Fishy RSVPs...

KnightsNurse

Hello All!!

Wanted a few opinions regarding my menu options on RSVPs. 

My parents own a fishing charter business in Alaska; therefore we are able to and actively fishing to accumulate a huge stockpile of gourmet quality halibut and salmon for the wedding. Our caterer specializes in seafood and has agreed to use our fish at a MASSIVELY discounted price *happy dance*. 

I would like, in order to save the most money and not have all of the hard work catching this fish go to waste, to put on my RSVP card the ability to select halibut, salmon or vegetarian and then have a line something along the lines of "please contact KnightsNurse at *insert contact info* for alternate menu options." 

Is it an etiquette breach not to have a non-seafood meat listed on the RSVP? 95% of people attending our wedding are people I have hosted before, so I know most of them enjoy seafood, as that is usually what we serve at our dinner parties. I only know of 1 family who does not like seafood (no allergy, just a preference), and I plan on sending them an additional note letting them know I can provide chicken/whatever for them. I figure the line on the RSVP will give people the freedom to still have a non-seafood dish if it's important to them, but maximize the number of people who choose fish over a different plate. Is this rude? Inconsiderate? Thoughts? Thanks!

ETA: Paragraphs...

jnissa

Oh, I think you may be asking for a big box of hassle you weren't expecting if you just open it up to people to contact the (presumably) venue for additional options. I'm neither here nor there about whether you offer a non-fish meat option, but either do or don't. To be honest, I might expect that if I were at a wedding in say, coastal Maine. As soon as people know they can get other options though, they will take that inch and stretch it a mile. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Hmm... I don't personally think it's an etiquette breach. You are adequately hosting your guests; it's up to them to graciously accept what's offered. There's no rule that says everyone has to like everything. I worry though that by having that line about alternate options, you'll have EVERYONE call you just wondering what all the choices are.

Also, I wanna come eat fresh Alaskan halibut! Yum!

JCbride2015

I don't think it's against etiquette at all to offer only fish and vegetarian.  As has been discussed (at length), it would be fine to offer only vegetarian food as long as there are plenty of options.  So fish or veggie is totally OK.

It's nice that you want to offer another option though.  Maybe instead of "alternate menu options," you can leave a blank line on the RSVP and say, "Please note any dietary restrictions: ______."  That should avoid people just taking a mile, and only get serious issues.

chibiyui

Yeah, just offer the fish and veggie options. 

kmmssg

I agree that you would be opening a can of worms if you ask people to contact you.  I have to be  honest - I think fish came straight from Satan.  You aren't breaking any etiquette rules by only serving fish, but I would be a little bummed, shut up, smile, and eat the vegetarian option.  Are you sure you have no fish allergies on your guest list?  (yeah, I am biased - I  just hate the stuff with an ever loving passion).

JoanE2012

What are you alternate menu options?  Can you just list one more option (ie chicken or beef) instead so you have one less thing (people calling you) to deal with?  

ETA - I think even if people like the fish, they are going to be curious about what else is available and will be contacting you.  I know I would.  I'd hate to pick the fish that I am "ok" with but then see someone eating a nice roasted chicken dish.

NYCMercedes

KnightsNurse said:

Hello All!!

Wanted a few opinions regarding my menu options on RSVPs. 

My parents own a fishing charter business in Alaska; therefore we are able to and actively fishing to accumulate a huge stockpile of gourmet quality halibut and salmon for the wedding. Our caterer specializes in seafood and has agreed to use our fish at a MASSIVELY discounted price *happy dance*. 

I would like, in order to save the most money and not have all of the hard work catching this fish go to waste, to put on my RSVP card the ability to select halibut, salmon or vegetarian and then have a line something along the lines of "please contact KnightsNurse at *insert contact info* for alternate menu options." 

Is it an etiquette breach not to have a non-seafood meat listed on the RSVP? 95% of people attending our wedding are people I have hosted before, so I know most of them enjoy seafood, as that is usually what we serve at our dinner parties. I only know of 1 family who does not like seafood (no allergy, just a preference), and I plan on sending them an additional note letting them know I can provide chicken/whatever for them. I figure the line on the RSVP will give people the freedom to still have a non-seafood dish if it's important to them, but maximize the number of people who choose fish over a different plate. Is this rude? Inconsiderate? Thoughts? Thanks!

ETA: Paragraphs...

I think you're cool. I think there's no need for "alternate menu options."

Nymeru

Don't.  Just don't let people have a reason to contact you that will make things more difficult.  Fish and vegetarian options are absolutely decent choices.  Those who don't like either of those options can stuff themselves to the gills with meat for breakfast and lunch.  They'll make it through one meal just fine without meat.  They're grown-ups and can deal.  Pour some extra wine, and they'll muscle through somehow.

downtondiva

I think you are okay with offering just fish and vegetarian options. However, if you're concerned that some guests won't like that, just go ahead and offer a chicken dish or something like that. Don't get involved with people calling you to find out what the "alternate menu options" are. Save yourself the hassle.

KnightsNurse

Thanks for the input all! The caterer is the one who suggested having a meat option other than fish (which would mean more money for them in the long run). I never really thought about people who don't have an issue with fish being "curious" and giving me the run around; I just thought the people who considered fish to be of Satan like @kmmssg would contact me (that made me literally LOL). @JoanE2012: Idk what my alternate would be yet, probably chicken. There are no fish allergies that I know of. I think I'll end up going with the dietary restrictions line (Thanks @JCBride2015).

ohannabelle

Love fish, and would love the menu. It's not bad etiquette to offer a fish only menu, but....I really don't think it's the best menu choice. 

Etiquette aside, I wouldn't do it myself.  Because as much as I love halibut, or fresh salmon, I know for a fact that a (surprising) lot of people really don't like seafood. And when people don't like seafood, they really really really hate it. Yep, they consider it to be the entree of The Beast.

I would definitely offer a chicken alternative, in the interest of good hosting. Budget aside, I'd bite the bullet and do it. 

I would NOT offer a chance to contact me and say fish things and give suggestions over menus and tell me about gluten/ weight loss/ salad dressing choices or whatever weirdness strikes people. 

littlestmonkey

I'm a meat-eater but would have no problem with this - my only concern might be (if I was you) that the sides were substantial enough to soak up alcohol (assuming you're not having a dry wedding). I know I get drunk quicker when eating fish than red meat, for example.

OliveOilsMom

H hates fish with a fiery passion.  Just wondering what your planned vegetarian dish is?  Could you offer the 2 fish choices and chicken on the RSVP?  Then add the dietary restrictions line, so if someone was a vegetarian, they could add that on the dietary restriction line?

Depending what the vegetarian dish is (a risoto, maybe?), it could be the side for the chicken dish.  So you'd get the two for one, even if adding in chicken as a choice.

huskypuppy14

I absolutely love fish, and would love your menu. I think you are fine only offering the vegetarian and fish. If you could, pick a nice well rounded vegetarian dish that most people would enjoy. 

I would also include the dietary restrictions line, just in case.

casey8784

I wouldn't side-eye 2 fish options and a veggie option, though I wouldn't be particularly thrilled about it, since I sincerely hate most fish. I would choose the veggie, but would be nice if there was some type of meat option. Or, if you choose to just to the fish and veggie, make sure the veggie is something that is pretty substantial, for lack of better word, "meaty"/hearty/etc. To the PP that said that they would expect a menu like the OP's in a place like coastal Maine, I agree and disagree. I've been to many weddings in the coastal Maine/New England/Maryland area, and there were the expected lobster/fish/crab option, but there was also no reason NOT to expect an alternative meat and veggie option as well...

jenajjthr

I think if you have the line asking people to call you, you're gonna get calls asking for beef, chicken, lobster, pasta, etc. Give people an inch, they take a mile. Although fish would not be my first choice of meat dishes, I would survive with them, especially if they were fresh.  If it is in your budget to offer a more neutral dish like chicken for people who may not be fish eaters, that would be nice as well, but unnecessary. 

thelastdreamer

I hate fish but I'd eat the vegeterian dish and be just fine. Just make it a good vegetarian dish. Like a hearty pasta. No limp lettuce.

theartistformerlyknownas

What's your vegetarian option, OP? If it's something standard and hearty like cheese ravioli or tortellini the fish-haters should be perfectly fine and not feel like they're getting shorted in some way by not getting meat. 

PrettyGirlLost

If you can afford it, I would offer a non fish meat option for your guests. As other PPs have stated, many people strongly dislike fish.

KnightsNurse

Nothing is set in stone yet, but we are leaning towards baked ziti for the vegetarian option  

mrskitty79

First, let me say that fish is vegetarian. You are thinking vegan, which contains zero animal products.
If you are concerned, offer another option on the menu, such as a meaty pasta or chicken. But list it. Don't allow them to contact the caterer. You would be opening a big can of problems.

ashleyep

@mrskitty79 - no, fish is not vegetarian. Fish is an animal. Fish is Pescatarian, you don't eat meat but you eat seafood. I ended up offering fish as a choice, which worked out great for one of my bridesmaids who is a pescatarian and doesn't eat chicken or beef or other land and air based meat. 

I don't like fish, but I would suck it up and order the vegetarian meal. I would never contact you and ask about other choices, but if that was on the RSVP card and we happened to see each other in person and got to talking I might ask about it.

climbingsingle

I think you're totally fine with the two fish options and the baked ziti. But I'd list that baked ziti is the other option instead of just putting "vegetarian". 

I wouldn't open yourself up to receiving emails. But maybe you can include a line for dietary restrictions just in case? If someone happens to be lactose intolerant, they wouldn't be able to eat the baked ziti. 

PrettyGirlLost

ashleyep said:

@mrskitty79 - no, fish is not vegetarian. Fish is an animal. Fish is Pescatarian, you don't eat meat but you eat seafood. I ended up offering fish as a choice, which worked out great for one of my bridesmaids who is a pescatarian and doesn't eat chicken or beef or other land and air based meat. 

I don't like fish, but I would suck it up and order the vegetarian meal. I would never contact you and ask about other choices, but if that was on the RSVP card and we happened to see each other in person and got to talking I might ask about it.

OMG I can't keep up with all of the food lifestyle choices any more ><
Most of the vegetarians I know eat fish, don't eat red meat or chicken, and call themselves vegetarians.

[Deleted User]

I'm not a big fish eater depending on how it's prepared, but the thing is you know your guests and that you are safe with fish with your guests. I would do the same thing if I were in your postion take advantage of my own family business.  I think it's nice to offer a non-fish option even if it's a pasta/vegetarian dish incase someone brings a guest that isn't a fish eater. The one thing that I did was to put on the bottom of my RVSP "Please advise us if you have any dietary restrictions and we will do our best to accomodate" this way if anyone has a fish allergy, gluten allergy, etc, they'll bring it to your attention and you can deal with it then. The few issues that might come up will probably be so few if any, it won't be an issue to deal with them.  When I was notified by two guests of food issues I worked with my venue on options for them that would work with the budget then I emailed each guest a list of the options they had to choose from that would work for them (and my budget).

ashleyep

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

@mrskitty79 - no, fish is not vegetarian. Fish is an animal. Fish is Pescatarian, you don't eat meat but you eat seafood. I ended up offering fish as a choice, which worked out great for one of my bridesmaids who is a pescatarian and doesn't eat chicken or beef or other land and air based meat. 

I don't like fish, but I would suck it up and order the vegetarian meal. I would never contact you and ask about other choices, but if that was on the RSVP card and we happened to see each other in person and got to talking I might ask about it.

OMG I can't keep up with all of the food lifestyle choices any more ><
Most of the vegetarians I know eat fish, don't eat red meat or chicken, and call themselves vegetarians.

Yeah, I dunno. I actually think my friend calls herself a vegetarian too. But fish is not necessarily vegetarian, there are lots of vegetarians who don't eat dead animals of any kind. That's not the same as vegan which also excludes animal byproducts. I wiki'ed it after I posted my comment and it said the term pescatarian is kind of going out of style. But the gist of it is that *some* vegetarians eat fish, but not all. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegetarianism#Varieties

KnightsNurse

Thanks for clarifying that mrskitty, I think I have heard that before but it didn't click until just now. They would actually be contacting me, not the caterer, but I definitely see now how non-efficient it is to offer alternates without them being listed on the RSVP. Will probably just go with the suggestions above and for those I KNOW hate fish (which I believe is only 3 of the people invited), ask personally if they are good with the ziti/non-meat choice.

theartistformerlyknownas

I've never understood vegetarians eating fish. It's an animal that used to be living and now is not; you are eating its flesh. "Meat" is defined as the flesh of an animal; there's no distinction as to the type of animal it comes from. If you're not actually opposed to eating meat itself but to factory farming methods so fish is acceptable when it's wild caught, that's a different story altogether. But then you're not a vegetarian. 

Sorry, sidebar. 

slothiegal

Sounds like PPs have covered everything I was going to say.  I just wanted to add that my stomach started growling at your menu (HUGE seafood fan).  Mmmm.

charlottesmom0626

@lolo883 I'm a meat eater but have a lot of vegetarian friends. Some of them say their choice to eat meat is exactly as you suggested, they eat fish because it's wild caught and not farmed in bad living conditions. My understanding of it is that if all other meat products were free range, not in poor conditions with hormones added, etc., that they would eat those as well...it's more of a statement against animal cruelty than a personal preference for the flavor of meat, or a health choice.

As a carnivore myself, this is just what I've learned through others.