Wedding Etiquette Forum

email thank you notes

Just wanted to get opinions on sending thank you emails to guests, instead of mailed notes.

Re: email thank you notes

  • yeah, no
  • Please noooooooooooo!

    I'm the fuck

  • I don't really understand how an email is impersonal. Please elaborate.
  • Handwritten is more personal. Do your guests even all have email? Do YOU have their addresses? I don't have emails for 95% of my guest list. 
  • The only time e-mail would be acceptable is an office shower/event where everyone participates and you email a gracious note, and those should also be sent individually. And even that depends on the tone of your work place. 
    Thank you notes should be handwritten, and either handed or snail mailed to the indiviudal. 

  • Handwritten is more personal. Do your guests even all have email? Do YOU have their addresses? I don't have emails for 95% of my guest list. 
    I have 90% of my guests' email addresses, since I communicate with them mostly via email. The rest will get a phone call.
  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    It takes half a hot minute to write a thank you note. Email/phone calls are lazy and tacky.  You did that to me, you would never receive another gift or nicety from me again.

    Just spend a chuck of your day writing them and be done with it.  Get FI to help you take some of the workload.  
  • Oh please no.  No no no no no no and more no.

  • Sending a handwritten note shows you are thankful and appreciative of the givers time and money. Because you're taking time out of your life to thank them.

    I suppose I'd prefer an email thank you over none at all, but I'd be pretty annoyed with the person. And probably wouldn't give that big of, if any, gift in the future.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • ElcaBElcaB member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Don't do that. It'd make me stabby.
  • It's for the same reason (for the most part) that you send out wedding invitations on nice paper, in nice envelopes.  It's special and way more personal.  You send out thank-you notes as a literal note because it's more sincere - you can feel gratitude through a handwritten note, not a screen with some words in Comic Sans.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Mr. Bean Flipping the Bird
  • Ok, before I get any more bitchy responses in addition to the half a dozen I already got...

    In my culture (I am Russian by birth), it's unheard of to write any thank you notes at all. People just call and say thank you. The reason I thought about doing the email option is that I thought it would be catering to expectations of both the Russian and American attendees. I was simply wondering whether email thank you notes are considered commonplace or etiquette-acceptable. No need to channel your inner Regina George.

    I really didn't appreciate people calling me lazy for no reason. I did not give any indication that I wanted to do this because of laziness. It would have been nice to inquire before calling me names. And I didn't really care for the "if you did that, I would never be friends with you again" posts because, quite frankly, it was rude and the only thing it accomplished is it made me dismiss the people who wrote that as stuck up.

    Thank you.

  • A PHONE CALL?!? Someone took the time to buy you a gift and you're so lazy you can't be bothered writing them a note so you'll just call them? How about calling and asking for their mailing address so you can write them a note? You would never get another gift from me and we probably wouldn't be friends.

    Yes, bubblegum1309, no one called me lazy. And no one was rude. Right.
  • edited June 2014

    I'm not saying that Russians are against thank you notes, it's just not done in Russia or by my American-Russian friends (quite a few, since most people I associate with are Russian). Maybe your Russian-born friends are more American than Russian. I've been to quite a few actual Russian-American weddings, and have not received a single thank you note, ever. If I write one, the Russian people who receive it will be very surprised.

    So you calling BS on my cultural experience is, in itself, BS.

    And I don't really care if my wedding is in America. 95% of the people I invite are NOT going to be American, please don't presume that just because I live in America, I should invite Americans. It's rude to assume that I should follow American etiquette if my guests are expecting something else. The few Americans in attendance don't care much for thank you notes anyway, so I don't think it will matter much to them whether they receive a card or an email.

  • I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes. You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.

    That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
  • NO! Email comes across as really impersonal, and IMO kind of lazy. 

    Not to mention, do all of your guests even use email? Sure, most people probably have one but do they check it regularly? I know that my older family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) do not.
  • I asked because I wasn't sure on thank you note etiquette in general. Some of the responses, unfortunately, were too bitchy to be helpful.
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