email thank you notes

belladonna1224

Just wanted to get opinions on sending thank you emails to guests, instead of mailed notes.

AddieCake

NO. 

sarahufl

yeah, no

beethery

Please noooooooooooo!

AddieCake

So I don't get accused of not being helpful with JUST my resounding NO: 

No. Please give your wedding (and your guests) the respect deserved and take the time to hand write thank you notes. Emailing them is impersonal and will appear insincere as well. 

belladonna1224

I don't really understand how an email is impersonal. Please elaborate.

RebeccaFlower

Handwritten is more personal. Do your guests even all have email? Do YOU have their addresses? I don't have emails for 95% of my guest list. 

chibiyui

The only time e-mail would be acceptable is an office shower/event where everyone participates and you email a gracious note, and those should also be sent individually. And even that depends on the tone of your work place. 
Thank you notes should be handwritten, and either handed or snail mailed to the indiviudal. 

belladonna1224

RebeccaFlower said:

Handwritten is more personal. Do your guests even all have email? Do YOU have their addresses? I don't have emails for 95% of my guest list. 

I have 90% of my guests' email addresses, since I communicate with them mostly via email. The rest will get a phone call.

LondonLisa

Definitely not. I feel like this is in the same vein as the preprinted thank you note with no personalisation or note. Handwritten thank you notes take 3 minutes per card. If someone can't take 3 minutes to handwrite a ty note after I took time and money to buy them something, it will make me rethink buying them a gift in the future.

misshart00

Plus, everyone gets excited to get real snail mail that isn't bills or junk.

MobKaz

belladonna1224 said:

show previous quotes

RebeccaFlower said:

Handwritten is more personal. Do your guests even all have email? Do YOU have their addresses? I don't have emails for 95% of my guest list. 

I have 90% of my guests' email addresses, since I communicate with them mostly via email. The rest will get a phone call.

This response sounds as if you have already decided to email 90% of your guests, and call the remainder.  If this is the case, why bother asking the question? 

Did you have wedding evites?  You probably sent physical invitations because, you know, they are more personal.  It sends a different message.

beethery

I rarely communicate with people (besides in person) in other ways than e-mail, phone calls, or text message.

When I send someone a personalized thank you card or letter, I am trying to show the person that I really appreciate whatever they did, and that an email was too impersonal to truly show my gratitude.

My handwriting looks like I time-traveled from the Phoenician days, so I type the body text of every mailed correspondence out, but I hand-write the recipient's name, and finish with my signature.

STARMOON44

A PHONE CALL?!? Someone took the time to buy you a gift and you're so lazy you can't be bothered writing them a note so you'll just call them? How about calling and asking for their mailing address so you can write them a note?

You would never get another gift from me and we probably wouldn't be friends.

vsgal

It takes half a hot minute to write a thank you note. Email/phone calls are lazy and tacky.  You did that to me, you would never receive another gift or nicety from me again.

Just spend a chuck of your day writing them and be done with it.  Get FI to help you take some of the workload.  

slothiegal

Oh please no.  No no no no no no and more no.

crunchymamaof2

Sending a handwritten note shows you are thankful and appreciative of the givers time and money. Because you're taking time out of your life to thank them.

I suppose I'd prefer an email thank you over none at all, but I'd be pretty annoyed with the person. And probably wouldn't give that big of, if any, gift in the future.

ElcaB

Don't do that. It'd make me stabby.

Marzipan13

It's for the same reason (for the most part) that you send out wedding invitations on nice paper, in nice envelopes.  It's special and way more personal.  You send out thank-you notes as a literal note because it's more sincere - you can feel gratitude through a handwritten note, not a screen with some words in Comic Sans.

TerriHugg

Hi There,

I have to agree with the others that a handwritten card mailed to your guests is the best thing to do. Although, email is accepted as regular day to day communication it doesn't give off the same level of appreciation and care as card. It comes off as just rushed. I would hate for someone to give me the same level of consideration as they give their boss during the normal work day after I spent my hard earned money for a gift. 

Take the time to right a thoughtful handwritten mailed thank you card. I've come to realize that people really do appreciate written notes. It's always fun for people to get a pleasant thank you card mixed in with the bills, etc. A handwritten note shows that you were so grateful for the gift that you were willing to take the extra time to sit down and record your thanks by hand rather than rushing it like the normal text or emails you usually do throughout your day. A handwritten note makes all the difference. 

belladonna1224

Ok, before I get any more bitchy responses in addition to the half a dozen I already got...

In my culture (I am Russian by birth), it's unheard of to write any thank you notes at all. People just call and say thank you. The reason I thought about doing the email option is that I thought it would be catering to expectations of both the Russian and American attendees. I was simply wondering whether email thank you notes are considered commonplace or etiquette-acceptable. No need to channel your inner Regina George.

I really didn't appreciate people calling me lazy for no reason. I did not give any indication that I wanted to do this because of laziness. It would have been nice to inquire before calling me names. And I didn't really care for the "if you did that, I would never be friends with you again" posts because, quite frankly, it was rude and the only thing it accomplished is it made me dismiss the people who wrote that as stuck up.

Thank you.

Bubblegum5586

Without rereading all these posts again I believe no one called you lazy, that the act of email thank you cards were lazy.

belladonna1224 said:

Just wanted to get opinions on sending thank you emails to guests, instead of mailed notes.

You asked for opinions and people gave them! No one was being rude to you, they are trying to keep you from being rude to your friends and family that thoughtfully purchased you a gift.

belladonna1224

STARMOON44 said:

A PHONE CALL?!? Someone took the time to buy you a gift and you're so lazy you can't be bothered writing them a note so you'll just call them? How about calling and asking for their mailing address so you can write them a note? You would never get another gift from me and we probably wouldn't be friends.

Yes, bubblegum1309, no one called me lazy. And no one was rude. Right.

STARMOON44

Oh I totally called you lazy! You asked for opinions, and mine is that email and phone call thank yous are rude and lazy, and that people who use them are, themselves, rude and lazy.

And you know who else will think you are rude and lazy? Any Americans you invite to your wedding.

vsgal

I have never heard of an entire culture against a hand-written note. I have Russian by birth friends.  In fact, I just went to a birthday party for one of them and got a beautiful hand written note  for the gift I gave her.  So I call BS on that.  Maybe your family doesn't do it, but it is not fair to rope your entire country into bad behavior.

Not to mention, you are in America. Your wedding is in America.  You are inviting Americans.  You need to write a note.  Please don't stand behind the behavior of your family as a reason to cheap out on things you need to do. 

I don't understand what the big deal is for you to write a note.  In the amount of time it has taken you to argue with the dozen+ women here, you could have 5 done and in the mail.

LondonLisa

I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes. You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.

belladonna1224

I'm not saying that Russians are against thank you notes, it's just not done in Russia or by my American-Russian friends (quite a few, since most people I associate with are Russian). Maybe your Russian-born friends are more American than Russian. I've been to quite a few actual Russian-American weddings, and have not received a single thank you note, ever. If I write one, the Russian people who receive it will be very surprised.

So you calling BS on my cultural experience is, in itself, BS.

And I don't really care if my wedding is in America. 95% of the people I invite are NOT going to be American, please don't presume that just because I live in America, I should invite Americans. It's rude to assume that I should follow American etiquette if my guests are expecting something else. The few Americans in attendance don't care much for thank you notes anyway, so I don't think it will matter much to them whether they receive a card or an email.

belladonna1224

LondonLisa said:

I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes. You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.

That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.

STARMOON44

Why did you ask then?

ashley8918

NO! Email comes across as really impersonal, and IMO kind of lazy. 

Not to mention, do all of your guests even use email? Sure, most people probably have one but do they check it regularly? I know that my older family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) do not.

belladonna1224

I asked because I wasn't sure on thank you note etiquette in general. Some of the responses, unfortunately, were too bitchy to be helpful.