Best way to tell wedding guests we were secretly married 2 years ago?

emmaaa

Y'all, this can't be real...

manateehugger

mysticl said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 

THIS!!! Ugh.

artbyallie

PDKH said:

mysticl said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 

THIS!!! Ugh.

Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.

Jells2dot0

artbyallie said:

PDKH said:

mysticl said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 

THIS!!! Ugh.

Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.

SIB

Hmmm....I'm one of the least AW people I know and I was in a sorority. Maybe they should revoke my membership for not being a good representation of their branding!

m00se5

Well then I'll just leave you all alone. You're all very sweet women from what I can see.

mysticl

Jells2dot0 said:

artbyallie said:

PDKH said:

mysticl said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 

THIS!!! Ugh.

Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.

SIB

Hmmm....I'm one of the least AW people I know and I was in a sorority. Maybe they should revoke my membership for not being a good representation of their branding!

My sisters are some of the nicest people you will meet.  Every group has a few less than nice people in it but overall they are awesome.  

CMGragain

I would turn them in if I knew their identities.  My DH worked for the federal government for 33 years.  I am so disgusted with the OP, I cannot express my fury.

manateehugger

mysticl said:

Jells2dot0 said:

artbyallie said:

PDKH said:

mysticl said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 

THIS!!! Ugh.

Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.

SIB

Hmmm....I'm one of the least AW people I know and I was in a sorority. Maybe they should revoke my membership for not being a good representation of their branding!

My sisters are some of the nicest people you will meet.  Every group has a few less than nice people in it but overall they are awesome.  

My chapter had some crazy ass AWs and then 99% fantastic, bright women - much like the general female college population.

I'm sorry you met awful women who led you to stereotype millions of other women in this country.

[Deleted User]

m00se5 said:

You people are all straight up mean.

That being said. I don't think its right to have a full wedding and invite people who are most likely going to give you gifts and money. You should probably scratch it, tell your closest friends and family and throw a smaller party. Wedding announcement party. 2 years is a very long time not to tell people. Not to mention it was illegal. I have a friend who did this actually. I totally disagreed with it but she did it and had a real wedding like a year after the legal marriage and it was fine BUT everyone already knew.

I honestly can't believe THIS wasn't the part of her post ya'll jumped on.

artbyallie

@Jells2dot0 I know some really sweet women who were in sororities also.

And for the record I wasn't intending to stereotype anyone except the less sweet women that I personally know. I seem to have worded myself poorly and I apologize if I offended.

sophhabobopha

This is the worst thing I've read all week! Congrats, op!

tally7

why not just have a vow renewal and a party?

southernbelle0915

m00se5 said:

You people are all straight up mean.

That being said. I don't think its right to have a full wedding and invite people who are most likely going to give you gifts and money. You should probably scratch it, tell your closest friends and family and throw a smaller party. Wedding announcement party. 2 years is a very long time not to tell people. Not to mention it was illegal. I have a friend who did this actually. I totally disagreed with it but she did it and had a real wedding like a year after the legal marriage and it was fine BUT everyone already knew.

You know a "real wedding" is where people get married, right? If no one is getting married, there is no "wedding".

Also, you do realize that what you've basically said is:

- a big "wedding" is not appropriate

- you should come clean to family and friends

- what you did is illegal

And you realize that's basically every single poster's message here so....

PrettyGirlLost

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Nah, we just have pillow fights in our panties and then roll around in pudding.

Had you gotten a bid on Bid Day you's know this ;-)

PrettyGirlLost

artbyallie said:

PDKH said:

mysticl said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 

THIS!!! Ugh.

Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.

I choose my sorority specifically because it was *not* comprised of those types of women.

PrettyGirlLost

CMGragain said:

I would turn them in if I knew their identities.  My DH worked for the federal government for 33 years.  I am so disgusted with the OP, I cannot express my fury.

I'm so disgusted by the OP, and I could express my fury as I did in a post on Snarky Brides, but I don't want to upset NDelible again.

I really take it personally when people try to dick around with our immigration system and are also so cavalier about marriage.  It's disgusting. 

You don't get married just so you can continue to date someone because his student Visa is expiring and he needs to go back to his country of origin. . . you LRN2LONGDISTANCERELATIONSHIP.  And basically the US Government agreed with me.

[Deleted User]

I think the OP and Husband have missed the whole meaning of what marriage is.

VulgarGirl

PrettyGirlLost said:

m00se5 said:

I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.

First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.

Nah, we just have pillow fights in our panties and then roll around in pudding.

Had you gotten a bid on Bid Day you's know this ;-)

I knew I should've joined a fucking sorority. 

Ndelible

@PrettyGirlLost carry on

iloveu4ever

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

mrsmagicgeek

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, you will accept that they have the right to be angry with you for lying to them for 2 years, and accept that there are consequences to your actions. Most of them will come around, but some will not.

FTFY.

iloveu4ever

Ftfy?

beethery

Fixed That For You

mysticl

foundmymagicgeek said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, you will accept that they have the right to be angry with you for lying to them for 2 years, and accept that there are consequences to your actions. Most of them will come around, but some will not.

FTFY.

And one might report you to Immigration. 

Maggie0829

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

climbingsingle

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

I'd be pretty hurt if I found out my family member or close friend had been lying to me for years. 

mrs4everhart

Maggie0829 said:

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.

Maggie0829

STBMrsEverhart said:

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.

Oh for the love of chocolate!  We all know your stance on lying and how you don't believe it is a bad thing.  But you are in the minority on that one.  So keep on believing that lying doesn't cause hurt feelings if that helps you sleep at night.

ETA:  No matter the reasons, whether they be legitimate or not, doesn't mean that people still wouldn't be hurt by the fact that you lied about something for so many years.  People are allowed to be hurt, especially when they are close family and friends who feel like they could be trusted.

MobKaz

STBMrsEverhart said:

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.

It's called a moral obligation, so of course, you would not see it.  But the OP clearly has a conscience because she states she "wants to come clean".  People with character, conscience, and morals prefer not to carry lies with them throughout their life. 

mrs4everhart

Maggie0829 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Maggie0829 said:

iloveu4ever said:

Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.

Oh for the love of chocolate!  We all know your stance on lying and how you don't believe it is a bad thing.  But you are in the minority on that one.  So keep on believing that lying doesn't cause hurt feelings if that helps you sleep at night.

ETA:  No matter the reasons, whether they be legitimate or not, doesn't mean that people still wouldn't be hurt by the fact that you lied about something for so many years.  People are allowed to be hurt, especially when they are close family and friends who feel like they could be trusted.

The first sentence said "people get to be mad about whatever they like." I'm not opposed to people having their feelings. Everyone is entitled to feel however they like about limitless subjects.

But the fact is, the OP was under zero obligation to tell anyone that she changed her legal status, for reasons that some may not understand. I get it completely, except for the fact that marrying someone to keep them in the US doesn't quite work like that. They weren't ready to be seen and accepted as married and wanted to continue their relationship by dating and eventually marrying, without the pressure. Seems like their business to me, not the business of their friends and family. Some may find marriages of convenience distasteful, but they happen all the time, the world over. Sadly for the OP it's all for naught because immigration doesn't work like that anymore. Now they'd like to take their relationship to a more serious level, publicly. Ok, great.

I always get a laugh whenever someone uses the phrase "if it helps you sleep at night." Critical thinking helps me sleep at night. I rarely do anything that bothers my conscience because I exercise the ability to think through my actions and their consequences before I embark on things. If I think I'm going to regret something, I generally won't do it.