The wedding date.

ElcaB

Maggie0829 said: ElcaB said: JCbride2015 said: I don't know. I've been with Fi since I was 15 so I always have a date to weddings.
However, I think it would be nice to make an exception for your wedding party.  We plan on giving +1s to all single guests, but that's something we will cut if capacity becomes a problem.  However, even if we do that, we plan to still let WP bring a date.  I think it's a nice way to thank them for standing up with you.

That's an interesting perspective. I guess from my POV, if I'm in the BP and I know tons of people in the wedding, I'm even less inclined to want to bring a date --- because then, that date will be stuck in the position of not knowing anyone and being by themselves for the entire ceremony and cocktail hour. 
ETA: SITB This isn't always true.  I was in my friends wedding a year ago.  I knew about 5 people there and three of them were the bride, the groom and my H.  If I wasn't married I sure as hell would have liked to bring a date so that I would have had a buddy during the reception.

I know it's not always true; I'm just referencing to when it is true. 

ETA: SITB

ElcaB

MagicInk said:

Oh, one thing I forgot. Don't do a singles table. That's a dick move. Not all singles get along just because they're single. That is not a thing to have in common. Don't fucking do it. 

Not sure if you are or aren't, but I've seen people do it and I'm like WTF? Of course I've also been sat at the "all gay" table. Yes, we all clearly have lots in common what with us being homosexuals and all.

@MagicInk, rest assured; no singles tables are in the plans for us. 

RE: bolded: Are you fucking serious? People have DONE THAT?

VulgarGirl

ElcaB said:

MagicInk said:

Oh, one thing I forgot. Don't do a singles table. That's a dick move. Not all singles get along just because they're single. That is not a thing to have in common. Don't fucking do it. 

Not sure if you are or aren't, but I've seen people do it and I'm like WTF? Of course I've also been sat at the "all gay" table. Yes, we all clearly have lots in common what with us being homosexuals and all.

@MagicInk, rest assured; no singles tables are in the plans for us. 

RE: bolded: Are you fucking serious? People have DONE THAT?

Just once. It was a couple years ago and I'm assuming they were trying to be nice. Probably thinking it'd make us feel more comfortable or something.

jenna8984

My best friend & bridesmaid is perpetually single and perpetually a bridesmaid. She absolutes hates when she's not offered a plus one. She feels that if she spent the time and money to be in your wedding, the least you can do is let her have a companion. Sure she knows the bride & groom, but she's not going to be up their butt's all night. She definitely has the option of a plus one to my wedding whether she decides to use it or not. You know those people on here that say "I only have so many seats, why do I want one taken up by someone I don't even know or have strangers in my pictures?!" That is ridiculously rude. (not you OP) A few years ago I had gone through a break up and I was given a plus one. I brought a girl friend along since I didn't know anyone and the bride & groom came over to greet us, thank us, they introduced themselves to her, they were absolute sweethearts to her, and 4 years later they still ask me how she's doing. THAT has remained in my mind and given them brownie points for life. People remember when you're rude to them but they also remember when you're wonderful.

jenna8984

sorry not letting me edit that- I had paragraphs!!!

theartistformerlyknownas

Yeah I'm definitely not on board with the "don't want randoms in my pictures" argument. That's just dumb, and a photographer issue not a guest list issue. I can understand and respect the arguments for extending a guest, but it still doesn't convince me that it ALWAYS needs to be given or expected. When we talk about seating arrangements for WP, or not splitting up SOs, the argument is that this is a social event and those functioning as social units shouldn't be separated. But these are people who DON'T function as a social unit. Whoever your "plus one" is, if you wouldn't bring them to a family dinner or a friend's birthday party, why do you need to bring them to a wedding? And why should I feel bad about not spending $100 on their night out? If you did always bring that person to those events, I would invite them - they're important to you. But if it's just "I won't be able to enjoy myself without a date," I'm gonna have to use the same line as those whose kids aren't invited - "as much as we'd love to include everyone, we just can't. I'm sorry if you can't make it without ____; we'll miss you." 

Maggie0829

I guess what it comes down for me is guest comfort.  I would rather offer it up as an option and then those that are more comfortable with a date can bring them and be happy and comfortable and those that don't care and will be fine on their own can rsvp solo or bring someone if they will.  Either way guests comfort is key for me.

wandajune6

MagicInk said:

ElcaB said:

MagicInk said:

Oh, one thing I forgot. Don't do a singles table. That's a dick move. Not all singles get along just because they're single. That is not a thing to have in common. Don't fucking do it. 

Not sure if you are or aren't, but I've seen people do it and I'm like WTF? Of course I've also been sat at the "all gay" table. Yes, we all clearly have lots in common what with us being homosexuals and all.

@MagicInk, rest assured; no singles tables are in the plans for us. 

RE: bolded: Are you fucking serious? People have DONE THAT?

Just once. It was a couple years ago and I'm assuming they were trying to be nice. Probably thinking it'd make us feel more comfortable or something.

I've gotten placed at the gay table twice, both times while single. I'm not gay. The first time was an ex's wedding. I stayed friends with him and his family though his bride wasn't as comfortable with it as I had previously thought. I found out later that she thought she was punishing me. I totally won- it was the best table to be seated with!

The second time I was at the gay table it was a matter of numbers - I was the lone single that no one knew what to do with. Yet again, I got lucky!

Though I agree that creating a gay table is inappropriate. We're struggling with seating at our wedding- we have a table's worth of people who don't speak English (all speak Spanish) but have nothing in common. One of them is single (and, coincidentally, gay). None of the people have anything in common. We're trying to decide if we lump them together so they CAN chat or separate them so they're near people who they would WANT to chat with- and hope someone nearby wants to translate.

Decisions, decisions....

VulgarGirl

wandajune6 said:

MagicInk said:

ElcaB said:

MagicInk said:

Oh, one thing I forgot. Don't do a singles table. That's a dick move. Not all singles get along just because they're single. That is not a thing to have in common. Don't fucking do it. 

Not sure if you are or aren't, but I've seen people do it and I'm like WTF? Of course I've also been sat at the "all gay" table. Yes, we all clearly have lots in common what with us being homosexuals and all.

@MagicInk, rest assured; no singles tables are in the plans for us. 

RE: bolded: Are you fucking serious? People have DONE THAT?

Just once. It was a couple years ago and I'm assuming they were trying to be nice. Probably thinking it'd make us feel more comfortable or something.

I've gotten placed at the gay table twice, both times while single. I'm not gay. The first time was an ex's wedding. I stayed friends with him and his family though his bride wasn't as comfortable with it as I had previously thought. I found out later that she thought she was punishing me. I totally won- it was the best table to be seated with!

The second time I was at the gay table it was a matter of numbers - I was the lone single that no one knew what to do with. Yet again, I got lucky!

The gay table as punishment will always back fire. We're the life of the party damn it. (yes, that's a stereotype...doesn't make it untrue)

Maybe I should have a straight table. 

ahyatt87

We gave all of our single guests a plus one, which was all of nine people. We did not want the handful of single people to feel singled out. However, only one of those individuals brought a date. I think it is a nice gesture if you are able to offer it to your guests.

csuave

OP, I get what you mean. We have a large group of friends that hang out on a regular basis. This group came to our wedding and we sat them at 2 tables of 10 each mixing singles in with couples. 10 of the 20 people in this group are single. One of these singles (a guy) was looking for a date. We were fine with him bringing one if he wanted but I just didn't get it. He was going to know and sit by many people that he already knew. He didn't find one and seemed to have a good time anyway hanging out with the usual group. I guess it just depends on the individual; some feel a wedding is an event they should take a date/friend to and others are just ready to party as a single, especially if they know other people there.

sophhabobopha

MagicInk said:

wandajune6 said:

MagicInk said:

ElcaB said:

MagicInk said:

Oh, one thing I forgot. Don't do a singles table. That's a dick move. Not all singles get along just because they're single. That is not a thing to have in common. Don't fucking do it. 

Not sure if you are or aren't, but I've seen people do it and I'm like WTF? Of course I've also been sat at the "all gay" table. Yes, we all clearly have lots in common what with us being homosexuals and all.

@MagicInk, rest assured; no singles tables are in the plans for us. 

RE: bolded: Are you fucking serious? People have DONE THAT?

Just once. It was a couple years ago and I'm assuming they were trying to be nice. Probably thinking it'd make us feel more comfortable or something.

I've gotten placed at the gay table twice, both times while single. I'm not gay. The first time was an ex's wedding. I stayed friends with him and his family though his bride wasn't as comfortable with it as I had previously thought. I found out later that she thought she was punishing me. I totally won- it was the best table to be seated with!

The second time I was at the gay table it was a matter of numbers - I was the lone single that no one knew what to do with. Yet again, I got lucky!

The gay table as punishment will always back fire. We're the life of the party damn it. (yes, that's a stereotype...doesn't make it untrue)

Maybe I should have a straight table. 

And punish unruly gays by seating them there?

sarahonlife

I had a friend that was very insistent that no one could bring dates (only married/engaged/been together a year were allowed).  She also didn't invite kids, so a lot of people that had kids came without their spouse so someone could stay home with them.  She then got upset that hardly anyone danced at her reception.  It was probably a year later before she was calmed down enough that I felt comfortable enough to point out that hardly anyone had someone to dance with.  It was like a lightbulb went off and she couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. 

lc07

I have been invited to weddings where I was single in the past and did not "find a date" to bring. I RSVPd solo and had a great time. I was grateful for the offer. I am now going through a divorce and it would be very nice to be able to bring a friend with me to your wedding. The place I'm in mentally and emotionally and physically is as hard as it's ever been in my life. And the option to bring a companion would be greatly appreciated. I'd probably actually take someone up on the offer at this time.

ElcaB

sarahonlife said: I had a friend that was very insistent that no one could bring dates (only married/engaged/been together a year were allowed).  She also didn't invite kids, so a lot of people that had kids came without their spouse so someone could stay home with them.  She then got upset that hardly anyone danced at her reception.  It was probably a year later before she was calmed down enough that I felt comfortable enough to point out that hardly anyone had someone to dance with.  It was like a lightbulb went off and she couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. 
She decided to set a time minimum requirement for inviting plus ones? That is...strange.

Like I said, I definitely understand it's nice to have the option to invite a guest. I just get frustrated over the people who are desperate and scrambling to "find" one, especially the ones who will know lots of others at the wedding. I just think bringing a random dude you met on match.com and had one date with is weird. A person is a person, not an accessory.  

Inkdancer

ElcaB said:

sarahonlife said:

I had a friend that was very insistent that no one could bring dates (only married/engaged/been together a year were allowed).  She also didn't invite kids, so a lot of people that had kids came without their spouse so someone could stay home with them.  She then got upset that hardly anyone danced at her reception.  It was probably a year later before she was calmed down enough that I felt comfortable enough to point out that hardly anyone had someone to dance with.  It was like a lightbulb went off and she couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. 

She decided to set a time minimum requirement for inviting plus ones? That is...strange.

Like I said, I definitely understand it's nice to have the option to invite a guest. I just get frustrated over the people who are desperate and scrambling to "find" one, especially the ones who will know lots of others at the wedding. I just think bringing a random dude you met on match.com and had one date with is weird. A person is a person, not an accessory.  

 ----effing boxes----
But he matches my outfit!

lc07

ElcaB said:

sarahonlife said:

I had a friend that was very insistent that no one could bring dates (only married/engaged/been together a year were allowed).  She also didn't invite kids, so a lot of people that had kids came without their spouse so someone could stay home with them.  She then got upset that hardly anyone danced at her reception.  It was probably a year later before she was calmed down enough that I felt comfortable enough to point out that hardly anyone had someone to dance with.  It was like a lightbulb went off and she couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. 

She decided to set a time minimum requirement for inviting plus ones? That is...strange.

Like I said, I definitely understand it's nice to have the option to invite a guest. I just get frustrated over the people who are desperate and scrambling to "find" one, especially the ones who will know lots of others at the wedding. I just think bringing a random dude you met on match.com and had one date with is weird. A person is a person, not an accessory.  

----------------- ETA : Quote boxes acting strange

I think it probably has to do more with your invited guest and how they feel about attending a social situation like a wedding without a date. I would have not understood either prior to being in the place I am emotionally right now. But it makes sense to me now.

KytchynWitche

I've only attended a handful of weddings as an adult (most of my cousins are at least 15 years older than me, so I was still a kiddie when they were tying their knots), and have never had a +1. Possibly a cultural/regional thing in SA, maybe? Although, when I was a BM for a friend of mine, she did ask (at the first BP "meeting") if I would want a +1, which I didn't because I was in a LDR (like, an ocean and the greater part of two continents) at the time and knew BF wouldn't make it. When we broke up, she asked again if I would want a +1, but I didn't feel it was necessary. It was a small wedding, primarily made up of the bride's family and friends from our school. 

It didn't get in the way of dancing - I danced alone, and with the best man, and was asked by several others whose partners were dancing with other people. I spoke to plenty of people throughout the night, including people I didn't know. The only time being partnerless sucked was later in the evening when the tweens needed "babysitting" and I somehow got roped into doing it.

Personally, I don't understand the need to bring a date to a wedding as a single person. I'm afraid I don't get the "But I don't know anyone on the guest list" defence. This isn't the 19th century, you CAN talk to people without first being introduced by two members of your family and an MP. And honestly, isn't it better to not have a +1 if you're single? Then you can scam on any single hotties guilt-free, right?

Edited because language is hard.