African American Weddings

homeless before the wedding

I'm not asking for sympathy just really need to vent. The fiance and I dont currently live together. We made the choice since we first got together that we would not live together until marriage. (I had done the shacking up thing before. I just wanted to go into this relationship doing everything different from what I did in the past) right now he lives with his parents and I've gone from living with my sister to living with my cousin and back to living with my sister.

To try to make a long story short with my living situation. I lived in an apartment my sister owned. Her ex stole the property from up under her (by paying the taxes) so I then had to move into my now ex boyfriends mothers house. He pretty much cheated on me and used me the entire relationship. He always had my car and left me stuck in the house. He had me 2500 in the hole bcuz he took my credit card to put gas in my car which he always drove and took more out and didnt tell me. when I finally had enough. My sister and mom came. We threw all my belongings in our cars and I came to live with my sister (after she insisted)

Not even two weeks after me moving in she flipped out on me about not helping with her bills and throwing my ex and me moving with his mom in my face. She knew I had nothing moving in. I sat on the phone in tears with her telling her how stupid I felt for letting him use me. So I was very confused as to why she was acting this way knowing everything I had just been thru. After 6 months I got tired of dealing with my sister bipolar ways and moved in with my cousin bcuz she didnt want to live alone after her mom passed away. Everything was great (my cousin and I have been really close since we were kids) kelvin and I got engaged in October. Our living situation was beneficial to planning the wedding bcuz we were saving so much money. So we set our date.

Not even two weeks after my engagement here comes my sister and her mean devilish ways talking crap about my engagement asking why we were planning the wedding for the following year and all types of crap. This is supposed to be a happy time and here she is trying to ruin it. Anyways my cousins sister had to move back into the house with her 2 kids bcuz she blew thru all the money she got after her mom passed. So my sister says " Move back in with me. I know you have the wedding so you dont have to give me much. It will help u out" I really didnt want to but against my right mind I moved back in.

Here I am 3 months later with no place to go. I know ppl are wondering how can u not have money for a place to stay when u have money for a wedding. The fact that we are in the process of paying off the wedding I have very little money right now(some can relate). So besides bills and groceries thats where my money has been going. My sister just came out of left field with all of this on monday telling me she needed me out by sept 1st. After we just put 600 down in deposits and after I paid her water and 200 dollar light bill. The thing that really throws me off is all this time my sister knew what our plan was as far as paying off the wedding and when we'd be moving into our place (Dec) as of a few weeks ago she had been pushing for me to stay until Jan. So yeah I'm really confused.

I've had issues with my sister this entire time. I made her one of my MOH and actually took the title away bcuz she was very undeserving of it. My best friend (my MOH) has been here a 120%. All my sister has done is complain about everything even though she hasn't done a thing. For my bridal shower she did nothing and when I said something to her about not helping she went off on me and tried to make things all about her and her bills and shes taking care of a child alone (thats when I told her I didnt need anything from her. Just buy ur dress show up ur bridesmaid and thats all I expect from you) even during my speech at my shower she interrupted me and tried to tell me what not to say in my speech.

I'm not perfect but I'd never be this way with any family member (she did the same thing to my mom) I'm hurt but I'll do what I have to do. But to know I'm 3 months from my wedding and to do this is wrong.... on top of that she tells me I can leave my dog bcuz her daughter loves playing with him.... so leave my dog and as for me she could care less? Just gotta continue praying I know God will make a way for Kelvin and I.

Thanks for letting me Vent.... Sorry so long and for all the punctuation errors. I'm doing speech to text lol

Re: homeless before the wedding

  • Sorry you are going through all of this right before your wedding.  If you don't mind, how old are you?  I'm asking this because it helps me with understanding and perspective when hearing of situations.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Just turned 30.
  • So sorry this is happening! And I mean the timing.... urrrgggggh! So what are or options? Can you live with FI parents? or move back to your cousins. I know how unsettling this must be but YOU CAN AND WILL get through
    577906 10151197172303105 844768324 n Follow Me on Pinterest www.shoplovelivelearn.blogspot.com Anniversary
    Tchavon1984
  • Hope springs eternal when it comes to our family. I have an evil sister that I always hope will be better too. Praying it works out for you.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Tchavon1984
  • I know this is just a test. Ive been thru worse. As far as my options I'm not sure what I'm going to do. If I had known she'd be telling me to get out. I wouldnt have put those deposits down and would have used that money towards a place to live. My Fi's house is full of ppl its really no room there plus I have a dog and his mom doesn't like dogs..... as far as moving back to my cousin. Her sister and I dont get along at all. My cousin is going crazy bcuz the kids are constantly crying making a mess and her sister doesnt clean up after them.... I cant deal with her sister at all
  • Oh honey I'm so sorry.   Look, if there ever was a time for sympathy, this is it.   What/where was the plan for living arrangements after the wedding?  Can you move in there early and have your FI pay the rent?  What part of the country are you in? Are there extended stay hotels you could do a month to month with? Is everybody you're acquainted with aware of your situation?  Like have you been totally honest with them? I can't imagine knowing my best friend was this much in need of a hand and still not offering her and the kids a bedroom for 3 months.   Do you have a church community to turn to? 
    tirathemrsTchavon1984
  • sultryzulu DO YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH?? I couldnt imagine my best friend out there needing help and not being able to say girl come on over.. Sending hugs your way honey

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



    Tchavon1984
  • I know you started off by saying you don't want sympathy, but I do feel for you. I know exactly what you're going through. Your situation is very similar to mine. I know this might not be ideal for everyone, but when I was looking for a place for a short period, I rented a room in someone's house.  Talk to people you know (coworkers, people at church, Facebook friends, etc).  Someone knows someone that could use the extra money for a couple of months.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Tchavon1984
  • Tchavon1984Tchavon1984 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Thank you so much ladies. I have reached out to a few ppl who have seen first hand what type of person my sister is. No one except for my best friend offered to help in some kinda way... everyone just offered their 2 cents on how I need to call off/ push back my wedding because of it. It's like shit happens I gotta find a way to get thru it. My cousin seems to think I'm doing too much.... ppl are acting as if I went into planning my wedding knowing things were going to slow down drastically on the job for my FI which means less money on his end until things pick back up or he gets a
    New job. I didnt know my engine was going to blow in my car and I didnt know my sister would be such a mean bitch 3 months before my wedding knowing everything I'm going thru. If I knew all this before I would have never started planning. Ive been thru worse I got thru that and I will get thru this. The FI has an interview next week and has booked
    A few DJ gigs so I have no doubt in my mind we will be alright just gotta work harder.
    tirathemrs
  • No honey sympathy is due. But it will all fall into place.. if you knew the size of the blessings coming your way you'd really understand the magnitude of your storm....
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
    tirathemrsTchavon1984
  • Tchavon1984 girlfriend to be honest on my first marriage my FI had lost his job months before we got deep into planning and i lost my job 2 months before we got married but thankfully a close friend of the family helped out and paid for everything.. So i completely understand not having any money and trying to get it all together before getting married... Trust me you will look back on this one day with your husband and laugh... God will cover you honey!

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



    Tchavon1984

  • No honey sympathy is due. But it will all fall into place.. if you knew the size of the blessings coming your way you'd really understand the magnitude of your storm....
    This dipped in gold.     Praying for you bridey.

    ::waves:: @ leeese.    girl it's so good to see you!!!  where/how you been start a thread and catch us up or somethin lol.

    tirathemrs
  • You all are so supportive and sweet... this situation sucks but I know Im highly favored and will get thru it. She came in to "talk" to me the other day. Where she questioned the motives of my wedding. Said in 10 different ways she could care less about my wedding. She actually had the nerve to ask why my wedding was so important to me. I talked to FI and told him I actually want her out of the wedding party all together. At the end of the day I want ppl next to me on my big day that love and support me. It kills me that she made it her business to be apart of big moments with planning my wedding ie the proposal and finding my dress but could care less.... I'm just over her. Family especially ur sister should be there for you. I could have said a lot when she made the choice to have a baby at 17 instead of voicing my opinion I supported her instead when nobody else did. It is what it is you cant pick ur family.... thank u so much for the kind words ladied
    tirathemrs
  • Any update?
    577906 10151197172303105 844768324 n Follow Me on Pinterest www.shoplovelivelearn.blogspot.com Anniversary
  • No not really. She extended my eviction until the end of this month. She still wants 500 from me knowing she wants me out and I need every penny to move into a place which is gonna run me about 2000 most places plus dep for utilities and what not. Get this though! I may have said this but I knew it was more to the story then my niece lying about having to slp on the couch and that bothering her to the point she wants me out. A part of the story I just realized I left out. My niece was gone all summer. So my sisters "friend" has been able to spend just about every night there while she was gone. My niece has slept in the bed with my sister since the day she was born. So now that the summer is over she comes back home it becomes an issue with her not having her own bed. Why? Because now her friend cant come over like he had been. I just found out this dude has a key to the apartment and everything. So shes pretty much pushing me out to allow her dude in.... its whatever though Karma is a bad bitch.
  • I need every penny to move into a place which is gonna run me about 2000 most places plus dep for utilities and what not.

    WHAAAT??  I'm dead to the damn bed.   Ignore me if you've answered this, but can your FI help?  where were ya'll gonna live in December?  it's not available any earlier?

    I really don't have any words for your sister girl, just g'awn and take care of you.  Is she still in the wedding she "really couldn't care less about"?
  • My fiance details cars and Dj's. Right now things are going slow for him so most of the wedding stuff has been on me until things pick up or he finds a new job (which he's looking for) the place we want to move to wont be ready until Dec. Current tenants lease ends in Nov. Its in such a great neighborhood and apts dont come around very often especially with all that they offer. If I were to move right now with what I have I could only afford a place in the worst areas. I need to feel safe in my home .As far as my sister being in the wedding. I haven't told her I dont want her in it yet... Kelvin doesnt want her in it it either but if we kick her out then we have to get rid of a groomsmen and a jr. Bcuz I doubt she'd let her daughter be in it if she's not. I'm kinda secretly hoping she doesnt get her dress my the deadline (sept 10) then I wont need to tell her.... the dress wont get here on time and she wont be able to be in the wedding.Thats my problem no matter how mean ppl are to me I have a hard time treating them the same. Cuz even though she's been incredibly mean. I'd be the one painted as the bad guy if I kick her out of my wedding party.

  • You're extremely kind and understanding.   Since I'm not, I'm fistpumping that that dress is lost in transit.  Prayers that everything from this moment on gets better for you and the kids luvie.   
    tirathemrsM1ssJTchavon1984
  • Man o man she's making me mad and I don't even know you or her lol!
    577906 10151197172303105 844768324 n Follow Me on Pinterest www.shoplovelivelearn.blogspot.com Anniversary
    Tchavon1984
  • Yeah she's not a nice person. The thing that kills me is shes walking around here like everything is alright. Like she didnt just kick me out for a damn man that will be out of her life within the next year. Its all good I'm with you @sultryzulu Im counting down the days until the 10th trust there will be fireworks if she doesn't get it.
  • I know that I am late but what if you leaved with the fi for a little bit in a different room? thats what I had to do with my husband because my lease was up two weeks before the wedding( I know that is not as long as 3 months but...maybe ) and I just stayed in a different room 

    Daisypath - (PNE7)
  • I dont think living with him would be an issue but its already5 ppl living there... when his sister and her 2 boys come down once a month they stay there.... its just too many ppl
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