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Bringing same sex date to conservative wedding?

I'm a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's wedding in a couple months. She stated that all of her attendants will be getting plus one invites. However, I'm bisexual and since that conversation have entered into a relationship with another woman I had been dating for awhile. Bride and other friends are all super supportive/not phased by my relationship, but she has a very conservative family. I'd really like to bring my girlfriend with me. The wedding it out of state and she hasn't had an opportunity to spend a lot of time with my friends and I'd love for her to share this with me. Plus I'd just like to have her there to spend time with and you know, all the regular reasons you bring people you love as a date to something like this. 

I know the bride would, herself, not care at all if I had a same-sex date, but I'm worried about her family. I don't want people being rude to us or complaining to the bride and groom and making things hard for them on their big day. 

I'd like to address it with the bride and see what she wants me to do (not bring a date, bring her but act like "friends", at least through the reception until we get to the after party, whatever. It's her day and I'd be willing to suck it up and take solace in the fact that she's much more open then her family and loves me regardless) but I'm not sure how to bring it up. She's a total "yes" person and likes to please everyone so I don't want to put her on the spot and make her uncomfortable and tell me to bring her just because she doesn't want to say no, but she's already stressed about her slightly-less conservative fiance's family doing things that will send her family into a fit, let alone worrying about what a queer bridesmaid would do. 

Any thoughts on the best way to tactfully address this with her? She's getting ready to send out invitations and I'd rather have this conversation with her and know what to expect before I get my invite. I'd understand if she asked me to go solo, but it would still kind of hurt me. But I understand the position she's in and just don't want it to become an issue for either of us. 

Re: Bringing same sex date to conservative wedding?

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I've previously dated women and I've been the +1 a couple of times while dating a woman.  I think it's very sweet that you're concerned about the brides opinion.  If she's supportive of you bringing the woman you're seeing, I'd certainly bring her.  Since you are in the wedding party I would inquire where significant others of the WP are seated.  Head table with you?  Tables with other guests?  Separately?  I don't know that I'd feel comfortable being seated at the head table if I were her.  Just something to factor in... :)  Good luck! 


  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's 2014.  Bring the girlfriend and don't mention it.  When you get the invite with your name and your guest, just RSVP accordingly.  

    When you get there, introduce her by name, rather than by "girlfriend" or "friend".  They can assume whatever they want.  Just don't make a big deal out of it and it won't be a thing.  
    larrygagalc07alpacalunchashley8918
  • Thank you all for your responses! They are all very helpful. Because true, I'm not huge into extreme PDA in general, so we would't be doing anything inappropriate. I really agree @mynameisnot , I can just let people assume what they want and we can just be casual and enjoy the evening. The bride and groom are just doing a sweetheart table and the rest of the party have tables to ourselves amongst the guests, so there should't be too much attention to it anyway. But yes, when I get my invite I may just make a "Cool I'll bring Lady" comment to bride and as long as she doesn't say anything I won't ask anymore about it. Thank you all again!
    mlg78OliveOilsMomohannabelle
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You've gotten some good advice here. I hope you and your girlfriend enjoy the wedding!

  • If this is OP's girlfriend now then shouldn't they be considered a social unit and get invited as a couple vs "and guest"?
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    Anniversary
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think you and your girlfriend should be invited as a couple.  As to how to act, I agree with @CMGragain that acting like good friends is the way to go.  Even if your partner were male, that would be more appropriate than heavy making out.
  • I say bring her and go for it! :)

    One of our GM's is gay and his BF will be invited with him. My family is all very conservative, but I do not care nor do I share their beliefs. I believe that they have been taught and brought up well enough to not be rude about it (or hope so). Any rude behavior / unnecessary bullying will not be tolerated (but I can't see that happening.)

    I agree with the PDA thing, as I'd side eye any couple heavily making out in public.

  • If this your gf you should be invited as a couple anyway. I am from an identical position and background as the bride and while I'm sure my parents would inwardly be unhappy, they would never be so rude as to voice this at the wedding. I would hope her parents would have the same level of decency.
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't think you should have to hide who you are and who you love just to please these people.  Go with your GF and have a good time.
    image
    lc07
  • If you were bringing a boyfriend to the wedding, you wouldn't make a huge announcement about him being your boyfriend to everyone (or so I assume). Just do the same thing with your girlfriend. Bring her to the wedding, don't make a big thing out of it, and let people think what they will. Anyone who has a problem with it will hopefully be polite enough not to say anything. And if not? Well, I guess then you stay calm, be the bigger person, and let them look like the fools that they are.
    image
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have to agree with Hailey (and the others). One of my good friends is gay and I expect him to bring a male date. He might even bring his best friend, who is a lesbian. I'm aware some of FI's extended families are a little "ooooo" about homosexuality but they know better to act out at a wedding. It's 2014, you're at a wedding with gay people, deal.
    ________________________________


  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with the PPs. These people have a problem if they have a problem with your lifestyle. Not you. Not your friends. Would you "okay" it with the bride first if you were bringing a hetero-partner who was not of your race or religion? Of course not. By bringing it up and asking if it is okay, is, IMO somehow encouraging the thought that your lifestyle is not okay.
    HaileyDancingbear
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