RSVP Issue

zelis13

The FI and I are on a really tight budget.  He comes from a large family, and to keep the guest list manageable we instituted a couple ground rules for who got invited and who didn't.  These rules were applied to everyone on the list, and with those, we kept our list to a size appropriate for our venue.  All the invitations were addressed per the standards set by general etiquette, and there was no way to misunderstand exactly who was invited.

One of uncles called FMIL and asked about bringing his (not living at home) children to the wedding.  FMIL explained that due to budget constraints and a lack of space at the venue, no, he could not bring them along.

Low and behold, we got an RSVP for not 2, but 7 people - his aunt and uncle, three cousins, and two second cousins.

It has already been explained to this uncle that we cannot afford for all these people to come, so I'm not sure another phone call would help.  I'm kind of at a loss for what to do at this point.  Any ideas?

lilacck28

Maybe he needs to be told again, and needs specifics like "there will not be chairs for them, and there will not be food for them, as we can only accommodate you and aunt. " I would try that.

mysticl

Have your FI call and explain again that the invite was for Uncle and Aunt.  Not Uncle, Aunt, and all their decedents.  I would leave budget and space out of it because that gives people the opportunity to try to bargain.  Just a simple "I'm sorry but the invitation is just for the two of you".  

Be prepared for them to crash.  If you have a DOC make sure he/she is on the look out for extra people.  Also, have family be on the look out.  If they do all show up then explain directly to the cousins that they were not invited, there is no space for them, and they will have to leave.  It's possible they won't know they are crashers.  

lilacck28

mysticl said:

Have your FI call and explain again that the invite was for Uncle and Aunt.  Not Uncle, Aunt, and all their decedents.  I would leave budget and space out of it because that gives people the opportunity to try to bargain.  Just a simple "I'm sorry but the invitation is just for the two of you".  

Be prepared for them to crash.  If you have a DOC make sure he/she is on the look out for extra people.  Also, have family be on the look out.  If they do all show up then explain directly to the cousins that they were not invited, there is no space for them, and they will have to leave.  It's possible they won't know they are crashers.  

I would be SO incredibly pissed off at my parents if they put me in that situation (which, thankfully, they would not.) And I'd be SO embarrassed to be told to leave. Your fiance's uncle is a real jerk if he allows that to happen to his children.  Which is why I think it might be a good idea to spell it out for him ahead of time that they will be asked to leave, and that there are no chairs or food for them. 

NYCMercedes

zelis13 said:

The FI and I are on a really tight budget.  He comes from a large family, and to keep the guest list manageable we instituted a couple ground rules for who got invited and who didn't.  These rules were applied to everyone on the list, and with those, we kept our list to a size appropriate for our venue.  All the invitations were addressed per the standards set by general etiquette, and there was no way to misunderstand exactly who was invited.

One of uncles called FMIL and asked about bringing his (not living at home) children to the wedding.  FMIL explained that due to budget constraints and a lack of space at the venue, no, he could not bring them along.

Low and behold, we got an RSVP for not 2, but 7 people - his aunt and uncle, three cousins, and two second cousins.

It has already been explained to this uncle that we cannot afford for all these people to come, so I'm not sure another phone call would help.  I'm kind of at a loss for what to do at this point.  Any ideas?

Stay strong. Have FI call and say, "Sorry for the misunderstanding, the invitation was for you and Aunt." Do not give a reason because then you'll get an argument.

JellyBean52513

Is there any chance that your FI's Uncle is joking about his RSVP? I mean, you already told him you can't accommodate 2 extra people, and you told him specifically why. Maybe he's just busting your balls by adding on SEVEN extra people.

At any rate, I'd have FI call him up and say "Hey Uncle, I got your RSVP....you added on quite a few people! Like I told you with regard to your kids, we just won't he able to accommodate anyone but you and Aunt."

zelis13

I wish I could believe he was joking, but he listed them by name (and included names next to the meal choices, which seemed weird).

I'll have FI's family call again.  Hopefully this works out without too much drama.  As far as I'm concerned, they're welcome to crash as long as they bring their own food and chairs.

phira

1) Call again (have your fiance call), give no reasons (so that they can't argue with you), and explain the consequences: If these 5 extra people show up, there will be no chair and no food for them.

2) If you have a DOC, have him or her be on the look out for these people (give him or her photos). If the extra people show up, instruct the DOC to ask them to leave. Probably for the reception--honestly, it's a little difficult to do for the ceremony, when there will be plenty of extra seats, and no individual plated meals.

3) Make sure you have a seating chart!