Gift Ideas for New Step Son prior to Wedding Ceremony

bmwgurl106

I am getting married in November and my fiance has two kids from a previous marriage. One girl who is 12 and a boy who is 10. I want to give them each a gift prior to the ceremony with a little note. I have decided to get my step daughter a charm bracelet but would love some ideas as to what to give to my step son. We are not doing or saying anything to them during the ceremony but I wanted to give them a little something before I walk down the aisle that would be meaningful to them for years to come and that would also make them feel special and loved on mine and their dad's wedding day. Having them feel included and loved is important to me. I was thinking maybe a watch or pocket knife and maybe have it engraved with something? Any ideas/thoughts? I know it might not mean a lot to him now, but in the future I would hope he would cherish it and it would become sentimental.

AddieCake

I don't think knives are a good gift for children and I don't know many little boys who would want an engraved watch. What does he LIKE? I just don't think he will get "future sentimental" about the gift you give him on your wedding day.

bmwgurl106

He likes legos and video games....I would think when he gets older he might like that he has a nice watch to wear? And I just thought he would think the pocket knife was "cool" - I don't actually see him using it though. 

mysticl

bmwgurl106 said:

He likes legos and video games....I would think when he gets older he might like that he has a nice watch to wear? And I just thought he would think the pocket knife was "cool" - I don't actually see him using it though. 

The thing is that he may not have a need or desire for a nice watch to wear as he gets older.  A lot of people rely on their phones as a timepiece now and I only see that becoming more common.  Also, if it fits him now it won't fit him in the future and you don't know what will fit him in the future or what his taste will be so it could be a gift that is never used.  

He might think the pocket knife is "cool".  Cool enough to try to sneak it out of the house and take it to school to show off and then get expelled for having a weapon at school. Have you asked his parents if they are ok with him having a knife?  Many would not be.  And I'm personally not a fan of giving a kid a gift and then taking it away from them and saying they can have it "someday".  

Give him something he likes now and will appreciate now.  Maybe get him a Lego set that is a little above his skill level and the two of you can build it together.  That's a memory that will stick with him.  How new step mom took a few hours to build Legos with him.   

chibiyui

Honestly, I'd just skip getting them presents. You're not marrying them, you're marrying their dad. Go balls to the wall for their birthdays or Christmas this year.

Jen4948

Don't use your wedding ceremony to give gifts to your future stepkids. The ceremony is for you and your FI to be joined as a unit, not for you to give your stepkids gifts which they may see as bribes to accept your relationship with their dad-especially if their other parent is still in the picture and they're close.

And I agree with PPs that a pocketknife is not a suitable gift for a 10 year old boy. He could get into major trouble with anything that smacks of a weapon, especially at a "zero tolerance" school.

I also agree that preteens aren't into engraved gifts.

artbyallie

Give him a lego set or a video game since that's what he likes. The typical 'keepsake' gifts are often only meaningful to the adults picking them out and kids just think they're lame.

MairePoppy

Gee, have things changed this much? I have given every young man in my family, including my stepson Swiss Army Knives when they were around ten. They had all sorts of fascinating gadgets attached to them. And the boys enjoyed a little supervised whittling. What a shame.

The Lego set would be a great idea. My sons are adults, who still enjoy playing with their Legos from time to time. I wouldn't worry that Legos are a toy that FSS will outgrow.

If you get something monogrammed, use his initials.

 

 

 

 

mysticl

Jen4948 said:

Don't use your wedding ceremony to give gifts to your future stepkids. The ceremony is for you and your FI to be joined as a unit, not for you to give your stepkids gifts which they may see as bribes to accept your relationship with their dad-especially if their other parent is still in the picture and they're close. And I agree with PPs that a pocketknife is not a suitable gift for a 10 year old boy. He could get into major trouble with anything that smacks of a weapon, especially at a "zero tolerance" school. I also agree that preteens aren't into engraved gifts.

She isn't.  She specifically said the gifts would be given prior to the ceremony and they are not giving or saying anything to the children during the ceremony.  

mysticl

MairePoppy said:

Gee, have things changed this much? I have given every young man in my family, including my stepson Swiss Army Knives when they were around ten. They had all sorts of fascinating gadgets attached to them. And the boys enjoyed a little supervised whittling. What a shame.

The Lego set would be a great idea. My sons are adults, who still enjoy playing with their Legos from time to time. I wouldn't worry that Legos are a toy that FSS will outgrow.

If you get something monogrammed, use his initials.

 

 

 

 

In a word: Yes

MairePoppy

That's sad, but I get it. My dad was upset and thought I was being over protective when I wouldn't allow him to give my boys (12 and 6!) bee bee guns.

Jen4948

mysticl said:

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Jen4948 said:

Don't use your wedding ceremony to give gifts to your future stepkids. The ceremony is for you and your FI to be joined as a unit, not for you to give your stepkids gifts which they may see as bribes to accept your relationship with their dad-especially if their other parent is still in the picture and they're close. And I agree with PPs that a pocketknife is not a suitable gift for a 10 year old boy. He could get into major trouble with anything that smacks of a weapon, especially at a "zero tolerance" school. I also agree that preteens aren't into engraved gifts.

She isn't.  She specifically said the gifts would be given prior to the ceremony and they are not giving or saying anything to the children during the ceremony.  

I still wouldn't give gifts prior to the ceremony for the same reasons.  If the OP wants to give them gifts for Christmas or their birthdays, it would make more sense.

That said, I don't think a 10 year old boy would be impressed with an engraved watch, or really an engraved anything.  I also wouldn't give him a pocketknife.  I would tailor the gift to a non-violent interest of his.

[Deleted User]

I think it's much easier to find something a little girl will carry through the years then a little boy. As for the PP that say that this marriage is between you & your FI I agree and disagree. I agree that legally that this is between you and FI, but on an emotional side, not only are you accepting your FI to be your husband and your family for the rest of your live, but you are accepting his kids too now as part of your family for the rest of your lives. Your FI and his kids are a package deal, you can't get one without the other. You and your FI are exchanging rings which are a symbol of your love for each other. It's understandable, at least to me, that you would want to present something to the kids to symbolize your love for them. I think being a loving parent, being there for them, and just letting them know you're not there to replace their mom but to add to the people that love them and support them is the best gift you can give them.

mysticl

MairePoppy said:

That's sad, but I get it. My dad was upset and thought I was being over protective when I wouldn't allow him to give my boys (12 and 6!) bee bee guns.

To some there would be no difference between a gun and a BB gun.  Both can be used as weapons.  

He wanted to give a 6-year-old a BB gun? Seriously? And I say this as someone who learned how to shoot a real gun when I was 10.

MairePoppy

Dad was serious. He and his brother had BB guns (thanks for the proper spelling) and thought it would be okay for them to use to shoot at targets. And I agree that BB guns are guns and don't belong in a child's hands.

 

mysticl

Legally they are guns and if you shoot a person with one the hospital has to report it to the police as a gun shot. A six-year-old (no matter how well behaved) is not ready for that. Maybe a nice super soaker.

sarahs616

Why don't you take the kids on a small trip somewhere instead? Camping, beach trip, indoor water park, a day at an amusement park? 

Fairyjen1

MairePoppy said:

Gee, have things changed this much? I have given every young man in my family, including my stepson Swiss Army Knives when they were around ten. They had all sorts of fascinating gadgets attached to them. And the boys enjoyed a little supervised whittling. What a shame.

The Lego set would be a great idea. My sons are adults, who still enjoy playing with their Legos from time to time. I wouldn't worry that Legos are a toy that FSS will outgrow.

If you get something monogrammed, use his initials.

 

 

 

 

    I think Lego's are a good idea. Give him a larger Lego set you and he can put together. It's not only a gift but an experience. FI still has his Lego sets from he was a kid so to someone into Lego's this could be a keepsake.

   For the record, as adults FI and I still love Lego's. We are having a couple Lego sets as the centerpieces at our wedding (one roman table with 20 people who get us, it's a small wedding!)

   Maybe you can give it to them at the rehearsal dinner instead of right before the ceremony so it' s not tied so much to the ceremony? The young lady could still wear her bracelet for the ceremony and the  young man won't have to keep track of a Lego set all day at the ceremony.

traditionallyuntraditional

Why not engraved cufflinks he can wear. Legos will be forgotten in 2 years but cufflinks will be a keepsake like his sister is getting.

Fairyjen1

mileybangerz said:

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traditionallyuntraditional said:

Why not engraved cufflinks he can wear. Legos will be forgotten in 2 years but cufflinks will be a keepsake like his sister is getting.

Yeah, because THAT is what a 10 year old wants.

Maybe if you got the cuff links on Etsy with Sonic the Hedgehog on them. That's what I got my FBIL for Christmas. He got me some handmade Wonder Woman leather bracers. We get each other

Fairyjen1

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Your 10 year old FBIL bought you leather bracers?

No, No! I'm not the OP. My FBIL is 28 and I cosplay Wonder Woman at comic book conventions, the bracers are part of a costume. I got him the Cuff Links because he is a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog. I was just thinking a 10 year old would like those more than a regular pair of monogrammed cuff links. 

Although I get the misunderstanding. FI, myself and our siblings are all just big kids and are into video games and comic books (and Legos!). Don't worry, we all have regular office careers in the tech industry and pay all our bills (except my sister, she's a wonderful Stay at Home mom!). We just never quite grew up when it comes to our recreational activities I suppose.

mysticl

traditionallyuntraditional said:

Why not engraved cufflinks he can wear. Legos will be forgotten in 2 years but cufflinks will be a keepsake like his sister is getting.

I don't know anyone who wears cufflinks. All the men I know buy shirts with button cuffs. So unless he grows up to have a job that requires button down shirts and his tastes leans towards cufflinks they will just end up in a drawer.  

I disagree that Legos will be forgotten. DH is 40 and still buys Legos. He gets way more use out of them than he would a pair of cufflinks.