Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Best way to tell wedding guests we were secretly married 2 years ago?

24

Re: Best way to tell wedding guests we were secretly married 2 years ago?

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    mod
    Y'all, this can't be real...

    PrettyGirlLostashley8918
  • mysticl said:
    m00se5 said:
    I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.
    First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.
    Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

    No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 
    THIS!!! Ugh.
    image
  • PDKH said:
    mysticl said:
    m00se5 said:
    I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.
    First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.
    Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

    No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 
    THIS!!! Ugh.
    Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.
    image
  • m00se5m00se5
    5 Love Its First Comment
    member
    edited August 2014
    Well then I'll just leave you all alone. You're all very sweet women from what I can see.
  • PDKH said:
    mysticl said:
    m00se5 said:
    I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.
    First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.
    Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

    No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 
    THIS!!! Ugh.
    Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.


    SIB

    Hmmm....I'm one of the least AW people I know and I was in a sorority. Maybe they should revoke my membership for not being a good representation of their branding! :)
    My sisters are some of the nicest people you will meet.  Every group has a few less than nice people in it but overall they are awesome.  
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  • I would turn them in if I knew their identities.  My DH worked for the federal government for 33 years.  I am so disgusted with the OP, I cannot express my fury.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    PrettyGirlLostashley8918
  • m00se5 said:
    You people are all straight up mean.
    That being said. I don't think its right to have a full wedding and invite people who are most likely going to give you gifts and money. You should probably scratch it, tell your closest friends and family and throw a smaller party. Wedding announcement party. 2 years is a very long time not to tell people. Not to mention it was illegal. I have a friend who did this actually. I totally disagreed with it but she did it and had a real wedding like a year after the legal marriage and it was fine BUT everyone already knew.
    I honestly can't believe THIS wasn't the part of her post ya'll jumped on.
  • @Jells2dot0 I know some really sweet women who were in sororities also.

    And for the record I wasn't intending to stereotype anyone except the less sweet women that I personally know. I seem to have worded myself poorly and I apologize if I offended.
    image
  • why not just have a vow renewal and a party?
    Marzipan13smsterner94ashleyep
  • m00se5 said:
    You people are all straight up mean.
    That being said. I don't think its right to have a full wedding and invite people who are most likely going to give you gifts and money. You should probably scratch it, tell your closest friends and family and throw a smaller party. Wedding announcement party. 2 years is a very long time not to tell people. Not to mention it was illegal. I have a friend who did this actually. I totally disagreed with it but she did it and had a real wedding like a year after the legal marriage and it was fine BUT everyone already knew.
    You know a "real wedding" is where people get married, right? If no one is getting married, there is no "wedding".

    Also, you do realize that what you've basically said is:

    - a big "wedding" is not appropriate
    - you should come clean to family and friends
    - what you did is illegal

    And you realize that's basically every single poster's message here so....
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    emmaaaPrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    PDKH said:
    mysticl said:
    m00se5 said:
    I see you all decided to stop at the first sentence. I didn't say it was ok.
    First time in this community. Had no idea it would be exactly how I picture sorority houses.
    Ever been in a sorority?  If not please don't stereotype us based on what you have seen in movies or on tv.

    No one stopped at the first sentence.  No one claimed you said it was ok. They only felt the need to address the first sentence.  Quite simply no one was mean. Brutally honest, yes. Mean, no. And PP is right if immigration finds out the first marriage was for the sake of a green card and they don't consider it a valid marriage there will be no understanding, no acceptance, there however may be deportation, fines, and/or jail time.  And it just takes one offended friend or family member to make a phone call. 
    THIS!!! Ugh.
    Really, the sorority girls I know (or rather the ones that were in them in college) would probably for the most part be in support of PPDs because most of them are not very nice people and are frankly AWs.
    I choose my sorority specifically because it was *not* comprised of those types of women.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I think the OP and Husband have missed the whole meaning of what marriage is.
    Marzipan13OliveOilsMomlovedryn
  • @PrettyGirlLost carry on
    Happiness is an inside job
  • Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

     
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Fixed That For You
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
  • Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, you will accept that they have the right to be angry with you for lying to them for 2 years, and accept that there are consequences to your actions. Most of them will come around, but some will not.
    FTFY.
    And one might report you to Immigration. 
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    Marzipan13southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.
    Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.
    I'd be pretty hurt if I found out my family member or close friend had been lying to me for years. 



  • Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

    Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.

    People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 2014
    Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.
    Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.
    People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.
    Oh for the love of chocolate!  We all know your stance on lying and how you don't believe it is a bad thing.  But you are in the minority on that one.  So keep on believing that lying doesn't cause hurt feelings if that helps you sleep at night.

    ETA:  No matter the reasons, whether they be legitimate or not, doesn't mean that people still wouldn't be hurt by the fact that you lied about something for so many years.  People are allowed to be hurt, especially when they are close family and friends who feel like they could be trusted.

    OliveOilsMom
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.
    Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.
    People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.
    It's called a moral obligation, so of course, you would not see it.  But the OP clearly has a conscience because she states she "wants to come clean".  People with character, conscience, and morals prefer not to carry lies with them throughout their life. 
    ShesSoColdOliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost




  • Just tell them the truth. If they are your friends and family, they will be happy for you.

    Or they will be mad as hell that they were lied to for 2 freaking years.
    People get to be mad about whatever they like. But I don't see why the OP was under any obligation to divulge her legal marital status to her friends and family if she preferred to keep this information private, as opposed to immigration, which could be a differerent matter altogether. Other people's feelings about her legal status and when she chooses to discuss it seems like their issue, not the OP's.

    Oh for the love of chocolate!  We all know your stance on lying and how you don't believe it is a bad thing.  But you are in the minority on that one.  So keep on believing that lying doesn't cause hurt feelings if that helps you sleep at night.

    ETA:  No matter the reasons, whether they be legitimate or not, doesn't mean that people still wouldn't be hurt by the fact that you lied about something for so many years.  People are allowed to be hurt, especially when they are close family and friends who feel like they could be trusted.


    The first sentence said "people get to be mad about whatever they like." I'm not opposed to people having their feelings. Everyone is entitled to feel however they like about limitless subjects.

    But the fact is, the OP was under zero obligation to tell anyone that she changed her legal status, for reasons that some may not understand. I get it completely, except for the fact that marrying someone to keep them in the US doesn't quite work like that. They weren't ready to be seen and accepted as married and wanted to continue their relationship by dating and eventually marrying, without the pressure. Seems like their business to me, not the business of their friends and family. Some may find marriages of convenience distasteful, but they happen all the time, the world over. Sadly for the OP it's all for naught because immigration doesn't work like that anymore. Now they'd like to take their relationship to a more serious level, publicly. Ok, great.

    I always get a laugh whenever someone uses the phrase "if it helps you sleep at night." Critical thinking helps me sleep at night. I rarely do anything that bothers my conscience because I exercise the ability to think through my actions and their consequences before I embark on things. If I think I'm going to regret something, I generally won't do it.

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