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Etiquette

Fishy RSVPs...

KnightsNurseKnightsNurse member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited June 2014 in Etiquette
Hello All!!

Wanted a few opinions regarding my menu options on RSVPs. 

My parents own a fishing charter business in Alaska; therefore we are able to and actively fishing to accumulate a huge stockpile of gourmet quality halibut and salmon for the wedding. Our caterer specializes in seafood and has agreed to use our fish at a MASSIVELY discounted price *happy dance*. 

I would like, in order to save the most money and not have all of the hard work catching this fish go to waste, to put on my RSVP card the ability to select halibut, salmon or vegetarian and then have a line something along the lines of "please contact KnightsNurse at *insert contact info* for alternate menu options." 

Is it an etiquette breach not to have a non-seafood meat listed on the RSVP? 95% of people attending our wedding are people I have hosted before, so I know most of them enjoy seafood, as that is usually what we serve at our dinner parties. I only know of 1 family who does not like seafood (no allergy, just a preference), and I plan on sending them an additional note letting them know I can provide chicken/whatever for them. I figure the line on the RSVP will give people the freedom to still have a non-seafood dish if it's important to them, but maximize the number of people who choose fish over a different plate. Is this rude? Inconsiderate? Thoughts? Thanks!

ETA: Paragraphs...
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Re: Fishy RSVPs...

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Hmm... I don't personally think it's an etiquette breach. You are adequately hosting your guests; it's up to them to graciously accept what's offered. There's no rule that says everyone has to like everything. I worry though that by having that line about alternate options, you'll have EVERYONE call you just wondering what all the choices are.

    Also, I wanna come eat fresh Alaskan halibut! Yum!

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    KnightsNurseperdonamiSars06wandajune6
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I don't think it's against etiquette at all to offer only fish and vegetarian.  As has been discussed (at length), it would be fine to offer only vegetarian food as long as there are plenty of options.  So fish or veggie is totally OK.

    It's nice that you want to offer another option though.  Maybe instead of "alternate menu options," you can leave a blank line on the RSVP and say, "Please note any dietary restrictions: ______."  That should avoid people just taking a mile, and only get serious issues.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    huskypuppy14luckysnorkelcowgirl8238Sars06
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, just offer the fish and veggie options. 
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    Anniversary
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2014
    What are you alternate menu options?  Can you just list one more option (ie chicken or beef) instead so you have one less thing (people calling you) to deal with?  

    ETA - I think even if people like the fish, they are going to be curious about what else is available and will be contacting you.  I know I would.  I'd hate to pick the fish that I am "ok" with but then see someone eating a nice roasted chicken dish.
    PrettyGirlLostashleyep
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello All!!

    Wanted a few opinions regarding my menu options on RSVPs. 

    My parents own a fishing charter business in Alaska; therefore we are able to and actively fishing to accumulate a huge stockpile of gourmet quality halibut and salmon for the wedding. Our caterer specializes in seafood and has agreed to use our fish at a MASSIVELY discounted price *happy dance*. 

    I would like, in order to save the most money and not have all of the hard work catching this fish go to waste, to put on my RSVP card the ability to select halibut, salmon or vegetarian and then have a line something along the lines of "please contact KnightsNurse at *insert contact info* for alternate menu options." 

    Is it an etiquette breach not to have a non-seafood meat listed on the RSVP? 95% of people attending our wedding are people I have hosted before, so I know most of them enjoy seafood, as that is usually what we serve at our dinner parties. I only know of 1 family who does not like seafood (no allergy, just a preference), and I plan on sending them an additional note letting them know I can provide chicken/whatever for them. I figure the line on the RSVP will give people the freedom to still have a non-seafood dish if it's important to them, but maximize the number of people who choose fish over a different plate. Is this rude? Inconsiderate? Thoughts? Thanks!

    ETA: Paragraphs...

    I think you're cool. I think there's no need for "alternate menu options."
  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Don't.  Just don't let people have a reason to contact you that will make things more difficult.  Fish and vegetarian options are absolutely decent choices.  Those who don't like either of those options can stuff themselves to the gills with meat for breakfast and lunch.  They'll make it through one meal just fine without meat.  They're grown-ups and can deal.  Pour some extra wine, and they'll muscle through somehow.
    STARMOON44
  • I think you are okay with offering just fish and vegetarian options. However, if you're concerned that some guests won't like that, just go ahead and offer a chicken dish or something like that. Don't get involved with people calling you to find out what the "alternate menu options" are. Save yourself the hassle.
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  • Thanks for the input all! The caterer is the one who suggested having a meat option other than fish (which would mean more money for them in the long run). I never really thought about people who don't have an issue with fish being "curious" and giving me the run around; I just thought the people who considered fish to be of Satan like @kmmssg would contact me (that made me literally LOL). @JoanE2012: Idk what my alternate would be yet, probably chicken. There are no fish allergies that I know of. I think I'll end up going with the dietary restrictions line (Thanks @JCBride2015).
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    JCbride2015Bubblegum5586
  • Love fish, and would love the menu. It's not bad etiquette to offer a fish only menu, but....I really don't think it's the best menu choice. 

    Etiquette aside, I wouldn't do it myself.  Because as much as I love halibut, or fresh salmon, I know for a fact that a (surprising) lot of people really don't like seafood. And when people don't like seafood, they really really really hate it. Yep, they consider it to be the entree of The Beast.

    I would definitely offer a chicken alternative, in the interest of good hosting. Budget aside, I'd bite the bullet and do it. 

    I would NOT offer a chance to contact me and say fish things and give suggestions over menus and tell me about gluten/ weight loss/ salad dressing choices or whatever weirdness strikes people. 
    PrettyGirlLostindianaalumAray82[Deleted User]
  • I'm a meat-eater but would have no problem with this - my only concern might be (if I was you) that the sides were substantial enough to soak up alcohol (assuming you're not having a dry wedding). I know I get drunk quicker when eating fish than red meat, for example.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    H hates fish with a fiery passion.  Just wondering what your planned vegetarian dish is?  Could you offer the 2 fish choices and chicken on the RSVP?  Then add the dietary restrictions line, so if someone was a vegetarian, they could add that on the dietary restriction line?

    Depending what the vegetarian dish is (a risoto, maybe?), it could be the side for the chicken dish.  So you'd get the two for one, even if adding in chicken as a choice.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I absolutely love fish, and would love your menu. I think you are fine only offering the vegetarian and fish. If you could, pick a nice well rounded vegetarian dish that most people would enjoy. 

    I would also include the dietary restrictions line, just in case.
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  • I wouldn't side-eye 2 fish options and a veggie option, though I wouldn't be particularly thrilled about it, since I sincerely hate most fish. I would choose the veggie, but would be nice if there was some type of meat option. Or, if you choose to just to the fish and veggie, make sure the veggie is something that is pretty substantial, for lack of better word, "meaty"/hearty/etc. :) To the PP that said that they would expect a menu like the OP's in a place like coastal Maine, I agree and disagree. I've been to many weddings in the coastal Maine/New England/Maryland area, and there were the expected lobster/fish/crab option, but there was also no reason NOT to expect an alternative meat and veggie option as well...
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  • I think if you have the line asking people to call you, you're gonna get calls asking for beef, chicken, lobster, pasta, etc. Give people an inch, they take a mile. Although fish would not be my first choice of meat dishes, I would survive with them, especially if they were fresh.  If it is in your budget to offer a more neutral dish like chicken for people who may not be fish eaters, that would be nice as well, but unnecessary. 
    ohannabelleluckysnorkel
  • I hate fish but I'd eat the vegeterian dish and be just fine. Just make it a good vegetarian dish. Like a hearty pasta. No limp lettuce.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you can afford it, I would offer a non fish meat option for your guests. As other PPs have stated, many people strongly dislike fish.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Marzipan13OliveOilsMom
  • Nothing is set in stone yet, but we are leaning towards baked ziti for the vegetarian option :) 
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    ohannabelleVulgarGirl
  • First, let me say that fish is vegetarian. You are thinking vegan, which contains zero animal products.
    If you are concerned, offer another option on the menu, such as a meaty pasta or chicken. But list it. Don't allow them to contact the caterer. You would be opening a big can of problems.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • @mrskitty79 - no, fish is not vegetarian. Fish is an animal. Fish is Pescatarian, you don't eat meat but you eat seafood. I ended up offering fish as a choice, which worked out great for one of my bridesmaids who is a pescatarian and doesn't eat chicken or beef or other land and air based meat. 

    I don't like fish, but I would suck it up and order the vegetarian meal. I would never contact you and ask about other choices, but if that was on the RSVP card and we happened to see each other in person and got to talking I might ask about it.
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    pinkshorts27snippet17luckysnorkel
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you're totally fine with the two fish options and the baked ziti. But I'd list that baked ziti is the other option instead of just putting "vegetarian". 

    I wouldn't open yourself up to receiving emails. But maybe you can include a line for dietary restrictions just in case? If someone happens to be lactose intolerant, they wouldn't be able to eat the baked ziti. 

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ashleyep said:
    @mrskitty79 - no, fish is not vegetarian. Fish is an animal. Fish is Pescatarian, you don't eat meat but you eat seafood. I ended up offering fish as a choice, which worked out great for one of my bridesmaids who is a pescatarian and doesn't eat chicken or beef or other land and air based meat. 

    I don't like fish, but I would suck it up and order the vegetarian meal. I would never contact you and ask about other choices, but if that was on the RSVP card and we happened to see each other in person and got to talking I might ask about it.
    OMG I can't keep up with all of the food lifestyle choices any more ><
    Most of the vegetarians I know eat fish, don't eat red meat or chicken, and call themselves vegetarians.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm not a big fish eater depending on how it's prepared, but the thing is you know your guests and that you are safe with fish with your guests. I would do the same thing if I were in your postion take advantage of my own family business.  I think it's nice to offer a non-fish option even if it's a pasta/vegetarian dish incase someone brings a guest that isn't a fish eater. The one thing that I did was to put on the bottom of my RVSP "Please advise us if you have any dietary restrictions and we will do our best to accomodate" this way if anyone has a fish allergy, gluten allergy, etc, they'll bring it to your attention and you can deal with it then. The few issues that might come up will probably be so few if any, it won't be an issue to deal with them.  When I was notified by two guests of food issues I worked with my venue on options for them that would work with the budget then I emailed each guest a list of the options they had to choose from that would work for them (and my budget).

  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited June 2014
    ashleyep said:
    @mrskitty79 - no, fish is not vegetarian. Fish is an animal. Fish is Pescatarian, you don't eat meat but you eat seafood. I ended up offering fish as a choice, which worked out great for one of my bridesmaids who is a pescatarian and doesn't eat chicken or beef or other land and air based meat. 

    I don't like fish, but I would suck it up and order the vegetarian meal. I would never contact you and ask about other choices, but if that was on the RSVP card and we happened to see each other in person and got to talking I might ask about it.
    OMG I can't keep up with all of the food lifestyle choices any more ><
    Most of the vegetarians I know eat fish, don't eat red meat or chicken, and call themselves vegetarians.
    Yeah, I dunno. I actually think my friend calls herself a vegetarian too. But fish is not necessarily vegetarian, there are lots of vegetarians who don't eat dead animals of any kind. That's not the same as vegan which also excludes animal byproducts. I wiki'ed it after I posted my comment and it said the term pescatarian is kind of going out of style. But the gist of it is that *some* vegetarians eat fish, but not all. 

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  • Thanks for clarifying that mrskitty, I think I have heard that before but it didn't click until just now. They would actually be contacting me, not the caterer, but I definitely see now how non-efficient it is to offer alternates without them being listed on the RSVP. Will probably just go with the suggestions above and for those I KNOW hate fish (which I believe is only 3 of the people invited), ask personally if they are good with the ziti/non-meat choice.
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    ashleyep
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Sounds like PPs have covered everything I was going to say.  I just wanted to add that my stomach started growling at your menu (HUGE seafood fan).  Mmmm.
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    KnightsNurseAlexisA01
  • @lolo883 I'm a meat eater but have a lot of vegetarian friends. Some of them say their choice to eat meat is exactly as you suggested, they eat fish because it's wild caught and not farmed in bad living conditions. My understanding of it is that if all other meat products were free range, not in poor conditions with hormones added, etc., that they would eat those as well...it's more of a statement against animal cruelty than a personal preference for the flavor of meat, or a health choice.

    As a carnivore myself, this is just what I've learned through others.
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