Wedding 911

FMIL Hosting Bridal Shower

fbmandy55fbmandy55 member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited July 2014 in Wedding 911
My fiance is from out of town and his family lives about an hour to and hour and a half north of us. They haven't been around to do a lot of the wedding planning and wanted to help with something so we agreed they would host the bridal shower. My bridesmaids were fine with that and so was I. The plan was to do it at a small banquet room but FMIL lost her job. It's been moved to FMIL's house which is fine, except one detail I just realized. She smokes in her house. 

All but 3 of my guests are non-smokers, including his side of the family. Is it out of line for me to ask my FMIL not to allow smoking in the house for the day?  Her house is lovely and spacious but I have guests that either cannot be around the smoke for health reasons and some that just hate it.




Re: FMIL Hosting Bridal Shower

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    fbmandy55 said:
    My fiance is from out of town and his family lives about an hour to and hour and a half north of us. They haven't been around to do a lot of the wedding planning and wanted to help with something so we agreed they would host the bridal shower. My bridesmaids were fine with that and so was I. The plan was to do it at a small banquet room but FMIL lost her job. It's been moved to FMIL's house which is fine, except one detail I just realized. She smokes in her house. Fiance's 30 year old sister also lives there with her 2 kids and she smokes in the house also. I too am a smoker but do not smoke indoors and am very considerate around non-smokers.

    All but 3 of my guests are non-smokers, including his side of the family. Is it out of line for me to ask my FMIL not to allow smoking in the house for the day? As much as I would like to assume they wouldn't, they aren't what I would call 'considerate" about their smoking habits. Her house is lovely and spacious but I have guests that either cannot be around the smoke for health reasons and some that just hate it.




    I feel that it would be out of line to tell anyone what to do in their own home.

    You will need to make some hard and fast decisions.  You can decline the shower and explain that many of your guests would become ill from any lingering or second hand smoke.  If FMIL chooses to tell you she will refrain from smoking that day, then you have to decide whether you can trust her answer. 

    If there are multiple smokers in the home, whether smoking occurs during the shower or not, some of your more sensitive guests may still have issues with lingering odors on furniture and drapes.  Your other option is to inform invited guests of the atmosphere within the home and let them make the decision for themselves.  I'm just not sure how anyone would go about making that disclosure to guests. 

    ETA.....Ask FI what his mother typically does when she entertains.  If the majority of their family are non-smokers as well, perhaps she does make accommodations you are not aware of when she hosts.
    holyguacamole79
  • I like the suggestion of letting my guests know. Really, they are all good enough friends that I don't feel uncomfortable telling them in person ahead of time. To add, I am also pretty close with my MIL and one of the three SILs. Fiance was not much help. He too said, "It's her house, not the guest's house". I agree with that but I also feel like it would be inconsiderate to expose guests to that.
  • PellegcmPellegcm Nap-town member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I feel that having a personal conversation with the guests you know would have a health issue with the second hand smoke is not only appropriate but necessary. It's similar to having a pet allergy - if the house had cats and you know your friends would have a severe reaction you would warn them beforehand, right?


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I used to go over to a heavy smoker's house every Sunday for family dinner. Once, I commented to her daughter about it and that I may not be able to keep coming over because I had to drive home even in winter with the windows down because I couldn't stand the smell of my hair and clothes in my own car after I would leave. She told her mother. It did not go over well. At all. So I don't think you can tell people not to smoke in their own home, no.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Yes, totally agree. In fact, the soon to be SIL who is planning this shower is allergic to onions. She said that any food brought by guests needs to be labeled that way. So I talked to her about the shower and the smoking thing. She doesn't like it either but says that her mom will smoke in the house, if anything, out of a 40 year habit.

  • fbmandy55fbmandy55 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    So here's my update. Called my FSIL and politely asked, " Do you think your mom will smoke in the house during my shower?" Her response was "Absolutely. Here's the thing, she has done it for so long that she doesn't even think about it before she lights one".

    I'm making everyone aware that it may be smoking inside, but the most of the party will be outside on the deck. 


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