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Moms and Maids

General bridesmaid rant

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Re: General bridesmaid rant

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Well gee, it's good that people told me to breathe!  I was turning blue over here.
    jaime232 said:
    Yes, please breathe.. good god.  Calm the eff down.  I meant "we" as in my aunt, my bridesmaid (who is the self-proclaimed craftiest person we all know), and my fiance.  My fiance, unlike some of the previously mentioned male companions/acquaintances/wtf-ever, does not like to do this stuff, but he did.  That was my point.

    My cousin owns the stationery shop where we ordered the invites from, and MAYBE her telling me that 100 invites took two assistants her EIGHT HOURS to assemble threw me for a little loop, since we were looking at 125.  I did not read the invitation-building etiquette handbook, I was really just going off what my own personal reaction would be (having been in weddings before).
    Well gee, it's good that people told me to breathe!  I was turning blue over here.

    By the way, that bolded bit?  That doesn't make any sense.  Before, you said:

     To be honest, and I mean this in the best way possible, a man's (or at least this man's) attention to detail when it comes to glue dots and centering pieces on other pieces is lacking comparatively.  I think it's fair to say that we are all a little more craft-minded than he was.

    So we, which according to this post indicates you, your aunt, and your fiance, are more craft-minded than your fiance is.  Do you have more than one fiance?  (It would also make more sense if you had said "we were all a little more craft-minded than he was" rather than "we are," but not by much.)  You made a general statement about "we" being more craft-minded than a general man, or at least this man, implying that the we is an unspecified group of females.  Don't blame me for not being able to read your mind. 



    Maggie0829
  • Now you're just being ridiculous for the sake of what?  Stirring up the online message boards for kicks?  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're not completely stupid and you knew exactly what I meant.  Just one fiance.  Duh.
    ark155
  • Also, my post did not indicate that my aunt, me and my fiance are more craft-minded.  It indicated that my aunt, me and my friend are more craft-minded than my fiance is.  I know, tough stuff.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jaime232 said:
    Now you're just being ridiculous for the sake of what?  Stirring up the online message boards for kicks?  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're not completely stupid and you knew exactly what I meant.  Just one fiance.  Duh.

    jaime232 said:
    Also, my post did not indicate that my aunt, me and my fiance are more craft-minded.  It indicated that my aunt, me and my friend are more craft-minded than my fiance is.  I know, tough stuff.
    I'm not sure why you are getting worked up.  So a poster was confused by your post and inferred something that you didn't mean.  Happens all the time on here.  Instead of calling her stupid (which is very immature of you), why not just explain yourself in a calm and collected manner.

    And I too read it the same way Viczaesar did.  Since all we can go by is what you write you may want to re-read your posts before submitting them so that they are clear and what you really mean. We aren't mind readers here.

  • I'm not worked up, I just think the constant picking apart of everything people say is a bit much.  And I said she wasn't stupid.. but I guess I shouldn't expect that to be clear since apparently we're taking everything SUPER literally here.  So much so that apparently I have two fiances now LOL.  Come on.

    Anyway, I guess this thread can die.  Lesson learned: don't expect friends to help you.  Thanks all!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jaime232 said:
    I'm not worked up, I just think the constant picking apart of everything people say is a bit much.  And I said she wasn't stupid.. but I guess I shouldn't expect that to be clear since apparently we're taking everything SUPER literally here.  So much so that apparently I have two fiances now LOL.  Come on.

    Anyway, I guess this thread can die.  Lesson learned: don't expect friends to help you.  Thanks all!
    You said she wasn't completely stupid, so you are basically inferring that she is somewhat stupid so yeah, still not cool.

    And you see how tone can be mistaken on here?  I mean, your two posts seemed like you were very worked up, but apparently you aren't even though I still sense a great deal of snarkiness and sarcasm coming from your posts.

    And since all we get from you are written words (no body language, no tone, no eye contact) of course we are going to question things that we may not understand.

  • Sure, I will be more clear about my tone.  Lesson number two: assume literal translation of everything.

    In all honesty, I was (am?) being really bitchy, but I think navigating the whole wedding etiquette and trying to get the day we want while being mindful of a LOT of different personalities and figuring out what is acceptable does get to be exhausting.  And I think most of what bothered me about the responses I was receiving was the complete lack of benefit of the doubt.  I wasn't going into this with the intention of making this bridesmaid my personal slave, I was just overwhelmed with the interactions I've had with her recently, versus those with my other bridesmaids and family members.  So I guess I was looking for some reassurance or perhaps gentle attitude adjustment, not the barrage of "holy shit you psycho bridezilla" (paraphrased, not directly quoted, I understand) comments that I got, since I have tried to take the advice of the people who say, "Don't talk about your wedding all the time" or "don't expect people to understand your stress"... but I did think TheKnot.com was PROBABLY the most appropriate place to express this.  So, consider me corrected.   I guess it really is just for logistical questions like when to send invites and blah blah.. 

    Sorry, long-winded.  But not worked up, I promise.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jaime232 said:
    Sure, I will be more clear about my tone.  Lesson number two: assume literal translation of everything.

    In all honesty, I was (am?) being really bitchy, but I think navigating the whole wedding etiquette and trying to get the day we want while being mindful of a LOT of different personalities and figuring out what is acceptable does get to be exhausting.  And I think most of what bothered me about the responses I was receiving was the complete lack of benefit of the doubt.  I wasn't going into this with the intention of making this bridesmaid my personal slave, I was just overwhelmed with the interactions I've had with her recently, versus those with my other bridesmaids and family members.  So I guess I was looking for some reassurance or perhaps gentle attitude adjustment, not the barrage of "holy shit you psycho bridezilla" (paraphrased, not directly quoted, I understand) comments that I got, since I have tried to take the advice of the people who say, "Don't talk about your wedding all the time" or "don't expect people to understand your stress"... but I did think TheKnot.com was PROBABLY the most appropriate place to express this.  So, consider me corrected.   I guess it really is just for logistical questions like when to send invites and blah blah.. 

    Sorry, long-winded.  But not worked up, I promise.
    Well through this post you got to see that most posters on here are pretty blunt with their responses.  Unlike family and friends who will tend to tell you what you want to hear or really sugar coat things to make their disagreement go down easier, we don't really do that.

    And I agree trying to managing everything does get kind of tiring and hard at some points, but the general consensus around here is that if you keep your expectations of others around you low then you don't set yourself up for disappointment.  And when your friends/family do volunteer to help you out then that is just icing on the cake.

    It is fine to be disgruntled about people not helping you or not being overly excited to help even though they volunteered.  We have all been there.  But the best way to handle people who may be frustrating you because of their attitude or actions is by taking a deep breath, drinking a glass (or bottle) of wine and relax.  You can't change people (no matter how much you want to sometimes) so don't let it get you down.

    And this forum isn't just for logistical questions.  It is also for rants and vents like yours.  Vent away because sometimes you need to.  And sometimes you need people like us who will tell you when you are acting crazy/silly because everyone at one point or another gets blinders when it comes to wedding planning.

    So don't feel like you can't vent, just know that we will bring you back down to reality so you can concentrate on what really matters, marrying your SO.

    jaime232Viczaesar[Deleted User]manateehugger
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    jaime232 said:
    Now you're just being ridiculous for the sake of what?  Stirring up the online message boards for kicks?  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're not completely stupid and you knew exactly what I meant.  Just one fiance.  Duh.
    Asking if you had two fiances was a rhetorical question designed to point out the inconsistency in your posts and explain why I thought you were making a blanket statement about women being more craft-minded than men.  Either you have two fiances, or the we in "we are all a little more craft-minded than he was" cannot mean "I meant "we" as in my aunt, my bridesmaid..., and my fiance."  Or, alternatively, you can explain to me how the statement "[my aunt, my bridesmaid, and my fiance] are all a little more craft-minded than [my fiance] was" makes sense.

    And the reason I'm talking about this is your overreaction - "Yes, please breathe.. good god.  Calm the eff down" - to my reading of your statement about how it's safe to say that 'we' are more craft-minded than your FI because a man's attention to detail is lacking as making a comment about women in general, since the 'we' was not defined and you spoke about men in general as well as your fiance in particular.



  • @crabbylucy‌ - I guess I'm odd cause I like stuffing envelopes. I'm a geek haha
  • gen148 said:
    @crabbylucy‌ - I guess I'm odd cause I like stuffing envelopes. I'm a geek haha
    I didn't think it was that bad either, honestly.  I like putting things together.  And my cousin grossly overestimated (or didn't have a rockstar system like we had) because it did not take 8 hours LOL.
  • jaime232 said:
    And for what it's worth, I do sort of take offense to the idea that I'm "bitching" about anything.  Most of us have been through the wedding planning process, and if anyone came to me and said the entire thing was a breeze and they felt zero stress, I'd call bullshit.  But then again, anyone with tens of thousands of posts on a wedding message board site may be just way more knowledgeable and self-righteous than I am.  Generally the idea is to pick women up, not knock them down, but whatever.  

    I've got to say...I was engaged for only 6 months and pretty much planned and did everything myself...and I was not stressed.  My biggest stress was how the weather would turn out that day since it was an outdoor wedding (even though we did have a backup plan).  Maybe it helped that I only had my two sisters and bridesmaids to avoid the drama (and they are my closest friends), but I also didn't ask them the help address or put invitations together, or tie ribbons on the bubbles, etc.  I did that myself.  Still not stressful.
  • 1. Completely agree with previous posters that you don't have a right to be upset if other people aren't that into your wedding.

    2. Definitely think that you DO have a right to be mad when someone ruins/takes away from what should be a special time for you by being negative.  

    I've noticed a trend on these boards that brides are basically completely expected to take in stride everything their bridesmaids do, and yet bridesmaids can get away with murder and all anyone says is "Of course no one is going to care about your wedding like you do."  It went so far that on one thread in which a bride had been unable to get in contact with one of her bridesmaids for several weeks (possibly months, don't remember), multiple people told her to suck it up and be prepared for the possibility that her maid may or may not show on the day of her wedding.  Personally there is no way I would be okay if someone who I'd asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and then completely fallen out of contact with showed up in her dress the day of my wedding and then still expected to be a part of my wedding party, but people seemed to think the bride was being hysterical for expecting anything else.

    So my feeling is- your bridesmaid is an adult, and it's so immature of her to voluntarily do something and then complain about it the whole time.  You don't have the right to expect her to help, but if she chooses to help you do have the right to expect her not to make the experience super unpleasant for you and others who want to have a more positive experience.  Sounds like she's the kind of person who just likes to feel put-upon and maybe needs to grow up a little. 
  • 1. Completely agree with previous posters that you don't have a right to be upset if other people aren't that into your wedding.

    2. Definitely think that you DO have a right to be mad when someone ruins/takes away from what should be a special time for you by being negative.  

    I've noticed a trend on these boards that brides are basically completely expected to take in stride everything their bridesmaids do, and yet bridesmaids can get away with murder and all anyone says is "Of course no one is going to care about your wedding like you do."  It went so far that on one thread in which a bride had been unable to get in contact with one of her bridesmaids for several weeks (possibly months, don't remember), multiple people told her to suck it up and be prepared for the possibility that her maid may or may not show on the day of her wedding.  Personally there is no way I would be okay if someone who I'd asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and then completely fallen out of contact with showed up in her dress the day of my wedding and then still expected to be a part of my wedding party, but people seemed to think the bride was being hysterical for expecting anything else.  

    So my feeling is- your bridesmaid is an adult, and it's so immature of her to voluntarily do something and then complain about it the whole time.  You don't have the right to expect her to help, but if she chooses to help you do have the right to expect her not to make the experience super unpleasant for you and others who want to have a more positive experience.  Sounds like she's the kind of person who just likes to feel put-upon and maybe needs to grow up a little. 
    To the bolded - What exactly do you mean?
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    image
  • 1. Completely agree with previous posters that you don't have a right to be upset if other people aren't that into your wedding.

    2. Definitely think that you DO have a right to be mad when someone ruins/takes away from what should be a special time for you by being negative.  

    I've noticed a trend on these boards that brides are basically completely expected to take in stride everything their bridesmaids do, and yet bridesmaids can get away with murder and all anyone says is "Of course no one is going to care about your wedding like you do."  It went so far that on one thread in which a bride had been unable to get in contact with one of her bridesmaids for several weeks (possibly months, don't remember), multiple people told her to suck it up and be prepared for the possibility that her maid may or may not show on the day of her wedding.  Personally there is no way I would be okay if someone who I'd asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and then completely fallen out of contact with showed up in her dress the day of my wedding and then still expected to be a part of my wedding party, but people seemed to think the bride was being hysterical for expecting anything else.  

    So my feeling is- your bridesmaid is an adult, and it's so immature of her to voluntarily do something and then complain about it the whole time.  You don't have the right to expect her to help, but if she chooses to help you do have the right to expect her not to make the experience super unpleasant for you and others who want to have a more positive experience.  Sounds like she's the kind of person who just likes to feel put-upon and maybe needs to grow up a little. 
    To the bolded - What exactly do you mean?
    It's just an expression, I mean that bridesmaids can be as childish/demanding/difficult as they want, as in the case of the example I provided of a bridesmaid who completely cut off communication with the bride several months before the wedding.  It shocked me that so many responding to that post said some variation of "she doesn't have any responsibility to you except to buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding, so just wait and see if she shows up."  All I'm advocating for here is we all act like mature adults- if you agree to be in someone's bridal party you definitely have a responsibility to be in communication with the bride to at least a minimal degree, just like I believe (in response to this original post) that you have a responsibility to be reasonably positive and not a total downer about whatever parts of the wedding process you are involved in.  If you can't do those two basic things you should have declined the invitation to be in the wedding party, and quite frankly you probably need to work on your people skills in general :P.
  • 1. Completely agree with previous posters that you don't have a right to be upset if other people aren't that into your wedding.

    2. Definitely think that you DO have a right to be mad when someone ruins/takes away from what should be a special time for you by being negative.  

    I've noticed a trend on these boards that brides are basically completely expected to take in stride everything their bridesmaids do, and yet bridesmaids can get away with murder and all anyone says is "Of course no one is going to care about your wedding like you do."  It went so far that on one thread in which a bride had been unable to get in contact with one of her bridesmaids for several weeks (possibly months, don't remember), multiple people told her to suck it up and be prepared for the possibility that her maid may or may not show on the day of her wedding.  Personally there is no way I would be okay if someone who I'd asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and then completely fallen out of contact with showed up in her dress the day of my wedding and then still expected to be a part of my wedding party, but people seemed to think the bride was being hysterical for expecting anything else.  

    So my feeling is- your bridesmaid is an adult, and it's so immature of her to voluntarily do something and then complain about it the whole time.  You don't have the right to expect her to help, but if she chooses to help you do have the right to expect her not to make the experience super unpleasant for you and others who want to have a more positive experience.  Sounds like she's the kind of person who just likes to feel put-upon and maybe needs to grow up a little. 
    To the bolded - What exactly do you mean?
    It's just an expression, I mean that bridesmaids can be as childish/demanding/difficult as they want, as in the case of the example I provided of a bridesmaid who completely cut off communication with the bride several months before the wedding.  It shocked me that so many responding to that post said some variation of "she doesn't have any responsibility to you except to buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding, so just wait and see if she shows up."  All I'm advocating for here is we all act like mature adults- if you agree to be in someone's bridal party you definitely have a responsibility to be in communication with the bride to at least a minimal degree, just like I believe (in response to this original post) that you have a responsibility to be reasonably positive and not a total downer about whatever parts of the wedding process you are involved in.  If you can't do those two basic things you should have declined the invitation to be in the wedding party, and quite frankly you probably need to work on your people skills in general :P.
    I asked my SIL to be a BM. She responded to mayyyyybe one email, never confirmed she bought the dress, never responded to text messages (wedding related and otherwise), never responded about which shoes she liked when I said I would buy shoes for everyone... What was I going to do? Fly to her home state, hunt her down and talk to her? Nope. Tell her she's a terrible person and kick her out of the wedding? Nope. 

    I had/have no idea why she never responded to anything. I don't know if she had some personal stuff going on that prevented her from putting any energy into responding, or if she just sucks in general. The point is that it doesn't matter. The wedding would have gone on with or without her. That's the message - "calm down, bride. you're getting married regardless of whether this person shows up. so chill. focus on the stuff that matters."
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    image
  • I guess I'm just old-fashioned and think it's incredibly rude not to give any sort of response in a situation like that- even if like, your mom just died or something awful it takes one minute to send a text to someone saying "I'm sorry but some personal stuff has come up and I don't really have it in me to take on the extra responsibilities of being in a wedding right now". In that situation, while I certainly would not have told her she's a "horrible person", I definitely would have said "Hey- I'm getting that you're busy with your own stuff right now and I don't want to burden you with worrying about being in my wedding party. I'd still love for you to attend as a guest. Call me if you want to talk about anything!" You have to be aware that you are causing another person stress when you just disappear without a word... it's simply discourteous and I would expect some sort of notice that the other person was unable to continue talking (with or without a reason provided) at the very least even if I were in conversation with a stranger, much less a friend or family member! But then again, like I said, I'm old fashioned I suppose. I'm so sorry that happened to you though!
  • I guess I'm just old-fashioned and think it's incredibly rude not to give any sort of response in a situation like that- even if like, your mom just died or something awful it takes one minute to send a text to someone saying "I'm sorry but some personal stuff has come up and I don't really have it in me to take on the extra responsibilities of being in a wedding right now". In that situation, while I certainly would not have told her she's a "horrible person", I definitely would have said "Hey- I'm getting that you're busy with your own stuff right now and I don't want to burden you with worrying about being in my wedding party. I'd still love for you to attend as a guest. Call me if you want to talk about anything!" You have to be aware that you are causing another person stress when you just disappear without a word... it's simply discourteous and I would expect some sort of notice that the other person was unable to continue talking (with or without a reason provided) at the very least even if I were in conversation with a stranger, much less a friend or family member! But then again, like I said, I'm old fashioned I suppose. I'm so sorry that happened to you though!
    I don't think it's old-fashioned to expect people should respond when you ask them a question. Case in point - I think my SIL was rude for not confirming she bought the dress when I had asked her to do so. I thought she was rude when I called her to see how her new job was going (twice) and she never called me back. I thought she was rude when I sent her a Coach purse for her birthday and she never said thank you. In general, I think she's immature and lacks basic social manners. 

    But the point here is that there are people like this and you can't control them. You can't MAKE them answer you. Do they suck? Yes. But the point is that even when you're the recipient of rude behavior, you should take the high road and not meet rude with rude.
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    themosthappy91
  • jaime232 said:
    And for what it's worth, I do sort of take offense to the idea that I'm "bitching" about anything.  Most of us have been through the wedding planning process, and if anyone came to me and said the entire thing was a breeze and they felt zero stress, I'd call bullshit.  But then again, anyone with tens of thousands of posts on a wedding message board site may be just way more knowledgeable and self-righteous than I am.  Generally the idea is to pick women up, not knock them down, but whatever.  

    I've got to say...I was engaged for only 6 months and pretty much planned and did everything myself...and I was not stressed.  My biggest stress was how the weather would turn out that day since it was an outdoor wedding (even though we did have a backup plan).  Maybe it helped that I only had my two sisters and bridesmaids to avoid the drama (and they are my closest friends), but I also didn't ask them the help address or put invitations together, or tie ribbons on the bubbles, etc.  I did that myself.  Still not stressful.
    This is great to hear.. honestly.  I often think I set myself up for disappointment with the longer engagement (and mine isn't as long as some).  I got engaged in November and remember saying, if I could get this done by May that would be awesome.  Annnd then my cousin said, please not May, my daughter is graduating HS and I want her to have that time.  So, whateva.. it is what it is.  But as time goes on and I'm just planning, planning, planning and not seeing much payoff in the form of fun things (bach parties, etc), I just get kind of worn down by the details.

  • I've noticed a trend on these boards that brides are basically completely expected to take in stride everything their bridesmaids do, and yet bridesmaids can get away with murder and all anyone says is "Of course no one is going to care about your wedding like you do."  It went so far that on one thread in which a bride had been unable to get in contact with one of her bridesmaids for several weeks (possibly months, don't remember), multiple people told her to suck it up and be prepared for the possibility that her maid may or may not show on the day of her wedding.  Personally there is no way I would be okay if someone who I'd asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and then completely fallen out of contact with showed up in her dress the day of my wedding and then still expected to be a part of my wedding party, but people seemed to think the bride was being hysterical for expecting anything else.

    So my feeling is- your bridesmaid is an adult, and it's so immature of her to voluntarily do something and then complain about it the whole time.  You don't have the right to expect her to help, but if she chooses to help you do have the right to expect her not to make the experience super unpleasant for you and others who want to have a more positive experience.  Sounds like she's the kind of person who just likes to feel put-upon and maybe needs to grow up a little. 
    This.. yes.  When I was asked to be in a wedding, there was an expectation for myself, and maybe I projected that onto my current bridesmaids.  But when I asked them to be in the wedding, I let them know what was up.  Here's where the wedding be, these are the expenses you can expect (dress and travel primarily), and most importantly: there is NO PRESSURE to say yes, I want to know that you're doing this because you want to.  Our friendship will continue on.  

    So, with that in mind, I agree with you that it does seem like bridesmaids get some sort of free pass to be however they want, just as long as they get a dress.  But yeah my problem was that she did offer and then proceeded to say the other bridesmaids "got off easy", which just isn't fair to say.  I'm not asking them to pull the heavy weight and pamper me while I sit on a crown and drink champagne.  I just want them to be my friends LOL.  And do things friends do.  
    themosthappy91
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2014
    I guess I'm just old-fashioned and think it's incredibly rude not to give any sort of response in a situation like that- even if like, your mom just died or something awful it takes one minute to send a text to someone saying "I'm sorry but some personal stuff has come up and I don't really have it in me to take on the extra responsibilities of being in a wedding right now". In that situation, while I certainly would not have told her she's a "horrible person", I definitely would have said "Hey- I'm getting that you're busy with your own stuff right now and I don't want to burden you with worrying about being in my wedding party. I'd still love for you to attend as a guest. Call me if you want to talk about anything!" You have to be aware that you are causing another person stress when you just disappear without a word... it's simply discourteous and I would expect some sort of notice that the other person was unable to continue talking (with or without a reason provided) at the very least even if I were in conversation with a stranger, much less a friend or family member! But then again, like I said, I'm old fashioned I suppose. I'm so sorry that happened to you though!
    I was almost with you until this statement. It appears, based on this statement, that you have been incredibly lucky and have not had to personally deal with depression. Either your own or someone you know. Depression can be debilitating. It can make sending one text or email incredibly difficult.

     I was depressed years ago while in college. It took me a long time to email people back. I was able to stay in fairly regular contact with my parents. That was about it. (ETA: and not even severely depressed. And my mother hadn't died.) And talking about depression or not doing well to someone? Even more difficult because of the shame. Not to mention the "I'm fine. Soon I'll be able to handle it" denial.

     I'm not saying it is fair, and I'm not saying that ideally an email wouldn't be sent, but if you cared enough about that friend to ask them to be apart of your wedding, and you know that they are alive and not abducted or something... then you should let not sending a text slide because of severe depression which could easily be caused by someone's mother dying. You would still be getting married to someone you love compared to your hypothetical friend who is dealing with draining emotional issues and/or loss. 
    KeptInStitches
  • lilacck28 said:
    I guess I'm just old-fashioned and think it's incredibly rude not to give any sort of response in a situation like that- even if like, your mom just died or something awful it takes one minute to send a text to someone saying "I'm sorry but some personal stuff has come up and I don't really have it in me to take on the extra responsibilities of being in a wedding right now". In that situation, while I certainly would not have told her she's a "horrible person", I definitely would have said "Hey- I'm getting that you're busy with your own stuff right now and I don't want to burden you with worrying about being in my wedding party. I'd still love for you to attend as a guest. Call me if you want to talk about anything!" You have to be aware that you are causing another person stress when you just disappear without a word... it's simply discourteous and I would expect some sort of notice that the other person was unable to continue talking (with or without a reason provided) at the very least even if I were in conversation with a stranger, much less a friend or family member! But then again, like I said, I'm old fashioned I suppose. I'm so sorry that happened to you though!
    I was almost with you until this statement. It appears, based on this statement, that you have been incredibly lucky and have not had to personally deal with depression. Either your own or someone you know. Depression can be debilitating. It can make sending one text or email incredibly difficult.

     I was depressed years ago while in college. It took me a long time to email people back. I was able to stay in fairly regular contact with my parents. That was about it. (ETA: and not even severely depressed. And my mother hadn't died.) And talking about depression or not doing well to someone? Even more difficult because of the shame. Not to mention the "I'm fine. Soon I'll be able to handle it" denial.

     I'm not saying it is fair, and I'm not saying that ideally an email wouldn't be sent, but if you cared enough about that friend to ask them to be apart of your wedding, and you know that they are alive and not abducted or something... then you should let not sending a text slide because of severe depression which could easily be caused by someone's mother dying. You would still be getting married to someone you love compared to your hypothetical friend who is dealing with draining emotional issues and/or loss. 
    I feel ya, depression is a serious and debilitating issue and in no way was I trying to make light of that, and you know, I want to be a good person and give people the benefit of the doubt that their MIA-ness is due to something like this rather than just being a rude person (whatever the likelihood of that may actually be).  Which is why I suggested that, rather than confronting the person not responding or demanding a reason for their behavior, that in these types of situations it's best for the bride to reach out and simply "relieve" that person of their position in the wedding party, barring some sort of outreach on that person's part.  That requires no response on the part of one who may be indisposed to responding, but if gives the bride a little more control in a situation which, if it's nobody's fault and out of anyone's control, is nonetheless stressful for the bride.


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