So grumpy over this invite

LondonLisa

turtletrout said:

JasperandOpal said:

turtletrout said:

Idk I feel like you're both right in this situation and they are just keeping it real which I don't see how that's tacky. They know it'll be a problem for some and saying 'hey we can't afford that extra plate' seems truthful and understandable. You're right for not going if you don't feel comfortable. But it's also their wedding and they get to make decisions with their own money on who to pay for.

I think the solution here is to figure out your budget before you invite people to your engagement party and before you send out save the dates because if they had thought about it, maybe they would have chosen to just not invite me at all, which I think would have been the better option under the circumstances.  

When I made my budget, I knew I could afford to host around 80 people so I knew that, excluding a few people who I know will not have plus ones, I could invited 35 or so couples.  If I know both people in the couple, awesome, if I don't, great, I get to meet someone new or someone I know in passing who is really important to someone I care enough about to invite to my wedding. 

Would you think it was appropriate for me to only invite the groom to my wedding one month later and not invite his wife because I am actually only friends with him?  After all, I should get to choose who I feed right?  I'm not being snarky, I really want to know because this entire time I have been wondering if they would have excluded FI from the invite list if we were getting married in August, one month before their wedding, instead of October, one month after.

To answer your question, yes. Yeah I guess people can get in an uproar that I think differently but you can look at it either way. Invite them both and meet someone new, or save your money and invite people that you know and want to share this big day with. It is just one (expensive in most cases lol) day. I know it's not "traditionally considered good etiquette" but my attitude is that it's your money and you have to make it work to the best of your abilities. If other people get in an uproar about it after you were honest that the decision is solely based on money and not about snubbing someone then I would be forgiving.

A wedding is expensive as one makes it. No one is requiring you to have a big evening affair. You could host everyone properly at a lovely afternoon cake and punch reception. At least own the fact that you are prioritising a fancy dress, big centrepieces, and other extras over your respect and love for your friends. 

This is such a black and white situation, I am really flabbergasted that you would think this is OK. That is silly, stupid, my super sweet 16 tacky behaviour. At least own the fact it that a dress is more important than how you treat your friends. And yes, by definition, that makes you a complete jerk.

How could you possibly invite people to honour your relationship at your wedding and be so disrespectful to their relationship?!

This screams of the "it is a privileged to come to my wedding and if you don't like it don't come" mentality, which really is just the worst!