Pot luck reception

Knottie23532733

My fiancé and I are toying with the idea of having a pot luck wedding reception for a variety of reasons.  (1) We live out in the country (minimum an hour away from a major city) and to hire a caterer to come to our house would cost a fortune and (2) we do not want to spend a ton of money on a wedding.  (3) We want to share our day with everyone we know and make it more like a big backyard party. 

For those of you who've done pot luck receptions, what would you suggest and what would you have done differently?  Would it be okay to "suggest" to people what to bring so that we don't end up with 100 potato salads?

Also, we plan on supplying the alcohol beverages. Is there any law against this?  We will not be charging for the drinks, so I don't think we'll need a liquor licence...right? We will strongly encourage smart drinking and designated drivers, because public transportation is not an option.

TIA

artbyallie

Knottie23532733 said:

My fiancé and I are toying with the idea of having a pot luck wedding reception for a variety of reasons.  (1) We live out in the country (minimum an hour away from a major city) and to hire a caterer to come to our house would cost a fortune and (2) we do not want to spend a ton of money on a wedding.  (3) We want to share our day with everyone we know and make it more like a big backyard party. 

For those of you who've done pot luck receptions, what would you suggest and what would you have done differently?  Would it be okay to "suggest" to people what to bring so that we don't end up with 100 potato salads?

Also, we plan on supplying the alcohol beverages. Is there any law against this?  We will not be charging for the drinks, so I don't think we'll need a liquor licence...right? We will strongly encourage smart drinking and designated drivers, because public transportation is not an option.

TIA

No, you cannot have a potluck reception. You must host your guests. You can do just cake and punch if your wedding is at a non-mealtime, like 2pm. But the reception is a thank-you for witnessing your marriage, and it is never acceptable to ask your guests to pay for it by bringing their own food. Surely the money you would spend on alcohol could go toward an inexpensive meal like BBQ or pasta and you can just have a dry reception. It is more important to feed people than provide alcohol.

AddieCake

You should not ask your guests to provide food for a party you are hosting. Would you ask them to bring flowers for the tables or for you to carry? Provide the music? No. So why would you ask them to provide the food?

vsgal

You need to feed people at your wedding reception.  Period.  No potluck.  Period.  If you are having financial concerns then you have a couple of options:

1.  Cut down on the guest list until you get to a point that you can afford to fully feed your guests.
2.  Move the ceremony/reception to a non-meal time.  Then you don't have to serve a full meal.  You can do light nibbles or cake and punch.  The time to do this is ceremony at 2:00  and reception at 3:00 with end time at about 6:00.  Or start after dinner--ceremony @ 8:00, reception  @ 9:00 and end time @ 11:00.
3.  Find a place that does BBQ.
4.  Cut expenses.  There are things that you don't have to have that you need to nix in order to feed everyone--flowers, expensive dress, alcohol, DJ, favors, fancy invites. huge wedding party.

I understand being on a budget but wanting the wedding you envision.  The truth is  that getting married is an adult decision.  You have to make hard decisions and decide what is really important.  What you can't do is have the wedding you want at the expense of your guests.

lyndausvi

Having a potluck only saves YOU money.  Money is still being spent, the costs are just being deferring to your guests.  In addition to their time.

I'm not really a fan of receiving an invitation that invites me to bring a dish to your party.    It's like "hey honey look, Bob and Sue invited us to cook for them and 100 other people.  It's that nice of them"   ::rolls eyes::

vsgal

Not to mention, it is a health risk to have potluck at the reception.  That potato salad will sit in a car for at least an hour, probably more before it is served. Can you say food poisoning? 

Also, do you expect people to provide enough food for everyone?  I would never take on the expense/time to make a dish that would feed 50 people. 

What about your OOT guests?

jacques27

No.  Just no.

Have the reception you can afford or wait until you can afford the reception you want.  Do not make your guests pay for your reception.  Just doing cake and punch at an off-meal time is a-ok.  Making your guests work for your reception is not.

JCbride2015

Don't have a potluck reception.  Please, please don't do this.

Have your wedding at a non-mealtime (2pm works) and provide cake, punch, some light snacks, and non-alcoholic beverages.  Host it in your backyard with lawn games, some music from your iPod, and picnic tables.  This would be lovely.  

But please do not start off your married life by asking your guests to pay for your wedding.

chibiyui

Yeah, don't do this. Have a cake and punch reception, as long as you don't have it over a meal time, no one will miss food. It's also very budget friendly. 

RebeccaFlower

Besides being absurdly tacky, I don't eat food from people I don't know, period. I don't know if they are clean or cook things properly. 

If you don't have money to host a meal, have your wedding at a non-meal time (2:00) and provide drinks, cupcakes and some easy things like a veggie tray. 

CMGragain

Potluck parties are fine for church suppers, family get-togethers, block parties.
THEY ARE RUDE AND INAPPROPRIATE FOR WEDDINGS!

There is no reason to spend a lot of money on a nice wedding.  Have an afternoon ceremony in your backyard, and serve tea sandwiches, cake, coffee and punch.  This is much more traditional than modern blow-out weddings with expensive food, open bar, etc.  Your grandmother might have been married like this.
My sister was married in a city park shelter, and served a pig roast lunch with potato salad and coleslaw from the grocery store.  Cake was decorated sheet cake, also from the grocery store.  It was a lovely wedding.
One rule to remember:  You must provide a chair for every butt. 

[Deleted User]

I've been to one and to be honest, it affected the amount of money that I gave as a gift. I deducted what I spent on food from the amount of money that I had planned on giving the couple. It's one thing if your family & friends go hey "is there anything I can do to help out" compared to requiring your guests to help pay for & host your reception. And yes, that is what you are doing by asking everyone to bring a dish, asking them to help pay for & host your reception.

climbingsingle

Please don't do this. It's tacky and rude. 

Think of what you said - you don't want to spend a lot of money, so you'd like to put the burden of providing all the food on your guests. Can you see how incredibly rude that sounds? 

Food safety also comes into play here. How will the food be kept at proper temperatures? What about people with food allergies? 

What if you get 4 dishes of macaroni salad and nothing else?

NYCMercedes

Telling people what to bring and "strongly encourage smart drinking" is controlling. Treat your guests with respect.

atlastmrsg

1) Potluck is never OK.

2) You're planning on buying alcohol but not food?  Easy fix: dry wedding with food instead.

3) If you do hire a caterer, and still have money for alcohol, even if you don't need a license there is an element of liability.  If someone drinks too much and falls or drives afterwards, you could be liable.  Get an event insurance policy and disclose that alcohol will be served.  Some policies will only insure a certain amount, or will decline to insure, if a bartender is not serving the alcohol because the bartender can decline to pour another drink for an over-served guest and check IDs to make sure minors are not drinking.  Look into hiring a bartender service but providing the alcohol to cut the cost.  Many caterers have bartenders on staff, even if the caterer isn't providing the alcohol.

theartistformerlyknownas

Nope nope nope. 

You are the hosts. It is your responsibility to provide for your guests. A wedding reception not just any old party; it is hosted to thank your guests for witnessing and supporting your wedding and marriage. The rules are different from other parties in that it's completely 100% wrong to ask guests to contribute toward hosting themselves. So while it's completely OK to ask Aunt Suzy to bring dinner rolls for Thanksgiving, you CANNOT do it for a wedding. "Super cool you support my marriage; please thank each other by bringing the food, but not too much potato salad." No. PPs have given plenty of great suggestions for hosting properly on a budget.

umathurman

What about the guests who are traveling for your wedding? They will need to figure out where to order some food, pick it up and then bring it to your venue? Hmmm... I don't think so !

QueerFemme

Hire someone to come and cook burgers and hot dogs and chips and soft drinks. Never ask your guests to pay to cater your event. And asking them to bring the food is asking them to pay for it.

southernbelle0915

What you want: to invite lots of people and have them at your house

What you should do from a wedding etiquette perspective: host people appropriately for the time of day. So if it's at a meal time, you host a meal. If it's not you don't need to host a meal, but still need to host snacks or something small.

In your case, I would have the wedding at 2:00 and have a finger foods and cake reception at 2:30. If you were planning on hosting alcohol for all these people, you can definitely afford a non-meal time reception. You might even be able to afford a keg if you budget correctly.

I'll be honest though, backyard parties for tons of people don't really save money. You still have to provide tables and chairs for everyone (money). You'll probably want to put linens/decorations on those tables (money). Depending on the size of your crowd, you may need to rent a porta-potty (money). Unless you have seating room for everyone inside your house, you'd need to rent a tent in case of rain or super harsh, hot weather (money). 

I think your best bet is to have your wedding at a non-meal time at your local church (if you attend) and have a cake/punch reception there. Then you could always have a bonfire at your house in the country at night.  

Knottie23532733

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty!  

grumbledore

Knottie23532733 said:

My fiancé and I are toying with the idea of having a pot luck wedding reception for a variety of reasons.  (1) We live out in the country (minimum an hour away from a major city) and to hire a caterer to come to our house would cost a fortune and (2) we do not want to spend a ton of money on a wedding.  (3) We want to share our day with everyone we know and make it more like a big backyard party. 

For those of you who've done pot luck receptions, what would you suggest and what would you have done differently?  Would it be okay to "suggest" to people what to bring so that we don't end up with 100 potato salads?

Also, we plan on supplying the alcohol beverages. Is there any law against this?  We will not be charging for the drinks, so I don't think we'll need a liquor licence...right? We will strongly encourage smart drinking and designated drivers, because public transportation is not an option.

TIA

No, it would not be okay.  In fact, it's not okay to ask anyone to bring any food or drink to your wedding, regardless of whether you are specific or not.

julesndean

I think there is a way to do it without being tacky. Maybe approach a few family members or friends who have a dish they are known for and ask them if they might be interested in making it for your wedding, maybe offer to buy the groceries the dish requires so it;s just time spent instead of money. Most family would be willing to help i think. And maybe just stick to side dishes and you can purchase the main dish (barbecue or whatever). My fiance and I are considering this approach for our wedding because we're paying for it ourselves. We're accommodating for my entire family (who is out of town) by having it at a location that we will have exclusively for the whole weekend and it provides them with a place to stay for the weekend at no additional cost to them. I totally get why you're considering that option, but maybe you can try and go about it a different way. so everyone doesnt feel obligated to bring food, but everyone is still fed. A wedding is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience for everyone involved, not a stressful financial burden that causes arguments and anxiety. 

I say go for it, but instead of asking everyone, just privately ask a few people. and if nobody wants to help, just get a caterer. 

[Deleted User]

I'm just thinking, if the nearest caterer is 2+ hours away, how far are your guests coming from?

Because even if they did want to make food and it wasn't poor manners, the food has to be prepped before leaving home, then sit through the car ride, then sit through the wedding, then sit while all the other food is being laid out, and THEN, after 3-6 hours of sitting out at room temperature, can you finally serve it.

Sounds like one hell of a science experiment in the making.

CMGragain

Knottie67950460 said:

If you are having a budget constraint then you can have potluck dinner. It will save your money. Just instruct your guests to bring particular type of food that will be shared by all the people attending the function.
For couples, who are having a holiday party theme wedding then then potluck dinner will be the best option. 

I really hope this is a joke!

Viczaesar

Knottie67950460 said:

If you are having a budget constraint then you can have potluck dinner. It will save your money. Just instruct your guests to bring particular type of food that will be shared by all the people attending the function.
For couples, who are having a holiday party theme wedding then then potluck dinner will be the best option. 

No.  Awful advice.

MobKaz

julesndean said:

I think there is a way to do it without being tacky. Maybe approach a few family members or friends who have a dish they are known for and ask them if they might be interested in making it for your wedding, maybe offer to buy the groceries the dish requires so it;s just time spent instead of money. Most family would be willing to help i think. And maybe just stick to side dishes and you can purchase the main dish (barbecue or whatever). My fiance and I are considering this approach for our wedding because we're paying for it ourselves. We're accommodating for my entire family (who is out of town) by having it at a location that we will have exclusively for the whole weekend and it provides them with a place to stay for the weekend at no additional cost to them. I totally get why you're considering that option, but maybe you can try and go about it a different way. so everyone doesnt feel obligated to bring food, but everyone is still fed. A wedding is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience for everyone involved, not a stressful financial burden that causes arguments and anxiety. 

I say go for it, but instead of asking everyone, just privately ask a few people. and if nobody wants to help, just get a caterer. 

No, there is NO way to do it without being tacky.  You and your FI should be paying for YOUR wedding yourselves.  That is nothing new or unique, and certainly not a reason to ask others to help pay for your wedding reception.  No wedding needs to be a stressful financial burden.  You simply host what you can afford.  If your wedding planning is causing arguments and anxiety, then it is probably a sign that you are going about something in the wrong way.

[Deleted User]

Knottie67950460 said:

If you are having a budget constraint then you can have potluck dinner. It will save your money. Just instruct your guests to bring particular type of food that will be shared by all the people attending the function.
For couples, who are having a holiday party theme wedding then then potluck dinner will be the best option. 

No! Bad newbie! No biscuit.

climbingsingle

Knottie67950460 said:

If you are having a budget constraint then you can have potluck dinner. It will save your money. Just instruct your guests to bring particular type of food that will be shared by all the people attending the function.
For couples, who are having a holiday party theme wedding then then potluck dinner will be the best option. 

Hahahahahaha! That was funny! Good joke. 

Maggie0829

Knottie67950460 said:

If you are having a budget constraint then you can have potluck dinner. It will save your money. Just instruct your guests to bring particular type of food that will be shared by all the people attending the function.
For couples, who are having a holiday party theme wedding then then potluck dinner will be the best option. 

Sure thing!  Let me just head into the kitchen and whip up enough mashed potatoes to feed 100 or more folks and then transport it and making sure it stays hot to the couples wedding.  No problem.  Easy peasy.

ShesSoCold

julesndean said:

I think there is a way to do it without being tacky. Maybe approach a few family members or friends who have a dish they are known for and ask them if they might be interested in making it for your wedding, maybe offer to buy the groceries the dish requires so it;s just time spent instead of money. Most family would be willing to help i think. And maybe just stick to side dishes and you can purchase the main dish (barbecue or whatever). My fiance and I are considering this approach for our wedding because we're paying for it ourselves. We're accommodating for my entire family (who is out of town) by having it at a location that we will have exclusively for the whole weekend and it provides them with a place to stay for the weekend at no additional cost to them. I totally get why you're considering that option, but maybe you can try and go about it a different way. so everyone doesnt feel obligated to bring food, but everyone is still fed. A wedding is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience for everyone involved, not a stressful financial burden that causes arguments and anxiety. 

I say go for it, but instead of asking everyone, just privately ask a few people. and if nobody wants to help, just get a caterer. 

Maybe you should consider buying FOOD for everyone instead of paying for lodging for your side of the family only. 

Not only is it rude to ask people to cook for 200 people, but you're going to ask HIS family to cook so you can afford to put up YOUR family in hotels? Oh hell no. 

southernbelle0915

julesndean said:

I think there is a way to do it without being tacky. Maybe approach a few family members or friends who have a dish they are known for and ask them if they might be interested in making it for your wedding, maybe offer to buy the groceries the dish requires so it;s just time spent instead of money. Most family would be willing to help i think. And maybe just stick to side dishes and you can purchase the main dish (barbecue or whatever). 

My fiance and I are considering this approach for our wedding because we're paying for it ourselves. We're accommodating for my entire family (who is out of town) by having it at a location that we will have exclusively for the whole weekend and it provides them with a place to stay for the weekend at no additional cost to them. I totally get why you're considering that option, but maybe you can try and go about it a different way. so everyone doesnt feel obligated to bring food, but everyone is still fed. A wedding is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience for everyone involved, not a stressful financial burden that causes arguments and anxiety. 

I say go for it, but instead of asking everyone, just privately ask a few people. and if nobody wants to help, just get a caterer. 

***************************SITB***********************************

Um, so you're having a potluck because you are CHOOSING to pay for *your* family's (not his, apparently) lodging? 

That is the epitome of tacky. You are having people bring their own food because you've chosen to spend that money elsewhere. Way to show people how much they mean to you.... I'd be so pissed as a guest I wouldn't attend.