MOH woes

johnsonwedding15

Perhaps I have watched too much TV/movies about the joys of wedding planning and how fun it is supposed to be and I've idealized the process. 

My wedding planning process has not been fun. The only times it has been fun has been talking with my vendors because they HAVE to talk to me about it. The #1 stress factor for me has been my MOH who is my sister. My sister has always been my best friend and the only sibling that I have so naturally I chose her to be my MOH. I had hoped she would take this role with grace and be supportive and at least pretend to be interested in anything going on. 

Instead of being honored by the role, she thinks it is owed to her. She thinks she can say whatever she wants to to me and that she can be uninterested AND voice her disinterest. I have never seen her act this way before. Everything I want for our wedding, down to the colors and music, she rolls her eyes at and scoffs at. She wants us to plan EVERYTHING around her school schedule (she goes to college a hour and a half away). For instance we are having the wedding shower during her fall break, which is not what I wanted but I felt pressure by my Mom and my sister to agree to this. If I even mention a game I'd like to play at the shower or a certain color I'd like in the decor she flies off the handle and calls me a Bridezilla and tells me that I have absolutely no say in anything. 

These are just a few examples of her behavior. I have cried and told her before that I need more positivity from her and I have not gotten it. I am at my wit's end and I do not know what to do. 

Maggie0829

johnsonwedding15 said:

Perhaps I have watched too much TV/movies about the joys of wedding planning and how fun it is supposed to be and I've idealized the process. 

My wedding planning process has not been fun. The only times it has been fun has been talking with my vendors because they HAVE to talk to me about it. The #1 stress factor for me has been my MOH who is my sister. My sister has always been my best friend and the only sibling that I have so naturally I chose her to be my MOH. I had hoped she would take this role with grace and be supportive and at least pretend to be interested in anything going on. 

Instead of being honored by the role, she thinks it is owed to her. She thinks she can say whatever she wants to to me and that she can be uninterested AND voice her disinterest. I have never seen her act this way before. Everything I want for our wedding, down to the colors and music, she rolls her eyes at and scoffs at. She wants us to plan EVERYTHING around her school schedule (she goes to college a hour and a half away). For instance we are having the wedding shower during her fall break, which is not what I wanted but I felt pressure by my Mom and my sister to agree to this. If I even mention a game I'd like to play at the shower or a certain color I'd like in the decor she flies off the handle and calls me a Bridezilla and tells me that I have absolutely no say in anything. 

These are just a few examples of her behavior. I have cried and told her before that I need more positivity from her and I have not gotten it. I am at my wit's end and I do not know what to do. 

Well your sister is right, you really have no say in your shower (except for guest list).  Only the hosts have a say in decor and color scheme and games that are to be played.  And really, why wouldn't you want your shower during a time where your sister could actually attend?

Also, she doesn't have to be interested in your wedding.  She is your MOH not your wedding planner.  If she rolls her eyes at all your ideas then stop talking about your wedding with her. Simple as that.

And why do you need positivity/support from her about your wedding?  If you want that turn to your FI because this is yours and his wedding, not your sisters.

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way about your sister and her feelings about your wedding. I would stop talking about your wedding details to her.  She doesn't have to be interested in colors, music, etc. If all you're talking about is your wedding, I probably would be eye-rolling quite a bit, too.

Also, are you planning your own wedding shower? Generally, the bride doesn't have much say in the wedding shower in terms of games or decor.  You just provide the guest list.

climbingsingle

Your sister is right - you're not supposed to have involvement in the shower. And why wouldn't you want it planned for when she's available? If she's in college and lives 1.5 hours away, why would you want it scheduled for when it's hard for her to attend? 

No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. If you need someone to share in the plans/excitement/whatever, why are you not talking to your FI? 

kerbohl

I agree with PP, though I hate when people roll their eyes at stuff.  If she reacts like that, as others have said, just stop talking wedding details with her.  Or when she rolls her eyes, tell her how you feel when she does that.  But that's confrontational, so probably best just to avoid talking wedding plans with her.  But oh, how I hate people who think its acceptable to roll their eyes right in front of you. 

AddieCake

Stop talking to her about the wedding if she scoffs at everything. Just tell her what to wear and when to show up. If she asks why you stopped sharing, tell her why.

johnsonwedding15

Thanks for the advice given that was actually helpful. I will stop sharing with her unless she asks for any information. and YES it IS rude to scoff and roll your eyes at people. 

for everyone else- I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask ANYONE to be positive.

Maggie0829

johnsonwedding15 said:

Thanks for the advice given that was actually helpful. I will stop sharing with her unless she asks for any information. and YES it IS rude to scoff and roll your eyes at people. 

for everyone else- I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask ANYONE to be positive.

Is it unreasonable to ask? No, but it is a very silly thing to do when you are all adults and adults can decide for themselves how they want to act. If your sister doesn't want to be positive then she doesn't have to be and you just need to get over it.

[Deleted User]

johnsonwedding15 said:

Thanks for the advice given that was actually helpful. I will stop sharing with her unless she asks for any information. and YES it IS rude to scoff and roll your eyes at people. 

for everyone else- I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask ANYONE to be positive.

You can ask your sister to be positive, but she doesn't have to be. You may want her to be excited for the wedding but she doesn't have to be.  If she doesn't want to be postie, so be it.  Just leave her out of wedding discussion talks.

MyNameIsNot

johnsonwedding15 said:

Thanks for the advice given that was actually helpful. I will stop sharing with her unless she asks for any information. and YES it IS rude to scoff and roll your eyes at people. 

for everyone else- I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask ANYONE to be positive.

WTF are you all in a hissy about?  All the advice was helpful.

Sure, you can ask people to be positive, but expecting it is ridiculous. 

johnsonwedding15

Alright, got a lot of great feedback and it has made me realize that I am the only one who really cares about the wedding and that's that. thanks everyone!

jneen101

johnsonwedding15 said:

Alright, got a lot of great feedback and it has made me realize that I am the only one who really cares about the wedding and that's that. thanks everyone!

Why doesn't your fiance care about the wedding?

PrettyGirlLost

Is there something in the water today?  Everyone seems a bit overly sensitive and a bit 'Zilla-ish today here.

MyNameIsNot

How old are you?  Do you always behave like a pouting tween?