Rehearsal Dinner-Pay your own way?

OliveOilsMom

Then why invite granny to the wedding or into your lives at all?  Someone that intolerable should not be in your lives period.

southernbelle0915

If the rehearsal is required and it's required that the wedding party attends, have the rehearsal at 2pm and then host lemonade and a couple snacks from 3-4pm. No one has to be invited to the snacking except the people who were invited to the rehearsal. This shouldn't cost you more than $60. 

Your FI needs to tell his mom "sorry mom, we can't afford to host a RD so we are not having one at all. If you want to organize everyone meeting somewhere for dinner, that's fine - we'll be done with our rehearsal stuff by 4pm so we can meet everyone out. But please make sure people understand it's not a RD." That way you're still agreeing to dinner, letting her be the one to organize something informal (NOT a RD where people will expect to be hosted), complying with your pastor's requirements and still properly hosting your wedding party within your budget.

Megalega14

it is not your job to entertain people the entire time they are here. you are hosting them for the wedding, anything else would be nice, but is not required. 

theartistformerlyknownas

genealogygrl said:

I think I will take your advice and just do a casserole, salad, and some garlic bread and sodas. Not sure where we will have it as my home is too small to host. But my in-laws were thinking of renting a house down by the beach for the week of the wedding so I am sure we could probably do it there if need be. I'd do it at the church social hall but it will already be decorated for the reception the next day. 

If all of this falls through, my husband is talking to his brother who is the best man about the situation. Chances are that he will offer to pay since he also refuses to fight their grandmother on anything. I don't expect him to but hubby-to-be says that he probably will offer since that is his nature. I told hubby-to-be that he needs to make it clear to his brother that if he foots the cost then that is our wedding present. I am uncomfortable asking him to help but this is hubby's doing at this point and I am washing my hands of it. 

Perfect. Good luck!

charlottesmom0626

This might be too much work for you, if you'd be hosting and then going to the wedding the next day, but last summer I was in a wedding and after the rehearsal we went back to a family member's house for the dinner. It was casual and affordable for the hosts.

JCbride2015

megalega14 said:

it is not your job to entertain people the entire time they are here. you are hosting them for the wedding, anything else would be nice, but is not required. 

Yes to the green, but a caveat to the red.  If the couple has a rehearsal, then they must host some food appropriate to the time of day.  SOs of anybody included in the rehearsal must also be invited.  They're asking people to take time out of their lives for the wedding, thus it must be a hosted event.

But there is no need for a weekend full of festivities, or to invite anyone to the RD who isn't coming to the rehearsal itself.

beachyone15

"Grammy" sounds like a peach.

Viczaesar

southernbelle0915 said:

If the rehearsal is required and it's required that the wedding party attends, have the rehearsal at 2pm and then host lemonade and a couple snacks from 3-4pm. No one has to be invited to the snacking except the people who were invited to the rehearsal. This shouldn't cost you more than $60. 

Your FI needs to tell his mom "sorry mom, we can't afford to host a RD so we are not having one at all. If you want to organize everyone meeting somewhere for dinner, that's fine - we'll be done with our rehearsal stuff by 4pm so we can meet everyone out. But please make sure people understand it's not a RD." That way you're still agreeing to dinner, letting her be the one to organize something informal (NOT a RD where people will expect to be hosted), complying with your pastor's requirements and still properly hosting your wedding party within your budget.

In my opinion this is only okay if it's not asking the wedding party members to take off work on a work day to attend a 2 pm rehearsal. 

kimberly0315

pinkshorts27 said:

kimberlyw939 said:

I would either A- have the rehearsal without the dinner. B- Only invite the immediate wedding party to dinner C- Have something back at your house (BBQ or sandwiches) that won't cost much and you could host. D- Tell your FMIL that you don't feel it's appropriate for guests to pay.  Flat out tell her that if they would like to host something that would be great, otherwise it's not happening.

That situation really sucks.  Hope it all works out.

Do you not read? You can't have A, so go with B or C and D

Well, aren't you the sweetest snarky little peach?  Are you aware that if I commented on here I can probably read?  I wasn't making any suggestions to you.  But yes, she does have the option of not holding a dinner after the rehearsal.  Whether it's proper etiquette is another question.  From what I read (yes, again I can read) the pastor said she must just have a rehearsal, not dinner.  But thanks for asking.

pinkshorts27

kimberlyw939 said:

pinkshorts27 said:

kimberlyw939 said:

I would either A- have the rehearsal without the dinner. B- Only invite the immediate wedding party to dinner C- Have something back at your house (BBQ or sandwiches) that won't cost much and you could host. D- Tell your FMIL that you don't feel it's appropriate for guests to pay.  Flat out tell her that if they would like to host something that would be great, otherwise it's not happening.

That situation really sucks.  Hope it all works out.

Do you not read? You can't have A, so go with B or C and D

Well, aren't you the sweetest snarky little peach?  Are you aware that if I commented on here I can probably read?  I wasn't making any suggestions to you.  But yes, she does have the option of not holding a dinner after the rehearsal.  Whether it's proper etiquette is another question.  From what I read (yes, again I can read) the pastor said she must just have a rehearsal, not dinner.  But thanks for asking.

 

But, I have to wonder why you would suggest such a rude option if you can read and do comprehend that it is rude? And why would you make it your first option. Generally people post the perceived "best" option as first. So really your post implied to me that you lacked comprehension (or failed to read) about how rude that was. 

And lots of people that comment online lack any sort of reading comprehension skills. 

kimberly0315

pinkshorts27 said:

kimberlyw939 said:

pinkshorts27 said:

kimberlyw939 said:

I would either A- have the rehearsal without the dinner. B- Only invite the immediate wedding party to dinner C- Have something back at your house (BBQ or sandwiches) that won't cost much and you could host. D- Tell your FMIL that you don't feel it's appropriate for guests to pay.  Flat out tell her that if they would like to host something that would be great, otherwise it's not happening.

That situation really sucks.  Hope it all works out.

Do you not read? You can't have A, so go with B or C and D

Well, aren't you the sweetest snarky little peach?  Are you aware that if I commented on here I can probably read?  I wasn't making any suggestions to you.  But yes, she does have the option of not holding a dinner after the rehearsal.  Whether it's proper etiquette is another question.  From what I read (yes, again I can read) the pastor said she must just have a rehearsal, not dinner.  But thanks for asking.

 

But, I have to wonder why you would suggest such a rude option if you can read and do comprehend that it is rude? And why would you make it your first option. Generally people post the perceived "best" option as first. So really your post implied to me that you lacked comprehension (or failed to read) about how rude that was. 

And lots of people that comment online lack any sort of reading comprehension skills. 

I suppose you're right.  They also lack manners and class...

LDay2014

kimberlyw939 said:

pinkshorts27 said:

kimberlyw939 said:

pinkshorts27 said:

kimberlyw939 said:

I would either A- have the rehearsal without the dinner. B- Only invite the immediate wedding party to dinner C- Have something back at your house (BBQ or sandwiches) that won't cost much and you could host. D- Tell your FMIL that you don't feel it's appropriate for guests to pay.  Flat out tell her that if they would like to host something that would be great, otherwise it's not happening.

That situation really sucks.  Hope it all works out.

Do you not read? You can't have A, so go with B or C and D

Well, aren't you the sweetest snarky little peach?  Are you aware that if I commented on here I can probably read?  I wasn't making any suggestions to you.  But yes, she does have the option of not holding a dinner after the rehearsal.  Whether it's proper etiquette is another question.  From what I read (yes, again I can read) the pastor said she must just have a rehearsal, not dinner.  But thanks for asking.
 

But, I have to wonder why you would suggest such a rude option if you can read and do comprehend that it is rude? And why would you make it your first option. Generally people post the perceived "best" option as first. So really your post implied to me that you lacked comprehension (or failed to read) about how rude that was. 

And lots of people that comment online lack any sort of reading comprehension skills. 

I suppose you're right.  They also lack manners and class...

Lacking manners and class, so like having a rehearsal with no dinner?

OP, if you are required to have. Rehearsal then why not have pizza or pasta or a bbq back at your house. Simple, cost effective, and completely acceptable.

JCbride2015

OP has already got this under control, guys.  She's hosting everyone after the rehearsal.

Jen4948

If your FI's family needs to entertain the OOT guests outside the wedding reception then they need to pay for it. They can't expect you to do it but you can't expect guests to pay their own way. That's rude.

indianaalum

genealogygrl said:

No, I asked that too. He requires everyone in the bridal party to be there. That means me, the groom, the two flower girls, the two ring bearers, my MOH, the Best Man, and the Groomsman. And not mandated but requested that the parents be there. Lucky for me I have no parents. lol Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it. He also requires a coordinator to be there to help make sure everyone knows where they are to be and when. I love my pastor but he is very strict. 

What about doing away with the rehearsal dinner and just having a casual get together afterwards? 

It can be a casual get together with pizza or something simple like that. It certainly doesn't need to be formal and expensive.