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I don't really have anyone to be bridesmaids... :'(

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Re: I don't really have anyone to be bridesmaids... :'(

  • esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    Ask only people you are close to. I guess I am slightly troubled by the notion of someone who has no female friends they are close with (related to them or not). 
    Eh. I have very few female friends. I don't deliberately try not to have them; my interests have just lead me to make more male friends than female. I pledged a sorority in college and made a lot of female friends that way, but we've all moved all over the place or just otherwise grown apart. 
    Guy friends are great, and a bride can definitely have bridesmen, or something like that. It's perfectly reasonable to have more guy friends than girl friends. 

    Regardless of having guy friends, it's just been my experience that there's a difference between having only a handful of close female friends and having no female friends and not being able to get along with other women. Again, just in my experience, when a guy friend has dated a girl who has no female friends and can't get along with other women at all, she is trouble. There is a girl like this in my friend group actually. She basically only hangs out with men unless it is a big group setting and the few occasions I've hung out with her one on one she has spent the whole time trying to find a guy to scam on (even though she has a boyfriend). She basically is boy crazy even though she is in her late 20's. 
    Oh, I agree there's a difference between just having more friends who are guys and being one of those "I can't get along with other women" types. I'm just failing to see where anyone in this thread said anything like that, or why you made that jump. It's not relevant at all. 
    I guess it was OP's original statement of "I don't have any girlfriends". I take that statement at face value and read it as, I don't have any girlfriends. Maybe there is some caveat to that I'm missing. 
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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    Ask only people you are close to. I guess I am slightly troubled by the notion of someone who has no female friends they are close with (related to them or not). 
    Eh. I have very few female friends. I don't deliberately try not to have them; my interests have just lead me to make more male friends than female. I pledged a sorority in college and made a lot of female friends that way, but we've all moved all over the place or just otherwise grown apart. 
    Guy friends are great, and a bride can definitely have bridesmen, or something like that. It's perfectly reasonable to have more guy friends than girl friends. 

    Regardless of having guy friends, it's just been my experience that there's a difference between having only a handful of close female friends and having no female friends and not being able to get along with other women. Again, just in my experience, when a guy friend has dated a girl who has no female friends and can't get along with other women at all, she is trouble. There is a girl like this in my friend group actually. She basically only hangs out with men unless it is a big group setting and the few occasions I've hung out with her one on one she has spent the whole time trying to find a guy to scam on (even though she has a boyfriend). She basically is boy crazy even though she is in her late 20's. 
    Oh, I agree there's a difference between just having more friends who are guys and being one of those "I can't get along with other women" types. I'm just failing to see where anyone in this thread said anything like that, or why you made that jump. It's not relevant at all. 
    I guess it was OP's original statement of "I don't have any girlfriends". I take that statement at face value and read it as, I don't have any girlfriends. Maybe there is some caveat to that I'm missing. 
    I guess I'm just really confused, then, because taking her "I don't have any girlfriends" statement at face value would mean exactly that -- she doesn't have girlfriends. Not that she doesn't have girlfriends because there are women who are immature and can't get along with other women. I read that as you trying to read wayyyyy more into what she said than she actually did say. I'm not sure what caveat you're talking about. 
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  • I don't have many girl friends...but I get along with girls very easily. There can be many reasons why someone wouldn't have many friends at a certain time. 

    For me, (I'm from Texas) after college my best friend moved to Washington for grad school. My other best friend moved to Ohio. Another close friend moved to Bulgaria and another to China to teach English. My sister moved to Tennessee. My other sister is in California. My parents moved to a new city that I've never lived in before. I moved to a new city in Texas that I'd never been to before. All this happened in the 2 years after college. Everything changed. Everyone dispersed and followed new life plans. I was left alone in a new city where I didn't know a single person and no one close to me was physically close by. I got engaged shortly after but none of my friends or family members were close enough to be involved in the wedding except to just fly here for for the wedding weekend. It's hard to meet people after college, unless you have a job where that is possible or you immediately get involved in some type of activity. But, still.. you wouldn't ask those new friends to be bridesmaids. 

    So, my point is.. don't jump to conclusions about why she doesn't have a lot of friends. 
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  • esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    Ask only people you are close to. I guess I am slightly troubled by the notion of someone who has no female friends they are close with (related to them or not). 
    Eh. I have very few female friends. I don't deliberately try not to have them; my interests have just lead me to make more male friends than female. I pledged a sorority in college and made a lot of female friends that way, but we've all moved all over the place or just otherwise grown apart. 
    Guy friends are great, and a bride can definitely have bridesmen, or something like that. It's perfectly reasonable to have more guy friends than girl friends. 

    Regardless of having guy friends, it's just been my experience that there's a difference between having only a handful of close female friends and having no female friends and not being able to get along with other women. Again, just in my experience, when a guy friend has dated a girl who has no female friends and can't get along with other women at all, she is trouble. There is a girl like this in my friend group actually. She basically only hangs out with men unless it is a big group setting and the few occasions I've hung out with her one on one she has spent the whole time trying to find a guy to scam on (even though she has a boyfriend). She basically is boy crazy even though she is in her late 20's. 
    Oh, I agree there's a difference between just having more friends who are guys and being one of those "I can't get along with other women" types. I'm just failing to see where anyone in this thread said anything like that, or why you made that jump. It's not relevant at all. 
    I guess it was OP's original statement of "I don't have any girlfriends". I take that statement at face value and read it as, I don't have any girlfriends. Maybe there is some caveat to that I'm missing. 
    I guess I'm just really confused, then, because taking her "I don't have any girlfriends" statement at face value would mean exactly that -- she doesn't have girlfriends. Not that she doesn't have girlfriends because there are women who are immature and can't get along with other women. I read that as you trying to read wayyyyy more into what she said than she actually did say. I'm not sure what caveat you're talking about. 

    Not trying to be rude, just confused. Maybe this assumption is off-base, but I guess if I hear an adult woman has not even one female friend I think she probably doesn't get along with women very well because in my mind that's the simplest explanation. I read OP's "don't have any" as saying she does not have even one single female person who she considers a friend. By caveat, I mean maybe she just doesn't have any female friends she considers herself close enough to, or maybe she has female friends, but they are super busy, that's just not what she said.

    Sorry to have ruffled any feathers, was not my intent. I just think that women miss out (and men miss out too) by not having friends of both genders. 
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  • bekt14 said:
    I don't have many girl friends...but I get along with girls very easily. There can be many reasons why someone wouldn't have many friends at a certain time. 

    For me, (I'm from Texas) after college my best friend moved to Washington for grad school. My other best friend moved to Ohio. Another close friend moved to Bulgaria and another to China to teach English. My sister moved to Tennessee. My other sister is in California. My parents moved to a new city that I've never lived in before. I moved to a new city in Texas that I'd never been to before. All this happened in the 2 years after college. Everything changed. Everyone dispersed and followed new life plans. I was left alone in a new city where I didn't know a single person and no one close to me was physically close by. I got engaged shortly after but none of my friends or family members were close enough to be involved in the wedding except to just fly here for for the wedding weekend. It's hard to meet people after college, unless you have a job where that is possible or you immediately get involved in some type of activity. But, still.. you wouldn't ask those new friends to be bridesmaids. 

    So, my point is.. don't jump to conclusions about why she doesn't have a lot of friends. 
    In your case, you have female friends, they just don't live close by. They are still your friends. It is certainly very difficult to make friends in a new city. I have gone through that myself and it takes some work and time to create a large network of friends.

    Again, I am not trying to ruffle feathers, and this is not important, but there is a difference between not having a lot of friends and "not having any". 
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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    Ask only people you are close to. I guess I am slightly troubled by the notion of someone who has no female friends they are close with (related to them or not). 
    Eh. I have very few female friends. I don't deliberately try not to have them; my interests have just lead me to make more male friends than female. I pledged a sorority in college and made a lot of female friends that way, but we've all moved all over the place or just otherwise grown apart. 
    Guy friends are great, and a bride can definitely have bridesmen, or something like that. It's perfectly reasonable to have more guy friends than girl friends. 

    Regardless of having guy friends, it's just been my experience that there's a difference between having only a handful of close female friends and having no female friends and not being able to get along with other women. Again, just in my experience, when a guy friend has dated a girl who has no female friends and can't get along with other women at all, she is trouble. There is a girl like this in my friend group actually. She basically only hangs out with men unless it is a big group setting and the few occasions I've hung out with her one on one she has spent the whole time trying to find a guy to scam on (even though she has a boyfriend). She basically is boy crazy even though she is in her late 20's. 
    Oh, I agree there's a difference between just having more friends who are guys and being one of those "I can't get along with other women" types. I'm just failing to see where anyone in this thread said anything like that, or why you made that jump. It's not relevant at all. 
    I guess it was OP's original statement of "I don't have any girlfriends". I take that statement at face value and read it as, I don't have any girlfriends. Maybe there is some caveat to that I'm missing. 
    I guess I'm just really confused, then, because taking her "I don't have any girlfriends" statement at face value would mean exactly that -- she doesn't have girlfriends. Not that she doesn't have girlfriends because there are women who are immature and can't get along with other women. I read that as you trying to read wayyyyy more into what she said than she actually did say. I'm not sure what caveat you're talking about. 

    Not trying to be rude, just confused. Maybe this assumption is off-base, but I guess if I hear an adult woman has not even one female friend I think she probably doesn't get along with women very well because in my mind that's the simplest explanation. I read OP's "don't have any" as saying she does not have even one single female person who she considers a friend. By caveat, I mean maybe she just doesn't have any female friends she considers herself close enough to, or maybe she has female friends, but they are super busy, that's just not what she said.

    Sorry to have ruffled any feathers, was not my intent. I just think that women miss out (and men miss out too) by not having friends of both genders. 
    Yeah, my point is that nobody is disputing the bolded. It's just totally irrelevant to the thread and is solely based on an errant assumption you made with no actual evidence of it being the case. 


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    bekt14
  • i am in the same boat as i dont get along with many girls. i have 2 maybe 3 close friends but i will probably only ask 2 of the 3. 
    only pick someone who you know well enough.
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsk616 said:
    i am in the same boat as i dont get along with many girls. i have 2 maybe 3 close friends but i will probably only ask 2 of the 3. 
    only pick someone who you know well enough.
    aaaaand there's what @badbnagdway was looking for. There's the flag.
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    mrsk616 said:
    i am in the same boat as i dont get along with many girls. i have 2 maybe 3 close friends but i will probably only ask 2 of the 3. 
    only pick someone who you know well enough.
    aaaaand there's what @badbnagdway was looking for. There's the flag.
    Yes, it finally actually exists in this thread, since it hadn't previously. ;)
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  • My FI and I are only doing 1 bridesmaid (MOH) and one groomsman (Best Man).  We love the simplicity of it! :)
  • Oh and for the record- my FI's Best Man is his best friend who is a girl.  She's happy to be decked out in pants, suspenders, and a corsage.  We are having a bit of fun with it- as we're a bit untraditional anyway! 
  • I would encourage you to skip having a bridal party. I have girlfriends, but I don't really have a definitive "best friends circle" (or sisters) so the thought of basically "ranking" my friends stressed me out (same for my fiance, so has two best friends and didn't want to pick one best man).

    I googled "weddings without bridal parties" a few months ago and I actually found a few articles about how it's becoming more common. If having bridesmaids is important or fun to you, great; if not, there's no reason to force it. Plus, fewer bouquets to buy. :) 
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