Wedding Etiquette Forum

Out of Line? Please Help!

Hello!

My fiancé and I are getting married in October (hooray!). We got engaged at the beginning of April, booked our venue in May, and sent out Save the Dates in June. At the beginning of August, I sent out my invitations.

The next day, I found out my cousin (on my father's side) is getting married in September. 3 weeks before my wedding. She sent out Save the Dates the same week I sent out my invitations (4 weeks in advance of her own wedding), and has not yet sent out her invitations.

My issue is that our fathers' side of the family is extremely small. Our family members, who are located across the U.S. are now not only invited to my wedding, but also to her wedding. My concern is that our shared family members, who will have to travel regardless - my wedding is in the Northeast (where I live), and hers is in the Mid-Atlantic (where she lives) - are now in the awkward position of having to choose which wedding to attend.

Am I wrong to feel hurt/irritated/stabby here?

Re: Out of Line? Please Help!

  • I get that it's frustrating and annoying (I had a sorority sister plan her wedding on our date after I had sent out STDs - grr). 

    But really, there's nothing you can do except wait for RSVPs. It was 100% not wrong of her to plan her wedding 3 weeks before yours. You get just a day. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Thank you, @CrazyCatLady3 and @PDKH - I know there is nothing I can do, and that I only get a day, but I wanted to make sure I was not out of line for being annoyed by the situation. If it were a friend of mine, and we didn't share important family members, I would understand more. But where it's not only a family member, but she also announced her date only 4 weeks beforehand, it stings a little more.

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I would feel a little annoyed, but I ditto PPs. You sent your save the dates and invitations before she even sent her save the dates. If I were a guest in this situation, I would go to your wedding.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My cousin is getting married 3 weeks before me. I had already sent out STDs when she picked that date. She actually called me before she even booked the place to make sure I was OK with it. And I of course told it is was absolutely OK with me. 

    I'm assuming you only found out because she sent you a STD? I think she should have contacted you first. I'd probably be a bit annoyed. But there's not much you can do about it. 
    sparklepants41
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Be annoyed for a bit, vent here and then move on.  There isn't much you can do.  I think people will be more likely to attend your wedding since you sent your STDs and invites out already.  She sent a STD and hasn't even sent her invites out yet for a wedding that is about a month away.  I see shitshow written all over it! 
    sparklepants41[Deleted User]casey8784Bubblegum5586
  • edited August 2014
    Meh. Let it go. 

    If I got a STD 4 weeks before a wedding that's OOT, I wouldn't be going anyway. 

    ETF: I thought she was getting married on Sept 3rd (a Wednesday). reading comprehension.
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    sparklepants41PrettyGirlLost
  • Thank you, everyone!

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm surprised she sent STDs and not invitations. If it's only four weeks away, I'd be sending out invitations pronto.
    sparklepants41
  • Be annoyed for a bit, vent here and then move on.  There isn't much you can do.  I think people will be more likely to attend your wedding since you sent your STDs and invites out already.  She sent a STD and hasn't even sent her invites out yet for a wedding that is about a month away.  I see shitshow written all over it! 
    This! I'd choose yours, if I was one of those family members. Who sends out STDs (and not even invitations) within weeks of a wedding? Mess. 
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    sparklepants41beethery
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Are you sure she sent STDs and not invitations?
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  • Are you sure she sent STDs and not invitations?
    Maybe she actually doesn't know the difference? If the STD has the time and actual address on it, I'd assume that IS the invitation. 

  • MandyMost said:
    Are you sure she sent STDs and not invitations?
    Maybe she actually doesn't know the difference? If the STD has the time and actual address on it, I'd assume that IS the invitation. 
    These were definitely Save the Dates - no location/time info included - and a note in small font at the bottom stating that a formal invitation would follow. We actually still haven't gotten the "formal invitations" yet...
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