I need some serious advice (nwr)

Angusaur

I may need to DD so please don't quote me. This may be a little long, I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

Ok so I work in an office at a hospital and am part of a union. I work with 3 other girls (usually 4 but short staffed at the moment.) I used to get along with the two head girls (none of us are really above the other they are just the most senior and have the most responsibilities. We will call them P & K. So P has been extremely rude to me for some time now. I don't know what I did to piss her off but every time shed come in to relieve me or vice versa shed snap my head off over silly things like not putting enough paper in the printer. Shed sometimes give me cold shoulder and not speak to me at all. One time she was so nasty to me after a long horrible night I went in the bathroom and cried.

P & K are very close but K was never rude to me. Well I had to call off recently which screwed up her plans and I'm assuming this is what set her off. They are both out to get me and I have proof. P calls the 4th girl we work with every single time she relieves me to find out if I said anything or if I made any mistakes. That's right, P calls work on her personal time to talk about me.

P & K have both asked 4th girl not to switch shifts with me for any reason. They go out of their way to make my schedule a living hell even though I'm pregnant and exhausted. Pretty much every schedule they have me working 5 12 hour shifts in a row. They can do this simply by filling in their days first making it the only thing left available to me.

P was overheard calling in to K to discuss my due date and other things she read about me on Facebook. She is invading my personal life at this point.

K asked 4th girl to find out the date of my wedding so that she can put in vacation time for the same dates I need off. This is because only one of us can have it and she has more seniority.

Supposedly my supervisor knows of a lot more but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He has sent an email to my director telling her there are some issues going on in the office and he plans to speak with her on what he has witnessed and he encouraged me to speak with her so I plan to Monday.

I'm nervous as hell. I don't even know how to begin this conversation. Honestly I'm afraid nothing will be done because they're both important and the gold stars around here. I have seen them bully the last woman who worked here and it almost seemed like my director encouraged it. I didn't think anything of it because she was horrible at her job and with a union it takes forever to fire someone. I'm not justifying what they did but assumed this was the reason.

If nothing is done is this something I can/should escalate to HR/My Union? Also one night I vented to the wrong person and I didn't say anything untruthful or disrespectful, just that I was getting very offended and stressed out by P's behavior. This person ran back and told P. I'm afraid this is going to come up later... Should I admit this to my director or wait for it to come up?

larrygaga

It sounds like either you are being more annoying/terrible/rude than you think, or you work with some crazy ass hoes and you should for sure report them and probably just try to find a new job. Did you try asking them why they act like this? Try to talk to them in a very mature, professional manner before going to HR. HR will probably not take you as seriously if you didn't confront them about it first.

Also, why would you need to DD?

Inkdancer

You should probably take it to HR, but try to focus on specific incidents and exactly what was said at those times. Example: say "on Thursday, I overheard P asking X about my performance. As she is not my manager, this are me uncomfortable." Try to be specific, because saying "I don't think she likes me but I don't know why" will not reflect well.

Inkdancer

Apologies for grammar, my kindle hates my typing.

Angusaur

I don't want to find a new job. If anything I'd look after maternity leave but I don't feel I should have to leave over them. The reason I may DD is I have heard other people I work with (not P or K) say they use TK. who knows if they go on the boards.

Angusaur

I haven't talked to them yet. I asked P very professionally if I had done something to upset her and she said no, but this behavior has continued for months.

AlexisA01

WOW....I would note it down everything you felt something was going on. You do need to have a chat with HR about how they do you dirty with underhanded tricks. They purposely do scheduling to mess with you and trying to ruin your off days such as your wedding. Something needs to be done about who gets to get off days. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. 

steph861

Christ, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I don't care what they think you did - this is in no way acceptable behaviour. And having to deal with this while pregnant and planning a wedding? Not healthy. I'm furious on your behalf. People like this make me ragey.

You work in a union environment, so I'm assuming you have benefits. Do these benefits include counselling? A counsellor might be able to help you troubleshoot. I would also suggest talking to your doctor/OB about how the stress could be affecting your pregnancy.

As others have said, you really need to tread carefully with respect to reporting their behaviour.
Have you tried asking them about specific incidents? E.g., why they want to schedule their days off for your wedding day? I would call them on their shit, but in a way that doesn't come across as agressive. Let them know that you know what they've been saying/doing and you want to have an adult discussion about this.


If that fails, I would take it to your supervisor(s). Be specific. Note dates, times, who was involved, what was said, and how it's affecting you personally and professionally. If you have proof from your OB that the stress is affecting your health (e.g., routinely high blood pressure, anxiety/depression, insomnia, etc) that should definitely be noted as well. I would also suggest that you let your director know that you're interested in finding a workable solution with P and K, not punishing them.

If your boss won't do anything, I'd suggest taking it to HR.

I'm assuming these women are also union members, so I think your last recourse would be to take it to the union for resolution.

missdelilah

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I really wish I could offer advice, but all I can do at this point is to let you know that I'm happy to listen to you if you ever need to vent more on this subject.  These women sound like immature prats, and you deserve better, particularly considering your pregnancy and upcoming wedding.  I really hope things sort themselves out soon.  x

lurkergirl

Oh man.  I wish I had something more positive to offer.  Just be careful.  One of my mom's closest friends and colleagues was just forced to resign after many, many years over some serious bullshit (like obtaining a lawyer and taking legal action level bullshit).  She was a director, had a lot of clout and seniority, but new management came in above her (no nursing experience at all--did I mention this is a hospital?) and they are in cahoots with HR, so even though she had leading doctors fighting in her favor, these other people made sure she left.  Sounds like it can be a dirty business sometimes. 

I wish you luck; those women sound just fucking awful.

theartistformerlyknownas

Ditto PPs about keeping examples specific, professional and not just hearsay. I'd also avoid the comment about Facebook - if you've made something public, they're not "invading your personal life." They're taking advantage of details you shared in a horrible way, but you shared them. I hope you've locked those bitches down on privacy settings since then.

climbingsingle

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. What a terrible situation. 

southernbelle0915

Ditto PPs on documenting dates and incidents. Take the time to do this over the weekend. If you just say "she's mean to me and here are a few examples" a director can't really act on that. They need to have clear documentation (dates, quotes, etc.), especially if they're dealing with a union of which I assume K and P are members. If documentation isn't SOLID, the nicest thing the manager can do is "keep an eye on it". I work at corporate for a hospital system and a couple of our hospitals are unionized. Even if they blatantly break rules, disregard policies, etc. and we have hard evidence it's almost impossible to touch them. It's really not good for patients - just the union members, but I won't get into that. 

Lay out the conversation factually - not emotionally. Ask the director for guidance, what she suggests you do, and what the next steps are - her next steps and yours.

Is the 4th girl willing to attest to your side of the story that P has been calling her every day about your schedule? I would be sure that she is before you talk to the director.

I wouldn't delete these girls as friends on FB - it'll only fuel their fire. Just start increasing privacy settings on them. Start with your photos, then restrict your wall/status updates, etc.

It sounds like your direct supervisor has your back and knows whats up. Keep him in the loop, but make sure you're not taking up too much of his time with this so he doesn't see you as a "complainer". Ask your direct supervisor for time off at your wedding NOW. Work that out sooner than later.

I think you're doing the right thing, but keep in mind doing the right thing doesn't always get rewarded - especially in a union bureaucracy. You're poking the bee hive and, in a union, seniority carries a lot of weight. Just make sure your documentation is solid. That way the director knows that you'll be documenting your conversation with her and you'll be escalating if the problem isn't dealt with. Show her you are by taking notes during the meeting.

novella1186

southernbelle0915 said:

Ditto PPs on documenting dates and incidents. Take the time to do this over the weekend. If you just say "she's mean to me and here are a few examples" a director can't really act on that. They need to have clear documentation (dates, quotes, etc.), especially if they're dealing with a union of which I assume K and P are members. If documentation isn't SOLID, the nicest thing the manager can do is "keep an eye on it". I work at corporate for a hospital system and a couple of our hospitals are unionized. Even if they blatantly break rules, disregard policies, etc. and we have hard evidence it's almost impossible to touch them. It's really not good for patients - just the union members, but I won't get into that. 

Lay out the conversation factually - not emotionally. Ask the director for guidance, what she suggests you do, and what the next steps are - her next steps and yours.

Is the 4th girl willing to attest to your side of the story that P has been calling her every day about your schedule? I would be sure that she is before you talk to the director.

I wouldn't delete these girls as friends on FB - it'll only fuel their fire. Just start increasing privacy settings on them. Start with your photos, then restrict your wall/status updates, etc.

It sounds like your direct supervisor has your back and knows whats up. Keep him in the loop, but make sure you're not taking up too much of his time with this so he doesn't see you as a "complainer". Ask your direct supervisor for time off at your wedding NOW. Work that out sooner than later.

I think you're doing the right thing, but keep in mind doing the right thing doesn't always get rewarded - especially in a union bureaucracy. You're poking the bee hive and, in a union, seniority carries a lot of weight. Just make sure your documentation is solid. That way the director knows that you'll be documenting your conversation with her and you'll be escalating if the problem isn't dealt with. Show her you are by taking notes during the meeting.

Sorry, SIB

I totally agree with this advice, except for the bolded. I've been in a very similar situation before where two girls were ganging up on me and doing all this nasty, bitchy stuff and I had to document everything. First bolded, DO NOT go to 4th girl and ask her to corroborate. This could totally backfire. Either it will be totally misconstrued that you're asking her to twist the truth even though you're not, or she could run and tell P and K which would give them a heads up that you're reporting them and spark even more drama, and also give P and K a chance to make up some stupid lie in their defense. 

Second bolded, ABSOLUTELY delete and block them from Facebook. They less access they have to you, the better. The less they can find out information on you, the better. It just gives them more fuel if they can find things out like your wedding date and then try to do something shitty about it like blocking you from taking vacation days. 

Take the time to sit down and factually record these major incidents, as other PPs have said. Type it all out or write it and be as specific as possible. If you're too nervous to talk about it in the meeting, just hand over a copy of this document (That's what I had to do because I was afraid if I started talking I would just cry). 

Go to HR if nothing gets resolved with your higher up, and make it clear that you find it unacceptable to be bullied at work. That's what these girls are, just bullies. They're probably miserable losers and they're jealous that you have so many good things going on in your life, so they've made a game out of bringing you down. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's not fair. But some people are just mean and nasty, and all you can do is rise above and be the bigger person. Don't play into their bullshit. 

If they do something obvious again, just very calmly ask "why did you do that? I don't understand." See what they have to say for themselves. Then record the incident in detail and keep a solid record. Good luck. 

LadyMillil

southernbelle0915 said:

It sounds like your direct supervisor has your back and knows whats up. Keep him in the loop, but make sure you're not taking up too much of his time with this so he doesn't see you as a "complainer". Ask your direct supervisor for time off at your wedding NOW. Work that out sooner than later.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My only advice is to make sure that your direct supervisor knows that the time you are booking off is for your wedding. If P or K try to pull seniority to get those days off after you've booked it, and when it is known that that is your wedding day, it does make them look like jerks. It's not the same but at his last job DH had a co-manager book the same days off as he had for our wedding. Co-manager had more seniority and tried to use that to get the days off, but the general manager shut that down because he knew it was our wedding, and DH booked the days off as soon as we set the date.

steph861

southernbelle0915 said:

Ditto PPs on documenting dates and incidents. Take the time to do this over the weekend. If you just say "she's mean to me and here are a few examples" a director can't really act on that. They need to have clear documentation (dates, quotes, etc.), especially if they're dealing with a union of which I assume K and P are members. If documentation isn't SOLID, the nicest thing the manager can do is "keep an eye on it". I work at corporate for a hospital system and a couple of our hospitals are unionized. Even if they blatantly break rules, disregard policies, etc. and we have hard evidence it's almost impossible to touch them. It's really not good for patients - just the union members, but I won't get into that. 

Lay out the conversation factually - not emotionally. Ask the director for guidance, what she suggests you do, and what the next steps are - her next steps and yours.

Is the 4th girl willing to attest to your side of the story that P has been calling her every day about your schedule? I would be sure that she is before you talk to the director.

I wouldn't delete these girls as friends on FB - it'll only fuel their fire. Just start increasing privacy settings on them. Start with your photos, then restrict your wall/status updates, etc.

It sounds like your direct supervisor has your back and knows whats up. Keep him in the loop, but make sure you're not taking up too much of his time with this so he doesn't see you as a "complainer". Ask your direct supervisor for time off at your wedding NOW. Work that out sooner than later.

I think you're doing the right thing, but keep in mind doing the right thing doesn't always get rewarded - especially in a union bureaucracy. You're poking the bee hive and, in a union, seniority carries a lot of weight. Just make sure your documentation is solid. That way the director knows that you'll be documenting your conversation with her and you'll be escalating if the problem isn't dealt with. Show her you are by taking notes during the meeting.

First bolded: This is a tricky one. As much as it would help your case to have witnesses willing to attest to what they've seen/heard, they HAVE to be onside with being identified as a witness. If they're not willing to be identified but you do anyway, that could really blow up in your face and makes things worse. If they get involved, this will likely have repercussions for them as well. And as Novella said, they might tell P and K anyway. 

I wouldn't even consider this until you've at least taken your concerns to your supervisor. And even then, make sure your supervisor knows you're going to ask these people to be witnesses. That way if K and P try to retaliate, it makes them look worse.

Second bolded: THIS. This isn't an outrageous request, and it's completely reasonable for you to request the time off as soon as possible.

Good luck!

ETA: If you tell your boss that you're going to ask people to vouch for you, please don't tell your boss who they are until you've gotten permission from the co-workers in question.

levioosa

So sorry you're dealing with this.  I really don't understand people sometimes.  You would think as we get older, people would get out of the high school mentality, but some totally don't.  I work in an office now, and there's some drama, but it's not as bad as the restaurant I used to work at.  I never understood making someone's life hell at work just because you don't like them.  I really disliked a few people at the restaurant, but my attitude was "I'm here to work, we're both here to make money and do our jobs well.  Why create unnecessary drama? Let's just be civil to each other, do our job, and let bygones be bygones."  Unfortunately not everyone had that same view and it was sooo stupid and painful to watch the shit that happened.  There was extreme bullying there too, and it sucked to watch, especially when our manager would do nothing about it.  One time a few of the guys poked holes in the token creepy guy at work's bicycle tires.  It was the only way he could get to and from work.  I couldn't believe how fucked up that was. 

PPs have made some great points.  Although I agree that you shouldn't talk to 4th girl first, especially when you already vented to someone who ran and told K & P. You have no idea where people stand and that could be dangerous for you.  Definitely write down specific instances and definitely request your time off ASAP.  So sorry you're dealing with this. =(

OliveOilsMom

I would add, does the union allow you to do 5 days on?  My mom is a union nurse at a hospital and their union only allows 4 days on in a row max.  Since they do make the schedule, can you start acting like you love the 5 days on?  Like at the end of day 5 make it known you're excited for x days in a row off?  Try using reverse psychology on them.  _____________________________________________________________________________ Why is your supervisor asking you to confront P & K?  You seemed to have done that already when you asked one of them if she was mad at you.  I feel like you shouldn't have to say anything else to either one of them.  That is his/her job now.  If you have all your documentation, go to HR now if your supervisor doesn't want to do anything.

southernbelle0915

@novella1186

@steph11814

I think OP needs to know from the 4th girl whether or not she can use this as an example of unfair treatment from K&P. If OP says to the director that K&P are collaborating to make her schedule miserable, this is one of the biggest pieces of evidence that attests to that. She needs to ask the 4th girl and ask if it's ok to use this as an example. If the 4th girl says "no, I don't want to get involved" then OP's out of luck. But if she says "sure go ahead" then she's given her permission. I think it's better than OP just assuming she can use the info or assuming she shouldn't.

jakeiaf

Do you work with grown women or high school freshman? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My step mother encountered this same issue and what she did what the PP suggested. She wrote down dates, times, recorded conversations etc. She was a little nervous to turn in the evidence but the women who were trying to bully her were dealt with. 

Also a side note... if this was me and my job gave my wedding day to another person because of "seniority" I would politely let them know that I wouldn't be there and that they should probably call in the on call person well in advance. 

This all seems very unfair and I hope it works out for you.   

steph861

southernbelle0915 said:

@novella1186

@steph11814

I think OP needs to know from the 4th girl whether or not she can use this as an example of unfair treatment from K&P. If OP says to the director that K&P are collaborating to make her schedule miserable, this is one of the biggest pieces of evidence that attests to that. She needs to ask the 4th girl and ask if it's ok to use this as an example. If the 4th girl says "no, I don't want to get involved" then OP's out of luck. But if she says "sure go ahead" then she's given her permission. I think it's better than OP just assuming she can use the info or assuming she shouldn't.

I don't think she should write it off completely as an option, but she needs to be very careful. If I could resolve an HR issue without bringing other people into it, that would absolutely be my preference. If it turned out to be my only option, I would do everything I could to minimize the fallout.

novella1186

steph11814 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

@novella1186

@steph11814

I think OP needs to know from the 4th girl whether or not she can use this as an example of unfair treatment from K&P. If OP says to the director that K&P are collaborating to make her schedule miserable, this is one of the biggest pieces of evidence that attests to that. She needs to ask the 4th girl and ask if it's ok to use this as an example. If the 4th girl says "no, I don't want to get involved" then OP's out of luck. But if she says "sure go ahead" then she's given her permission. I think it's better than OP just assuming she can use the info or assuming she shouldn't.

I don't think she should write it off completely as an option, but she needs to be very careful. If I could resolve an HR issue without bringing other people into it, that would absolutely be my preference. If it turned out to be my only option, I would do everything I could to minimize the fallout.

Sorry! SIB Again

OP needs to tell the supervisor or whoever is in charge of dealing with this issue that "4th girl witnessed this, or was pulled into this, but I'm not sure if she would want to get involved." It's then up to the person in charge to have a separate meeting with 4th girl and ask her in private and in confidence "I was told you know some information. Do you want to share it or not?" 

OP is not in charge of handling her "case" and her witnesses. All OP needs to do is keep an accurate record of what's going on and report it. The more she tries to be in charge of her case, the worse it will pan out for her because she'll lose credibility. 

This happened with my situation as well. Two people witnessed it. One simply told HR that he'd rather not get involved. The other couldn't wait to spill his guts on the situation, and corroborated everything I had reported without me ever speaking to him about it, so HR knew it was all credible. 

pinkcow13

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My BFF went through the same exact thing. She worked for a Doctor's office and there were 2 girls (one in particular) who were making her life a living hell. In the end, she hated the job because there was no mobility, the hours sucked, and a few months later she left for a way better job. I would just say document EVERYTHING, dates, times, etc. And yes, go to HR ASAP.

jakeia0112 said, these sound like a bunch of high school girl BS, which is what I told my BFF when she was dealing with the crap.I can't believe there are people like that out there working in the real world it's pathetic. Oh, and yes, ask for the time off now. At least give your boss the heads up NOW. 

levioosa

jakeia0112 said:

Do you work with grown women or high school freshman? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My step mother encountered this same issue and what she did what the PP suggested. She wrote down dates, times, recorded conversations etc. She was a little nervous to turn in the evidence but the women who were trying to bully her were dealt with. 

Also a side note... if this was me and my job gave my wedding day to another person because of "seniority" I would politely let them know that I wouldn't be there and that they should probably call in the on call person well in advance. 

This all seems very unfair and I hope it works out for you.   

Ditto a massive eyeroll to these women's maturity level.  

To the bolded: Be really careful with recording conversations as legally that may backfire on you if you did not get permission to record them.  I don't know if your union has a clause or policy that addresses that, but you should definitely find out before you use it as evidence.  Another concern: since you say you work in a hospital, conversations may occur around patients, which could be a huge violation of their HIPPA rights and get you an automatic fire.  Just some thoughts.  

jakeiaf

Time2strtliving said:

jakeia0112 said:

Do you work with grown women or high school freshman? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My step mother encountered this same issue and what she did what the PP suggested. She wrote down dates, times, recorded conversations etc. She was a little nervous to turn in the evidence but the women who were trying to bully her were dealt with. 

Also a side note... if this was me and my job gave my wedding day to another person because of "seniority" I would politely let them know that I wouldn't be there and that they should probably call in the on call person well in advance. 

This all seems very unfair and I hope it works out for you.   

Ditto a massive eyeroll to these women's maturity level.  

To the bolded: Be really careful with recording conversations as legally that may backfire on you if you did not get permission to record them.  I don't know if your union has a clause or policy that addresses that, but you should definitely find out before you use it as evidence.  Another concern: since you say you work in a hospital, conversations may occur around patients, which could be a huge violation of their HIPPA rights and get you an automatic fire.  Just some thoughts.  

I totally let HIPPA slip my mind. Nix the recording.. just take detailed notes!

AprilH81

Time2strtliving said:

jakeia0112 said:

Do you work with grown women or high school freshman? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My step mother encountered this same issue and what she did what the PP suggested. She wrote down dates, times, recorded conversations etc. She was a little nervous to turn in the evidence but the women who were trying to bully her were dealt with. 

Also a side note... if this was me and my job gave my wedding day to another person because of "seniority" I would politely let them know that I wouldn't be there and that they should probably call in the on call person well in advance. 

This all seems very unfair and I hope it works out for you.   

Ditto a massive eyeroll to these women's maturity level.  

To the bolded: Be really careful with recording conversations as legally that may backfire on you if you did not get permission to record them.  I don't know if your union has a clause or policy that addresses that, but you should definitely find out before you use it as evidence.  Another concern: since you say you work in a hospital, conversations may occur around patients, which could be a huge violation of their HIPPA rights and get you an automatic fire.  Just some thoughts.  

I'm confused, what does HIPPA have to do with this situation?

HIPPA relates to the PATIENT'S rights to privacy in regards to their medical records/files, not that they can't overhear two nurses "fighting" within earshot.  Did I miss something?  As long as the nurses aren't discussing a patient or medical records HIPPA shouldn't come into play.

jakeiaf

@AprilH81 well I know at my job there is a strict no recording policy rather or not the patients are in ear shot. For patients and staff.

novella1186

If this gives you any comfort at all, just remember you're having a baby AND a wedding, two amazing, awesome, exciting things. These girls probably have nothing good in their lives, as evidenced by the fact that they commit so much time and effort to trying to make you feel bad. They're pathetic, and probably extremely miserable people. Just keep looking forward to the good things in your life, and remember how lucky and awesome you are! Focus on the positive. Let them drown in their own misery. Karma will take care of them sooner or later.

levioosa

AprilH81 said:

Time2strtliving said:

jakeia0112 said:

Do you work with grown women or high school freshman? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My step mother encountered this same issue and what she did what the PP suggested. She wrote down dates, times, recorded conversations etc. She was a little nervous to turn in the evidence but the women who were trying to bully her were dealt with. 

Also a side note... if this was me and my job gave my wedding day to another person because of "seniority" I would politely let them know that I wouldn't be there and that they should probably call in the on call person well in advance. 

This all seems very unfair and I hope it works out for you.   

Ditto a massive eyeroll to these women's maturity level.  

To the bolded: Be really careful with recording conversations as legally that may backfire on you if you did not get permission to record them.  I don't know if your union has a clause or policy that addresses that, but you should definitely find out before you use it as evidence.  Another concern: since you say you work in a hospital, conversations may occur around patients, which could be a huge violation of their HIPPA rights and get you an automatic fire.  Just some thoughts.  

I'm confused, what does HIPPA have to do with this situation?

HIPPA relates to the PATIENT'S rights to privacy in regards to their medical records/files, not that they can't overhear two nurses "fighting" within earshot.  Did I miss something?  As long as the nurses aren't discussing a patient or medical records HIPPA shouldn't come into play.

If the patient's privacy is violated in any way and recorded (say a nurse or a doctor is within recording earshot and they are discussing their patient's condition or their meds with the patient.  Or, if the two nurses are discussing a patient's condition or arguing over treatment, even if the patient is not present, it is absolutely a violation of HIPPA.)  And they get really really intense with HIPPA violations.  If there was the potential to accidentally record anything related to patients at all I wouldn't do it.  A HIPPA violation will haunt you way more than a petty work environment.  

steph861

novella1186 said:

steph11814 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

@novella1186

@steph11814

I think OP needs to know from the 4th girl whether or not she can use this as an example of unfair treatment from K&P. If OP says to the director that K&P are collaborating to make her schedule miserable, this is one of the biggest pieces of evidence that attests to that. She needs to ask the 4th girl and ask if it's ok to use this as an example. If the 4th girl says "no, I don't want to get involved" then OP's out of luck. But if she says "sure go ahead" then she's given her permission. I think it's better than OP just assuming she can use the info or assuming she shouldn't.

I don't think she should write it off completely as an option, but she needs to be very careful. If I could resolve an HR issue without bringing other people into it, that would absolutely be my preference. If it turned out to be my only option, I would do everything I could to minimize the fallout.

Sorry! SIB Again

OP needs to tell the supervisor or whoever is in charge of dealing with this issue that "4th girl witnessed this, or was pulled into this, but I'm not sure if she would want to get involved." It's then up to the person in charge to have a separate meeting with 4th girl and ask her in private and in confidence "I was told you know some information. Do you want to share it or not?" 

OP is not in charge of handling her "case" and her witnesses. All OP needs to do is keep an accurate record of what's going on and report it. The more she tries to be in charge of her case, the worse it will pan out for her because she'll lose credibility. 

This happened with my situation as well. Two people witnessed it. One simply told HR that he'd rather not get involved. The other couldn't wait to spill his guts on the situation, and corroborated everything I had reported without me ever speaking to him about it, so HR knew it was all credible. 

Fair point. I feel like there will probably be negative repercussions of some sort no matter how OP goes about it.

Couggal12

Yikes, I just want to say I'm sorry this is going on. I can't imagine how stressful this must be for you.

I work in HR (mostly recruiting but, I also deal with employee relation issues) and we always prefer solid proof and times/dates of conversations that occurred as opposed to "Well I have reason to believe so and so doesn't like me because I overheard P say this, and K said this". All we have to go off then is hearsay otherwise. And it's not because we don't believe you, it's because we always want to do a full investigation before we move forward with what to do for a resolution. 

Does your work/union offer any EAP services? I would try to look into some kind of counseling for yourself with how to deal with your coworkers. I also ditto PP that you need to go to your direct supervisor and tell them you NEED to secure these dates off for your wedding. 

They sound like brats. No really other way I can put it. Unless you did something harmful to your coworkers they work in a professional environment and I'm not sure why they can't behave like adults. Sorry but, I don't give a shit I realize Facebook is a public social networking site but if someone was to go on there to fucking find out information to use it against me at work I would be beyond pissed. That's an asshole thing to do.