Do you and your SO have a 5 year plan?

mschristie123

Do you have a 5 year plan? Do you know where you're going in terms of career/home/kids??? I'm just so confused right now. For the last year or so, DH and I have shot around several ideas about our future, specifically if/when he'll go back to school (and what field) and what to do about our living situation. We know we don't want kids right now and that's like the only piece of the puzzle we have figured out.

As for the back to school thing, DH works for a large banking chain. He's been there for 5 years and he's starting to hate it. He has little to no upward mobility, has to work nearly every holiday and weekend, and hates the management. Banking is not his dream job, but he is having a really hard time deciding what he wants to do for his next career step. He's tossed around either getting a MBA or a law degree pretty seriously over the last two years. Right when I think he's decided on something, he'll change his mind, or take a step back. Most recently it was law. I thought he was 90% set on taking the LSAT. He had bought a couple prep books and started studying, but has since cooled off from the idea. It's not that he's flaky or anything.... I just don't know what I can do to help him figure out his next move. For me it's been quite the opposite. I've been in grad school or in the field of clinical psychology since forever. I'm going to take my licensure exam in the fall, quit my job, and get a new job making doctor money. Easy.

Lately we've also been talking more seriously about buying a house/condo/something. We are SO confused on what we want. We love Chicago, but wouldn't mind the suburbs. But then we think about everything we'd miss in the city, and start talking about buying a condo in the city. Or renting. Or moving back to Michigan to be closer to my parents. Or living in a teepee. It is literally a game of tennis with us, going back and forth, back and forth. Between the "where do we want to live?" conversation, and the "what the hell do you want to do with your life?" conversation.... I don't know. I'm starting to get overwhelmed. None of these decisions need to be made right this second (our lease isn't up til April), but still. I just feel so confused about what the future holds, and it's starting to stress me out.

Gah. End rant.

theartistformerlyknownas

Nothing terribly specific. We know we want kids pretty close to right away, and hopefully a new house early next year. We have a general area of where we want to live (north of where we are now, nicer neighborhoods and closer to his mom) but it's a pretty wide swath. We've bounced around ideas of me getting a master's degree, but nothing concrete.

Jells2dot0

We did have a five year plan. Even a 10 year plan. Then our office announced it was closing, we had to move, and I got sick. We're trying to "replan" right now, but my health has become my top priority. In all of this, I learned that there are so many things we can't control and I need to let go of the reins a bit. This is helping me find a balance of having goals and plans and enjoying what life brings to me

WinstonsGirl

Our is mostly financial based. We don't want kids, and we're (hopefully) in our until the nursing home house. We also both have stable careers that aren't changing from what we can tell. DH has just bought enough shares to become an owner of his company, so he gets his official promotion this fall. He needs to pay off the debt for his shares, but after that we're hoping to pay down the mortgage in the next 5-7 years. After that, we're not sure. We've talked about buying a condo somewhere else (perhaps Hawaii) to put towards retirement, but the mortgage and travel are our primary concerns. We do talk about it once in a while, but we're pretty flexible too, so we've got a rough idea of where we want to be, but we keep our options open too. If our plans involved kids or careers or housing, we'd be having more specific discussions and possibly putting timelines in place.

buttercup1958

V and I sorta have a 5 year plan. He is planning on going to grad school to get a masters in engineering. That would take a couple of years. In the meantime I'll finish my undergrad and will hopefully been accepted into one of the grad programs I've picked out. We may have to do long distance if the timing doesn't work out exactly but we both agreed we would do it. After grad school we hope to live here or at least a place that is similar.

manateehugger

We had one and it kind of got shot to hell with my job situation. So we're currently in the process of reevaluating. 

It's good to plan, bad to depend on everything going according to plan. 

southernbelle0915

Sort of. Except the kid part which throws a ringer into everything. We aren't sure if we're going to have them. I really don't want to be pregnant into my mid-thirties, so tick tock - if we're going to have them, we need to decide pretty quick here. Especially if we don't want them in college at the same time. 

If we do, it changes a lot of the things I've thought about: going for my master's, buying some land and building a vacation house, going on all the trips we've talked about. 

climbingsingle

Well, we sort of do. Our house is almost paid off. We're renovating it next year, so that's first and foremost after the wedding. We're not having kids. FI owns his own business and I'm comfortable in my job for now. We're hoping to be able to retire in 10 years. If that pans out, we'll be renting out our house and traveling. 

wandajune6

Sorta.

We want to get started on TTC right away. We're old and waiting just increases issues. FI's finishing his degree this year and will do a Master's part-time after that. We're focusing on paying off my loans from my MBA.

We're in the Chicago 'burbs. I prefer closer to the city but he had a house. There are pros and cons to both but I've fallen in love with having space.

I work for a start-up that's starting to take off. My boss plans to sell the company in 3-5 years with profits that will allow us to pay off the rest of both of our student loans. Because of that, I don't get to leave my job. He'll stay at his job until he's done with school and the kid is old enough for daycare. By that time, he'll have the years of experience he needs to get something much better.

But we're still figuring it out.

AprilH81

We don't have a 5 year plan now "officially".  We just bought our forever house and we will most likely be TTC after Christmas.

When you picture your future what do you think of?  Happy Hours in the city with friends/coworkers?  A quieter life back home in Michigan?  Selling everything and moving to a tropical island?

If that doesn't work, try picturing what you DON'T want.  Does the thought of long winters make you crazy?  Do hate long commutes?

lurkergirl

We will definitely start TTC right away once we're married.  We live in a house that he owns, but we would like to have our own house together.  Just need to decide what to do with the current house and where to live.  If we're able to have kids right away, we'll probably have our babies here and then move, so it may be beyond 5 years.  His job or education won't be changing.  I would like to go for my master's one day, but that's probably 10 years down the road.

ashleyep

southernbelle0915 said:

Sort of. Except the kid part which throws a ringer into everything. We aren't sure if we're going to have them. I really don't want to be pregnant into my mid-thirties, so tick tock - if we're going to have them, we need to decide pretty quick here. Especially if we don't want them in college at the same time. 

If we do, it changes a lot of the things I've thought about: going for my master's, buying some land and building a vacation house, going on all the trips we've talked about. 

My parents had three kids go through college over 5 years! They said they were actually kind of happy to get it over with.

We don't really have much of a plan. We just bought a townhouse that we only really plan to spend 5-7 years in. I imagine we'll starting TTC in a few years, but H isn't really sure he wants kids, so maybe not. In which case, we probably won't need to move to a bigger house.

I think I'd like to go to grad school. But I need to get on that soon - my GRE scores are almost expired.

daria24

Nope. We aren't having kids, so that's taken care of. We live in NYC where we would never be able to afford to buy a place unless a rich maiden aunt washes up and leaves us millions. We both have somewhat volatile careers and can't really plan out that stuff. So we're more "eh, whatever happens, happens" type of people. We put a lot of money into savings so we can handle whatever comes our way. 

Every time I've tried to come up with some sort of plan it always goes out the window, so I don't stress about it. 

Maggie0829

Kind of.  We know we want to move to Florida in the next few years but other then that we don't have much planned.

JCbride2015

I'm the kind of person who has 5, 10, 15 year plans.  Fi is more a "wait and see" kind of guy.

We know we want to buy a 2 or 3- bedroom condo in our current neighborhood as soon as financially feasible, which will probably be in mid-2016.  We also want to TTC around the same time.  

Fi is pretty happy in his job but it's not his passion.  He wants to be involved with historical preservation in our neighborhood.  He actually really wants to be a SAHD and do lots of volunteer work, so we'll see how that goes.

In ten years, I want to be a partner at my law firm or another large NYC firm.  In 15 years I want to be shaping the pro bono policy of that firm to advocate for women's rights.  In 25 years I want to be either a judge or a legislator.  And we both would like to become foster parents at some point.

pinkcow13

Kinda, sorta. Right now, our main focus is the wedding, with my secondary focus is paying off some of my personal debt. After the wedding, we are going to look into owning a home. We live in NYC, but we realistically cannot stay here and live the way we want to. We need at least a 2 bedroom place (which we have now, but we don't own) with preferably 2 bathrooms, a balcony, and plenty of closet space. There's no way we will be able to comfortably own something like that in the city. We have started looking online, and are aiming to move at some point after the wedding next year, or 2016. As for kids, I am in no rush. I would like to figure out what I want to do with my career/schooling first, before going down that route.

BTW... can someone explain what TTC is? Does it stand for Time To Concieve?

JCbride2015

pinkcow13 said:

Kinda, sorta. Right now, our main focus is the wedding, with my secondary focus is paying off some of my personal debt. After the wedding, we are going to look into owning a home. We live in NYC, but we realistically cannot stay here and live the way we want to. We need at least a 2 bedroom place (which we have now, but we don't own) with preferably 2 bathrooms, a balcony, and plenty of closet space. There's no way we will be able to comfortably own something like that in the city. We have started looking online, and are aiming to move at some point after the wedding next year, or 2016. As for kids, I am in no rush. I would like to figure out what I want to do with my career/schooling first, before going down that route.

BTW... can someone explain what TTC is? Does it stand for Time To Concieve?

TTC= Trying to conceive.

You get a lot more house for your money out here in JC..... :-D

lurkergirl

pinkcow13 said:

Kinda, sorta. Right now, our main focus is the wedding, with my secondary focus is paying off some of my personal debt. After the wedding, we are going to look into owning a home. We live in NYC, but we realistically cannot stay here and live the way we want to. We need at least a 2 bedroom place (which we have now, but we don't own) with preferably 2 bathrooms, a balcony, and plenty of closet space. There's no way we will be able to comfortably own something like that in the city. We have started looking online, and are aiming to move at some point after the wedding next year, or 2016. As for kids, I am in no rush. I would like to figure out what I want to do with my career/schooling first, before going down that route.

BTW... can someone explain what TTC is? Does it stand for Time To Concieve?

Trying To Conceive

pinkcow13

Oh, duh! Thanks guys! That is true, @jcbride2015 - that is very true. Jersey City and Hoboken is definitely on the list

JennyColada

We do. I have a disease that I want to get treated before we TTC, and I'd like to finish my degree (I feel like it's something I need to do to be a good role model for future kids). Fi's role won't change much, as he's taken on the role of main provider. We live in his house (although I'd like to move closer to LA, but that won't be for some time if at all).

We often discuss these things because a lot of things in our immediate future (school, treatment) are multiple month/year things.

theartistformerlyknownas

pinkcow13 said:

Oh, duh! Thanks guys! That is true, @jcbride2015 - that is very true. Jersey City and Hoboken is definitely on the list

I luuurrrve Hoboken!

Peaseblossom55

We had to come up with 5 financial goals after marriage in Pre-Cana so we have that list.  We are older so our careers are on a pretty good path, and we already own a home.  The next big step is TTC in the fall sometime.

scrunchythief

We kind of have a default 5 year plan since H's in his second year of a 5 year Ph.D. program.  While we're here, my goal is to get a job at the same university so I can get my one year masters there at a discount (H's department pays for his tuition and a stipend).  After that, we're kind of just going to see where job offers take us, though we'd like to stay in PA if possible.  We'd like to start having kids before he's done school, but hopefully after I'm done or close to done my Masters so I could stay home more easily.  

Today I actually got a phone call from a cafe/bakery on campus that wants to interview me and said they're very interested!  This job would be perfect in terms of hours and vacation time, plus I love baking:)  If I get it, I could start my masters this Spring semester.  Fingers crossed!

JCbride2015

lolo883 said:

pinkcow13 said:

Oh, duh! Thanks guys! That is true, @jcbride2015 - that is very true. Jersey City and Hoboken is definitely on the list

I luuurrrve Hoboken!

Hoboken is great for a night out but I could never live there.  It's like a frat party 24/7, at least in the areas that are close to the PATH.  I like my quiet street, with like eight delicious restaurants and bars, in JC thankyouverymuch.

scrunchythief

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

pinkcow13 said:

Oh, duh! Thanks guys! That is true, @jcbride2015 - that is very true. Jersey City and Hoboken is definitely on the list

I luuurrrve Hoboken!

Hoboken is great for a night out but I could never live there.  It's like a frat party 24/7, at least in the areas that are close to the PATH.  I like my quiet street, with like eight delicious restaurants and bars, in JC thankyouverymuch.

I've only visited Hoboken, but oh my gosh they have the best hoagie shop ever!  It's called Fiore's House of Quality, and it was down the street from my friend's sister's apartment.  Oh goodness their fresh made mozzarella is to die for.  I'd go back just to get a sandwich there.

daria24

Hoboken is like living around NYU. Not going to happen. 

I actually half-heartedly suggested to H that we could move to JC because he works right near the WTC and it would make his commute 10 minutes instead of the 45-60 it takes from the UES. 

That's how much I love him. I'm willing to move to the Dirty Jerz. 

CMGragain

We planned everything - except our marriage.  We got married in two months, after knowing each other for 9 years.  I finally decided I could live with his control issues.
We never had any conflict over money.  We both had the same goals:

1.  House
2.  Savings, so I could be a stay at home Mom for at least 8 years..
3.  Kids (2)
4.  My re-entering workforce so kids could go to college without debt.
5.  Kick kids out of the house and see them be self sufficient.
6.  More savings and investments for retirement.
7.  Move away from Washington DC to where the livin' is easy and cheaper.

DH retired at age 55 with full government pension and benefits.  I retired from part time work at 62.  We like to travel.  We have NEVER had any credit card debt.

Other than my illness, life is good.

LadyMillil

We have a 5 year plan. I'm working on my PhD right now while DH works full time. I'm on track to start writing my thesis late 2015 and graduate in spring 2016. We are hoping to have a baby while I'm writing, since I will still earn my stipend while writing, but won't need to come to the lab every day. DH wants to go back to school and he would like to study abroad. We are looking at moving to Europe for 2 years for DH to go to school. I will likely do a 2 year post-doctoral fellowship during this time, but I'll also look into teaching or biotech options. I think we will probably have baby 2 at the end of my fellowship. I would like to pick somewhere to settle down after the 2 years abroad are done, but it will depend on job opportunities. After that the details are hazy, except for having baby 3 once we're settled.

theartistformerlyknownas

JCbride2015 said:

lolo883 said:

pinkcow13 said:

Oh, duh! Thanks guys! That is true, @jcbride2015 - that is very true. Jersey City and Hoboken is definitely on the list

I luuurrrve Hoboken!

Hoboken is great for a night out but I could never live there.  It's like a frat party 24/7, at least in the areas that are close to the PATH.  I like my quiet street, with like eight delicious restaurants and bars, in JC thankyouverymuch.

Oh. Well I've only visited and just thought it was cute. Never been to JC.

JCbride2015

daria24 said:

Hoboken is like living around NYU. Not going to happen. 

I actually half-heartedly suggested to H that we could move to JC because he works right near the WTC and it would make his commute 10 minutes instead of the 45-60 it takes from the UES. 

That's how much I love him. I'm willing to move to the Dirty Jerz. 

@daria24 Seriously, do it!  I live in the area of JC with that 3-min trade ride into WTC and it's fabulous.  For the price that some of my friends were paying for a nice studio on the UWS, we have a big one-bedroom with a fireplace, balcony, included parking spot, a real kitchen, and W/D in unit.  Plus I get to wake up every morning and say hi to Lady Liberty on one end of our block, and the financial district on the other.  What up.

mschristie123

wandajune6 said:

Sorta.

We want to get started on TTC right away. We're old and waiting just increases issues. FI's finishing his degree this year and will do a Master's part-time after that. We're focusing on paying off my loans from my MBA.

We're in the Chicago 'burbs. I prefer closer to the city but he had a house. There are pros and cons to both but I've fallen in love with having space.

I work for a start-up that's starting to take off. My boss plans to sell the company in 3-5 years with profits that will allow us to pay off the rest of both of our student loans. Because of that, I don't get to leave my job. He'll stay at his job until he's done with school and the kid is old enough for daycare. By that time, he'll have the years of experience he needs to get something much better.

But we're still figuring it out.

@wandajune6, I remember saying you lived in Chi. Would be comfortable saying which burb you guys live in? No worries if you don't. We've been on zillow 1000x a day lately looking at different burbs we wouldn't mind moving too. We both want space and a yard, and preferable a 3 bed, 2 bath, but we still love everything the city offers. But the city (esp the north side where we live) is soooo busy, and I can't imagine dealing with the population density once I start popping out kiddos.