Dollar Dance?

dragonavicious

Yes or no? I have always thought they were pretty tacky but every single wedding I've gone to in my family has had this. First it always irritated me because they shut down the dance floor. Second just asking for money is super not cool and Third I would hate having to dance with certain people at my wedding since I'm pretty shy. 

On the other hand, and I hate to say this, my sister did get a good bit for her honeymoon, but it seems like the people already came so far and spent money on you in gas, presents, etc to get there. Asking for a hand out just seems mean? 

What does everyone else think?

ohannabelle

Everything you think is correct. Don't do it.

wrigleyville

Go with your gut feelings on this because they are correct. Don't do it.

Cookie Pusher

Nope. It's not done in my circle, and even if it was, I wouldn't have had one. Bouquet and garter tosses are done at almost all the weddings I've been to, and we didn't do those things either. We didn't want to possibly embarrass any of our single guests, and they were a small portion of our guest list. Begging for money has a higher likelihood of offending guests, so why would we want to do that?

slothiegal

dragonavicious said:

Yes or no? I have always thought they were pretty tacky but every single wedding I've gone to in my family has had this. First it always irritated me because they shut down the dance floor. Second just asking for money is super not cool and Third I would hate having to dance with certain people at my wedding since I'm pretty shy. 

On the other hand, and I hate to say this, my sister did get a good bit for her honeymoon, but it seems like the people already came so far and spent money on you in gas, presents, etc to get there. Asking for a hand out just seems mean? 

What does everyone else think?

No.  All your points are correct.

Jen4948

dragonavicious said:

Yes or no? I have always thought they were pretty tacky but every single wedding I've gone to in my family has had this. First it always irritated me because they shut down the dance floor. Second just asking for money is super not cool and Third I would hate having to dance with certain people at my wedding since I'm pretty shy. 

On the other hand, and I hate to say this, my sister did get a good bit for her honeymoon, but it seems like the people already came so far and spent money on you in gas, presents, etc to get there. Asking for a hand out just seems mean? 

What does everyone else think?

Your instincts are 100% on target.  Don't do it.

manateehugger

Go with your gut. 

As a guest, they're tacky and so freaking boring to watch. I just wanna dance!

Liatris2010

No, for all the reasons you listed.

Even if every guest dances with you, what are you getting an extra $100? Not worth it to bore the guests and embarrass yourself begging.

[Deleted User]

Ditto everyone. I have never been to a weding WITHOUT one of these, so although I dislike them for every reason you mentioned, I always assumed it was just a normal thing everyone did. My husband even told me before our wedding that there would be people in his family that would bring extra money expecting a dollar dance. They did.

That said, we still didn't have one.

southernbelle0915

Nope nope nope. The DD is an etiquette no-no because you are pan handling your guests for money. Your gut is right, it's never ok to ask people to give you money. Chances are, they've already brought you a gift. If they had wanted to give more, they would have.

Even outside the etiquette faux pas aspect, as a guest I find it super annoying when they kick everyone off the dance floor to do this. 

climbingsingle

Tacky. 

And I've honestly never seen one at a wedding before. 

peachy13

No. Someone once said (probably on this site) that your guests should not have to open their purses or wallets during your wedding.

dragonavicious

Well thank you guys for backing me up. I'm not sure if my mom will try to push me for it or not but I'm glad I have some others to back up my claim that its tacky. If we absolutely have to do a special dance with the groom or dance with the bride thing what do you guys think about having them write down some advice or something like that as their "ticket"? Personally I don't want to do it at all but think my mother might say something like "But then everyone that wants to dance with you get to do it!" 

manateehugger

dragonavicious said:

Well thank you guys for backing me up. I'm not sure if my mom will try to push me for it or not but I'm glad I have some others to back up my claim that its tacky. If we absolutely have to do a special dance with the groom or dance with the bride thing what do you guys think about having them write down some advice or something like that as their "ticket"? Personally I don't want to do it at all but think my mother might say something like "But then everyone that wants to dance with you get to do it!" 

I'm still not a fan because you have to boot everyone off the floor and interrupt the party. It's annoying as a guest and not at all fun. It gets around the etiquette issue, but I still think it's a party foul issue.

Besides, people can ask you to dance without forking anything over. Just mingle and make yourself available to all guests. 

katie097

I went to a wedding that did their own spin on the "dollar dance".  The bride is a Buckeye fan and the groom is a Michigan fan so they had two people from the wedding party go around to the tables for people to "bet" on who would win in a game.  People would drop money into the Michigan box or Ohio State box if they wanted (no one was offended or thought it was tacky-actually people got really into it)  Whoever lost-had the least amount of money in their box- had to sit in a chair on the dance floor while the other team's fight song was played.  OSU won of course, but it was a more interesting idea. 

slothiegal

katie097 said:

I went to a wedding that did their own spin on the "dollar dance".  The bride is a Buckeye fan and the groom is a Michigan fan so they had two people from the wedding party go around to the tables for people to "bet" on who would win in a game.  People would drop money into the Michigan box or Ohio State box if they wanted (no one was offended or thought it was tacky-actually people got really into it)  Whoever lost-had the least amount of money in their box- had to sit in a chair on the dance floor while the other team's fight song was played.  OSU won of course, but it was a more interesting idea. 

Still asking for money.  Still not cool.

Lauderdale Pink

Until reading these boards, I've never even heard of the dollar dance.  Before I judge, is it part of somebody's culture?

dragonavicious

No I don't think so. I have never been to a wedding that didn't have it. I'm from rural Michigan so maybe that's a part of it. I know everyone does it as a way to raise money for their honeymoon but it seems odd. They usually will give people a shot of liquor after the dollar is given. Not sure why. Maybe it's an incentive to dance? 

I decided that I won't be doing it. If my guests decide they want to give me extra money I will just have a card box that they can feel free to deposit it there. 

jacques27

No.  Just no.

wrigleyville

Lauderdale Pink said:

Until reading these boards, I've never even heard of the dollar dance.  Before I judge, is it part of somebody's culture?

Yes, it started in eastern Europe. That's why you see it a lot in the Midwest (lots of Poles).

The guests would pin money to the bride's dress, and that was their wedding gift. Now that people give checks or cash in cards, there's no need to pin the money to her dress anymore, but the tradition stuck around.

That's why some families really do like it and look forward to it, because they did it, their parents did it, etc, and it has that nostalgic aspect. My (HUGE) family (seriously - about six weddings per year) used to do it at every wedding, but it's lost favor over the years. My brother and I refused to do it, and my dad was thrilled. He told us he always hated how much time it took, and he thought asking for money was tacky. He practically begged us not to do it, and he was so happy when we said, "We aren't. It's dumb and takes too long."

And here's where the point lies: all those years, I thought my dad LOVED it because he'd give us $1 so we could go dance with the B&G and usually gave them about $5 himself. So while family and friends may say they're into it, don't mind, don't care if people do it, etc, they might be lying to avoid pissing off the B&G.

dragonavicious

I didn't know that it was from Eastern Europe. That makes sense. I live in a huge community of Czech people. That's probably why every wedding I've ever been to has it. Well that's good to know. 

Alikat9614

My mom's side of the family is Slovak and all my cousin's weddings have had dollar dances. I thought that was just something that happened at weddings until I began planning ours. I mentioned it to FI in our initial planning and he looked at me like I had 4 heads-- he has never been to a wedding where they do them. The more I though about it (and read about it), the more absurd it sounded. I'm sure my family assumes we are doing it, surprise, nope! :-)

Lauderdale Pink

Thanks for the education ladies.  As it is a cultural/traditional event, I am going to err on the side of caution and say that I agree with a bride who does not want to participate in something that makes her so uncomfortable.  As an example, at a Jewish wedding, there is a tradition to raise the bride and groom up in chairs during the hora.  I won't get into all the reasons, but will say that it is very very very scary up there!  Some brides have refused that tradition as well.  The earth did not shake.

amazingasian

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. Although, my mother in law is refusing to allow us to skip it, as it is a huge tradition on his side of the family. She is also paying for the venue, so I must allow her one tradition. >.<

southernbelle0915

amazingasian said:

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. Although, my mother in law is refusing to allow us to skip it, as it is a huge tradition on his side of the family. She is also paying for the venue, so I must allow her one tradition. >.<

Just because she's paying for the venue doesn't mean you have to do the dollar dance. That's not a logical connection. 

Compromise with her. Tell her you're willing to do a "Marriage advice dance" or something where people can fill out an index card with advice and give it to you for a dance. But make sure she's clear that the mention of money stays out of it. Ensure your DJ knows this. You can refuse to do this, you know. There's no dollar dance if the B&G don't participate.

Jen4948

amazingasian said:

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. Although, my mother in law is refusing to allow us to skip it, as it is a huge tradition on his side of the family. She is also paying for the venue, so I must allow her one tradition. >.<

Even if she's paying, and even if it's a huge tradition on his side of the family, you don't need her "permission" to skip it.  By way of compromise, allow her some other tradition.

atlastmrsg

What everyone else said. Absolutely no.

wrigleyville

My cousin hates the dollar dance, but her parents (who paid for the wedding) were pushing and pushing for her to do something. So, instead of a dollar dance, she had the bar set aside two bottles of liquor along with some disposable shot glasses. She set up two small tables on the dance floor, one for her and one for the groom.

People lined up, he/she poured them a shot, and then they danced for a moment before the next person in line came up. So it was sort of like the dollar dance in that people lined up to dance with the B&G, but they didn't have to pay (and they got a shot out of it). Nobody was required to take a drink, of course.

It was still kind of meh, because it blocked off the dance floor for about 20 minutes, but it's an alternative if you simply cannot put your foot down.

Personally, I'd keep putting my foot down.

bellefemme12

Nigerians also do the dollar dance.  I wouldn't be offended if it was a Nigerian wedding and they had this dance b/c it's part of their culture.  But if you're not into it, then don't do it, b/c it has a high potential to be awkward.

kavo0406

I think that it depends on your (both you and your fiance's) family/friends traditions. 
My fiance and I will be having a dollar dance because that's how weddings happen in our family, everyone is expecting it to happen and will come prepared for it to happen. 
It would be different if neither one of you have experienced it, then it may come off as tacky.  
I think it is also a regional thing.....I'm from the midwest (ND) and it's done at every wedding. 

wrigleyville

kaivolk said:

I think that it depends on your (both you and your fiance's) family/friends traditions. 
My fiance and I will be having a dollar dance because that's how weddings happen in our family, everyone is expecting it to happen and will come prepared for it to happen. 
It would be different if neither one of you have experienced it, then it may come off as tacky.  
I think it is also a regional thing.....I'm from the midwest (ND) and it's done at every wedding. 

My family expects it, as we are from the Midwest and Polish, but we still didn't do it because it's tacky and takes up too much time. I didn't feel comfortable asking guests for money, let alone to dance with me. I was perfectly happy to dance with everyone for free.