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Etiquette

Fishy RSVPs...

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Re: Fishy RSVPs...

  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't eat fish at all, not ever!!! I would be fine with pasta though. That's usually a pretty safe choice. If I were you, I would list what the vegetarian option is though. If I saw your RSVP card and it had the two fish and vegetarian I would have to call you and ask you what the vegetarian option is before I picked it.
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    kmmssg
  • I don't think it's against etiquette at all to offer only fish and vegetarian.  As has been discussed (at length), it would be fine to offer only vegetarian food as long as there are plenty of options.  So fish or veggie is totally OK.

    It's nice that you want to offer another option though.  Maybe instead of "alternate menu options," you can leave a blank line on the RSVP and say, "Please note any dietary restrictions: ______."  That should avoid people just taking a mile, and only get serious issues.
     
    STIB
     
    I agree with JCBride:  I added the dietary restrictions line, and so far out of 25 people only one person wrote in a request.  (although to be fair my options are meat, chicken, and pork already).
  • Hello All!!

    Wanted a few opinions regarding my menu options on RSVPs. 

    My parents own a fishing charter business in Alaska; therefore we are able to and actively fishing to accumulate a huge stockpile of gourmet quality halibut and salmon for the wedding. Our caterer specializes in seafood and has agreed to use our fish at a MASSIVELY discounted price *happy dance*. 

    I would like, in order to save the most money and not have all of the hard work catching this fish go to waste, to put on my RSVP card the ability to select halibut, salmon or vegetarian and then have a line something along the lines of "please contact KnightsNurse at *insert contact info* for alternate menu options." 

    Is it an etiquette breach not to have a non-seafood meat listed on the RSVP? 95% of people attending our wedding are people I have hosted before, so I know most of them enjoy seafood, as that is usually what we serve at our dinner parties. I only know of 1 family who does not like seafood (no allergy, just a preference), and I plan on sending them an additional note letting them know I can provide chicken/whatever for them. I figure the line on the RSVP will give people the freedom to still have a non-seafood dish if it's important to them, but maximize the number of people who choose fish over a different plate. Is this rude? Inconsiderate? Thoughts? Thanks!

    ETA: Paragraphs...
    Is it against etiquette? NO, but only having a fish choice would be a nightmare to me and might be one of those things where it isn't against etiquette but that it leads people to "talk" as it so completely uncommon to not have a different meat option. As a matter of fact, I think someone posted that here somewhere on how they thought it was "weird" when they went to a wedding that date that.

    I HATE HATE HATE seafood. I once went to someones house and I put it on my place it because NOT eating it would have been noticed as there was one piece per person and I didn't want to be rude by making it obvious. Just because someone took it it at your house necessarily means they really like seafood. Did you watch them ALL eat it? Sometimes, it is super hard to avoid eating something you hate when it is a table of 3 people so you might take it on your plate but eat like one bite or something, you know what I mean?

    in the end its not against etiquetter but seafood often IS a "love it or hate it" food. It's not really a "neutral" type of food, IMO
  • Thanks for the input all! The caterer is the one who suggested having a meat option other than fish (which would mean more money for them in the long run). I never really thought about people who don't have an issue with fish being "curious" and giving me the run around; I just thought the people who considered fish to be of Satan like @kmmssg would contact me (that made me literally LOL). @JoanE2012: Idk what my alternate would be yet, probably chicken. There are no fish allergies that I know of. I think I'll end up going with the dietary restrictions line (Thanks @JCBride2015).
    STIB
    I hate fish, but i honestly wouldn't call you and ask for another choice. I would think that is rude. I would suck it up and just not eat, to be honest.

    Also, some type of fish is bad for pregnant women to eat, so keep that in mind if you think that might apply at your wedding, as well.

    Also, kids don't usually like fish so you have alot of kids, that is sometihng else to consider.

    It's not against etiqutte, but I do agree with your caterer that offering a meat dish (unless against your beliefs, of course) is always going to be a better option and will likely go over better with guests in the longrun.

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Thanks for the input all! The caterer is the one who suggested having a meat option other than fish (which would mean more money for them in the long run). I never really thought about people who don't have an issue with fish being "curious" and giving me the run around; I just thought the people who considered fish to be of Satan like @kmmssg would contact me (that made me literally LOL). @JoanE2012: Idk what my alternate would be yet, probably chicken. There are no fish allergies that I know of. I think I'll end up going with the dietary restrictions line (Thanks @JCBride2015).
    STIB
    I hate fish, but i honestly wouldn't call you and ask for another choice. I would think that is rude. I would suck it up and just not eat, to be honest.

    Also, some type of fish is bad for pregnant women to eat, so keep that in mind if you think that might apply at your wedding, as well.

    Also, kids don't usually like fish so you have alot of kids, that is sometihng else to consider.

    It's not against etiqutte, but I do agree with your caterer that offering a meat dish (unless against your beliefs, of course) is always going to be a better option and will likely go over better with guests in the longrun.

    Salmon is low in mercury; halibut is moderate.

    Maybe give people the option of adding a big meatball to the ziti if you really think they're going to pitch a fit. But they should really just suck it the heck up and eat what they're given. Pregnant women and kids can eat the freakin' pasta. Anyone who can't eat gluten or tomatoes will tell you so in the dietary restrictions.

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    ohannabelle
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    I'm a firm believer in offering as many options as you can afford. 

     I eat some fish, but I can't stand salmon. I'm okay with halibut, so I personally would be good with your options. Especially knowing how fresh this fish will be. The fresher the fish the better. 

    So if you can afford a meat option like chicken I would definitely add that option. In general, the more people you have the more chance you will have people with dietary restrictions or just plain picky.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Having so much of your menu weighted toward fish is likely to alienate guests-not necessarily because they don't like or can't or won't eat fish, but because you are offering too few options in terms of types of food.  Fish and veggies with no other options doesn't appeal to a lot of people who aren't vegetarians.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm from Alaska, and I grew up eating fresh wild salmon.  It's the best thing ever, in my opinion, and would LOVE your options.  I don't find it rude to just offer fish and vegetarian. 

    As for pregnant women not being able to eat fish, I don't really buy that.  My mom ate fish all the time when she was pregnant with my siblings and I and all of us are perfectly fine.  But if a mom is worried, she can eat the vegetarian option.  

    KnightsNurse
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't even like being in the same room as fish, I hate it so much. I can always smell it and it always stinks (even if no one else in the room can smell it, I can).  My dietary restrictions would keep me from eating the pasta as well (unless it was made with meat, which yours won't be).  So, my preference would be that another meat option is offered. But, if you can't do that, I'd just bring something I could eat and then eat what I could of the sides. I'd take care of meeting my own dietary needs.  My mom would probably want both fish options, lol.
    kmmssg
  • I'm from Alaska, and I grew up eating fresh wild salmon.  It's the best thing ever, in my opinion, and would LOVE your options.  I don't find it rude to just offer fish and vegetarian. 

    As for pregnant women not being able to eat fish, I don't really buy that.  My mom ate fish all the time when she was pregnant with my siblings and I and all of us are perfectly fine.  But if a mom is worried, she can eat the vegetarian option.  

    SITB

    I am currently pregnant, and every baby book openly discusses how you should NOT eat certain types of fish. some are extremely good for you, but others are dangerous and you are instructed to stay away from. I couldn't tell you which is which because i hate fish, so i don't pay close attention but I can assure you I am not just making it up out of nowhere
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I'm from Alaska, and I grew up eating fresh wild salmon.  It's the best thing ever, in my opinion, and would LOVE your options.  I don't find it rude to just offer fish and vegetarian. 

    As for pregnant women not being able to eat fish, I don't really buy that.  My mom ate fish all the time when she was pregnant with my siblings and I and all of us are perfectly fine.  But if a mom is worried, she can eat the vegetarian option.  

    SITB

    I am currently pregnant, and every baby book openly discusses how you should NOT eat certain types of fish. some are extremely good for you, but others are dangerous and you are instructed to stay away from. I couldn't tell you which is which because i hate fish, so i don't pay close attention but I can assure you I am not just making it up out of nowhere
    Already asked and answered. Salmon and halibut are not among the types pregnant women should avoid.

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  • I think you should be fine with just the fish and vegetarian. I personally hate fish but would be fine with the vegetarian option.
  • Just went to a wedding where the brides was vegetarian. One main dish and all the salads, appetizers, and sides were vegetarian. The other main dish was yet more vegetarian side with the option of a chicken breast in cream sauce on top.

    It was tasty, I went totally vegetarian that night, and it was no big deal.

    I personally think if you have the money for one meat dish do it, but if you can't, veg is fine.

    I will say that one lady at my table bitched, but she's a cow, fuck her. Her heart is going to give out if she really eats as much meat as she said she does.
    I'm out.
  • " My dietary restrictions would keep me from eating the pasta as well (unless it was made with meat, which yours won't be)." Out of curiosity, what kind of dietary restriction doesn't allow pasta with cheese, but does if there is meat in it? Is that a diabetic thing? I was just wracking my brain trying to figure that out. You don't have to answer if you don't want to!

    I feel the same way about fish. I avoid pasta (gluten) but I would have to eat the pasta in this situation and face the wrath of my stomach. I don't have Celiac's, so I never ask for special accomodations (other than, like, "Can i have the burger with no bun?" at a restaurant), but I'd be really hoping apps/sides were substantial if my only options were fish.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm from Alaska, and I grew up eating fresh wild salmon.  It's the best thing ever, in my opinion, and would LOVE your options.  I don't find it rude to just offer fish and vegetarian. 

    As for pregnant women not being able to eat fish, I don't really buy that.  My mom ate fish all the time when she was pregnant with my siblings and I and all of us are perfectly fine.  But if a mom is worried, she can eat the vegetarian option.  

    SITB

    I am currently pregnant, and every baby book openly discusses how you should NOT eat certain types of fish. some are extremely good for you, but others are dangerous and you are instructed to stay away from. I couldn't tell you which is which because i hate fish, so i don't pay close attention but I can assure you I am not just making it up out of nowhere
    I didn't mean you were making it up. I know that that information is out there. I've also researched it and salmon is safe and halibut is pretty safe as well.  Also, not all doctors or researchers agree on how dangerous fish actually is, from what I've read.

    I also only eat wild-caught Alaskan salmon, so it's not like I'm eating farmed fish, which is much worse for you.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    syoun1nj said:
    " My dietary restrictions would keep me from eating the pasta as well (unless it was made with meat, which yours won't be)." Out of curiosity, what kind of dietary restriction doesn't allow pasta with cheese, but does if there is meat in it? Is that a diabetic thing? I was just wracking my brain trying to figure that out. You don't have to answer if you don't want to!


    It is mainly a diabetic thing, yes. When I do eat pasta, it's only low-carb pasta (things like whole wheat or rice or quinoa pasta don't count) and I have to balance it with a certain amount of protein to prevent glucose spikes. That, and I'm on a medically supervised diet that requires a certain amount of protein at each meal (you can only absorb a certain amount at a time). I doubt the cheese would contain enough protein. If I ate fish, there wouldn't be a problem, but I just hate everything about it. That's why I'd supplement my own meal to make sure the hosts didn't have to do anything special and I'd still get my needs met.
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    snippet17 said:
    First, let me say that fish is vegetarian. You are thinking vegan, which contains zero animal products.
    If you are concerned, offer another option on the menu, such as a meaty pasta or chicken. But list it. Don't allow them to contact the caterer. You would be opening a big can of problems.
    Vegetarians don't eat fish. I HATE when people call themselves a vegetarian and they eat fish.
    A pescetarian is a what you are thinking of. FI is a pescetarian because the steroids and fillers in meat make him sick. He started eating that way before the grass-fed/organic trend was in full swing, and now he has been eating that way for 12 years, it would be difficult to go back.

  • My sister was a pescatarian because when she went "vegetarian" she found that she couldn't give up sushi.  So, yes, depending on who she was talking to, she sometimes referred to herself as a vegetarian, sometimes as a pescatarian, sometimes as a "vegetarian that eats fish".  It depended on who they are and why they needed to know.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • adk19 said:
    My sister was a pescatarian because when she went "vegetarian" she found that she couldn't give up sushi.  So, yes, depending on who she was talking to, she sometimes referred to herself as a vegetarian, sometimes as a pescatarian, sometimes as a "vegetarian that eats fish".  It depended on who they are and why they needed to know.
    Sweet, I'm a vegetarian who eats bacon cheeseburgers. ;-)
    As long as you don't require me to buy you a Tofurkey when you come home for Thanksgiving, I really don't care what you call yourself.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Thanks for the input all! The caterer is the one who suggested having a meat option other than fish (which would mean more money for them in the long run). I never really thought about people who don't have an issue with fish being "curious" and giving me the run around; I just thought the people who considered fish to be of Satan like @kmmssg would contact me (that made me literally LOL). @JoanE2012: Idk what my alternate would be yet, probably chicken. There are no fish allergies that I know of. I think I'll end up going with the dietary restrictions line (Thanks @JCBride2015).


    I'm also of the "seafood is from Satan" line of thinking... I don't have any real allergies to it, but haven't been able to eat any type of seafood without actually vomiting in several years (and I have actually tried). I also am not a big fan of veggie meals. I stick primarily to a meat (beef, chicken, pork) & potatoes kind of diet. So, although there is nothing wrong etiquette-wise with your choices, I would seriously consider not coming with just fish & veggie options (depending on if you are close family/friend or distant relative)... or I would eat before coming. Yes, that may be rude on my part to not appreciate what is offered, but I'm being honest about what I would do if there no food options that I would consider eating.

    You could put a dietary restriction line, but I would probably feel bad about asking for a meat dish that wasn't on your menu.  When I see "dietary restrictions", I think more of real restrictions, like non-gluten or lactose-free items, not "I don't like that" alternatives (although vomit inducing food is a bit more than just "I don't like that").  So, I would probably order the veggie meal and leave it mostly uneaten on the plate (after having eaten prior to wedding), or just not attend. 

    Another option would be to specify on there that the seafood is Alaskan fish caught by the bride's family fishing charter, then still offer veggie & chicken dishes.  That may sway a lot more of the seafood lovers toward the fish options and also make the food more personal to everyone. If I saw menu choices of chicken raised on a brides farm or random grocery store steak, even if steak sounded better at the time, I'd probably go with the chicken just for that personal touch... and I'd be curious if their chicken was better than what I normally get. Plus, people do tend to prefer knowing where their food comes from, so just knowing where it came from is a big selling point, rather than knowing it went through several random commercial processing plants and sat on some grocery freezer shelf for months.  Even if the processing is really the same, it just seems cleaner or healthier if you know where it originated from (or I prefer to naively think it is).  So, I think just saying on there that it was provided by your family's charter, would definitely sway the choices into the fish direction.

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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    nicoann said:
    Thanks for the input all! The caterer is the one who suggested having a meat option other than fish (which would mean more money for them in the long run). I never really thought about people who don't have an issue with fish being "curious" and giving me the run around; I just thought the people who considered fish to be of Satan like @kmmssg would contact me (that made me literally LOL). @JoanE2012: Idk what my alternate would be yet, probably chicken. There are no fish allergies that I know of. I think I'll end up going with the dietary restrictions line (Thanks @JCBride2015).


    I'm also of the "seafood is from Satan" line of thinking... I don't have any real allergies to it, but haven't been able to eat any type of seafood without actually vomiting in several years (and I have actually tried). I also am not a big fan of veggie meals. I stick primarily to a meat (beef, chicken, pork) & potatoes kind of diet. So, although there is nothing wrong etiquette-wise with your choices, I would seriously consider not coming with just fish & veggie options (depending on if you are close family/friend or distant relative)... or I would eat before coming. Yes, that may be rude on my part to not appreciate what is offered, but I'm being honest about what I would do if there no food options that I would consider eating.

    You could put a dietary restriction line, but I would probably feel bad about asking for a meat dish that wasn't on your menu.  When I see "dietary restrictions", I think more of real restrictions, like non-gluten or lactose-free items, not "I don't like that" alternatives (although vomit inducing food is a bit more than just "I don't like that").  So, I would probably order the veggie meal and leave it mostly uneaten on the plate (after having eaten prior to wedding), or just not attend. 

    Another option would be to specify on there that the seafood is Alaskan fish caught by the bride's family fishing charter, then still offer veggie & chicken dishes.  That may sway a lot more of the seafood lovers toward the fish options and also make the food more personal to everyone. If I saw menu choices of chicken raised on a brides farm or random grocery store steak, even if steak sounded better at the time, I'd probably go with the chicken just for that personal touch... and I'd be curious if their chicken was better than what I normally get. Plus, people do tend to prefer knowing where their food comes from, so just knowing where it came from is a big selling point, rather than knowing it went through several random commercial processing plants and sat on some grocery freezer shelf for months.  Even if the processing is really the same, it just seems cleaner or healthier if you know where it originated from (or I prefer to naively think it is).  So, I think just saying on there that it was provided by your family's charter, would definitely sway the choices into the fish direction.

    You don't eat pasta? There are a lot of "veggie" meals that are not some out there concoction.
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    ashleyep
  • Huh, I never considered guests not attending because they did not approve of our main entrees. I figured it would get a side-eye at worst...I have a severe egg allergy and I've never once considered not attending a wedding (no matter how far apart or close I am to the B/G) because I may not be able to eat the food...I'd miss out on a lot of memories if I held myself to those standards...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    ashleyep
  • edited July 2014
    Just to chime in... I love meat. LOVE it. I also love pasta and could eat it plain. I love food in general. I'm NOT a fan of fish. I enjoy mussels if they're bathed in butter and garlic and lemon, and shrimp if prepared the same way. Otherwise, no fish for me. I don't like the smell, and I can't usually get past it enough to eat it. THAT all being said....... when I went to Jamaica, I tried fresh-literally-caught-right-in-front-of-us-and-thrown-straight-on-the-grill lobster and it was, I must admit, one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten. On another occasion, a boyfriend surprised me with a "surprise" for dinner that night, which ended up being swordfish steaks that he threw right on our charcoal grill. It was great!! Nice and light. Finally, I tasted a little bite of my co-worker's baked haddock with a light breadcrust at our boss's shower recently, and it tasted great. If I received your invite and saw the fish choices, I would either A.) take a risk and try something new that I bet I'd end up liking; B.) Play it safe and order your veggie dish because I'd probably love whatever it is, or C.) Make my SO order one dish, I'd get the other, and we'd share (which is usually what we do at restaurants, since we both always end up wanting what the other person got). Coming from a hardcore meat-eater and not-so-big fan of fish, I'd have no problem with your menu. Edited to try and make paragraphs
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    kmmssg said:
    Huh, I never considered guests not attending because they did not approve of our main entrees. I figured it would get a side-eye at worst...I have a severe egg allergy and I've never once considered not attending a wedding (no matter how far apart or close I am to the B/G) because I may not be able to eat the food...I'd miss out on a lot of memories if I held myself to those standards...
    As much as I have stated I detest fish, I would NEVER not attend a wedding because they were serving it.  Now, I might be hitting some fast food on my way to the wedding, but I would never not attend a wedding because I didn't care for what they were serving (unless we are talking punch and cake at a meal time wedding - that I would have to think about).
    Exactly, it's not worth not attending over.  I think we have to accept some food will be out of our control at weddings.  I'm generally not picky and don't have many allergies except mushrooms.  Lately mushrooms seem to be really popular because I'm running into them at restaurants (and last weekend's wedding) frequently, but they often are not mentioned on the menu because they're seen more as a garnish.  Especially not a wedding menu or RSVP card.  It's just a risk you take when there are certain things you can't/won't eat.  Usually there are some other options or you can speak to the waiter if there's really a problem.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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