How do you plan for the expenses and schedule changes of having children?

jenna8984

I know many friends who don't sit down and make a plan. They just know they want a baby, and figure it all out along the way (things like where they will go to daycare). I am a type A person who plans everything meticulously- I would want a solid plan before I even got pregnant of where they will go to day care, how much it will cost, etc. But that got me thinking about when they become school age. Elementary school is typically 8-2:30 or something along those lines and I don't know how either of us could be there when they got home, we don't have any family closeby to watch them, stuff like that. Is it kind of crazy for me to be planning that far ahead?

I know it's years down the road but I'd like a plan and it seems hard to come up with one. I'm basically the breadwinner and we could not afford our basic monthly expenses without me working. In order to keep the salary I have now, there's no way I could go to part time. So some might say oh you can never really plan because things like job loss may happen, but in that case I'd be forced to find a new job asap. I could not stay home. He has a very generous pension he's building up so he can't leave his job either (and can't really be fired from the union). So we'd have to come up with some plan for the kids after school. I don't know what my real question is here. I guess just how do you plan for it, do you attempt to plan so soon or just wait and figure it out when you have to? I know that we both really want children so it won't be up for debate whether to have them or not, I just feel like I'd have major anxiety without a plan in place first lol.

JennyColada

A lot of people use after school care like those provided by the school, a nanny, or something like that.

I imagine that this is an issue that the majority of parents face, since I think having a stay at home parent may be even less common than not.

SBmini

I know exactly how you feel. I've been worried about how we'll make it work for a while. But then I look at my friends. I know a lot of people who financially are not as well off as my husband and I are and they do it. They raise kids. They buy them presents, get them new clothes, etc. So I've started to not worry so much about waiting until we're financially ready, because I don't think there is such a thing. We're just diving in knowing that push come to shove- we'll work it out. It has always been my vision to take time off work to raise my children, I'm coming to accept the fact that this isn't reality. I make more than my husband does, so we can't lose my income. He's working hard on advancing to help the situation, but it's a slow process. I'm lucky that I work in a field where flexible hours/schedules are the norm. So I'm hopeful that we'll be able to work something out where I can work from home at least part time. I'm prepared to lose some income to spend more time with our kids. I don't know hardly any people who raise families any more on a single income. It just doesn't seem feasible any more. Pay just has not kept up with cost of living. Edit- the Knot has got to fix this paragraph problem!

Maggie0829

Planning for a kid is sometimes a "play it by ear" thing or a "do a shit ton of research to see how much money it will cost and then add on a cushion because it will most likely cost a lot more then what I think" thing.

Thinking about what you would do with your kid after school is thinking way, way, way ahead.  Like Jenny said I am sure this is an issue that many parents face.  Have you thought about asking co-workers who have kids what they do?  But for young kids an after school daycare or a nanny would be needed.  But I don't know many people who want kids think about that until the time comes.  They are too busy worrying about having a newborn to take care of and what all that entails.

Peaseblossom55

I don't think it's crazy to plan ahead a bit and get an idea of how life will work once kids are in the picture.  Planning to TTC in the fall, both FI & I work typical 9-5 but I began to research day care/nanny costs. I believe most schools have an after care plan for kids too since it seems in a lot of cases most parents work. 

jenna8984

Totally good points. Guess I'm just a planning crazy pants who needs to take a zanax hahaha. I didn't even realize there were after school programs because my mom worked half days to be home when we got there off the bus. So that's helpful to know!

ohannabelle

Planning daycare and schedules before conception is rather like picking a venue and bridesmaid dresses before engagement. Anything might happen between now and then. My grandma says, if you want to make God laugh, make plans.

mysticl

Picking out daycare in advance of getting pregnant would be difficult. You can look into the various ones in your area to get a feel for how they operate and how much they cost. However, they have to have a slot open in your child's age group for you to enroll there. They may keep a slot open for a pregnant woman but they won't keep one open for someone who might get pregnant someday.  

There are lots of possible after school options but they will vary based on where you live.  Some schools have an after school program right at the school.  Some daycare centers and the Y have after school programs and will even send a bus to the school to pick up their clients.  There is also the Boys and Girls Club.  Sometimes kids can ride the school bus there. Sometimes the parents have to figure out how to get them there.  Plus, there is a babysitter, either one that comes to your house or you child goes to their house (that's what my mom did with me). My experience with working with children and families is the that the bigger challenge is childcare during school breaks that aren't work holidays for the parents.  

beachyone15

ohannabelle said:

Planning daycare and schedules before conception is rather like picking a venue and bridesmaid dresses before engagement. Anything might happen between now and then. My grandma says, if you want to make God laugh, make plans.

I love this!

jnrsgirl

I think getting ideas and planning ahead is great as long as you don't get too set on how it has to be. FI and I both would like our kids to be homeschooled. We would both take turns watching the little ones. FI's work schedule has him working either 24hrs. on and 48 hrs. off or 48 hrs. on and 72 hrs. off. So he plans to take care of our future kids on his off days, and then I would take care of them the other days when he is at work.

I'm just not too keen on the whole idea of leaving our kids with a daycare or sitter. Plus I really want my baby to be breastfed (FI and I both had formula issues). I don't really trust a stranger to follow our wishes. Maybe I am too over protective... lol

mysticl

jenna8984 said:

Totally good points. Guess I'm just a planning crazy pants who needs to take a zanax hahaha. I didn't even realize there were after school programs because my mom worked half days to be home when we got there off the bus. So that's helpful to know!

They may not have have had them when you were in school.  I went to a sitter's house after school and on school holidays/summer vacation because that was the only option available to my mom where we lived. Which meant she had to scramble if the sitter went on vacation.  

bethsmiles

I'm a crazy planner too so I absolutly get wanting to know what all your options are. But I would say that just doing research to know all the options is probably as much as you need to or even could really plan right now. You've got a long time to get this figured out

ElcaB

I understand how you feel completely --- we have very similar minds! 

I think you can plan, but in the end you just make it work regardless of how things are working out. I often find myself thinking, "Okay, I know my boss will let me work a ten-hour workday and take one day a week off. If FI picks up Saturdays he can take a weekday off, too, so that leaves three weekdays where we'll need childcare. Stepmom could probably take one, and my mom could probably take another, and if not we can find childcare for those three days." 

Etc. times a billion. But seriously? We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, you know? 

mysticl

ElcaB said:

I understand how you feel completely --- we have very similar minds! 

I think you can plan, but in the end you just make it work regardless of how things are working out. I often find myself thinking, "Okay, I know my boss will let me work a ten-hour workday and take one day a week off. If FI picks up Saturdays he can take a weekday off, too, so that leaves three weekdays where we'll need childcare. Stepmom could probably take one, and my mom could probably take another, and if not we can find childcare for those three days." 

Etc. times a billion. But seriously? We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, you know? 

One thing to keep in mind is that some daycare centers do not allow for part time clients. So even if you only send a child three days a week you may be required to pay for 5 days.  

LittlePeachBlossom

Yes, I think so. IMHO it's a bit much to worry about school plans for children you aren't even ttc yet. Sure, have a tentative care plan for the first few years of future child but unless the decision is between having children and never having children, I say just figure it out when the time comes. There's so much life to live now so take it one day at a time.

I would insert some cute gif if I knew how to. sorry.

theartistformerlyknownas

jenna8984 said:

Totally good points. Guess I'm just a planning crazy pants who needs to take a zanax hahaha. I didn't even realize there were after school programs because my mom worked half days to be home when we got there off the bus. So that's helpful to know!

You get an "oh, honey" for this one. :-p Yes, this is a thing. My school district called it LatchKey.

Breathe. There are all kinds of families with all kinds of arrangements. You will find something that works for you, and you probably won't realize it til you stumble upon it. Most families, though, don't have a stay-at-home parent.

My sister couldn't have planned to get a job that would allow her to work from home for a west coast client, putting her hours at 12-8. She watches the little bits in the morning, then a nanny comes to the house from 12-5:15 when BIL gets home, he relieves her and makes the kids dinner, they do bath and bedtime together. It's perfect for them, but not anything she imagined before she had kids, let alone before she got married.

LadyMillil

Some of my coworkers have good systems in place so I thought I'd share them. One of them works 7-3 and her husband works 9-5. With this schedule, her husband gets the kids up and in the morning and brings them to school. Coworker is home in time to pick up the kids from school. Another coworker works 10-6, so he drops his kids off at school then comes to work. His wife is home early afternoon, so she picks the kids up from school. Another coworker works M-F while her husband works W-Su. She works extra hours on Monday and Tuesday so she can leave early on the weekdays her husband works. I agree with PP that it is early to be worrying about these things, but there are lots of options out there.

SBmini

lolo883 said:

jenna8984 said:

Totally good points. Guess I'm just a planning crazy pants who needs to take a zanax hahaha. I didn't even realize there were after school programs because my mom worked half days to be home when we got there off the bus. So that's helpful to know!

You get an "oh, honey" for this one. :-p Yes, this is a thing. My school district called it LatchKey.

Breathe. There are all kinds of families with all kinds of arrangements. You will find something that works for you, and you probably won't realize it til you stumble upon it. Most families, though, don't have a stay-at-home parent.

My sister couldn't have planned to get a job that would allow her to work from home for a west coast client, putting her hours at 12-8. She watches the little bits in the morning, then a nanny comes to the house from 12-5:15 when BIL gets home, he relieves her and makes the kids dinner, they do bath and bedtime together. It's perfect for them, but not anything she imagined before she had kids, let alone before she got married.

Maybe my memory is incorrect here, but I thought 'latchkey' was an insult. When I was growing up a 'latchkey kid' was one who's parents were never home, so he had to let himself in after school and be alone. It was terribly depressing and insinuated that the kid was borderline abandoned by his parents. I would be so offended if my school called their after school program 'latchkey'. 

bethsmiles

SBmini said:

lolo883 said:

jenna8984 said:

Totally good points. Guess I'm just a planning crazy pants who needs to take a zanax hahaha. I didn't even realize there were after school programs because my mom worked half days to be home when we got there off the bus. So that's helpful to know!

You get an "oh, honey" for this one. :-p Yes, this is a thing. My school district called it LatchKey.

Breathe. There are all kinds of families with all kinds of arrangements. You will find something that works for you, and you probably won't realize it til you stumble upon it. Most families, though, don't have a stay-at-home parent.

My sister couldn't have planned to get a job that would allow her to work from home for a west coast client, putting her hours at 12-8. She watches the little bits in the morning, then a nanny comes to the house from 12-5:15 when BIL gets home, he relieves her and makes the kids dinner, they do bath and bedtime together. It's perfect for them, but not anything she imagined before she had kids, let alone before she got married.

Maybe my memory is incorrect here, but I thought 'latchkey' was an insult. When I was growing up a 'latchkey kid' was one who's parents were never home, so he had to let himself in after school and be alone. It was terribly depressing and insinuated that the kid was borderline abandoned by his parents. I would be so offended if my school called their after school program 'latchkey'. 

I know the term 'latchkey kid' but never knew anyone who took it as offensive just that they got home from school before their parents got home from work.

jenna8984

Thanks everyone. It's not like I'm some psycho who is trying to enroll my non-existent child and sign up for daycare already. I just think it's probably good to have some rough plans so when the time comes I'm not like "well fuck, now what?!"

@elcab I think the same thing about asking my boss to let me work 4-10s and have FI not work overtime on Mondays (his day off). I would never ask my boss until the time came, I just like to make up possible scenarios and solutions in my head hahha

emmyg65

@SBMini, our after school program was also called Latchkey. We never thought anything of it, except maybe to be a little jealous of kids who got to stay and play at school.

I'm expecting a kid in January. Before I got pregnant, we did take a look at average costs of childcare and other expenses and we thought a bit about how we might like things to work. We made a rough financial plan. But basically, I just assumed that we'd figure it out. We make pretty good money, have savings, etc., so while I don't know exactly how it will work, I know that it will. I have to admit that I do worry about when the kid goes to school because I saw a coworker experience a lot of stress about care over the summer. But there's no point in getting so far ahead of myself!

jenna8984

@emmyg65 I didn't know you were expecting- congrats!!

JCbride2015

I find myself thinking too far ahead about these things too.  For worriers, it is pretty natural.  But who knows what could change between now and then?

theartistformerlyknownas

SBmini said:

lolo883 said:

jenna8984 said:

Totally good points. Guess I'm just a planning crazy pants who needs to take a zanax hahaha. I didn't even realize there were after school programs because my mom worked half days to be home when we got there off the bus. So that's helpful to know!

You get an "oh, honey" for this one. :-p Yes, this is a thing. My school district called it LatchKey.

Breathe. There are all kinds of families with all kinds of arrangements. You will find something that works for you, and you probably won't realize it til you stumble upon it. Most families, though, don't have a stay-at-home parent.

My sister couldn't have planned to get a job that would allow her to work from home for a west coast client, putting her hours at 12-8. She watches the little bits in the morning, then a nanny comes to the house from 12-5:15 when BIL gets home, he relieves her and makes the kids dinner, they do bath and bedtime together. It's perfect for them, but not anything she imagined before she had kids, let alone before she got married.

Maybe my memory is incorrect here, but I thought 'latchkey' was an insult. When I was growing up a 'latchkey kid' was one who's parents were never home, so he had to let himself in after school and be alone. It was terribly depressing and insinuated that the kid was borderline abandoned by his parents. I would be so offended if my school called their after school program 'latchkey'. 

Maybe they thought they could turn around the stigma? IDK, I had never heard of the term being used in a derogatory manner until recently. Like @emmyg65, I was always jealous of the kids who got to stay and play at school! 

jdluvr06

When FI and I first started to TTC I worried and tried to plan for some things, like school, daycare, ect. FI pulled me back a little by reminding me we aren't pregnant yet and that he works from home so he isn't sure what I was worried about. I didn't forget he works from home but I think it is important for kids to learn to socialize from the earliest age possible and have looked into half day day cares and pre-schools for that reason.

jenna8984

My sister in law had no plans and no clue. Her and my brother work weird hours when most daycares aren't even open. About a month before she had to go back to work, she reconnected with an old high school friend who said "well I'm a stay at home mom looking for extra cash, I can bring my baby over during those hours" and it worked out perfectly! I am hoping something in stars lines up for me like that hahah

mysticl

jdluvr06 said:

When FI and I first started to TTC I worried and tried to plan for some things, like school, daycare, ect. FI pulled me back a little by reminding me we aren't pregnant yet and that he works from home so he isn't sure what I was worried about. I didn't forget he works from home but I think it is important for kids to learn to socialize from the earliest age possible and have looked into half day day cares and pre-schools for that reason.

Things to consider: What does his working at home look like?  Is it that he can work whenever he wants as long as he gets in 40 hours in the week or meets his deadlines?  Or does he work during normal business hours, just from home?

I have a friend who is the mother of 2. She works from home and is expected to be at her desk, working during business hours. This sometimes include conference calls.  During the summer she sends her kids to camp or daycare because she cannot work 8 hours a day and care for them. The big benefit to her is no commute time (though there are days she has to go in) and a pretty relaxed dress code. 

emmyg65

Thanks, @Jenna8984!

One nice thing about pregnancy is that it's nine months, which gives you some time to get shit straightened out.

bethsmiles

mysticl said:

jdluvr06 said:

When FI and I first started to TTC I worried and tried to plan for some things, like school, daycare, ect. FI pulled me back a little by reminding me we aren't pregnant yet and that he works from home so he isn't sure what I was worried about. I didn't forget he works from home but I think it is important for kids to learn to socialize from the earliest age possible and have looked into half day day cares and pre-schools for that reason.

Things to consider: What does his working at home look like?  Is it that he can work whenever he wants as long as he gets in 40 hours in the week or meets his deadlines?  Or does he work during normal business hours, just from home?

I have a friend who is the mother of 2. She works from home and is expected to be at her desk, working during business hours. This sometimes include conference calls.  During the summer she sends her kids to camp or daycare because she cannot work 8 hours a day and care for them. The big benefit to her is no commute time (though there are days she has to go in) and a pretty relaxed dress code. 

This is an excellent point. My dad worked from home and my mom worked mostly from home as well but my brother and I still did day care a couple of days a week until we started school so that they could actually work at home.

jdluvr06

mysticl said:

jdluvr06 said:

When FI and I first started to TTC I worried and tried to plan for some things, like school, daycare, ect. FI pulled me back a little by reminding me we aren't pregnant yet and that he works from home so he isn't sure what I was worried about. I didn't forget he works from home but I think it is important for kids to learn to socialize from the earliest age possible and have looked into half day day cares and pre-schools for that reason.

Things to consider: What does his working at home look like?  Is it that he can work whenever he wants as long as he gets in 40 hours in the week or meets his deadlines?  Or does he work during normal business hours, just from home?

I have a friend who is the mother of 2. She works from home and is expected to be at her desk, working during business hours. This sometimes include conference calls.  During the summer she sends her kids to camp or daycare because she cannot work 8 hours a day and care for them. The big benefit to her is no commute time (though there are days she has to go in) and a pretty relaxed dress code. 

He doesn't have a set schedule. As long as he works 40hrs and get his stuff done his boss doesn't bother him.

SBmini

emmyg65 It could just be that it had a stigma where I grew up. I grew up in a suburb where hardly any moms worked. So when someone said that someone was a 'latchkey kid' they did not mean it in a positive way.