Wedding Party
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Re: .

  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    You do understand that that list of duties is put together by a company whose goal is to make as much money as possible off of brides?  They don't care how you treat your friends.  They want them to party supplies, book vendors, buy into their recommendations for dresses, food, decor.  


    Just because you go all out for everyone doesn't mean that they have to or will do the same for you.  A true friend does things for her friends without keeping score.  You need to understand that your wedding is big deal for you, but it is just a day for others. If one of your friends wants to make it huge for you, that is fine.  It is not required. This is what we say.  Too many times, brides come here expecting BM and MOH to drop everything and live up to the unrealistic image portrayed in movies, TV and magazines.  

    You say we should be supportive of each other.  That goes for a bride and her wedding party.  If they can't pay for a shower, let it go.  If they can't come to the bach party, let it go.  If they can't afford the $200 dress that you want, let it go.  These are your friends. They are not your props.  They are not your personal shoppers.  They are not your servants.

    If you expect help with wedding things, ask you FI.  Hire a wedding planner.  
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • @AddieCake - I am surprised you didn't ask what kind of cake she was having :)

  • ginger0809ginger0809 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
  • I would recommend not asking her to be at both showers.
  • You sure showed us. 
    image

    FWIW, my MOH was unable to attend both of my showers. She has this thing called a "life" and a very busy schedule. I understood, and didn't throw a hissy-fit because of it. 

    I'm also one of the last of my friends to get married. People tend to be less excited about big life events once they've gone past them and on to another. Thats part of life. I'm glad you and your MOH are better now, it sounds like you both needed a talk. That happens. But for her sake, don't make her babysit your other bridesmaids. They're adults, I'm sure they can handle getting to your rehearsal on time. 
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    Anniversary
  • aawegner said:
    And there you all are... the mean girls to sit up on their high horses behind their computers and be bitches.
    I'm just curious as to whatever happened to get you all butthurt in the 1st place?  I mean, your post if very ragey, right off of the bat.

    If you are going to try and stir the shit and act confrontational, well yeah, you're gonna get the Bitch.

    I'm a hunter jumper so I take being on a high horse as a complimet ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited July 2014
  • ginger0809ginger0809 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
  • ginger0809ginger0809 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
  • You need to get a grip on reality. Reality is not the wedding industry and all the crap they shove down your throat- this list included.

    My very best friend, and MOH lives 4 states away and is in the middle of med school clinicals. She is up to her eyeballs in the hospital and studying for exams and she barely has time to call me for more than a half hour per week. She's not helping me with decorations, she's not coming to my dress fittings, I'm not having a shower but if I were she would not be coming. I want her to do well in school and her future career as a doctor (which is just a tad more important than my one day party) so I am GRATEFUL that she has bought her dress and she will show up the morning of the wedding.

    And don't say it's because of her distance or schooling- because my only other bridesmaid is local and not in med school and she has the same task of showing up that morning and nothing else. Be thankful and grateful that anyone goes out of their way at all for you. They are friends with lives, not wedding robots.

                                                                     

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  • aawegner said:
    Hmm...I don't think I mentioned any names in my post, but it's nice to see you all showed up for the party.


    Hon it is pretty easy to ascertain what you meant.

  • aawegner said:
    I've read other posts you've all attacked people on. It's ridiculous. A person can be upset with their friends. And yes, I did ask her to be at both showers because that's all I've really asked of her. She didn't show up for anything else. And it's not like I'm going by the list on the knot expecting her to do any of those things. I do expect her to be with me when I want her to be. She's my friend first and foremost, so when I want my friend there for me, I would expect that whether it be my wedding or anything else.
    That, personally, seems a bit excessive. She's your friend, not your PA. 

    And you pulled up the list as an example of her "duities" as MOH, yet you just said you don't expect her to do any of those things. Possibly because, friends don't make friends buy terrible shoes? 

    You can disagree, plenty of people do. And you can be upset with your friends, it happens! Friendships generally suffer from ups and downs. A lot of times on here, people complaining about their MOH's or BM's are forgetting that they have lives outside of being a part of the wedding party, and that some people don't even like weddings. And many, many people do things like attend every party, help stuff invites, etc. The problem comes when it is expected by the bride, and not offered by the wedding party member. 

    But posting that we're all Nazi's (not a cool reference by the way. Anal would have conveyed the same message without downplaying the horrors that Nazi's actually did. Telling someone they need to let go of unrealistic expectations is in no way comparable to ANYTHING Nazi's actually did.) isn't helping you look reasonable. 
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    Anniversary
  • aawegner said:
    I've read other posts you've all attacked people on. It's ridiculous. A person can be upset with their friends. And yes, I did ask her to be at both showers because that's all I've really asked of her. She didn't show up for anything else. And it's not like I'm going by the list on the knot expecting her to do any of those things. I do expect her to be with me when I want her to be. She's my friend first and foremost, so when I want my friend there for me, I would expect that whether it be my wedding or anything else.
    "Attacked" is a subjective term that is often misued by people who get butthurt when people on this board don't validate their bad ideas or rude behavior.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • ginger0809ginger0809 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
  • chibiyui said:
    But posting that we're all Nazi's (not a cool reference by the way. Anal would have conveyed the same message without downplaying the horrors that Nazi's actually did. Telling someone they need to let go of unrealistic expectations is in no way comparable to ANYTHING Nazi's actually did.) isn't helping you look reasonable. 
    Woah, missed that.  Yeah that is not really all that cool. 

  • aawegner said:
    It's ok, feel free to judge and think you know what I really expect out of my friends, because yes, I do expect things out of them, like being a friend.  I know...CRAZY stuff.  

    I don't need you to tell me how I should be or how I should act.  I'm pretty confident in who I am, whether a bunch of people I don't know like me or not doesn't bleep on my radar.  The fact that you feel "attacked" by our responses and you keep trying to aggressively push back against us and call us bad guys proves that you are very insecure with yourself.

    I think you honestly need to take a look at yourselves and ask why you're so mean to complete strangers going through one of the most stressful times of their lives.  That was the thought behind my OP.  Give the girls a break...jesus.  What girls?  And your wedding planning and wedding shouldn't be 100% stressful at all times.  It's just a frigging wedding, it's supposed to be a happy time.  You aren't planning a funeral FFS.




    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • imageaawegner said:
    It's ok, feel free to judge and think you know what I really expect out of my friends, because yes, I do expect things out of them, like being a friend.  I know...CRAZY stuff.  

    I don't need you to tell me how I should be or how I should act.  I'm pretty confident in who I am, whether a bunch of people I don't know like me or not doesn't bleep on my radar.

    I think you honestly need to take a look at yourselves and ask why you're so mean to complete strangers going through one of the most stressful times of their lives.  That was the thought behind my OP.  Give the girls a break...jesus.


    You're perfectly confident, yet you felt the need to post a "take that" post.
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    Anniversary
  • chibiyui said:
    But posting that we're all Nazi's (not a cool reference by the way. Anal would have conveyed the same message without downplaying the horrors that Nazi's actually did. Telling someone they need to let go of unrealistic expectations is in no way comparable to ANYTHING Nazi's actually did.) isn't helping you look reasonable. 
    Woah, missed that.  Yeah that is not really all that cool. 
    Honestly, I am not bothered by the term Knotzis.  But maybe that's because I know ppl who do WWII reenactments and tabletop wargaming, and someone has to be the bad guys, ya know? ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • chibiyui said:
    But posting that we're all Nazi's (not a cool reference by the way. Anal would have conveyed the same message without downplaying the horrors that Nazi's actually did. Telling someone they need to let go of unrealistic expectations is in no way comparable to ANYTHING Nazi's actually did.) isn't helping you look reasonable. 
    Woah, missed that.  Yeah that is not really all that cool. 
    Honestly, I am not bothered by the term Knotzis.  But maybe that's because I know ppl who do WWII reenactments and tabletop wargaming, and someone has to be the bad guys, ya know? ;-)
    Knotzi's I could possibly get behind, cause I do like bad puns. 

    Hmmm. Now I'm trying to think what evil faction I'd belong to. I mean, I play Horde on WoW, but it seems weird to say they're "evil" or entirely "bad" cause Alliance can be dickwolves. 
    image



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