NWR: Entitlement

sarahufl

I manage a master's program at an elite institution. It is expensive and prestigious, therefore, people think they can talk down to me because I am an administrator and they are spending a lot of money to be here.

It is incredibly annoying. I am a professional. I have a master's degree. I am highly regarded in my office and I am entrusted with high-level decisions. I am not a secretary, but even if I was- have some respect.

I just got an email from a student complaining about a decision that was made. It says "If I need to talk with Professor Smith or some other faculty members as you are not in charge, please let me know the person who I should talk with."

No, you fool, I AM in charge. And belittling me because you did not get your way will not help your cause. Why do people think that talking to people like that will allow them to advance in life?! I want to email him back and say- "You are welcome to speak with Professor Smith, but you should also realize that I am in charge and this was my decision and in the future, stop being an ass."

Instead, I came here and bitched about it to y'all. Blergh.
 

Inkdancer

Oh my word. Some people.

TBH, I left graduate school because of people like this. You're a brave woman, you deserve a cookie.

climbingsingle

What a little dickhead. 

wandajune6

Asshole.

I went to a very competitive master's program at a less elite institution (I'm assuming) and still saw some of that.

I was raised to believe that you treat everyone with respect. I once sent a paper thank you note to an administrator in the MBA office thanking her for her help in getting me an on-campus interview with a recruiter who was fully booked. She told me later that I was the first person to have done that- and she got me invited to a dinner that the recruiter hosted.

How did you handle it?

JCbride2015

Ugh.  I was very grateful to attend and graduate from said institution, but some of my classmates can be real asshats.  I know it's a different program (the law school is probably even worse) but I apologize on behalf of said asshat!

I swear, lots of students are just excited and grateful to be there.  Don't let a couple of jerks get you down.

sarahufl

JCbride2015 said:

Ugh.  I was very grateful to attend and graduate from said institution, but some of my classmates can be real asshats.  I know it's a different program (the law school is probably even worse) but I apologize on behalf of said asshat!

I swear, lots of students are just excited and grateful to be there.  Don't let a couple of jerks get you down.

SITB:

hahaha, you are right- a lot of people are great. But it is the asshats who ruin the fun for everyone else. I am sure you are not a schlub

southernbelle0915

Honestly, I don't see any problem with responding that you are indeed the person to talk to because you are in charge. 

Talk about burning a bridge before even building it.... what an idiot. 

sarahufl

wandajune6 said:

Asshole.

I went to a very competitive master's program at a less elite institution (I'm assuming) and still saw some of that.

I was raised to believe that you treat everyone with respect. I once sent a paper thank you note to an administrator in the MBA office thanking her for her help in getting me an on-campus interview with a recruiter who was fully booked. She told me later that I was the first person to have done that- and she got me invited to a dinner that the recruiter hosted.

How did you handle it?

I still haven't responded to him. I need to sit on it for a bit so I don't say anything I shouldn't.

sarawifenow

What a jerk!

I would absolutely let him know that you are the one in charge!

 

ElcaB

I don't think he realizes that he's spouting off empty threats. I hope you let out an evil villainous laugh when you read his email. 

blabla89

I went to an elite private institution where the majority of the students are very wealthy and still living off of their parents (suffice it to say I'm in the minority) and I encountered a LOT of this behavior. It's pretty disgusting.

The week before classes started senior year, I stood in the line to get a parking pass while one of my classmates threw an all-out temper tantrum about not getting the parking assignment she wanted. I felt so bad for the poor transportation services employee who had to endure that. After she stormed out, I gave him a sympathetic look and told him I was so sorry he had to deal with that. Guess who got the primo parking spot she wanted...

sarahufl

blabla89 said:

I went to an elite private institution where the majority of the students are very wealthy and still living off of their parents (suffice it to say I'm in the minority) and I encountered a LOT of this behavior. It's pretty disgusting.

The week before classes started senior year, I stood in the line to get a parking pass while one of my classmates threw an all-out temper tantrum about not getting the parking assignment she wanted. I felt so bad for the poor transportation services employee who had to endure that. After she stormed out, I gave him a sympathetic look and told him I was so sorry he had to deal with that. Guess who got the primo parking spot she wanted...

haha, I love this. FI and I had this discussion the other day- about just generally being nice to people. Above you, below you, rich, poor, whatever. Screaming and being rude gets you nowhere. Being the nice, considerate one often gets you what you want much faster. Be rude to me, and you get nothing

LadyMillil

I know I am very fortunate to be getting my PhD at a top university, and I also know that this career path isn't for everyone. Being a PhD candidate doesn't make me better than anybody else and I treat everybody with the respect that they deserve. However, there has been one time that I very badly wanted to throw it in someone's face that they "just" have a Master's. Sis was telling me that an old classmate is working at her work for the summer. I said that was great because classmate had seemed lost and unsure of what she wanted to do with her life the last time I spoke to her, so I was happy classmate had found a career path. Sis has a Master's and replied with such a sense of superiority that classmate was "just" a summer student from a college program so it's no big deal, that it took every ounce of my self control not to shoot back with "well, you just got a Master's, so that's no big deal compared to a PhD". I freaking hate it when people think their educational credentials make them better than others.

beethery

Flaccid tiny peen alert!!!!

JCbride2015

Is it just me, or is it weird that a lot of grad/law students are still living off their parents?  And I don't mean living at home with their parents and attending school nearby, which makes sense if you are close enough to do that.  I mean, parents sending huge monthly allowances to their adult children so they can afford to live alone in desirable areas of Manhattan.

I guess I'm just jealous.  I can't blame the children for accepting the help.  But I feel like in the long run, those are the people who end up entitled and rude because they are used to having everything handed to them.  Parents think they are helping, but really they are creating monsters.

LadyMillil

JCbride2015 said:

Is it just me, or is it weird that a lot of grad/law students are still living off their parents?  And I don't mean living at home with their parents and attending school nearby, which makes sense if you are close enough to do that.  I mean, parents sending huge monthly allowances to their adult children so they can afford to live alone in desirable areas of Manhattan.

I guess I'm just jealous.  I can't blame the children for accepting the help.  But I feel like in the long run, those are the people who end up entitled and rude because they are used to having everything handed to them.  Parents think they are helping, but really they are creating monsters.

The 29 year old grad student in my lab threw a fit (at work!) when her dad said that he would no longer be able make her car payments and insurance payments. She has a car in the city so she can hit the slopes whenever she wants without taking the bus. She tried to get my support and I just looked at her and said "I've supported myself since I was 18. My parents loaned me the money for my car, which I have because it is a 1 hour commute by car from my apartment to the lab. I make sacrifices in my personal spending and work 2 part time jobs so I can pay them back".

bethsmiles

JCbride2015 said:

Is it just me, or is it weird that a lot of grad/law students are still living off their parents?  And I don't mean living at home with their parents and attending school nearby, which makes sense if you are close enough to do that.  I mean, parents sending huge monthly allowances to their adult children so they can afford to live alone in desirable areas of Manhattan.

I guess I'm just jealous.  I can't blame the children for accepting the help.  But I feel like in the long run, those are the people who end up entitled and rude because they are used to having everything handed to them.  Parents think they are helping, but really they are creating monsters.

I'm honestly offended by this. It's incredibly rude and judgmental. My parents helped me out a lot through graduate school. I'm not an entitled monster at all. I'm incredibly grateful to my parents for making my life a little easier through the hell that is grad school. I feel like I've called you out for this sort of bullshit judging before and it seriously pisses me off and I do think it comes from you being jealous. Have I known people whose parents paid for everything and they are incredibly entitled jerks? Yup. But I've also known people whose parents haven't paid for everything who are just as much entitled jerks.

beethery

JCbride2015 said:

Is it just me, or is it weird that a lot of grad/law students are still living off their parents?  And I don't mean living at home with their parents and attending school nearby, which makes sense if you are close enough to do that.  I mean, parents sending huge monthly allowances to their adult children so they can afford to live alone in desirable areas of Manhattan.

I guess I'm just jealous.  I can't blame the children for accepting the help.  But I feel like in the long run, those are the people who end up entitled and rude because they are used to having everything handed to them.  Parents think they are helping, but really they are creating monsters.

I'm mad jealous of big spending money allowances. Whatever tuition I didn't pay for myself, my mom figured out the best loan options, and has put money towards paying off my VERY small college loan. I check the balance every month when I go to pay for it, and I always find that she's paid the payment PLUS some, so I add my money in and it's almost completely paid off. 

That said, my mom preferred that I had some kind of employment while I was in college. She didn't like the hours, but she was a big fan of the amount of money I put towards tuition when I was working as a 'cocktail waitress' (that's what she thought I was doing).

JCbride2015

bethsmiles said:

JCbride2015 said:

Is it just me, or is it weird that a lot of grad/law students are still living off their parents?  And I don't mean living at home with their parents and attending school nearby, which makes sense if you are close enough to do that.  I mean, parents sending huge monthly allowances to their adult children so they can afford to live alone in desirable areas of Manhattan.

I guess I'm just jealous.  I can't blame the children for accepting the help.  But I feel like in the long run, those are the people who end up entitled and rude because they are used to having everything handed to them.  Parents think they are helping, but really they are creating monsters.

I'm honestly offended by this. It's incredibly rude and judgmental. My parents helped me out a lot through graduate school. I'm not an entitled monster at all. I'm incredibly grateful to my parents for making my life a little easier through the hell that is grad school. I feel like I've called you out for this sort of bullshit judging before and it seriously pisses me off and I do think it comes from you being jealous. Have I known people whose parents paid for everything and they are incredibly entitled jerks? Yup. But I've also known people whose parents haven't paid for everything who are just as much entitled jerks.

I called myself out for jealousy right in the post you're responding to.  Of course I'm jealous.  It would be awfully nice if my parents were paying for my rent in a swanky TriBeCa apartment, plus a spending allowance.

Obviously my statement was not meant to apply to everyone.  My example was based on my own experience, where I have a lot of contact with extremely spoiled NYC brats, with said swanky apartments and credit cards paid by Mom and Dad without a second thought or glance at the bill.  There are, of course, plenty of ways for parents to help out their adult children while maintaining a sense of responsibility in that child.  That's just not the type of example I was talking about.

I don't remember talking about this issue directly with you before, although I do remember you mentioning in some other thread that you had parental support during grad school.  I'm glad your parents were able to help you out and you are grateful.

theexactlee

That is completely disrespectful and rude. I'm so sorry you are dealing with entitled idiots. You need "signs" that you hand them that must wear around campus for a day when they give you issues. "I'm Entitled".

VulgarGirl

I went to community college, then a state college, then the same damn state college for grad school. I still had to deal with elitist entitlement crap, at all three schools. So..if it makes anyone feel better (or worse, I dunno) they entileted dick heads exist even in less elite schools! 

I have friends who bitched that after college their parents cut them off. And they looked at me for sympathy. Bitch you're in your 20s and college educated, get off your ass and go to work. As soon as I moved out I was on my own. And before that, cell phone and car insurance where paid for by yours truly. My parents always thought it was important I manage some of my own bills and learn to be a grown up.

Which is probably why I am not drowning in debt, I did the stupid decision thing when I was younger. Now I know how to be a grown up.

lyndausvi

I was lucky my parents paid for undergrad and expenses while in school. If you wanted to move back home after you were done then you had to pay rent to them. Not a lot, but you were NOT living for free. I think they gave you a 2-3 month grace period before you had to start. 

 They even put us on a budget starting in 9th grade. My dad got paid once a month. They gave us an allowance on that day. It lasted the whole month. That was to cover all your lunches, movies, gas for the car, school supplies, whatever. If you needed more it got deducted from the next month. In August they gave us a "paper" allowance for clothes. Meaning they didn't actually give us the money, but they told us we had "x" amount of money to spend on school clothes for the entire year (minus winter coats and sports gear). If you spent all the money on fall clothes you were screwed come spring time. 

They spoiled us with giving each of us a new car when we went off to school, nice wedding funds and nice vacations. Personally we had a nice balance of being spoiled without the sense of entitlement. 

 For example, if I wanted to go on spring break then I had to save my allowance from the rest of the year. There was no going to mom and dad for that kind of thing. But they had no problem flying me to Japan to visit them or paying my way for a family vacation. Heck they still pay my brother and his family's way on vacation. But if they didn't they would not see their grandkids, so it's worth it for them

ETA - TK finally gave me paragraphs. 

JennyColada

"Good luck with that. -Signed, Woman In Charge"

sarahufl

lyndausvi said:

I was lucky my parents paid for undergrad and expenses while in school. If you wanted to move back home after you were done then you had to pay rent to them. Not a lot, but you were NOT living for free. I think they gave you a 2-3 month grace period before you had to start. 

 They even put us on a budget starting in 9th grade. My dad got paid once a month. They gave us an allowance on that day. It lasted the whole month. That was to cover all your lunches, movies, gas for the car, school supplies, whatever. If you needed more it got deducted from the next month. In August they gave us a "paper" allowance for clothes. Meaning they didn't actually give us the money, but they told us we had "x" amount of money to spend on school clothes for the entire year (minus winter coats and sports gear). If you spent all the money on fall clothes you were screwed come spring time. 

They spoiled us with giving each of us a new car when we went off to school, nice wedding funds and nice vacations. Personally we had a nice balance of being spoiled without the sense of entitlement. 

 For example, if I wanted to go on spring break then I had to save my allowance from the rest of the year. There was no going to mom and dad for that kind of thing. But they had no problem flying me to Japan to visit them or paying my way for a family vacation. Heck they still pay my brother and his family's way on vacation. But if they didn't they would not see their grandkids, so it's worth it for them

ETA - TK finally gave me paragraphs. 

Your family sounds like mine. We never really wanted for anything, but we also were not just straight up given things.

We had to start budgeting for everything when we were about 12.