were around $100, many were at the $50 range and some I felt were very generous at the $150, $250 and $500 range. I also got some non-monetary gifts that are amongst my favorites

Damn, girl! 

ElcaB

WinstonsGirl said:

I hate giving cash.  Gifts were always boxed in my mind.  I'm heading to a wedding in a few weeks that had a HM poem asking for cash.  I have no idea what to give them other than a metal rooster.  Any suggestions??  If they're registered anywhere other than Honeyfund, I can't find them

A box of wine?

LadyMillil

WinstonsGirl said:

I hate giving cash.  Gifts were always boxed in my mind.  I'm heading to a wedding in a few weeks that had a HM poem asking for cash.  I have no idea what to give them other than a metal rooster.  Any suggestions??  If they're registered anywhere other than Honeyfund, I can't find them

Where are they going on the honeymoon? Could you do beach towels, sunscreen and aloe? A gas gift card? I know you said that you don't like giving cash, but does the honeymoon location require currency exchange? A Knottiest has mentioned before that she gave people with a HM fund currency for the country they were going to so the couple had some money when they arrived. Plus, if they don't actually go on the HM they have to do a currency exchange to use the cash.

larrygaga

Shower- $30

Wedding couple I don't really know well/distant relationship- $40

Wedding couple I do know well- $60

Close family- $100

Ish. I don't really focus too much on the price. I'm not the best budgeter LOL

beethery

@WinstonsGirl it's not worth the price, but I think you should get them some rooster beach towels.



They're fancy ass designer towels. If I had shit-tons of money and wanted to prove a point, this is how I'd do it (towel link here)

SBmini

My minimum is $100 per person. So we tend to give $200 for friends. For close family we give $500-1,000, depending on who they are and what we can afford. A lot of these people REALLY went above and beyond for us at our wedding, so we intend to pay it forward when it is their turn.