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Etiquette

Am I overreacting?

climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
My cousin's bridal shower in in two weeks. The RSVP date was Saturday. My aunt (cousin's mom) emailed me Saturday to see if I knew if my FSIL (brother's FI) would be attending. FSIL never RVSP'd and I'm sure my aunt assumes I have contact with her often.

I sent FSIL a text Saturday morning. No reply. 

I talked to my mom Saturday night and mentioned the situation. She said she would try to contact FSIL on Sunday. My mom called FSIL (she didn't answer) and sent her a text (no reply).  

I am super annoyed with my FSIL. If you don't want to come, just fucking say you can't. You had more than enough time to RSVP. And then to just ignore me and my mom? WTF. I would never in a million years ignore my FI's family like this. 

FSIL seems to have no problem with me or my mother, so I can't imagine that's why she would be ignoring us. She asked me to be her MOH and tells me all the time how much she loves me. My mom is great to her and is even taking her kid (from a previous marriage) on vacation with her and my dad next month. 

Re: Am I overreacting?

  • Maybe something is going on in her life and RSVPing to a wedding shower isn't on her radar.


    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    SewInLoveWithDMB
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Is it possible she lost her phone?  

    I would call brother and say "Hey mom and me have been trying to get a hold of FSIL.  We thought it was odd that she hasn't returned our calls. Is everything okay?"









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Liatris2010cowgirl8238OliveOilsMom
  • I think it's not your issue. It isn't your shower and doesn't really affect you. Maybe she has something personal going on that she isn't comfortable discussing. I would just move on from it and not let it bother you so much.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She's been posting away on Facebook. From her phone. 

    My mom called my brother and he said, "I'll find out." So far, nothing. 

    I know it's not my shower. It just really bothers me that she's choosing to ignore us. I will admit there's other things going on in addition to this that have me pissed off. 

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell your aunt that you don't know if she's coming to the shower or not, and then leave it at that. You do not have to assume responsibility for her communications. Leave that in her court.
  • It sucks that she is ignoring you, but I don't think that this should be your hill to die on.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • I am TERRIBLE at returning phone calls. 

    And every once in a while, I don't realize I've been texted. Like, I'll have clicked on it and not realized so I miss the part where the message popped up in the first place. And I will only notice I've been texted by that person when I look at my text messages randomly a few days later. I don't know if I explained that properly. Anyway, it's rare, but it happens. I wouldn't get too annoyed with FSIL just yet. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Thanks ladies. I will try to chill the fuck out. It's times like this I wish I kept wine in my desk. 

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I would be annoyed, but it's not your problem to solve. Go find some chocolate. :)

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  • I would definitely be annoyed (my mom is awful at answering her phone, and it drives me nuts!), but I also agree that it's not your problem. Like Jen4948 said, I would let your aunt know that you don't know/couldn't get a hold of her, and it's out of your hands. And maybe have some wine when you get home :)
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    lilacck28 said:
    I am TERRIBLE at returning phone calls. 

    And every once in a while, I don't realize I've been texted. Like, I'll have clicked on it and not realized so I miss the part where the message popped up in the first place. And I will only notice I've been texted by that person when I look at my text messages randomly a few days later. I don't know if I explained that properly. Anyway, it's rare, but it happens. I wouldn't get too annoyed with FSIL just yet. 


    ***  SITB ***

      My dad is bad also.  He rarely checks VM or text.   Sometimes it's days or weeks before he responds.     Often I forgot I even sent the thing.

    I sometimes forget to hit send.  I will be annoyed that someone hasn't returned a text only to realize I never sent it.  Oops.

    Of course she can be ignoring you, but my point is  I do not normally jump to conclusions unless there is a history with the person ignoring me (I'm looking at you brother)






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lilacck28
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If she's ignoring you, that's rude, but it's not your shower, so stop worrying about it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • This is why I hate relying on texts and fb Messages. Otherwise polite people easily disregard them. Next time, just call her! 

    But yes, one of my Biggest pet peeves too!!! 
    climbingwife
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