Snarky Brides

Honey fund

perdonamiperdonami member
Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
edited August 2014 in Snarky Brides
So, FI and I were invited to his cousin's wedding which will take place two weeks after ours and we were delighted to receive the invitation and quickly sent our RSVP.

I called my FMIL and asked her where they were registered and she explained to me that when she received the shower invitation she suspected they weren't registered anywhere and was assuming they only wanted cash. I said, "Oh, really? Are you sure?" And she said, "Yeah I think so because on the bridal shower invititation there was a cutsey poem on the back asking for money for a honeymoon." She than explained that she thought it was kind of tacky but that it made it easier for her to give them cash than a gift. 

I just kind of giggled to myself and  thought yes it was very tacky but you're right it does make it easier to just give cash than a give a thoughtful gift. I explained that I will not be giving cash but will provide a gift. Although my thinking is now, why  bother if they don't want any gifts? We may have given a card if they simply explained they did not have a need for anything as they already had all they needed for their furnished home without the cutesy poem. But, whatever I am thinking we will give a small cash gift anyway. Afterall, the poem wasn't on the wedding invitation and they are super nice people. When they found out we both selected the same date to get married, they moved their's without even asking. So, maybe I am just feeling a bit snarky today and should give them a break. Its not like any of us our perfect and I am sure there are some tacky mistakes I have made that I haven't realized yet. 

ETA: What do you guys think of giving a gift that they could use on their honeymoon? Like nice beach towels if they plan on going somewhere tropical?

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Re: Honey fund

  • Hats she having a shower for if she doesn't want gifts?
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  • She already had the shower and apparently it was to ask for cash donations for her honeymoon.
  • I have no issues giving cash for a present.

  • I would just stick with the cash option instead of the physical gift. You might end up picking something that they won't like at all, or won't want to pack with them on their honeymoon, even if it was a nice gesture on your part. My aunt is getting married next week, and is going to Hawaii for the honeymoon. She didn't want us to get them gifts because they already have all the house stuff they need, so instead we've all pitched in to pay for dinners at restaurants and activities that she mentioned she was interested in trying while in Hawaii.
  • Nice wine or liquor might be a good option if you happen to know their tastes. I don't like giving cash/giftcards either because 1. I don't like people knowing what I spent and 2. I feel I can quite possibly get a deal on something nicer and spend less so they get more bang for the buck.
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  • perdonami said:
    She already had the shower and apparently it was to ask for cash donations for her honeymoon.
    Oy vey. Nothing like watching someone open envelopes for a few hours.
    image
  • The whole point of a shower is to give gifts. It's not meant to be a fundraiser.
  • Just playing devil's advocate here, but what is the difference of just giving money versus giving a gift that the couple turn around and return it to the store for a refund?
  • headhurt said:
    Just playing devil's advocate here, but what is the difference of just giving money versus giving a gift that the couple turn around and return it to the store for a refund?
    There is no difference. The issue is the couple's rude way of asking for cash. You don't have a cash shower, and you don't ask for money. People will give it to you anyway. In fact, doing what the couple is doing may encourage people to give them something they don't want out of spite.
  • Registering for/asking for cash is just weird. DH and I didn't register for anything. When people straight up asked us where we were registered or what we wanted for our wedding, we were honest - we are in want and need of nothing, and all we wanted was for our dearest friends and family to join us for a kickass party (where no one but us had to pay for a damn thing). What happened? We got cash/checks for all but 2 of the couples who gave gifts. Grown-ups are well aware cash is an acceptable gift!
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • headhurt said:
    Just playing devil's advocate here, but what is the difference of just giving money versus giving a gift that the couple turn around and return it to the store for a refund?
    Once you haven given them a gift, it's up to them what they do with it.  This is why you give gifts with no strings attached.

    The problem with honeyfunds is they are deceptive.  You think you're buying the couple a dinner out on their honeymoon but instead they get a cheque for $94 dollars (the $100 gift you gave them minus the company's administrative cut).  You're not actually giving them anything - except less than you would have given them to start with if you had handed them a cheque.

  • LDay2014 said:

    The problem with honeyfunds is they are deceptive.  You think you're buying the couple a dinner out on their honeymoon but instead they get a cheque for $94 dollars (the $100 gift you gave them minus the company's administrative cut).  You're not actually giving them anything - except less than you would have given them to start with if you had handed them a cheque.
    We decided not to do a honeyfund (or as we now call it, honeypot) for that very reason. We're not going to register either. Own our house, already had duplicates when we moved in and combined household items, didn't need anything. Figured folks would just give us whatever they felt compelled to.
  • LDay2014 said:
    headhurt said:
    Just playing devil's advocate here, but what is the difference of just giving money versus giving a gift that the couple turn around and return it to the store for a refund?
    Once you haven given them a gift, it's up to them what they do with it.  This is why you give gifts with no strings attached.

    The problem with honeyfunds is they are deceptive.  You think you're buying the couple a dinner out on their honeymoon but instead they get a cheque for $94 dollars (the $100 gift you gave them minus the company's administrative cut).  You're not actually giving them anything - except less than you would have given them to start with if you had handed them a cheque.
    I was actually explaining this to FSIL yesterday! FI and I were spitballing future vacay ideas, and she piped in how nice it would be to help out with our honeymoon. That, I think, is where things get hinky. You have lovely friends and family who want you to have all you could ever desire, and have no idea that they are just being hosed by the whole thing.
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  • I have no problem giving cash as a wedding gift, but not for a shower! The point of the shower is to shower the bride with gifts. Not watch her open envelopes!!! I would give her something creative (and include the gift receipt if you wish). Some of my favorite gifts were thoughtful ones I didn't register for!
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    Anniversary
  • I like the idea of giving them something they can use on their honeymoon. Don't know what your budget is, but if they are going someplace beachy, an underwater camera would be cool. If they are traveling abroad, you can convert US$ to the currency of their destination. It is a fun way to give cash and have it be for the honeymoon.
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  • headhurt said:
    Just playing devil's advocate here, but what is the difference of just giving money versus giving a gift that the couple turn around and return it to the store for a refund?
    Also, it is very unlikely a couple can return a gift a receive cash for it.  They will most likely get store credit.  So if their plan was to just return the gifts for cash then they got a pretty karma inspired surprise.

  • headhurt said:
    Just playing devil's advocate here, but what is the difference of just giving money versus giving a gift that the couple turn around and return it to the store for a refund?
    Also, it is very unlikely a couple can return a gift a receive cash for it.  They will most likely get store credit.  So if their plan was to just return the gifts for cash then they got a pretty karma inspired surprise.
    Not unless they regift it to you later. XD
  • My own shower turned out to be a little over the top but very lovely all the same. The couples parent's were in attendance at my shower and provided us with a $50 giftcard from the store we are registered with.

    I thought about doing something similar so I was thinking of giving them a giftcard for a nice restaurant or give them the amount of cash I intended to spend on a gift for them. I am also considering not giving anything as apparently they don't need any gifts.. 
  • I don't get the honeyfund thing. So rude. Just don't register and spread the word verbally that you want money.
  • maryrei23maryrei23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2014
    Personally, I am not a fan of the "honey fund" even though I see the benefits.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    maryrei23 said:
    Personally, I am not a fan of the "honey fund" even though I see the benefits.  We wrote about it on my wedding and relationships blog.  Check it out :)

    This is weird vendor spam. All of your responses have links to your blog. Knock it off.
  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    maryrei23 said:
    Personally, I am not a fan of the "honey fund" even though I see the benefits.  We wrote about it on my wedding and relationships blog.  Check it out :)

    @Beethery
    image

  • Funny this thread is getting spammed now as I still don't know what I am going to gift these couple for their wedding this Friday. Their parents gave us two $50 gift cards and purchased drinking glasses off of our registry. 

    Feel obligated to gift but I hate giving cash or a gift card.. I don't like the couple to know the amount I spent. 
  • Hahaha @perdonami. Are they registered anywhere?
  • No, they aren't registered anywhere at all. I have no idea why they had a bridal shower. 

    On their bridal shower invitation they included a cutesy poem asking for cash. I just don't want to give cash.
  • That is redonk. I'm also not a fan of giving cash as a wedding present. I dunno what to tell you. :(
  • perdonamiperdonami member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2014
    Metal rooster? lol, jk. Would it be totally awful if I bought something I would have liked off of my registry and gave it to them? ETA: I would include the gift receipt just in case too.
  • Beyoncé is always an appropriate gift! Are they wine drinkers? You could always get them a few bottles of wine.
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