Pre-wedding Parties

I guess I dont understand jack n jills?

So I've never been to a jack n jill but it's my understanding that people pay to go. Is it replacing bach parties or showers or both?

I was recently invited to one and I can't attend anyway but I thought it seemed pretty tacky. A coworker approached me and asked me if I wanted to "buy some tickets". A lot of people from work seem to be going, and there is going to be a pig roast (2 pigs!) and a bunch of kegs. I just started working here a couple months ago and don't know anything about this guy other than his name. Do so many people usually get invited, and is it just for the money or what? Having a huge party like this seems almost like having the wedding itself, so I just don't get the point of it. I am not invited to the wedding by any means so I don't know if this is even normal?

Re: I guess I dont understand jack n jills?

  • I have NEVER heard of a jack and jill, or any shower, where you have to pay to go.  Sometimes bach parties can be destination, and in that case you pay to go, but this seems like not proper hosting.  Whoever hosts the shower needs to provide appropriate food for the time, and drinks of some sort, not necessarily alcoholic, same rules as any party really.

    My FMIL is hosting a Jack and Jill for us because all of our friends are couples, but they don't have to pay for anything.
  • It's like a regular shower, except it's for both the groom and bride, and both guys and girls go.
  • Ugh, I went to one of these with my ex-boyfriend (he was best man). It was like a regular barbecue, except you had to buy tickets. All the money went to the bride and groom. I guess there were maybe 30 people there? There's always tacky, but it's extra tacky that you got invited to one for people you barely know. It's definitely not normal, but it's not terribly unusual either.

    ETA: "Jack and Jill" means different things regionally. Sometimes it's just a co-ed shower, like PP said. Sometimes it's a fundraiser-type event, like the one I went to.
  • This is really a new one for me, and I usually am pretty comfortable ignoring social rules. BUT...a couple holding a fundraiser? That stretches it even for me.
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    rsbloom said:
    It's like a regular shower, except it's for both the groom and bride, and both guys and girls go.

    No its not- there are two different types. I thought it was what you are describing- in my circle that's what it would be same as a regular shower except both guys and women go. But when there is tickets involved its this whole other thing that people do- where they invite friends of friends of friends and lots of people not invited to the wedding and its not really a gifts thing its more a fundraiser. It is super tacky.

    image
    Blue_Bird
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It is very common in some places in Canada and the northeast.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    rsbloom said:
    It's like a regular shower, except it's for both the groom and bride, and both guys and girls go.
    So if you pay for tickets I assume you don't get them a gift? But you would still give them some money or something at the wedding?
  •  

    rsbloom said:
    It's like a regular shower, except it's for both the groom and bride, and both guys and girls go.
    So if you pay for tickets I assume you don't get them a gift? But you would still give them some money or something at the wedding?
    Yep, that's how it was at the one I attended. We brought cash, not a gift. We also gave a wedding gift.
    BlackLace2015
  • A “jack and jill party” is a joint wedding shower for both the bride and the groom, to which you invite both women and men. It’s more like a regular party than a traditional shower, so the standard shower games aren’t really necessary. As far as gifts go, the couple would register together for mostly household items, just like a bride-to-be would for her own shower. Jack and jill parties can be homespun cookouts or brunches at restaurants depending on the personality of the couple and how traditional of an approach they want to take. The bride’s maid of honor can host the shower alone with the other bridesmaids or get the groomsmen involved too. And since it’s becoming more common for mothers and sisters of the bride to host the bridal shower, the groom’s parents and siblings might get involved in planning a jack and jill party too.

    I have never heard of one where you have to pay to attend. Weird & Tacky.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    A “jack and jill party” is a joint wedding shower for both the bride and the groom, to which you invite both women and men. It’s more like a regular party than a traditional shower, so the standard shower games aren’t really necessary. As far as gifts go, the couple would register together for mostly household items, just like a bride-to-be would for her own shower. Jack and jill parties can be homespun cookouts or brunches at restaurants depending on the personality of the couple and how traditional of an approach they want to take. The bride’s maid of honor can host the shower alone with the other bridesmaids or get the groomsmen involved too. And since it’s becoming more common for mothers and sisters of the bride to host the bridal shower, the groom’s parents and siblings might get involved in planning a jack and jill party too.

    I have never heard of one where you have to pay to attend. Weird & Tacky.
    That is one kind of a jack and jill.  The term is also used to refer to a wedding fundraising party where you buy tickets to attend, as the previous posters already pointed out.



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