Snarky Brides
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I love you, but I'm going to kill you -small vent

rooz103rooz103 member
First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Snarky Brides
Let me preface this by saying that I love my FI very much, and that I am inordinately thrilled at the thought of spending a lifetime with him.

That being said, there is no one else in the world who can make me face palm so exquisitely.

I've been slowly addressing save the dates over the course of the last week, filling out a few between fits of procrastination as I get updated addresses and names. So today, I decided to be good and pulled up the excel sheet with everything on it, and as I'm writing, my FI glanced over at what I'm doing, and casually remarked, "Oh, [Aunt and Uncle]'s last names are Smith Doe, not Doe Smith".

Me:"What?? What about the spreadsheets you gave me that has their names specifically listed as 'Doe Smith', not 'Smith Doe'?"
FI: "Oh, I must have put it down wrong."
Me: "You what?? Twice? How is that even possible? And then why did you tell me, promise me that it was right?"
FI: *sensing danger* "...I'm sorry?"


FI's family follows Hispanic naming traditions so most of them have two-part last names. It turns out that the last names for at two families were in incorrect order and an aunt's first name was actually a familial nickname (I only caught that one since it was spelled differently on two different lists--and no, I did not accept his answer of "either way's fine"). Between the family name mix-ups and added cards for all the "kids" who are suddenly 18+, I've already gone through my supply of extra save the dates.

He is my sweet, dorky, absent minded partner in crime, and I'm going to strangle him with a churro.

Re: I love you, but I'm going to kill you -small vent

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    I hear ya. DH didn't know all the kids in his cousins' families, and seemed exasperated that I asked him to find out so I could address the invites properly.

    Have some tequila and you'll be good to go!
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    NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Yep.  Same problem here a FI with the two last name business and huge extended family.  Even my FILs don't know everyone's names.  I literally have one guy just marked as "Ron".  When I asked for his last name, my FFIL said, "Ron Boyfriend".  And the sad thing is, they have no intention of trying to find out what his last name is.  Same goes for "Tattoo".  Everyone hates him, so they don't even know his real name.  They just know they have to invite him. I don't even know what to do with this new family sometimes.
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    d2vad2va member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Girrrllllll... I have a central american FI and we literally had a fight, yes a SPAT over me sending invites to adult children.

    So, I let him win the war, and a 20 year old was invited with the parents.

    Edit: It was his sisters son, his nephew.

    I was so  >:[ about it
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    Nymeru said:

    Yep.  Same problem here a FI with the two last name business and huge extended family.  Even my FILs don't know everyone's names.  I literally have one guy just marked as "Ron".  When I asked for his last name, my FFIL said, "Ron Boyfriend".  And the sad thing is, they have no intention of trying to find out what his last name is.  Same goes for "Tattoo".  Everyone hates him, so they don't even know his real name.  They just know they have to invite him. I don't even know what to do with this new family sometimes.


    Haha! I would love to see the invitation addressed to "Tattoo" :) Actually, he's been good about not having random adjectives instead of names-- that one was my problem lol. I only know some family and friends by the way my mom refers to them, so I've got "Texas friend" listed next to "Arizona Aunt". When I asked my mom for her friend's real names, she volunteered to hand deliver the save the dates, so "Shoe Repair Friend" stays on the list.

    @d2va‌ I'm relieved to hear that FI isn't just weirdly stubborn. I won the battle about having to invite the longtime boyfriend of an 18yr old guest, but I have a suspicion that he'll win the argument for related "kids" invited with their parents.
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    FI is so conditioned to write timely thank you notes for gifts that he kind-of-accidentally sent out a thank you for a gift we haven't actually received yet!  He peeked at our registry's "thank you list" and pre-emptively sent out a card, assuming the gift would arrive any day now anyway.  Nope, still not here.  They probably shipped it to themselves and are planning on bringing it to the wedding.  I can't even be mad though, his heart's in the right place.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    FI's grandpa's girlfriend apparently has a last name.  FI had to call his mom to find out.  That was kind of awkward.  "That girls grandpa's been dating for like forever, what's her full name?"

    @luckysnorkel, that's kinda cute.  :)
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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    DH had three of his guests names spelled wrong on the invitations list. One was his aunt.

    I feel your pain.
    image
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    I feel your pain- FI told me up front that his family in Italy wouldn't come and we didn't need to send them a save the date- then proceeded to freak out when I hadn't sent the invitations in May in case they wanted to come. FI is FROM Italy, he is well aware that plans to attend would have needed to be made before May even....the things we put up with for love

    To his credit, I've lost my head a few times during the planning process- not at him but around him and he has put up with it smashingly- with a glass of wine and kiss on the forehead.
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    I feel your pain too! I almost sent an invite to a brother and sister addressed to Mr. & Mrs. So and So. FI mentioned casually that they are brother and sister. They live at the same address too! Can you imagine? I'm so glad I caught it before it went out. 
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    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
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    edited July 2014
    Saaame here. I don't know half the names of people on my FI's side. Neither does he. I suggested not inviting people that we aren't close enough to know their actual names, but OMGNO NOONE CAN BE LEFT OUT!!!

    Personally, I'd be more f*cking offended at getting an invitation with the WRONG name than not getting one at all. But you can't tell these people that. Thank God I live 4 hours away from my FILs
    Anniversary



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    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
    Oh wow, that would have been a very awkward conversation at the reception :P 

    I think sometimes, FI has the small suspicion that I might just be making all these weird invitation rules up, but that's giving me too much credit lol. It'd be so much easier if we could just send out invitations addressed to "Jane and 11-year-old son whose name starts with a 'T', I think". 

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    rooz103 said:
    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
    Oh wow, that would have been a very awkward conversation at the reception :P 

    I think sometimes, FI has the small suspicion that I might just be making all these weird invitation rules up, but that's giving me too much credit lol. It'd be so much easier if we could just send out invitations addressed to "Jane and 11-year-old son whose name starts with a 'T', I think". 

    Oh! So much of this!! FI had a minor melt down today when I told him he HAS to call his mom and figure out all of his cousins names. (I'm skipping individual invites for each child blah blah) He's keeps saying I know names of A, B, C, but can't we just put 'and everyone else' for children D-G? Very serious question... *Rips hair out and beats head against wall* 
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    DH spelled all his aunts and uncles names wrong at least once. We're talking Jerry instead of Gerry, Louie instead of Louis and (my favourite) Wendie instead of Wendy. He loves going to Wendy's so I have no idea how he screwed that one up.

    Anniversary
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    KoriB2013 said:
    rooz103 said:
    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
    Oh wow, that would have been a very awkward conversation at the reception :P 

    I think sometimes, FI has the small suspicion that I might just be making all these weird invitation rules up, but that's giving me too much credit lol. It'd be so much easier if we could just send out invitations addressed to "Jane and 11-year-old son whose name starts with a 'T', I think". 

    Oh! So much of this!! FI had a minor melt down today when I told him he HAS to call his mom and figure out all of his cousins names. (I'm skipping individual invites for each child blah blah) He's keeps saying I know names of A, B, C, but can't we just put 'and everyone else' for children D-G? Very serious question... *Rips hair out and beats head against wall* 
    I'm planning to put "and family" on mine if I don't know all the kid's names. Like Mr and Mrs. Smith and Family
    Anniversary



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    lynze425 said:
    KoriB2013 said:
    rooz103 said:
    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
    Oh wow, that would have been a very awkward conversation at the reception :P 

    I think sometimes, FI has the small suspicion that I might just be making all these weird invitation rules up, but that's giving me too much credit lol. It'd be so much easier if we could just send out invitations addressed to "Jane and 11-year-old son whose name starts with a 'T', I think". 

    Oh! So much of this!! FI had a minor melt down today when I told him he HAS to call his mom and figure out all of his cousins names. (I'm skipping individual invites for each child blah blah) He's keeps saying I know names of A, B, C, but can't we just put 'and everyone else' for children D-G? Very serious question... *Rips hair out and beats head against wall* 
    I'm planning to put "and family" on mine if I don't know all the kid's names. Like Mr and Mrs. Smith and Family
    I'd avoid that if I were you. Some people could interpret "and family" to be the couple, the kids, the cousins, Great-Uncle Jerry, and their next-door neighbor. Call and ask what the kids' names are.
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    lynze425 said:
    KoriB2013 said:
    rooz103 said:
    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
    Oh wow, that would have been a very awkward conversation at the reception :P 

    I think sometimes, FI has the small suspicion that I might just be making all these weird invitation rules up, but that's giving me too much credit lol. It'd be so much easier if we could just send out invitations addressed to "Jane and 11-year-old son whose name starts with a 'T', I think". 

    Oh! So much of this!! FI had a minor melt down today when I told him he HAS to call his mom and figure out all of his cousins names. (I'm skipping individual invites for each child blah blah) He's keeps saying I know names of A, B, C, but can't we just put 'and everyone else' for children D-G? Very serious question... *Rips hair out and beats head against wall* 
    I'm planning to put "and family" on mine if I don't know all the kid's names. Like Mr and Mrs. Smith and Family
    I'd avoid that if I were you. Some people could interpret "and family" to be the couple, the kids, the cousins, Great-Uncle Jerry, and their next-door neighbor. Call and ask what the kids' names are.
    Yeah.... good thinking. I'll do that instead. Thanks!
    Anniversary



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    lynze425 said:
    KoriB2013 said:
    rooz103 said:
    And I thought I was the only one.  I was trying to reconcile fiance's list with his mother's list to make sure I didn't miss anyone.  His list had an entry for "Uncle T." Turns out that Uncle T is his Aunt Tracy.  Ummm? Was I supposed to know that? 

    Its a good thing we love them :) 
    Oh wow, that would have been a very awkward conversation at the reception :P 

    I think sometimes, FI has the small suspicion that I might just be making all these weird invitation rules up, but that's giving me too much credit lol. It'd be so much easier if we could just send out invitations addressed to "Jane and 11-year-old son whose name starts with a 'T', I think". 

    Oh! So much of this!! FI had a minor melt down today when I told him he HAS to call his mom and figure out all of his cousins names. (I'm skipping individual invites for each child blah blah) He's keeps saying I know names of A, B, C, but can't we just put 'and everyone else' for children D-G? Very serious question... *Rips hair out and beats head against wall* 
    I'm planning to put "and family" on mine if I don't know all the kid's names. Like Mr and Mrs. Smith and Family
    I'd avoid that if I were you. Some people could interpret "and family" to be the couple, the kids, the cousins, Great-Uncle Jerry, and their next-door neighbor. Call and ask what the kids' names are.
    Luckily all of this name/address craziness is happening during the save the date stage so we can get away with "and family" for now, and make clarifications in time for the official invites. FI decided to go superhuman over the last two days and tracked down 80% of the missing names and addresses. Towards the end of addressing postcards, we decided "Jones Smith Family" was a reasonable compromise when we realized we didn't necessarily know the last names of Mr. Jones and Mrs. Smith's kids. 
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    Yes! Asked DF what his Grandpa Joe's full name was. Made him call. So he calls his dad. Who says it's Grandpa Joe. It's not their LN because he's a step grandfather, and I didn't know what, if anything Joe was short for. Seriously, is it THAT hard?

    Gave up, met MIL for margaritas and got the full name.
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    When I asked H if his mom preferred the name everyone calls her or the longer formal version, he told me to address his parents Save The Date as "Old People Lastname".

    I love him very much, but I may have smacked him for that one.

    FWIW we sent one Save the Date per household, we didn't figure they needed more than one on the fridge.  I addressed them to the parents of the house and they knew verbally their adult children were also invited.  We sent separate invites for adult children of course, but since not everyone has to receive a Save The Date that's an easy way to cut down if you're running low on them.
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    OP, at least you had last names on your guest list! My future mother in law gave me her list and there are guests on it without any last names...IE "Mike and Jane". I asked my fiance if he knew the last names of these select guests and he's like "I don't know! I don't even want to invite them!" Good lord here we go.
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    The lists have been sent to me by FI’s mother and step mother.  I am not counting on him for that at all.  While we’re on the subject of wanting to kill our FIs, does anyone else have the issue of him not listening to any of the wedding details or flat out saying he doesn't want to talk about it now and then a week later saying something along the lines of “When did we decide that?” It’s driving me nuts!

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    @yogablossom I was lucky in that my FMIL is 160% more on top of things than FI is. When I received a list of the 5 people she wanted to invite, it included full names, addresses and details like "no girlfriend" and "teenager--lives with mom". I love that woman so much. 

    @egirl2015 Our officiant has a unique way of marriage counseling via watching Everybody Loves Raymond episodes coupled with response questions. Last week, we watched an episode called "Tissues" (season 6, if you're interested) that had pretty much the same premise/complaint. FI loves to be involved about everything, but my problem is that he agrees with me too much, and then later realizes that he actually wanted something completely different. Which is why I'm now in the process of trying to book a mariachi band. 
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    @rooz103 that sounds amazing!!! I love organized people!!
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    So frustrating!  I was recently in a similar situation with my fiance and FMIL.  It took FOREVER for FMIL to get the addresses we needed to us.  Literally, it was the week before we were set to mail them out and we had to tell her, if you don't get us those addresses, those people won't be invited to the wedding (my fiance collected as many as he could on his own, but some of them we just needed to get from her).  So we do finally get them and they all come with nicknames!  And my fiance doesn't have a clue what anyone's real name is, nor does his mother, and she has no intention of figuring it out.  I figured it out as best I could on my own, but I hope no one was offended if they got an invite with a nickname instead of their real name; I had no idea what was a real name or a nickname!
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