Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Signed book instead of a card

AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
Received an invite to a baby shower and they requested a signed book instead of a card. Is this a new trend?

Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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Re: NWR: Signed book instead of a card

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    I have been to one, hess i think its a new trend.

    I threaded curling ribbon down the book spine so I could attach it all pretty like to the main gift. My friend's genius husband tore the binding trying to remove the ribbon, destroying the book int he process. This is why men shouldn't be invited to showers :-p SMH
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    PrettyGirlLost
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Yeah it is coed at some bakery. None of the bakery desserts are being hosted though. I wasn't sure if this was a new trend thanks to Pinterest. "The coed shower will be fun with thrills and laughs for all guests. Located at XXX Bakery and Sweets, please remember to bring something extra for you to enjoy some eclairs or cupcakes. Instead of cards, XXX requests each person brings a signed book".

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    Yes, it is. I don't like it either. I think it's rude to tell people what to buy you as a gift. I almost always gift books at baby showers but I would be very put off by this sort of demand. Also a book isn't even close to the same cost as a card so I don't see how it's a substitute.


  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've been to showers where they wanted to build a library for the baby and had a little blurb requesting books along with the other registry info, but it wasn't required, and certainly not in lieu of a card. That seems odd.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    As the recipient of such a request, I did not mind it at all.  As a hostess, I'm not sure I would be comfortable asking people to consider it.  It is a trend that has been slowly building.  My first experience with it was at least 10 years ago.

    New Pinterest trends I absolutely do NOT like are requesting guests to bring a package of diapers for a chance to win a raffle prize.  The more diapers you bring, the more chances you get to win.  Disguising this in the form of a "game" is absurd.


    PrettyGirlLost
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes, it is. I don't like it either. I think it's rude to tell people what to buy you as a gift. I almost always gift books at baby showers but I would be very put off by this sort of demand. Also a book isn't even close to the same cost as a card so I don't see how it's a substitute.
    That is what I was thinking too. I side eyed that part about the book over the card.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So now the kid has 12 copies of Goodnight Moon, and none of them can be exchanged because they're all signed?

    Since it's not being properly hosted, I'd decline. I often bring books to showers, but I don't sign them and I don't like being ordered what to bring.
    pinkshorts27knottie83bd5c83a89b9680
  • Being told what to bring really rubs me the wrong way. To me, it says that the recipient thinks she won't like what I pick out and is therefore telling me what would be of use to her instead. I understand the point of a registry because it's more of an organizing tool so that you don't get 20 toasters, but asking for one specific thing, I don't know....
  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand I don't like being told what to buy, but also cards tend to just get tossed and books will at least be around for a while. So the earth friendly part of me says it's ok. But if I were to buy the book and it was more than what I would spend on a card, I would spend less on my actual gift.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand I don't like being told what to buy, but also cards tend to just get tossed and books will at least be around for a while. So the earth friendly part of me says it's ok. But if I were to buy the book and it was more than what I would spend on a card, I would spend less on my actual gift.
    This shows how long it's been since I've attended a baby shower. I thought the book WAS the gift. So there's a book and a gift, too?
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    mimivac said:
    I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand I don't like being told what to buy, but also cards tend to just get tossed and books will at least be around for a while. So the earth friendly part of me says it's ok. But if I were to buy the book and it was more than what I would spend on a card, I would spend less on my actual gift.
    This shows how long it's been since I've attended a baby shower. I thought the book WAS the gift. So there's a book and a gift, too?
    Yes. She gave the registry info and instead of a card, the parents want books. Essentially asking for two gifts.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    AlexisA01 said:
    mimivac said:
    I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand I don't like being told what to buy, but also cards tend to just get tossed and books will at least be around for a while. So the earth friendly part of me says it's ok. But if I were to buy the book and it was more than what I would spend on a card, I would spend less on my actual gift.
    This shows how long it's been since I've attended a baby shower. I thought the book WAS the gift. So there's a book and a gift, too?
    Yes. She gave the registry info and instead of a card, the parents want books. Essentially asking for two gifts.
    I would absolutely decline the invitation and tell them exactly why I am declining. This whole trend is incredibly rude. 


  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I wouldn't call it a "new trend;" I've seen this for years. Board books are normally under $4 so I don't have a problem from the "second gift" perspective, but I don't like doing it because of the likelihood of getting multiples you can't return because they've been written in. I always give a few board books as part of my gift though (with a gift receipt).

    What I have a GIANT problem with is "bring a pack of diapers instead of a card." Um, diapers are freakin' expensive, and it's not like you're going to save all the signed wrappers.

    image
    image
  • I wouldn't call it a "new trend;" I've seen this for years. Board books are normally under $4 so I don't have a problem from the "second gift" perspective, but I don't like doing it because of the likelihood of getting multiples you can't return because they've been written in. I always give a few board books as part of my gift though (with a gift receipt).

    What I have a GIANT problem with is "bring a pack of diapers instead of a card." Um, diapers are freakin' expensive, and it's not like you're going to save all the signed wrappers.
    Normally in my circle, it's bring a pack of diapers to be included in a drawing.

    The gambler in me really likes that game.  And it's always a really awesome prize.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • I got an invite like that (complete with a horrible cutesy poem) years ago for a cousin's baby shower.  It ticked me off and I found it in incredibly bad taste.

    Like people already said, a card and a book are not similarly priced - a book costs a lot more.  Plus, I'm a librarian.  I often give books as presents anyway.  So this request basically takes what I would give as a gift and equates it to a little add-on to the real gift.  "Along with your gift, bring a book!"  "Um, my gift was going to be books."
    bethsmiles
  • You also don't have to give the book. I mean, you shouldn't really hold this against the mother-to-be considering she is not hosting. Just take whatever you want as a gift and don't buy the book.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • Yes it is, and while I like the idea that these people will read to their children (doubt it), I don't like the idea that they're telling me "Hey, thanks for the present, but instead of a card, could you top it with another present?"

    Presents cost more, dick.
    bethsmiles[Deleted User]
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You also don't have to give the book. I mean, you shouldn't really hold this against the mother-to-be considering she is not hosting. Just take whatever you want as a gift and don't buy the book.
    Hopefully. But these days, it's entirely possible she's hosting her own baby shower.


  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    You also don't have to give the book. I mean, you shouldn't really hold this against the mother-to-be considering she is not hosting. Just take whatever you want as a gift and don't buy the book.
    She is hosting along with one of her best friend.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • AlexisA01 said:
    You also don't have to give the book. I mean, you shouldn't really hold this against the mother-to-be considering she is not hosting. Just take whatever you want as a gift and don't buy the book.
    She is hosting along with one of her best friend.
    I guess it just depends on how close you are with this person.  If she was a close friend of mine, I would still go and just act like I didn't see that request. If she's not, then just decline.  
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Yes it is, and while I like the idea that these people will read to their children (doubt it), I don't like the idea that they're telling me "Hey, thanks for the present, but instead of a card, could you top it with another present?"

    Presents cost more, dick.
    They don't have to though... cards are expensive, yo. This is $2.50. She's not asking for Encyclopedia Britannica.

    Yes, it's still a request for another present, but I just don't get being hung up on the cost issue of it. I see them as comparable costs. What is a shower if not a request for presents?

    image
    image
  • csuavecsuave member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper

    The "instead of a card" thing has been around for over 10 years that I know of.  I think it is pretty common as I have seen it in several different circles.  I'm pretty indifferent about it and consider it to be completely optional.

    I first saw it for a baby shower and thought it was cute.  I got a really neat touch and feel book from the dollar store.  For more recent showers I may or may not buy the book depending on how I feel.  Maybe yes if I know the parents really value reading but maybe not if I know the shower has a really big guest list.

    I have also seen bring an ornament requested for a bridal shower close to Christmas so the new couple can start a tree together.  I did give an ornament.  I know I think of people that gave me ornaments when I hang them so I thought it was kind of a neat idea.

    And I have seen bring a spice and a recipe that uses the spice to a bridal shower.  I knew the bride pretty well and couldn't see her getting all excited about a bunch of random spices so I elected not to participate in that one.  Plus it was a large invite list and I knew that it could end up being excessive if everyone did it.

    Finally, at my shower a recipe card was included with each invitation requesting a favorite cookie recipe.  Not everyone did it and I am perfectly fine with that.  For the people that did I am excited to have the cards.  The best came from the cousins that had everything they bought end up being a duplicate--thanks Target.  Their recipies were from my late great aunt's recipe box and it made me feel like that aunt was a part of the wedding festivities.  As the cousins were leaving I told them how much the recipies meant to me.  If they felt at all bad about the duplicate presents they shouldn't have especially since they gave me that awesome additional gift.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would only like it if she JUST wanted books, not a book in lieu of a card. I agree that's like asking for 2 gifts.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    AlexisA01bethsmiles
  • Cards cost $4-$5 nowadays.  Baby books cost the same.  I would much rather buy a book than a card for the same price.  Plus I love the idea that they will be encouraging the new child to read.  

    I don't see a problem with the request.  Like registry information, it is just a suggestion not a demand. People don't have to give a book, just like they don't have to buy off the registry.
    sofakingmadtheartistformerlyknownasMobKaz
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Cards cost $4-$5 nowadays.  Baby books cost the same.  I would much rather buy a book than a card for the same price.  Plus I love the idea that they will be encouraging the new child to read.  

    I don't see a problem with the request.  Like registry information, it is just a suggestion not a demand. People don't have to give a book, just like they don't have to buy off the registry.
    I have never paid that much for a card. 

    And the point isn't that books make great gifts, of course they do but you shouldn't tell your guests to give you something instead of something else and you definitely shouldn't request two gifts of your guests as if the one they were going to get wasn't enough. And obviously they don't HAVE to buy a book but it's very likely to make a guest uncomfortable if they didn't buy a book in addition to another present.


  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Cards cost $4-$5 nowadays.  Baby books cost the same.  I would much rather buy a book than a card for the same price.  Plus I love the idea that they will be encouraging the new child to read.  

    I don't see a problem with the request.  Like registry information, it is just a suggestion not a demand. People don't have to give a book, just like they don't have to buy off the registry.
    I have never paid that much for a card. 

    And the point isn't that books make great gifts, of course they do but you shouldn't tell your guests to give you something instead of something else and you definitely shouldn't request two gifts of your guests as if the one they were going to get wasn't enough. And obviously they don't HAVE to buy a book but it's very likely to make a guest uncomfortable if they didn't buy a book in addition to another present.
    Having attended showers with this request, I would not be able to tell you which guests complied with the book request.  It was not an overt demonstration.  As the mother of the mama-to-be, I actually forgot my book for one of the showers.  No comment was made, no finger was pointed.  It really was a subtle touch.

    The people that did seem to comment were those that included a book.  Some mentioned that they chose the book because it was a favorite of their childhood.  Others chose a book because of the relationship they had with the mama or dad to-be.  Between their sibling relationship and inside jokes, my son chose the book, "Everyone Poops" for his sister.  My point is that anyone that chose to participate in the request made a concerted effort to make the book meaningful to the couple.  Assumption or not, I interpret that to indicate that they did not have an issue with the request.

    For better or worse, for certain occasions, I have paid $5.00 for a card.  It is not my typical card shopping experience, but for some people under certain circumstances, I have dropped some coin for those musical or Papyrus cards.


  • Cards cost $4-$5 nowadays.  Baby books cost the same.  I would much rather buy a book than a card for the same price.  Plus I love the idea that they will be encouraging the new child to read.  

    I don't see a problem with the request.  Like registry information, it is just a suggestion not a demand. People don't have to give a book, just like they don't have to buy off the registry.





    I fucking hate you and your shitty ass boxes TK.
    Now then, where in God's name are you buying cards?
  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    While it is rude to request double-gifting, it is true that a lot of board books run in $2-$4 range, which, really is the cost of most cards.  I wouldn't mind the request because ultimately, it's up to the guests to decide how much they want to bring/spend.

    So if they are asking you to bring money for bakery food, are they hosting anything at all?
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I buy all my cards at Dollar Tree, where they are 50 cents each.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    bethsmiles
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Nymeru said:
    While it is rude to request double-gifting, it is true that a lot of board books run in $2-$4 range, which, really is the cost of most cards.  I wouldn't mind the request because ultimately, it's up to the guests to decide how much they want to bring/spend.

    So if they are asking you to bring money for bakery food, are they hosting anything at all?
    Spoke to father to be and he said that since it was at a bakery, guest should feel free to buy and munch of pastries during the shower without feeling awkward. I grew up with the father but I still side eye and feel "Eh" at their etiquette blunders with this baby shower.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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