I just don't get it- PPD's

jenna8984

I have a pretty good friend who was engaged for close to 3 years. They got married at the courthouse in March and told everyone that day and posted it all over FB and changed her name, etc. No secret. She told me she was going down to FL this week but I figured it was just a vacation/ late honeymoon. Today there are pics on FB of her clearly in a wedding gown exchanging vows and professional pictures with the parents in attendance. I don't understand why they'd do that in FL? Like how is that special to do a fake ceremony and take pictures in a fancy dress on a beach when you got married 5 months ago?

I have another friend who got engaged 2 weeks ago and they already scheduled their intimate family only wedding for next month. She will wear a gown and everything. But she's saying all over FB how they will have the large, everyone invited vow renewal next summer. At least she's calling it a renewal and not "the wedding" but I still don't get the point. If you want everyone there, why are you doing it quickie next month?

Neither of them are having the legit PPD (lying about it) but I still just don't get it. I'm a grinchy-poo or you with me?

 

jules3964

I don't get it either. A guy FI works with is getting "married" the same day as us, and inviting 300 people. They are spending lots of money and complaining about the cost. But they decided to go ahead and actually get married a couple weeks ago, at a church, apparently along with other random couples at the same time. (People do that? Group weddings at a church? I had no idea.) So their outdoor ceremony in October will be fake.

I just don't get the point!! Why have the expensive fake wedding? I kept asking FI why they were doing this, and he had no real reason other than "they want to get married in a church, and that's expensive." Uh, what? I'm so confused.

pinkcow13

The wedding we are going to on Saturday is a PPD. I had no idea until FI told me, but some other guests know that they already got married last year. FI and I got into a huge thing over this because he thought I was being judgmental about it. Well, when the bride was complaining to me about the cost, and all the work that went into the "wedding" just hours before, only to find out that they were married this whole time, of course I will side eye it! If you are already married, WTF are you going to spend thousands of dollars on this crap?

As a side note, my cousin - and bridesmaid - suggested to me last week that FI and I should go to the courthouse so that we can reap the tax benefits for this year. She said I should keep it a secret. I did not want to get into a big debate but I said if FI and I get married at city hall - then I will not be spending all the money for the wedding we are having next year, that will be it. If we are already married WTF would I willingly spend thousands of dollars on what will not be a real wedding, essentially just a party?!?!? Where the hell is the logic in that? 

manateehugger

I wish I had $10 for every time someone recommended H and I get married "on paper." 

No, not alone. I don't get it either. Especially because I repeatedly keep seeing my friends throw together fantastic weddings on short notice due to deployments and family emergencies.

hellohkb

My friend had a no secrets reception after him and his now ex wife were married. It was because their parents pressured them to throw a party and paid for the entire thing. Sometimes I wonder if people do it just to make their family happy, which is something I personally understand. Imo, as long as you're not lying about it, it's no big deal to me.

pinkcow13

hellokellybean said:

My friend had a no secrets reception after him and his now ex wife were married. It was because their parents pressured them to throw a party and paid for the entire thing. Sometimes I wonder if people do it just to make their family happy, which is something I personally understand. Imo, as long as you're not lying about it, it's no big deal to me.

Yup - PPD's tend to happen around our family/group. I don't mind it as long as the couple is upfront. I still think they are unnecessary, but to each their own. It's when people feel the need to lie (like my cousins suggestion), that it annoys me. Own up to your damn decision. Clearly you think something is wrong about this if you feel the need to lie. (speaking in general here!)

hellohkb

Oh yeah, the lying is beyond strange and rude. THAT I truly don't understand.

steph861

Does anyone remember that episode of Frasier where Niles and Daphne had a PPD?

Jells2dot0

I definitely do not get the lying. It baffles me why people who complain about money and/or stress/drama from a traditional wedding decide to do something private and then have a PPD. It defeats the purpose.

Same with elopements. I really don't understand eloping and then having a big party at home afterwards. Again it totally defeats the purpose and seems to be a waste of time.

beethery

steph11814 said:

Does anyone remember that episode of Frasier where Niles and Daphne had a PPD?

They had like FOUR PPD's!!!!! Daphne's mom was a real pain in the ass. 

MobKaz

jenna8984 said:

I have a pretty good friend who was engaged for close to 3 years. They got married at the courthouse in March and told everyone that day and posted it all over FB and changed her name, etc. No secret. She told me she was going down to FL this week but I figured it was just a vacation/ late honeymoon. Today there are pics on FB of her clearly in a wedding gown exchanging vows and professional pictures with the parents in attendance. I don't understand why they'd do that in FL? Like how is that special to do a fake ceremony and take pictures in a fancy dress on a beach when you got married 5 months ago?

I have another friend who got engaged 2 weeks ago and they already scheduled their intimate family only wedding for next month. She will wear a gown and everything. But she's saying all over FB how they will have the large, everyone invited vow renewal next summer. At least she's calling it a renewal and not "the wedding" but I still don't get the point. If you want everyone there, why are you doing it quickie next month?

Neither of them are having the legit PPD (lying about it) but I still just don't get it. I'm a grinchy-poo or you with me?

 

I think actions will reveal the true attitude.  I have heard others talk about their one year "renewal", but then still participated in showers, bachelorette parties, and other typical pre-wedding festivities.  That is when I cry "foul".

steph861

beethery said:

steph11814 said:

Does anyone remember that episode of Frasier where Niles and Daphne had a PPD?

They had like FOUR PPD's!!!!! Daphne's mom was a real pain in the ass. 

I was a teenager when that episode aired, and I remember being absolutely shocked that anybody would lie about their wedding date.

ETF because I don't know how old I am

jenajjthr

I've been listening to AM radio (live in MO so wanting to listen news about Ferguson) and one of the commercials from the anchors was about his 3rd "1st" anniversary and the jewelry shop he bought his wedding rings at. Basically they got married twice in one month...NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!...they "had" to go to a quickie with his parents then do the big one with everybody else. Now go buy your rings at this shop! Ugghhhh.....now local "celebs" are telling people to do this crap and making it sound okay.

lyndausvi

I don't get them at all. Definitely more common these days. As long as it's known and I'm well hosted I don't really care.

JennyColada

Yea, I never even knew this was a think before TK. The concept of a PPD is so far outside my frame of logic that I didn't even know it existed.

MegEn1

As someone who is having a year-and-a-half engagement to be able to afford the all-friends, all-family wedding we really want, these little quickie weddings + later fake weddings piss me off. I'm trying to honor my vows and my friends by waiting to be a Mrs. so that all those people I'm scrimping and saving for can see the special day. We are already so over being 'engaged'. We're ready to be married! But it's important to us to have these people there for the wedding day, not a re-enactment.

FutureMrsN3312

ugh I will never get the PPD thing.  H's cousin is doing a destination wedding in 2015.  Their wedding won't be recognized here in the States.  So I get that they would have to get married here but I saw on FB that they actually got married at city hall a few weeks after we got married.  She changed her last name and doesn't hide the fact that they are married.

So then why am I wasting $3k to go to a fake destination wedding?  I'm highly annoyed by it and H just doesn't get it.

Maggie0829

I don't get it and never will.  No matter if people lie about it or not I still will never understand getting married and then having a big hoopla later.

It seems that when it comes to weddings people just throw any kind of common sense and decency out the window.

SBmini

Having had the big wedding- I don't get it at all. It's so much stress and drama and money. If I were to do it all over again, I would have gone with the original plan- close family destination wedding. When the end goal of a wedding is to get married- and you've got that- I don't understand why you would want all that stress, drama and money when you don't get the end result you are after! 

It's like going to a store and buying a cake, eating your cake, then being upset that you didn't make the cake. So you learn how to make fondant and piping and test recipes all to make a more elaborate cake than the cake you already ate. Everyone loves cake- but what was the problem with the first one? Just because it wasn't pretty enough for you doesn't mean that it wasn't cake!

Bubblegum5586

JennyColada said:

Yea, I never even knew this was a think before TK. The concept of a PPD is so far outside my frame of logic that I didn't even know it existed.

Never heard of this before TK either! Although a friend was telling me a story the other day and part of it was about her friend who had to get married quickly for benefits so they never had a "real wedding" and will next year.... didn't hear the rest of the story, she lost me there.

VulgarGirl

I still can't understand the "we had to get married right away" part of it all (and then have the big wedding later). Why did you "have to" get married? I mean I assume someone is knocked up in that case. That's why my parents "had to" get married. But ya know, it's 2014...babies out of wedlock not the big deal they once were. Hell not even a big deal in 1986 when my parents did it. 

But seriously, in less someone has a gun to your head telling you to get married, I don't think you "have to" get married. You might want to. Or it might be more convenient to. But no, not have to. No one has to get married. 

My good friend has a friend (I've talked about her many times) who "had to get married" because she wanted to live in the UK with her fiance (where he's from, she's from the states) and also she wanted to knock boots with him. So they got married quickly over there in a civil ceramony. 8 years later, they just completed their big PPD. Because they're Catholic and had to do the Catholic deal. But it was a big ass wedding, showers, bacherlorette, the whole shebang. And everything on FB was all "Finally we're tying the knot!" bitch what did you do 8 years ago? And she's always going on about how she waited to have sex until she was married. But she just got married. But she's been married for 8 years. I have been around people high on drugs who make more sense then her.

sarahufl

IMO, the LEAST stressful part of my big wedding was the ceremony itself. That hardly required any planning.

So to say you want to avoid the stress of wedding planning by staging a fake one is beyond me.

theycallmelinz

I had never heard of a PPD until TK either, because I know TONS of people who do this (go to courthouse/elope) then have a "real wedding" later. In fact, this year alone I've participated(been a BM) in one "sign the papers wedding" when the "real" one is next year, and one "real" wedding after the couple has been married for months. I get the reason to have a quick ceremony to have it on paper for financial reasons, but I don't understand lying to people and having a "real" wedding later. Why not just say you're getting married but having a big party later?

In the beginning FI and I considered going to the courthouse and then having a big party/ceremony minus the exchanging vows part later on, but the more I thought about it, I think going to the court house really steals your thunder if you're planning to do the big part later on. I personally can't wait to be in my beautiful dress in front of all our family and friends and hear our minister say our different first and last names, then hear Mr. and Mrs. at the end. I want it be real then, not just a "show."

Edited bc TK hates paragraphs today.

manateehugger

Yeah, the only on paper crap really boggles me. The PPD I was (unknowingly) in, the bride was rambling before the wedding about how nervous she was to get married. After we found out, I kept thinking, "What the hell was she so nervous about?! She was already completed committed to the dude."

Edit: spelling is hard.